Jetsam

Doing well thanks. Looking forward to the weekend, forecast says it may be fine and onshore on Sunday. Perfect for kitesurfing. Are you coming down?

And just like that the seed was planted. Sun, wind, camaraderie... there was no reason for me to stay here where I was neither wanted nor needed.

Driving down Friday evening

And I smiled at the immediate response.

Awesome. Can't wait - see you soon. :)

.:.

I stared at the strange grey pebble that lay on the cottage's worn stone step. I crouched down and picked it up, and breathed out in wonder at the intricate spiral shell structure frozen on the underside of the uniform grey stone. Ashleigh had clearly been by to drop it off for me.

I put it on my kitchen shelf, between the lamps, angled so I could see the contours of the fossil from my table.

Then I picked up my phone, frowned, and typed out Here safely. Thank you for the rock.

Ammonite :P Thought I'd prove to you that I can still find them

I smiled.

So are you up to anything interesting?

I listened to the faint hiss of the gas as the kettle slowly came to boil, and waited for her to reply.

Tonight? Not really. You?

Settling in for the duration. Boiling the kettle, lighting the lamps, listening to the silence...

Your cottage is a lovely sanctuary

You should drop in sometime

Is that an invitation?

Honestly. How more blatant did I need to be?

That depends on you. I was going to brew tea but I have a bottle of wine that needs drinking... hint hint

Tempting...

I took a breath, unsure how far I should push...

I'd really enjoy your company

And then I held my breath, hoping...

I'll be there in five minutes

A strange, wild happiness welled up in me. I put a lamp on the table, hunted for and set out some cheese and crackers, and opened the bottle of Burgundy so that it would breathe.

I stood, shifting from foot to foot like a child at Christmas, watching the lights of her car creep in around the curtains as she parked behind the Mini. I heard her close her door, and I heard the tell-tale squeak of my gate.

I yanked the door open as she paused to knock, and I laughed with glee at the surprised grin she gave me.

.:.

"Gosh, this is nice wine."

"It's one of my reliable ones. Haven't had a bad bottle yet."

"You'll have to teach me, I'm hopeless at selecting them. I always end up with vinegar or tart juice."

"One of my ex-husband's friends was a wine snob who never passed up an opportunity to drone on about the subject. I'll gladly pass on what he taught me in the hope it makes his arse itch."

"Mm. I will gladly drink to his further discomfort."

I grinned at her. "So what were you doing out this way?"

She frowned and swirled the wine in her glass. "I couldn't settle for the night," she answered, after a brief silence. "So I was sitting in my car at... the beach. Staring out at the sea, listening to the waves. Kind of at a loss, really, until you popped up."

"Why? I mean, what's wrong? Too much in your head?"

"Oh, lots of things, the usual mental clutter. Mostly just... I don't know. You know how you sometimes get into a rut and then spend a lot of time chewing over bad decisions you've made etcetera etcetera?"

"Ah, I guess you mean good old Oh-no-o'clock, when you relive all the cringeworthy or questionable moments from your past?"

"I see you're familiar with it," she said drily.

"Oh, it and I are fairly intimate these days. So... what's the worst of what's going on up there?" I probed.

She sighed and pulled a face. "I'm turning thirty soon."

I laughed. "Oh, that one's great. Yes, I remember that one. I think I found my first grey hair not too long after. At least you won't have that problem with that mane of yours."

She flushed. "Oh whatever. Anyway. Guess I'm just feeling a little... lost, is all. Like I should have had an idea of what I wanted by now. My father keeps making noises at me about settling down. Marriage. Grandchildren. Ugh. It drives me mad."

She eyed me. "You've got it all worked out. Share your wisdom with me, please..."

"Hah. I thought I had it all worked out. Trust me, it's all an illusion anyway. All the planning in the world won't survive ten seconds of attention from Chance or Fate. Everyone's a moment away from a disaster of some sort."

"Easy for you to say," she said. "You're successful..."

"Successful?" I laughed bitterly. "Me? Hardly. I may have a small bit of money, but apart from that? Nothing." I took a numbing gulp of my wine and coughed. "Nothing and nobody. Nobody misses me when I'm not around. Do you think anyone's looking for me back in London? Not on your nellie. The first person who will notice I'm missing will be my assistant on Monday morning. I could disappear off the face of the Earth and nobody would let the police know until a week later. The only recent messages in my phone that are not work related are... from you."

