Jet Lagged

I laugh and say, "Thanks, I think."

She says: "You don't belong here."

"You're right, I don't." I'm still avoiding her gaze.

She says, "I have a room across the street at the Holiday Inn. Come with me."

What am I, chick magnet tonight? Everyone female wants a piece of me and all I want is another piece of...him. Stop it, I tell myself.

I say, "I'm not paying for sex."

She looks offended. Says slowly, "I'm not a prostitute, asshole. Just forget it."

She starts walking away and I grab her arm. "Hey, I'm sorry. It's just that...You are way to fancily dressed to be a regular woman looking to get laid at 4am." Now she looks annoyed.

She says, "I am married to a 78 year old man, who is somewhere in here playing the slots. He likes me on his arm as eye candy, looking nice. But I'm tired now. I want to go to bed. But I would love to get my pussy licked before I do. And maybe suck a dick. A nice young healthy dick for once."

She looks me dead in the eye. Who was I to deny her request?

15 minutes later I was face deep in her pussy. It smelled like sweet money, like she bathed in gold coins and 100 dollar bills. Or maybe because I haven't tasted pussy in so long it was like steak and lobster. Either way I was eating like it was my last supper.

I wrap my lips around her clit and hum. Stuck my tongue in her vagina and lap it up her cum like water for a dog on a hot summer day. She takes my head in her hands and pushes my face further in, hollering.

I have to pry my head back so I don't die of suffocation, but I suck and lick her harder because that's clearly what she wants. I taste her cum over and over again, it really is sweet and silky.

I move my lips and tongue back to up to her clit and insert my three center fingers in her pus, thrusting in and out, first slowly, then faster, while flipping the tip of my tongue back and forth right on that magic button. It's been a while since I ate pussy but it was like riding a bike. She's trying to fuck my face again, pushes down against my fingers with her hips as she comes, more sweet silky cum flowing out of her.

At least she didn't squirt on my face, I think. That would be hard to explain to Beau later.

I slow down, remove my face and my fingers and lay back on the bed. I close my eyes and Jesse's face pops up. I open them quickly. Shit. There seems to be not enough pussy in the world to get Jesse out of my head.

The woman, who's name I find out is Fiona crawls over to me, rubs my erection. She is about to pull my sweats down when I say, "Can you do me a favor? Can you do it while I stand in the doorway of the bedroom? On your knees?"

She looks puzzled, but then says, "OK. But....why?"

"I just want to see something."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jesse stayed away for two days after he finger fucked my hand. But on the third day he knocked on my door. I opened it and he said, "Can we talk?"

"You want coffee?" I asked.

I let him in, make a 2^nd cup of coffee, and went back to my place on the veranda. He followed. I gave him the cup of coffee. He swallowed a huge gulp and I know it burned to go down but he didn't say anything.

After a while of silence I joked, "Nice talk." He laughed.

Then he said, "I think I'm a little jealous of your relationship with Beau." I didn't say anything, let him talk. Because it is obvious as the sky is blue he has always been jealous of my relationship with Beau. It's also obvious why.

Jesse said, "You always seemed so perfect together, it was a little sickening. When you guys broke up in college I was almost happy about it although you were both miserable. I started thinking, now we can start to hang out again, just you and I. But you never came around. And then you got back together for real that fall, and I was happy about that too, but then sad for me. I was back to being the third wheel."

He took a breath and said, "I think I ended up with Rob because I was lonely. And yea, he could be a bit neurotic, and selfish and self centered, but he wanted to be with me. He chose me." I heard what he said without saying it. He chose him, unlike me. He thought I didn't choose him.

And normally I would let it slide but I was tired. I spent the last month taking care of everyone else's needs and pushing my own feelings aside until it literally broke me down. So I didn't feel like doing it anymore. So for once I said exactly what I was thinking.

"Jesse, you never gave me the choice remember? You already decided that Beau was the one for me. You told me to take three days to think about it, then you send Beau to me and that was that. I would have choose you but you didn't want that. Don't act like you actually wanted to be with me because we both know you didn't.

"Because if you did, you would have just kissed me 14 years ago. Or let me kiss you. Then suck your dick. Then you suck mines. Then fuck you. Then you fuck me. And then it would be me and you in a house in Philly with kids. Or maybe not since you don't want fucking have kids. But at least you wouldn't have been a pussy about it and told me flat out, then I would have said OK, then we don't have kids. And we would have been happy. But fuck it. I'm with Beau and I got kids. You're with fucking Rob the snob and you got...fucking Rob."

