Joanne's Story Pt. 01

"Welcome to your dirty thirties," I read the title of the online article out loud to no one in particular. After all, there I was sat in my London flat all on my own.

I picked up my phone and listened to the solitary voice message I had received. "Hello," the Scottish female accent said, "Happy Birthday, you old woman. Sorry we can't be there, Jon's up to his eyeballs in work, and well I'm not sure I'd be much drinking fun being 7 months pregnant and stuff. But we love you anyway and hope you have an absolute blast."

I smiled. Ginny was so stupidly happy now it was on that line between being sweet and sickening. I checked my Instagram, pregnant friends, married friends, married, and pregnant friends. I looked around at the mess that surrounded me, "single and dirty, welcome to thirty," I thought.

I put my laptop and phone aside and lifted myself from the sofa. I made my way to the bathroom, and after taking care of my morning toilet needs (you honestly don't want me describing that in detail, there are other websites for that), I stood and looked at myself in my body length mirror.

"Shit," I thought. My striped fleece pajama pants and my blue t-shirt didn't do me a lot of favors. I pulled my t-shirt tight, I grimaced as my stomach seemed to be sticking out a little at the front, my boobs seemed to be sagging that little more. I turned around, my bum was definitely showing the effects of the beer and cake diet I had recently adopted. I turned to face the mirror and reached up to my face. I stretched the skin beneath my eyes, seeing how loose it had become.

I started to undress, turning away from the mirror. That particular humiliation was now over for the day. I moved into the shower, turning it on. The ice-cold water hitting me eliciting a loud screech.

"Mother fucker," I yelled, reaching to the temperature control, I turned it slightly and was then hit with a blast of molten magma.

After two minutes of impersonating a safecracker, I dragged myself miserable from the cubicle of torture. I brushed my teeth and then walked across my apartment, wrapped in a towel to my bedroom. I grabbed my hairdryer and hairbrush. Flicked the switch on the hairdryer; nothing.

"Damn it," I screamed out, throwing it on the bed. I then realized it was not turned on at the wall.

Once my hair was dry, I put on a white t-shirt and black leggings. I was not in the mood for too much effort to work today. It was a Friday I just wanted to get through.

******************

"Joanne, please come to my office when you can," the message said on my screen.

Elaine had been my manager now for three years. She was lovely, a little older than the women she managed, most of us around my age, she was in her late forties by the look of her. She was tall, great legs, a chest that was either worked on or a gift from the gods, and a face that made her age challenging to judge.

I walked in, "hi Elaine," I said, smiling.

"Hi Joanne," she said, looking up and smiling warmly, "take a seat."

I smiled and sat on the chair beside her desk. Her office was small, the desk pushed into the corner, which gave it a warmer feeling. You couldn't sit opposite her, and she didn't sit opposite you. It was in stark contrast to the executives we assisted, who liked their power plays, their big chairs, their perceived dominance.

"Happy Birthday," Elaine said, smiling.

"Thank you," I said, smiling back, "though I don't really do birthdays."

"Really," she said, crossing her legs looking at me, suddenly looking more like a high school counselor than a manager, "why is that?"

"Not a lot to celebrate, or a lot of people to celebrate with," I shrugged as I spoke.

"Well, perhaps the girls will take you out after work?"

"They have no idea it's my birthday, I never tell anyone."

"Well, I might tell them."

"I'd rather you didn't Elaine if that's ok," I said, firmly enough to get the message across.

"Well, I can't let you have your thirtieth birthday pass without at least one drink and a meal, I insist on taking you for dinner after work, I'll expense it," she said, winking amusingly.

I smiled, "ok," I said, "who could ever turn down a free meal?"

"One more thing, work-related," Elaine said.

"Oh?"

"You have a significant amount of annual leave owing to you, and as you know, company policy dictates that you must take at least one week in every six months. It would appear that you have not done that in... two years?"

"Well," I said softly, "haven't really had anything to do?"

"Well that may be," Elaine said, "but the policy is policy. So next week, I don't expect to see you at work."

"I have nothing to do, though?"

"I'm sure you will work something out, we can discuss it over dinner."

******************

Elaine met me outside the office, she looked elegant as always, tall, thin, like a middle-aged supermodel who had maintained her looks and could now get any man she wanted with the flick of her fingers. I walked up to her looking like I should be picking the fourteen kids up from school.

"Long day, Joanne?" Elaine asked, looking at me.

"Just Martin and his need for reports that don't exist," I said.

"Twenty-five years, and he still has no idea what it is he actually does," Elaine said, laughing.

I giggled, it was the same joke that all the personal assistants said about him, but I had never heard it from a senior manager.

"I've ordered a car," Elaine said, smiling at me, "it's on the company's dollar, so I'm a little beyond giving a shit."

I looked at her even more shocked, this was not the Elaine I knew as a model employee to be looked up to. I then saw a long black limousine coming towards us. It couldn't be, surely?

"This is us," Elaine said, waiting as the driver came round and opened the door, "in you pop."

I looked surprised but quickly got into the Limousine. Elaine followed me in, sitting beside me.

"I feel completely underdressed," I said, taking in my surrounds.

"You'll be fine, Joanne," Elaine said, "it's just a limousine, have you never been in one."

"No," I responded excitedly, slightly giddy, "my mode of transport is usually my dilapidated old mini or a train."

"Oh you have a mini," Elaine said enthusiastically, "I had one of those for many years, I used to love screaming around the countryside in it. So much fun."

I smiled, listening to her, feeling completely at ease. Maybe this Birthday would not be so bad after all.

******************

After an hour or so of weaving through Friday night London traffic, we pulled up outside a large apartment block, a restaurant beside the entrance.

"Have you eaten here before?" Elaine asked, looking at me.