She made a face. "Ok... but you've got so many options. You have the ability to move somewhere and start over... I mean, you did that and here you are..."

"Sure, maybe I have a bit of freedom. Freedom, and nothing to do with it. Does that even count? I'd trade it for a feeling that I belonged; that... that someone... that anyone wanted me."

I looked away, unnerved by the way she looked at me. "I'm thirty-plus and divorced and... infertile," I said, softly. "There. I admitted it. I'm infertile. A pariah, a bird of ill omen, a warning sign to others - eat your greens or you'll end up like her! The odds are not stacked in my favour. Nobody wants damaged goods," I finished, bitterly. "In the end I'll pass away like smoke and leave nothing behind me."

"At least you're a free agent."

"So are you. And you look a lot happier and much more together than I feel on a day to day basis."

She fiddled with her glass, frowning.

"So... what are you looking for?" I said, trying to lift the conversation away from the negativity I'd so unwittingly summoned. "To settle you. To make you happy?"

She stared at her wine.

"Something... real," she replied, after a long silence. "Something permanent. Something that makes me feel like there's more to life than just taking it a day at a time, slapping paint and sealant and caulking over the cracks until you just can't any more. A someone would be nice, too," she added softly. "I haven't been lucky with that. I've wasted lots of time. I've hurt and got hurt by more than my fair share of people in the process."

"C'est la vie."

"Yes," she sighed.

I topped up our glasses. "Pity I didn't bring another bottle of this," I sighed. "It would have been useful. It was unforgivably poor preparation on my part, sorry."

"We didn't exactly have a drinking date in our calendars. We should learn to plan better."

"I hope from your choice of words that this will become a regular thing."

"If you'd like it to?" she said softly. "I certainly would."

I flushed, pleased at that. "I'm glad to hear that my company is bearable."

"You're kind. You're friendly. I can talk to you. And you're extremely generous with your booze.What's not to like?" She smiled warmly at me over the rim of her glass. "I'd like to think that you and I are going to be great together."

"You can be my good twin."

"Mm," she murmured, glancing away, "That's an unlikely role for me. So is there in fact any more wine, or did you tempt me over here just to leave me unsatisfied?"

"None as good as this, I'm afraid. But I have a bottle or two for medicinal use. So if you're keen..."

"We'll need one of those soon enough. But not yet. Just sit, for a bit. Sit and listen to the sea with me."

She closed her eyes and stayed still for a long moment. The boom of the surf carried faintly to us on the evening air.

She looked so young and pretty; it was hard to believe her claim that she was nearly thirty. I envied her a little. Maybe if I'd been more like her...

"I can hear you thinking," she murmured. "What is it?"

"Just... wishing I was still as young and gorgeous as you. The green-eyed monster and all that."

"Oh, rubbish," she snorted. "You're a stunning woman. Don't let that pig of an ex define you, Kells. You're delicious. Trust me on that."

I flushed hot at the compliment. "Nobody's called me that since primary school."

She opened her eyes and gave me an amused look. "Kells? Or delicious?"

"The former. Nobody's ever called me the latter."

"What? Seriously? Well, then, you'll just have to make peace with me doing both."

"Oh. Okay. I'll try to bear it..."

She laughed, and drained her wineglass. "Best you open that second bottle," she said. "I think you're stuck with me for a while."

"You say that like it's a bad thing," I teased her as I stood. The world lurched slightly. "Wow, la France is hitting me hard now. We should eat before we drink any more... want some more crisps or something?"

"Got any pasta and cheese? That's probably a better idea. It will line our stomachs a bit. Also, I... I stupidly kind of skipped supper today..."

"Technically so did I. I've got pasta somewhere and there's a fresh block of cheddar in the fridge. And I've got flour and milk, and I think some mushrooms... we could make a sauce..."

"You find the pasta and sort the booze, I'll get the water on the go," she said. "The sauce is on you, though, because if I even so much as look at it it will burn."

.:.

The second bottle was a distant memory. We lay, bundled up warmly on a picnic blanket in the darkness of the garden, staring up at the panoply of stars above us.

"Ashleigh?"

"Mm?"

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For coming and visiting tonight. You're a great companion to stare drunkenly at the sky with."

She laughed quietly. "It was a really hard decision. Cold smelly car and insomnia, or wine with you. Ooh, tough choice. I must tell you, the car almost won."

I grinned to myself. "Glad I rate higher than a smelly car."