I snorted a laugh, and looked over at him. He had a look on his face I couldn't place, until he said, "I never sent Beau to you. I....thought you were going to come back to me. Choose me. I didn't know Beau came to you until days later when you both came to me and told me that you were a couple. I thought you choose him over me, not that he pursued you."

We stared at each other. Then he said quietly, "You were going to choose me?"

Huh. I just remembered why I don't say everything I'm thinking. I talk to fucking much.

So I stopped talking and just stared back, stupidly. And I saw him move toward me and it was like a train wreck I couldn't stop, couldn't turn away from and fuck did I want this train to hit me. He was on me before I could take a breath.

First his lips on mines, soft at first, then pressed against mines in urgency, still warm from the coffee he just sipped, then his tongue in my mouth, tasting like fresh cocoa beans, then the palm of his hands on my cheeks and I could do nothing but surrender to this kiss;

The licking of my lips, the pulling of my bottom and top lip, his long tongue in my mouth, his lips sucking my tongue all of it I wanted and I moaned in his mouth. I have never done that before, moaned in someone's mouth but lawd did I moan in his mouth, forgetting my name, my family, my mind as he kissed me.

Then his hands traveled to my dick and all of a sudden I remembered my name and pushed him off me, yelling, "FUCK!" I fell backwards off my chair, then stood up quickly, panting. Jesse was panting too. He put his hand over his mouth and turned his back to me. I leaned against the wall.

I heard him say, "I'm sorry. I don't know what has come over me."

And I heard myself say, "What's come over you is what's been under your skin all these years. Me." Here I go talking too fucking much again.

He turned around and leaned in the doorway. Looked me right in the eye. And he said it, "I'm in love with you. Still. After all these years, Gregory. I still love you."

Just like that, bam. He put it in the air and he couldn't take it back. Then he kept talking, pelting me with his words. "I should have kissed you. Then sucked your dick. Then you suck mines. Then fuck you. Then you fuck me. And now it's too late."

How did I end up standing in front of him in the doorway of the veranda? All of a sudden I am standing in front of him, listening to him say, "I'd give anything to turn back the time, do that moment all over again."

And then I heard myself say, "Well you kissed me. I kissed you back. What comes next?"

And I stared at him. Because the truth is, I've been in love with him all this time too, or at least the idea of us. And the truth is I would have given anything in that moment to turn back the time too.

And the truth is when he looked me in the eyes and slid down to his knees and put his face in the crotch of my linen house pants, I didn't give a shit about Beau or anyone else. I just wanted to feel my friend's mouth on my dick like I have wanted for so long.

Jesse pulled down my pants and underwear slowly, I could feel his hot breath on my cock, I could tell how fast he was breathing, anticipating this moment. I watched him open his mouth and it was like an out of body experience.

I floated up and watched Jesse swallow my dick whole, and I heard myself moan so loudly. I observed Jesse's skills from above, how my dick kept disappearing in his mouth, the whole dick, his lips touched my skin every single time, then his lips purse outward as he squeezed and sucked all the way up to the tip. Then did it again. Then again, then again. Then again.

My God, who was moaning like that, it sounded like someone was crying out in pain?

Yea that was me, I realized, watching myself grab his head and moving it faster and faster, slamming his head on my dick, moaning like that until my insides froze mid slam and I came directly down his throat and he swallowed that shit as I kept cumming and cumming and cumming....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And Present Me was now cumming and cumming and cumming down Fiona's throat the same way but she is not Jesse and Fiona is choking and gagging. "Oh shit!" I let her head go. She falls backwards spitting up saliva and cum.

"I'm so sorry! I'm so fucking sorry!" I hold back her hair and pat her back until she stops heaving, then she slaps my hand away.

"You fucking asshole!" I keep apologizing, but she starts screaming "Get out get out get the fuck out!"

So I pull up my sweats and get the fuck out of there.

I took Street Road down to I95 and went southbound. I looked at the time: 5:21am. I'm taking my ass home now. I drive and thought about the After:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After I sucked his dick and swallowed his cum. Because it was only polite that I returned the favor. And I never felt as powerful with anyone as I did when I got on my knees and made him double over in ecstasy, using my tongue and full lips to massage his dick from shaft to head, until he moaned my name as he came. It sounded so sweet to my ears and tasted sweet on my tongue.

