Jet Lagged

This is my first submission, please be gentle. :) I welcome constructive criticism and feedback. Thank you for taking the time to read my story: Jet Lagged.

*

I slowly open my eyes and look at the time. 1:14am. Of course. Because it was 6:14am in Casablanca. I would be up with the rising sun, possibly having coffee on the veranda right about now. Instead I am back home, up in the middle of the night with a raging boner because of this sex dream I just had.

Except it wasn't just a dream. Shit. No bueno.

I turn toward Beau. Bonito is his full name, but Beau is what everyone calls him. My Beau, my beautiful Italian stallion, sleeping sideways in a curled up position right under my armpit, his favorite spot.

I kiss his forehead, not to wake him, but just because. Because I love him. He is my entire heart.

Yet my hard on was betraying my heart and my mind right now. My hard on had an aching for someone else. Shit.

I sit up and take a deep breath, slowly exhale. I get out of bed and go to the en suite bathroom to pee. Then I close the toilet seat cover and sit down. I close my eyes and remembered...everything.

That kiss, that fucking kiss. It was soft at first, just lips gently pressed together, then a pull of his lower lip on my top lip, the brush of his tongue on my lips, then through them to taste my tongue, then I'm tasting his.

It should have started and stopped right there with the kiss. But who were we kidding? We never kissed 14 years ago because it wouldn't have stopped with a kiss then. What made either of us think it would stop with a kiss now?

I open my eyes and stare at blue Aztec style shower curtain we have. Why did I kiss him, I ask myself?

You know why, I immediately answer myself.

I am fully hard now. Gotta release it. I stand up and reach over to the small linen closet we have in the bathroom, pull down a bottle of almond oil, add a liberal amount of oil to my hands and grab my member.

I start stroking, slowly at first, from base to tip. I don't even want to look down at what I am doing, it's shameful. Not the masturbating part, but the why I am masturbating. I am masturbating thinking of him.

I close my eyes again and remembered:

Sitting in his lap, naked, facing him, riding him, slowly at first, then bucking on his massive dick like a wild animal hitting my P spot over and over and over again moaning his name like it was the only thing giving me life, climaxing once, twice, three times, milking his chest with my own cum as it just kept oozing out;

his hands on my waist guiding me giving me full control at first, until he dug his nails in my sides, lifted us both off the couch with his midsection alone and started slamming me down on his dick so fast

and I can feel him cumming in my asshole once, twice, three times he's cumming and cumming

and now I'm cumming and cumming and cumming and I open my eyes and Present Me is just shooting white cum everywhere, on the curtain in front of me, on the floor, on my hands.

Holy Shit. This is bad. And then it just gets a million times worse when I hear the knock on the door.

"Babe? You OK?" My heart stops. It feels like I just got caught in the actual act.

I find my voice. "Yea. Just taking a shit. You know, airplane food."

He laughs a little. "OK. Just checking on you. Let me know if you need anything. Like Pepto."

I say, "Thanks. Love you."

Beau says, "Love you."

I hear him walk away and get back in the bed. I'm literally shaking. I want to cry but the tears won't fall. Get a fucking grip I tell myself. I had started practicing Yoga again recently, which is coming in handy in moments like this.

I did some deep breathing, some mindfulness, staying in the moment techniques, then got up. Clean up my mess. I wash my hands, my penis and then my face. I look at myself in the mirror. I look the same. Tawny color skin, hazel eyes, locks pulled back in a pony tail. But I was different, changed. I didn't want to be, but I can feel it.

I sigh through my nose and leave the bathroom. I sit at the edge of the bed feeling restless. I gotta get out of here. I grab my blue sweats at the end of the bed and put them on then went to closet to grab my Nikes.

Beau from the bed says, "Where are you going?"

"I don't know. I'm up so I'm just going to go for a drive. I will be back."

Beau sits up. "You sure you OK?"

I'm not looking at Beau but concentrating on getting dressed. LaSalle blue sweatshirt over my white t shirt. Finally I say, "Yea. Just jet lagged. You know."

Beau with his trusting blue eyes on me says, "OK."

I go over and give him a kiss, a passionate one where I pull his bottom lip, let my tongue play with his. He reaches up with both hands and grabs my neck, and I run my fingers through is dark brown hair. I pull away first though. He looks at me intently, like he wants to say something, but decides against it.

