Jem Gem Ch. 09

Jem Gem 09

"Hello everyone, my name is Dr. Jack Injection and I called you all in here today to brace you all for bad news. Your family member and friend, Jimmy Gemini, or Jem Gem, has ingested a lethal doze of hot chicken wing sauce and whip cream and his vitals have dropped way below the point of bringing him or her or whatever back and we are out of modern medical miracles, so I will be having Nurse Lipstick pull the plug in just a little while. Also, I have a 4pm Tee off time, so we need to get this done, so."

[Sob, boo-hoo, sob, boo-hoo, sob]

"Also, would you two young ladies in the back please kindly refrain from ripping our life saving Crash Cart to pieces then?!?!?!?"

"Who? Us? We're just proving that all of the advances in medicine in the world suck the chicken bone! I'm his ex-roomie Evie and even though I'm carrying someone else's baby, we still love each and I'm going to bring him back from having one foot in the ground! I mean, there's no bringing him back from wearing frilly undies, but we're saving his life!"

"Yeah, and I'm his secret lover, G Gina G and we're reworking this life saving Crash Cart into a coffee kiosk and then that hottie, Nurse Lipstick, is going to wiggle out of her uniform and make a cup of coffee for him in his presence no matter how comatose he is right now and then modern medicine can suck all of the chicken bones! Also, Nurse Lipstick should unzip and wiggle and shake out of her uniform, so."

"Well, nowhere in any medical book is that written, so, Nurse Lipstick, prepare to pull the plug."

"OMG, you don't know jack, Dr Jack!"

[Unzip, wiggle, shake, wiggle, shake, shake, wiggle, ooh, red]

"Well, all I meant was that Nurse Luci Lipstick should unplug his cell phone and all anyways, so. Also, you better hurry before the patient receives an injection from Attendant Henry. And maybe Nurse Lipstick is nurse of the month too, so."

[Shake, wiggle, straighten stockings, smooth out red undies, snap the garter belt]

"Go already, Nurse Lipstick! He's our friend and his mixers are just too popular to let him slip away from too much root beer, wings sauce and whip cream!"

"And I'm carrying his baby, but it was a mistake after the 3rd Friday on the month mixer that fell on a Saturday, so you have to save him! I mean, if it's a girl, I'm going to name her Tuesday, so."

"(Ho)."

"(I'm lying, G Gina G, I'm just ashamed to have been with Bloody Eye Randy, so)."

Oh, I was saved alright. I also voted for Nurse Lipstick as nurse of the month and scolded Attendant Henry for getting a little friendly with me, but I suppose it makes sense that a medical staffer would need to hold so tightly to both of my buns as the other nurse inserted a thermometer under my tongue, which, whew, she wouldn't allow Attendant Henry to go the other way with, so.

[Rough wheel chair pushing from Evie]

"Hello everyone, I'm Gale Winds reporting for TV3 News and I'm currently at Middleton General where the staff has just brought back Middleton's most famous fem boy about town, Jem Gem, back from the brink in what is being called a medical miracle!"

"I mean, the staff treated me."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, sissy, so, Nurse Lipstick, is it true that you regularly lingerie shop at the Red Bag store then?"

"Oh, well, of course, I do, Gale Winds, I mean, they cater to women of all ages, so."

"Alright, well, would you give our viewers a quick recap of how you managed to save the life of funny boy Jem Gem then?"

"I mean, it was his friends quick review of a medical book in the office, but it went unzip, wiggle, wiggle, shake, shake, wiggle and straighten, so."

"Amazing story, Nurse Lipstick. Any last words, Jem Gem?"

"Oh, I mean, I was going to get a tattoo to remember all this."

[Rough bumping around of the wheel chair]

"There you have it folks. Once again, the staff at Middleton General has proven that sexy lingerie and a simple cup of coffee is the new red pill. I'm Gale Winds reporting for TV3 News and good night."

[Whoa, a really rough ride in the wheel chair, um, a spring board launch into the back of the SUV]

"Evie was lying, G Gina G!"

"I know, she just figured out that Randy, aka, Bloody Eye can't even pay attention, let alone pay the bills. Also, damn it, Jem Gem, you're lucky to still be a virgin for not having us notified earlier about your over doze of root beer, sauce and whip cream! I mean, you're just as famous for your unbroken seal just as much as your famous mixers, so."

Well, I mean, I mean, Robbie may or may not have broken that seal, but just once doesn't count, right?