After he ate my ass, then put me on his lap, raw, and I rode him like he was Seabiscuit, hitting my spot and coming all over him.

After he laid me down, face down on the couch, entered me, raw, and pounded into my asshole mercilessly. I hollered and held onto the pillows until I came again, then climaxed, then climaxed, then climaxed, then came third time, because it took him forever to come.

And when he did he sighed my name again. And that's when the tears started to fall from my eyes.

After all of that, when he laid on top of me and sniffed my hair, and let me weep, then said, "I'm sorry that I did this to you. I never ever wanted to come between you and Beau. Not then. Not now. But I'm not sorry that I love you."

Then he said, "Don't tell Beau. It will never happen again."

After he left my room, I changed my flight and left on a red eye without saying goodbye to Ari or Azan. I sent them a text, thanked them for the vacation, told them it was time for me to go home to Beau, to my family.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sun is coming up now and I start chanting again, it was just sex, it didn't mean anything, it was just sex. I pull into our one way block, into the driveway. I expect everyone to be sleep. But when I open the door I hear him in the kitchen.

I walk over and stand in the doorway. He is making coffee for us and fresh biscuits for the girls when they wake up, which could be very soon or in two hours, who knows.

He smiles when he see me, says, "you look like you could use a nap."

I smile back, but don't come closer, I know I smell like sex and pussy. Best not to throw it in his face. I watch him, my Beau, my husband, my love. My entire heart. I have a great fucking life and it's all because of him. He is everything I have ever wanted or ever needed and I can't lose him.

But I need to acknowledge what I've done, whatever that looks like. Let it out or let it go. And just like that, I get off the Ferris Wheel.

I say, "I'm going to take a shower, then take a nap."

He turns to look at me, says, "Okay." And turns back to the counter.

I go upstairs, go into the bathroom and take off all my clothes. I look at myself in the mirror. I look the same but I am different.

First, I have to let it out. I go into the shower and take the band out my hair. I let the steamy hot water flow down from my crown to my toes. I reach my hands out and hold onto the shower wall. And I cry. And I regret. And I feel like every piece of shit I am.

I was never worthy of Beau and I always knew that, and that makes me cry more. I was never going to choose Beau over Jesse because I always knew I could never measure up to what he needs me to be. Faithful. Real. Honest. The truth will always be that Beau, he choose me.

After I got myself together, I rubbed the Shea butter body wash on my wash cloth and scrubbed every single part of my body from my face to my toes. Scrubbed my body raw. Peeled back the layers of me that made me hurt the person I love the most, so I can be fresh and new. I am now the person he needs me to be. There will never be another man to come between us. There will never be another night like tonight.

This was me letting it go.

I come out the shower and enter our room. Beau is waiting for me, sitting on the edge of the bed, hands folded between his legs, looking at the window, but not seeing anything. He looks at me intently when I come into the room and I knew he knew. I don't know how he knew, but I knew that he knew.

He stood up and walk over to me, and I put my head on his chest. He hesitates, but then he holds me. I don't hold him back, but I don't cry either. I don't have tears left anyway.

He reaches down and pulls my towel off. Leads me to the bed and lays me down on my stomach. He takes my hair oil first, my mixture of peppermint oil, argon oil and Jamaican black castor oil, and oils my scalp. The same mixture I have been using since college.

Then he takes the almond oil and he rubs down my body, from the back of my neck, my shoulders, my back upper back, my lower back, my ass, my legs, calf and my feet. Then he turns me over and goes up my body, my legs, my thighs, my aching penis, my stomach and chest, my arms, my neck. He rubs me and kneads me and massages my body.

Then he stands up, takes off his clothes and locks the door. He massages the oil onto his own hard penis, and lay on top of me, pulls my legs far apart. Using his hand to guide him, he slowly inserts the tip and pushes in, so gently, so slowly, so smoothly. I moan because it feels so good to be home.

I reach my arms around his back as he lays into my neck, and he makes love to me, lovingly. We moan in each other's ear as quietly as we can, as to not wake our girls. We kiss and touch and hold each other and sexed until he came, his moan like the sweetest song in the world to me. And after he came, we continue to hold each other.

I say quietly in his ear, "I fucking love you Beau. Only you. Forever you."

He is silent for a while, then he says quietly, "You called his name in your sleep. I don't want to know.

Ever."