All Comments on 'Jedi Stowaway Ch. 02'

Reading this I feel you should have had Rose be the main foe, and become a sorta recurring foe against Achilles, always attempting to tempt him to the Dark Side, especially if circumstances somehow force them to be alone together.

One thing I would have loved if you had kept her as a foe would be the "Foe Yay", to use a TV Tropes term (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/FoeRomanceSubtext), between her and Achilles. That not only does Rose want him as a possible means to overthrow the Sith Emperor, but possibly as a sex slave or maybe even lover, and woe to anyone who gets in her way, especially females, because she gets what she wants. She actually desires Achilles to be hers and is possibly almost yandere about it. And of course on his side, Achilles too has to struggle with his attraction toward her.

Perhaps another chapter could've been about Rose possibly capturing Achilles and wearing him mentally down through sex or something so that he could fall to the Dark Side and join her. Not just having sex with her, but also somehow forcing him to sleep in the same bed with her so as to further get him used to her or something.

You did this well with your Succubus stories, so it makes me saddened here that someone sexy like Rose is just a one-scene wonder.

My first real feedback and I didn't notice it lol, Thank you. At the time when I submitted "Yshomatsu and the Succubus" (I know horrible title haha) some people had asked to see more of my writing. I had been writing the star wars story with a bunch of friends, each of us making a background story for our characters. So it wasn't intended for this site and I didn't know what people would think. Once i posted it I got the normal "please continue" but nothing else lol.

My succubus stories get a lot more views than my star wars ones, I've been working on a big story for over a year, for the succubus world I’ve been creating. Once I get that finished I will look into where I can go with this series. I like your ideas and I'm glad you liked how I handled the succubus stories. I will have to come up with something cool with a new character or somehow explain how she survived a lightsaber slash haha.

An idea I just had from what you said was at the secret lab the Jedi will go to, I could do something there.

Thank you for giving me real feedback, means a lot to me. If you have any thought/ideas for the succubus stories email me!

~Yshomatsu

I just joined to comment a little more. I was the "anonymous" reviewer.

You said this: "An idea I just had from what you said was at the secret lab the Jedi will go to, I could do something there." I've been thinking, you could have Rose appear at the lab and say she used Sith Alchemy to heal herself perfectly, or it was an illusion Achilles saw. That way you don't really have to think hard on how she got out of the situation, or appears without a scratch. Pretty much in Star Wars, the Force is magic.

Anyways I've been thinking, in addition to Rose, perhaps you could have another Sith female "knight", or whatever their equivalent to Jedi Knights are, assist in capturing Achilles. This other Sith could be a Twi'lek, like say Darth Talon (http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Darth_Talon) (http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Category:Images_of_Darth_Talon). It'd be cool if both Sith could be recurring characters and that they don't have a problem with working together and sharing him.

Anyways both the Sith Twi'lek and Rose have fun with Achilles, like say giving him a double titjob and blowjob or sandwiching him. For the sandwiching part I'd think it'd be cool if they decided to use Dark Side magic to create a barrier or bondage that would tie them all together with Achilles in the middle, an Achilles sandwich, which allows him to breathe without feeling too constricted. Anyways whenever he breathes, he get to feel both Rose and the Sith Twi'lek's big breasts pressing against his chest and back, while both Sith are fucking him, from the front and back. Maybe for the back play, some sort of magic dildo could be used?

Still waiting...Nothing more.

There really isn't a demand for star wars on this site sadly. These two chapters were posted almost 3 years ago and haven't received much views, ratings or anything.

However since there are a few of you that want more, I'll write up some ideas/notes and when I'm finished with the two stories I'm writing now I'll continue this.

(Keep in mind this was written when there was all this hype for Star wars the old republic and all those people I met and were writing with stopped. That is the main reason why this never continued.

I guess that answered my question in my email sent on whether "Chapter 3" was for Jedi Stowaway. Heh. Still I'm happy to see a third chapter is in the works. Er there is a third chapter coming for this, right?

Once I'm finished with the 2 chapters I'm writing for Inquisition I'll start working on a story to wrap this story line up