I say, "I'll be back." Beau reluctantly lets go.

He says, "It's good to have you home." I smile, kiss his nose and leave the room.

I go down the hall first and looked in on the girls, 4 year old Vicky and 2 year old Maddy, sound asleep in their room. They are my entire world.

I go downstairs, grab my car keys, my phone and leave silently, no coat even though it was February in Philly and the winds were biting. I jump in my Rav4 and Shawn Mendez started playing, sync from my phone. I guess I never turned off my Bluetooth. I turn up the heat automatically.

Pull out from my one way block onto Academy Ave, head towards I95, southbound. I think, I have a great fucking life. An amazing husband and partner, two beautiful kids, a home, a wonderful career as a Family Nurse Practitioner. I even started writing again. And here I am fucking it all up, and for what?

You know why, I immediately answer myself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I didn't even see him until I heard his voice behind me call my name. "Greg." I almost spit out my drink. "Jesse! I didn't know you would be here!" I gave him a one armed brotherly hug which he returned.

I haven't seen him since my and Beau's wedding, 6 years ago. He doesn't come around, doesn't call at all. He sent a card with each adoption, but that was it. He's busy, Beau says. But I know the truth.

Jessie said, "I came for the wedding just like you apparently. Where's Beau?"

"Home, with the girls. We were all supposed to come but Maddy caught some terrible respiratory infection and we didn't want to risk bringing her. So I'm here representing the family."

As I was talking, his eyes were all on me taking me in the way he does. Jesse doesn't just look at you, he studies you and he was studying me. It was giving me butterflies, the way it always does. Stop it, I had told myself internally.

I asked him, "Where is Rob, is he here with you?"

Jesse said, "No, he got pulled away for work, emergency c-section. So I came alone." Why did that make my heart skip a beat? Probably because we literally haven't been alone in 14 years. And there was potential for us to be alone.

"Really?" I said a little higher pitched than I intended. I cleared my throat. "Where are you staying?"

Jesse said, "At a hotel near the airport. I just got here earlier today. You?"

"Right here in the villa. But don't worry, my little room is way on the other side of their honeymoon suite."

Beau's sister Ariana and her soon to be husband Azan were getting married in three days in his hometown so they rented out a villa for their family to stay in rather than book a bunch of hotel rooms. They were staying for the month, their honeymoon. I was fortunate (or desperate whichever way you want to look at it) to get a room here with them. We were currently at their engagement party.

Jesse said, "That's great." His eyes searched me. He cocked his head slightly to the side. "You OK?" Why did that make me want to cry, that he noticed that I'm not OK? He could always see right through me.

That's what made us such great...friends.

I smiled, "Yes. I will be."

He asked, "How long are you staying?"

"Just another week, I've been here since last week getting some much needed time away."

Jesse nodded. "Me too, staying through the week, then headed to Sudan." So Jesse was still doing Docs without Borders I see.

I gave him a genuine smile. "that's awesome."

Ari came over, "Jesse! I'm so glad you came! Come meet Azan." and started pulling him away. "Let's catch up before we leave, OK?" He meant that.

"Yea, OK." We gave each other a hug again. He sniffed me. Then let me go and let her lead him away. Why was my heart beating so fast? That's crazy, I long gave him up in that way. And yet I felt it, and I know he felt it too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Present Me was driving too fast. Easy to do on I95 when there are no cars around. I slow down, get off on Columbus and drive through the streets. I knew I was headed to the Gayborhood, to a spot called "Bi The Way" that I used to frequent. It was ladies night last night and the music is usually pretty good there.

Plus having titties in my face might snap me out of this never ending reminiscing I've been doing for the past 24 hours.

I park nearby and walk in. At almost 2am it was still pretty crowded, since this was set to close by 3am. Lots of women around but some men too. I sit at the bar ordered a rum and coke which the bartender was reluctant to give since last call was like 2 minutes ago, and check them all out.

I love women. Their scent, their bodies, their wet vaginas. Although I have been in a relationship with a man for 14 years, I still consider myself bisexual because I am still very much attracted to women.