"Anyways, listen, it's not that I was peeking or anything, but with your hospital gown and all, I mean, you might need to change your style of jeans. I mean, most of your jeans are of the apple spread variety, but you would do just as well with jeans that held things straight up, so."

[This is not what most folks would call good driving, especially with a recovering OD patient in the back]

"Also, I'm not jealous that you and Gina G are going to the Tattoo Parlor together, but you're done with being alone in the kitchen then! Also, Nurse Lipstick will be at this week's mixer to give you a follow up exam, so."

[Flopping around in the back of the SUV]

"Gina G, are you and G Gina G step sisters then?"

"Well, I won't lie to you Jem Gem because I love you, so."

Hah! I knew it! I mean, I don't know what it meant anyways, but hah!

"Oh no, funny boy, there will be no step sister wives in your future, so that better be the drugs making you smile like that!"

"But didn't the two you tuck me in together last month then?"

"Oops, I mean, we're not exactly estranged, but we're not exactly strange either, so. Also, stop faking it if the purple pills aren't working, so."

Oh, I shut it. I mean, I recorded the conversation on phone for sure, but I shut it. And held on for dear life because Gina G doesn't drive all that well!

And the next day, I was off to the river to meet up with Gina G and yes, even I still get their names mixed up sometimes, so.

"Gina G, I'm pretty impressed that you've managed to save some of you scratch off lotto winnings and all, so."

"Oh, I have, Gem Jem, and I'm splurging tonight. I mean, I just want a new Tattoo as well, so."

"Well, why is the Tattoo Parlor open this late anyways then?"

"Oh, that's just a goth and rec drug thing, so you better not bitch out on me tonight either, Jem Gem! Ooh, take that parking spot towards the rear of the building."

"Well, I don't bitch out, so. I've been a villain before, so a little ink won't kill me."

"You better not or I'll take my promise back to be your Riverbank Girlfriend someday, so."

Well, listen folks, I ran into way too many issues with people trying to explain which way my name is pronounced, so I decided to tag along with Gina G to the Tattoo Parlor and investigate and I only said investigate, how a tattoo on the back of my upper shoulders would look.

"Ah, I mean, I never had a customer bring their own latex gloves before, so."

"Oh, I mean, these are fancy latex gloves that I wear when I peel chicken meat from the bones at my mixers, so I thought you might like them, so."

"Peeled chicken meat? I mean, like the trendy 3rd Friday of the month wings and video mixers then? That's you? With the sex recap book?"

"Well, I am not a diva or anything, but just try on the fancy gloves. Um, am I supposed to remove my shirt then? I mean, I think I heard my friend whipping off her shirt in the next booth given how your booths are just fabric curtains and all, so?"

"We're professionals, so let me finish my beer while you look through the choices of gem stone symbols, in case you want symbols instead of words. Did you want to hit this blunt then, Jem Gem?"

"GINA G???? Gina G???"

"They're professionals, Jem Gem, so puff, puff, pass then."

Well, with the disc ball strobe light and all, I suppose I eventually chilled out, so.

"Wow, that's a firm grip you have there on my shoulder, Mr. One Eye. And the gem symbols are cool and all, but I think I'll just go with the words for now."

"Well, skin moves, so sometimes we have to hold things steady. Listen, I'll tell you what, I'll keep "Jem" and "Gem" a little higher towards the top of your shoulder just in case you ever want to add any gem symbols later, alright, Jem Gem?"

"Alright and right now, your left hand is gripping my shoulder at about a 67 degrees angle with your thumb much lower, making for a nice tight spot for you to work with in between your closed fingers and your thumb."

"Ah, does that mean something or are you giving the play by play, then, Jem Gem?"

"It feels nice, One Eye. I mean, it might find it's way into my next recap book, so. So, how do the fancy latex gloves feel then? I mean, technically I have been booted from the kitchen from a recent over dose, so I don't have a lot need for them, so?"

"Quite amazing and tight, actually. I mean, listen, are you just a handful to deal with or are you just great wife material then, Jem Gem?"

What? From the peanut gallery then?

"A handful! But a great girly guy, so."

"Is Gina G your wife then?"

"Oh, Gina G is my future and then near future ex Riverbank Girlfriend, but I'm a villain, so I have an ex-Banana Split Girlfriend too, so."

Oh, again from peanut gallery then?

"Hey! Well, true, but I will be a great Riverbank Girlfriend for one hour, so."

[Buzz, buzz, grr, grr, grr]

"Stop! I mean, One Eye, it's "Jem" on the left and "Gem" on the right, right?"