"Oh, much higher," she said in a soft contralto. "Smelly car doesn't have a wine cellar or blankets."

We giggled.

"You should stop thinking of yourself as old," she said, nudging me with an elbow. "Or as unattractive. Or... any of the other things I'm sure are roving through your head. They're... not fair to you. You're really nice, and you're really easy to be around. And really pretty," she added in a whisper I almost didn't catch.

"That's really sweet of you," I said. I could feel the flush taking me as I basked in her approval. "Nobody... nobody's had anything that kind to say about me in years."

"They're idiots then. Every single last one of them. Idiots."

She shifted closer. "Don't mind me, leeching some heat; two bodies are better than one and I'm getting cold."

"Yeah, it's getting nippy, isn't it. Haha. Nipply. Get it?"

I laughed as she elbowed me again.

We stared upwards into the darkness, and I felt strangely content lying there beside her, content in our silence, content to just be.

"Shit", she sighed, after a while. "It's late. It's probably already early, actually. Technically I'm working in a few hours."

"Working? It's Saturday."

"Well... volunteering. Soliciting donations for the lifeboats from innocent townsfolk and less innocent tourists."

I laughed. "Charity mugging. Chugging. You're a chugger."

"I'm totes a chugger. But fuck knows how I'm going to manage. Ugh. Alright. Thanks for the lovely night, Kells. I'd better go sleep this off in the car."

"Are you mad? I'm not going to let you go sleep in Smelly Car. My bed's a king size; there's more than enough room for both of us."

"Um..." she temporised. "I'm not sure..."

"Oh come on Ashleigh. I don't bite. Much. And it's cold and you'll sleep much better in a bed than on a car seat. Don't be stubborn. Besides, I have a kettle and coffee for the morning."

"Kells... I don't know if..."

"Oi. I'm the oldest, I know best. I've got some spare jimjams, you'll be toasty warm. You're not allowed to say no, Ashleigh. I'd never forgive myself if you got pneumonia or were abducted by badgers or something..."

She started to laugh. "Abducted by badgers! What on earth!"

"They're evil little bastards. Nasty stripy faces. Furry pirates of the animal kingdom. Bet you anything you like that they'd try to abduct you. Please stay. I'll feel guilty all night if you don't."

"Okay. Okay. Jesus. I'll stay," she giggled. "You're a fruitcake."

I lay back, smiling. "I'm glad I met you."

She fumbled for my hand, and squeezed it briefly.

"Ditto."

"Come," I said, after a while. "We should go sleep. Dew's starting to come down."

"Yeah, ok."

I unbundled myself and helped her to her feet. We abandoned the picnic blanket and carried the rest of the bedding indoors, closing the door behind us on the witching-hour chill.

I dug out my spare pyjamas for her and then, without thinking, I started to strip so that I could change into mine. She flushed bright scarlet as I shed my vest and bra, and scampered past me into the bathroom.

The door slammed shut.

"Sorry," I called out, "I'm so used to being alone..."

"It's ok!"

She sounded flustered and I dropped it with a shrug - some people just had nudity issues.

I filled glasses with water for both of us, and snuffed the lamp in the kitchen. "Ashleigh?" I called. "You ok?"

"Just washing my face," came the muffled answer.

"Okay, got some water here for you. Which side you want?"

"Window side if you don't mind, please..."

"All yours."

I crawled in under the duvet and she emerged from the bathroom shortly afterwards. "It's really not like we needed any more proof that you're much slenderer than I am," she said, as she ran her hands down her sides. "This is borderline obscene. It's basically as if it's painted on."

I laughed. "Call it flattering, rather. Gosh, you look fantastic. I wish I had your figure. The boys at my work would love you."

She made a retching noise, and I laughed again.

"Kelly, are you sure you're ok with this?"

"Are you going to climb into the fucking bed or do I need to drag you into it by your ear?"

"Okay, okay!"

She slid in under the covers and pulled them up under her neck. "Fuck it's got got freezing all of a sudden."

"Yeah. One downside of this cottage is that it's not insulated. I need to fix that and find some way to heat it in winter."

"Better windows might help. And some insulation in the roof. And a carpet by your bed. But the stone walls and floor are deathly. You're going to struggle with those. Will make summer much better though."

"Mm. Oil heater and a hot water bottle might be on order then. And maybe I can shoehorn a wood-burning stove into the corner. Shall I kill the light?"

"Yeah. Please. It's well past time to snooze."