It has kind of been an unspoken rule between us, that I get to dabble from time to time. When marriage became legal in Pennsylvania in 2014 and we jumped on the bandwagon and got married, that was the only time we actually spoke about it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sitting in St. Thomas on our honeymoon, a pretty waitress who had an ass like Cardi B sauntered by and I could not help but stare. He caught me staring and said, "If you do, I don't want to know."

I said stupidly, "Do what?"

He looked at me like I was stupid, "Don't play dumb. If I wasn't here you would have your dick buried in her ass by nightfall."

My eyes went wide. Not because he knew. I knew he knew. He knew that I knew that he knew. But because he said it.

Beau does not like confrontation and this was probably the 2^nd time he has really confronted me about infidelity in the 8 years we've been together prior to our wedding. But I guess that little piece of paper was proof of ownership because he certainly made it clear whose dick he owned today. I've always loved and respected Beau but damn if I didn't love the way he just shut me all the way the fuck down. That was sexy.

"Beau. I won't do it." I sighed. "Anymore. I wont do it anymore. Because we're married. And married people who love each other have a different level of commitment. I'm committed to you. To us. And I'm going to respect this marriage."

Beau was unconvinced. "It's an itch I can't scratch for you. I know this." He took a sip of his mimosa and looked away. "I just don't want to know. Ever."

We sat in silence for a moment. Then I said softly, "OK." We were quiet for another moment. But I felt the need to say it out loud so I said, "I don't sleep with men. Ever. Only you. Since we made it official, it's only been you."

Beau still looking away said, "I know that. I wouldn't have married you if I thought you were a complete slut." He looked at me and smiled.

I smiled back, "I fucking love you."

"I know. You married me." Beau said confidently. That was sexy too.

Present Me smiles at that memory. In the last 6 years I have not taken up my Hall Pass, but I might need to tonight.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pretty girls of all shapes sizes and colors wearing next to nothing in the middle winter were walking past. A voice next me made me turn around.

"Just give me a fucking drink already." She is dark skinned, beautiful, and a little thin but shapely.

The bartender with his arms folded says, "No. We're done here. Go home." He walks away and she huffs, then sits on the stool next to me.

"Asshole." she mutters. I offer her my drink. "You want it? I literally just got it."

She eyes me suspiciously, "Are you a serial killer?" I laugh and take a sip, to show her I didn't roofie it, then hold it out to her.

She takes it and takes a big gulp. "Thanks. That will do. So are you bi or did you just come her to stare at bi women?" She's brazen, I think. "Yes I am bi, and Yes I came here to stare at bi women." She laughs.

Pretty white teeth looked amazing against her skin. "Well you can stare at me then." And she stands up and does a little dance in front of me, complete with a twerk. Shit she is sexy. And a little drunk.

I laugh and play it cool. "Thanks for the show."

She starts talking about herself. Her name is Iyatunde, Tunde for short. Her parents are from the Gambia and she was born here in Philadelphia. The youngest of three girls. She's 26 years old, works for an ad agency not to far from here. Lives in Southwest Philly with her girlfriend of two years that she just broke up with because "she was a terrible lay."

I can tell she had been drinking a lot tonight.

I tell her about me: 34 years old, originally from Chicago, white Italian mother, black Haitian father. Only child of the two of them but I have 4 other siblings from my dad's side. I moved to Philly to attend UPenn for medicine, but switched to nursing, and I just never moved back home. I live in the Northeast with my husband and two kids.

She says, "What are you doing here trolling for ass when you have a husband?"

I laugh, "I told you, because I am bi and I came here to stare at bi women."

She comes off her stool and stand in front of me, put both her hands on my thighs. "I think you came down here for more than that." My dick moves involuntarily. My brain takes over and I say, "Tunde, you seem a bit wasted. The last thing I'm going to do is take advantage of a drunk woman."

She rolls her eyes. "Bartender, pen please? Or is that off limits too?" He gives her a pen. She takes a napkin and writes something, then holds it up for me to read, making me laugh.

It says, "I Tunde Mensa, am of sound mind enough to consent to a casual fuck on this here day."

Then she puts it in my sweat pants pocket, I'm pretty sure to feel my semi-hard cock and I let her. She licks her lips, leans in and kisses my neck. Fuck that's my spot. I took her hand and starts to lead her out the lounge.

She asks, "Do you have a condom?"

I stop. "No. Sorry." I drop her hand. Welp, that's it for my night. I'm not fucking anyone raw.