"Well, you wrote it on mirror with your lip gloss, so I think I got it (puff, puff, guzzle, puff), I mean, I'm a professional and all, so."

[Buzz, buzz, grr, grr, grr, buzz, buzz, buzz, grr, grr, grr, buzz, buzz, grr]

"There's your "Jem" on the left, in black and lined with blue, so have a look."

Well, SOB! One Eye had some whip ass cursive skills! I mean, like calligraphy skills! Like some bad ass professional skills!

"Well, I don't know what to say, One Eye, I mean, that looks amazing and I'm sorry for pouting when you suggested that I should remove my shorts too!"

"Well, thanks, Jem Gem and I figured that with you wearing a long sports jersey and all, so."

"I mean, carry on then, One Eye. Um, Gina G?"

"Ugh, you're such a handful sometimes, Jem Gem! But I figured as much, so that's why I had you park towards the back of the building, but it's getting late, so I'll be your Tattoo Girlfriend, but for one lip lock only and no more. Well, maybe three quick lip smacks too, but that's all! Geez"

"LOL, she's so your wifey, wife. Anyways, flip back around and I feel you up, I mean, finish you up then, Jem Gem (puff, puff, guzzle)."

[Buzz, buzz, grr, grr, grr, buzz, buzz, buzz, grr, grr, grr, buzz, buzz, grr]

Wait! When did buzz, buzz get replaced with humping and thumping then?

[Hump, hump, grind, grind, hump, push, hump, grind]

"Ah, One Eye?"

"Ahh, ooh, oh, ahh, I mean, here is a care kit and have a seat while your wifey wife is finishing up then. By the way, it's Nick, One Eye is actually working on your friend. So, follow the instructions and do not apply another protective bandage after you remove this one and find a shirt that has openings over the back of your extremely smooth and shapely shoulders then, Jem Gem."

Oh, so the application of the protective bandage feels like that then? LOL, press, press, not pass!

"Have a seat until the real One Eye finishes up with your wifey, wife friend then."

Stupid freaking peanut gallery!

"Social protocol manners, girly boy hubby! Ooh, One Eye, that's a little fresh of you then."

I mean, they could have made the separate booths out of more than just fabric curtains, right?

"I mean, Nick, I mean, if you and your co-worker wanted to come to my next mixer, I mean, to make sure I found the proper open shoulder shirt and that maybe I have my hair in a ponytail to keep it off of the tattoo area and all, oh, and I'll make sure that my shirt has a neck wrap or I'll wear a choker because my bare neck seems to be bothering you and all with my little man thingy. Or you want to bite it. So?"

"LOL, we're in, but can we prank your House Mom with a tube of Ben Gay or Preparation H instead of normal denture cream, LOL?"

"Ah, no! Mable is nice (and her boobs are the size of ripe yellow melons, so.)"

Anyways, my tattoo's worked out perfectly and Gina G wouldn't show me her tattoo's, but we smacked lips and went about our way.

"Nah, don't turn, Jem Gem, I read in a book that your bed is to die for, but we can't shower for a while, so no funny business tonight!"

Which somehow meant that I was sleeping in Evie's old bedroom, but that was fine, I suppose. But I did get somewhat of a peek at my sleeping beauty future Riverbank Girlfriend as she slept in. I mean, no matter funny business or not, my facial whiskers, LOL, all eleven of them, do come through, so I used my private bathroom and you know what, girls under the covers, is just of an amazing a sight as anything else, so.

"Anyways, Jem Gem, I think it goes without saying that there will be no mention that my buns were built for your idea of secret and forbidden sex, um, but that actually felt pretty nice being sawed like that, so. Anyways, with all the extra guests expected at your next mixer, you might want to consider security, so."

"Oh, I mean, Gina G, I could invite a few extra of the Forgotten crew for that maybe."

"Well, your mix of all of the street crews is a pretty good mix right now, so if venture down to the viaduct and make friends with a few of the Unspoken crew guys, so?"

"What? But that means..."

"I trust you with Tara and it's only a myth that Jake wants to get you pregnant. Well, he wants to give it his all, but you've grown a lot lately, so? And I still love you, so? And by the way, my tattoos are gem symbols of a Green Emerald and a Blue Sapphire and you will be the fourth person to see them, so."

Hah again! I mean, she (and all of the other girls) just want those rolled up short sleeve shirts standing around keeping their eye on the crowd, that's all! But a few of the Unspoken crew are kind of cool, but there is no way that Tara would allow me to mingle amongst her boys, so.

End Jem Gem 09