I clicked off the lamp and rolled onto my side, away from her. "Hey, Ashleigh?" I said, softly.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for staying. It's really nice to have you here. Sleep well."

"You too, gorgeous. Thanks for being my port in a storm."

I smiled sleepily. "You're most welcome."

I woke up once during the night, desperate to wee, and snuck out as quietly as I could, cursing under my breath at the ice-cold stones underfoot. She made a small noise of protest as I tried to ease back under the covers, and as I pulled the duvet up over myself again I felt her shift. She rolled over towards me and threw an arm over me, then settled in against me with a happy grumble.

I tried to decide whether I was uncomfortable.

And then I decided that I wasn't.

Her arm around me made me feel deliciously fuzzy and safe.

She was warm, and soft, and smelled amazing, and it was so... nice... to know that she was there.

.:.

The whistle of the kettle woke me. I rolled over and sat up, momentarily confused.

"Ashleigh?" I called out. "Is that you?"

"Yep. Getting coffee on the go."

I groaned and rubbed my eyes. "What time is it?"

"Sparrow fart. Sun's just come up."

"Mm. Amazing. Usually I'm up well before it."

"You looked so happy that I couldn't bear to wake you so I left you to sleep."

Her pyjamas were folded neatly at the foot of the bed and she'd put on her jeans and technical top from the night before.

I dug into my tog-bag for a pair of fluffy socks, then I stumbled my way through to the living area. "You ok?" I asked as I slumped down at my table. "Because I'm not."

"Bit of a headache but the coffee will make everything good. Can't say I'm looking forward to a morning of asking for donations though. I would far rather wait for it to get warmer and then go find a spot on the beach and have a nap in the sun."

She turned and smiled at me. "Thanks for letting me crash here, Kelly."

"Of course. No way were either of us fit to drive anywhere. And anyway, I liked the company. It's nice to wake up with another breath in this place. And it's really nice to have coffee on the go; it's been years since that was a regular thing for me."

"You don't look like you're fully awake yet," she said with a grin. "Your hair is everywhere."

"Red wine is a hazard," I complained, as I dragged my fingers through my rat's nest. "Christ, I must look a fright."

"Think something along the lines of Bellatrix Lestrange after she's licked an electrical socket. Here... let me."

She reached into a pocket and pulled out a faded cyan hairband, came to me, and quickly pulled my hair into a tail. "There, that will keep it out of the way until you've risen from the dead."

Her hand lingered briefly on my shoulder, and I felt goosebumps crawl over my scalp and neck. I bit back the involuntary noise I nearly made.

She sighed and moved back to the stove. "Where's your coffee? I didn't want to dig too much while you were still snoring."

"Check the Blue Delft jar with the windmill on it," I said softly, still trying to find my balance. "Shall I sort something for us for breakfast?"

"Nah, I'm okay thanks. I don't usually eat it first thing; it makes me a bit queasy. And I need to get going anyway, I've got to get a change of clothes and shower etcetera."

"Oh," I said, drooping sadly. "That's a shame."

She leaned against the counter; watched me for a moment. "I don't want to wear out my welcome just yet."

"Oh, you're nowhere near that point. It's just... it's so nice to have you here. But of course you need to go and get your stuff; I forgot, you've got nothing here, and we can't send you out there in my clothes, we'll scandalise everyone."

She laughed. "Yeah, you're petite and I am... not."

"I'd have said you've got a much nicer proportion to you than I do. But perhaps we'll meet in the middle on that and accept each-other's compliments and gracefully move on. "

"Cup of coffee?" she said. The flush on her cheeks was back; it made her look even prettier if that was possible.

"Oh God, yes please."

She made me a cup and gently put it down in front of me. "Here you are then."

"So are you going to be busy all day?"

"Morning definitely, maybe some of the afternoon if Vanessa doesn't show up."

"Who's Vanessa?"

"Someone who's supposed to be coming to take over for me," she said, with a voice suddenly flat. She stretched her arms up and behind her back, and groaned. "We'll see if that actually happens. She's... not reliable," she added, frowning.

"Where will you be?"

"Marine Parade in Lyme Regis. Highest proportion of tourists. Best chance of a mugging."

"Well... I could always stop by, if you'd like."

She perked up. "I thought you'd want a break from me."

"I can grit my teeth and bear it it," I said with a grin, and she laughed at that. She raised her cup to her lips and blew on it. "It's nice starting a day like this," she said softly. "I like it."