Anyone...else.

She grabs and my hand again and leads me outside. She stops at the bouncer and asks him in a voice way too loud, "You have a condom?"

He looks at her crazily and I turn away completely, embarrassed as shit. But amazingly, he pulls out his wallet, takes out a condom and hands it to her.

"Thanks," she says, and comes up to me. "where's your car?"

8 minutes later we are in the backseat of my Rav4 and I am hitting it from the back grunting in harmony to her moaning. Fuck she was perfect to my reintroduction to pussy. Her ass is a perfect apple, her breasts are perfect mangoes. She is so wet I kept slipping out but she barely notices.

She begins to push me back to where I am laying down kinda and she is riding backwards. Holy shit she could ride dick. She moves like the ocean back and forth, leans all the way over to hold onto my legs and literally twerks on my dick.

Watching her move made my mind wander back to that day with Jesse. I wonder how my back looked to him when he was taking me from the behind, burying deeper and deeper in my tight hole. Fuck he was bigger than I thought he was and when he came I could literally feel it from the base of his dick all the way to the top filling me up.

"That's my spot that's my spot!" she cries, pulling Present Me back into focus, and I feel her entire insides squeeze and contract over and over again until she comes, squirting all over my dick.

Between thoughts of Jessie cumming and having her squirting it sent me over the edge and I moan out my orgasm, jizzing into the condom. We slow down together, then she rises off me and moves to sit in the backseat so I adjust myself so she can.

Then she starts crying. Oh shit.

"oh no, I'm so sorry, did I do something wrong?" I ask her sincerely.

Tunde says, "No, it's not you." She sniffs. "I just miss Dijah so fucking much. What am I doing here with you!?" She wails.

Well fuck. I pull her close and hold her. That's when she tells me the real story:

Dijah wants to be exclusive and Tunde is scared of commitment. They got into a huge fight over it and Dijah kicked her out, said don't come back unless she wants to grow up and be in an adult relationship.

I tell her I went through something similar with Beau.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I met Beau I was a sophomore at UPenn, Jesse introduced us as they were roommates off campus. I wanted it to just be a fling, but Beau wanted more. I agreed, but then I fought it for the first year of our relationship and Beau ended it with me when he found out I was sleeping around with other men, just like that.

"We're done." He said. No arguing, no tears, no how could you do this me. Just simply "We're done." I told you, Beau does not do confrontation. We were apart for 6 months, from the bottom half of the junior year Spring semester into the Summer when I went back to Chicago. I didn't speak to either of them.

By my senior year I had less time for hook ups between work and clinicals and Beau was doing his social work field placement for his Masters program in the same hospital department that I was doing clinicals, Pediatrics department, so we sort of fell back together again.

Or maybe I cornered him in the hospital bathroom and sucked his dick. That usually works for me.

But a month in this second time around, he gave it to me straight, the first time he ever confronted me on it. He told me that he was in love with me and I broke his heart into a million little pieces last time, and he could not go through that again. Either we are exclusive or we're not together. My choice.

By then I was falling in love with him so it was an easy yes decision. It was easier than the decision to come together the first time around. That was....complicated and emotional. But I said yes. Then when I graduated, he moved out of his and Jesse's place and we moved in together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I ask her, "Do you love her?" She nods.

"Can you see yourself spending the rest of your life with her?" She nods again.

"So what are you doing here with me?" I smiled. She smiled through her tears. What a beautiful girl.

I make the decision for her. "Let me take you home." She says, "OK." She gives me the address.

As we drive she asks me, "Why did you come out here tonight, if you have someone at home that loves you?"

I decide to tell her the truth. "I cheated on him."

She laughs, "well duh."

I didn't laugh. "No, you don't count. Women, don't count. Sorry if that sounds harsh or crazy. He knows I'm bi." I took a deep breath. "I cheated on him with a man. Someone we both know. And I feel guilty. It...was a mistake."

She let a moment pass. "Do you regret it?"

Me, "I told you, it was a mistake."

Tunde says, "But you didn't say you regretted it. That's why you feel guilty. Because you made a mistake that could end everything, but you don't regret that mistake."

Fuck, who was this chick that just pulled my entire skin inside out and left it out for the world to see? I let her words hang in the air. Then she asks, "will you do it again?"