"Is that Gallaghers," I said, wide-eyed. The much-heralded Michelin starred restaurant belonging to the famed chef Steve Gallagher.

"It is," Elaine said as she climbed out of the Limousine. I followed her at speed, excitement coursing through me.

We walked in, now I was feeling very self-conscious.

"I can't go in there dressed like this," I said, my voice with a little sadness in it.

Elaine looked me up and down, smiling. "I may have something you could wear in my apartment," Elaine said.

"Well, I doubt you have anything that would fit me," I said.

"Nonsense," she said, come.

I was about to walk back to the Limousine when Elaine called me back. "No dear, this way, I'm upstairs."

"You have an apartment here?" I asked, "are we paying you that much?"

She laughed and led me to the elevator. We remained silent as we stood in the elevator, following the English tradition of never talking in an enclosed space. I watched the floors fly by, thinking, "how far up is she?" I soon had my answer as we reached the top level.

We arrived at apartment 2314. She led me inside, the first thing that struck me was the large window that spread right across the entire lounge room, looking out over the city.

"Wow," I said, wide-eyed, in complete shock.

"Come this way, dear," Elaine said, "there will be something that fits you in my room. I'm sure."

I followed her, it looked like the apartment had at least three bedrooms. Everything was white, clean, the furniture neutral in tone. We walked into Elaine's bedroom, I assumed. The bed was king-sized, the furniture tasteful, elegant. Like a five star hotel.

I looked at the bed, a black cocktail dress was laid out on it, and on the floor in front of where the dress lay where some black heels.

"That may fit you," Elaine said, a sense of knowing in her voice.

I looked at her a little suspiciously.

"Ok," she said, laughing, "I called up after we arranged dinner."

"Oh, you shouldn't have done that," I said, surprised.

"Get it on and let's go have some fun."

She left, and I stood there, a little giddy. I was biting my lower lip as I undressed, staring at the dress, my heart filling with this weird sense of joy I had not felt in a long time.

I removed my t-shirt and leggings, and then caught my reflection in the mirrored door of Elaine's wardrobe. The voice in my head started to cast doubts; for a moment, I froze in place.

"How are you going in here," Elaine said as she walked through the door, stopping and turning away a little surprised, "oh I am sorry dear I thought you would be further along."

I looked at her, broken from my trance, and smiled warmly and reassuringly, "It's ok, just got a little lost for a moment."

"Sorry, Joanne," Elaine said, walking back out, "I'll knock next time."

As the door closed, I lifted up the dress. I put it on, it was my size, it showed my curves, but also the rolls that existed around my waist and hips. I reached around and started to close the zip, I got halfway and was struggling. I called for Elaine.

"Is everything ok in here?" she asked as she walked in.

"Zippers," I said, "my mortal enemy."

Elaine smiled and moved in behind me. There was a brief moment, she was looking at my back, fixated, but in an admiring way. She smiled and moved a little closer to me as she slowly slid the zip upwards. Close enough, I could feel her breath on my shoulder, my heart skipped a beat.

"Ok, there you go," she said, smiling at me via the mirror, "don't you just look stunning?"

I smiled back, self-conscious, but trying not to show it.

******************

Dinner was amazing. Six small dishes all so well executed. I had not eaten anything like it in my life. I looked across the table at Elaine and smiled.

"Thank you for an amazing night?" I said.

"You're most welcome," she said, "I won't repeat the two words as obviously they are not what you want to here."

A let out a little laugh, and lifted my wine glass, finishing what remained.

"Would you care for a nightcap?" Elain asked.

"What is a nightcap?" I asked, "I hear it mentioned in old movies and never hear it mentioned in real life?"

"Just a drink in my apartment, not sure it has any other meaning," Elaine said, shrugging and pulling a face.

"Well, that sounds like a great idea," I said, raising my empty glass.

Elaine paid the bill, and we made our way back to her apartment. I was grinning, enjoying a birthday for the first time in a long time. We entered Elaine's apartment.

"I do need to check out that view more," I said, walking to the window.

"You make yourself at home, Joanne," Elaine said from behind me, "is red wine, ok."

"That's fine," I shouted back, my eyes fixated on the sea of lights amidst the darkness that was spread out before me.

"It's quite the view, isn't dear?" Elaine said as she stood just behind me.

I nodded, her closeness making me feel that slight dizziness again. Something rising up inside me, something familiar and yet unexpected.

"I love standing here, admiring the beauty that is in front of me," she said, her breath now on my neck. I closed my eyes and let out a soft murmur.

"I often just find myself staring at it, feeling warmth in my soul, and getting completely lost in it all."

I felt the zip on my dress lowering, I stood there limp, not fighting it, letting it all swim over me. My breathing was slow, deliberate, I closed my eyes for a moment and let myself enjoy the sensations. The touch was divine, every movement timed perfectly. With my eyes closed, I could hear every tooth of the zip, ping free, I could smell her perfume encircling me, I could feel her mouth close to the skin on my back, her breathing.

I was panting as she lifted the straps of the dress from my shoulder, lowering the garment down my body. My chest heaving now as my breathing quickened, I felt the clasp on my bra release. Instinctively I reached up to support my breasts, but her fingertips guided my arms back down; they hung limp beside me.

Finally, my panties slid down my legs. My eyes had remained closed, letting my other senses take it all in. Every sensation had been fantastic, allowing myself to be undressed by this woman who had worked her way into my heart like magic.

I felt her arms wrap around me, her body pressed against my now naked back. I lifted my head a little and opened my eyes. As they adjusted back to the light, a reflection formed in the mirror. There I saw myself, naked, my stomach a little paunchy, my breasts still a little saggy... I broke from my reverie.

"I'm sorry," I said, "I don't know if I can do this."

"What's wrong?" Elaine said, warmth in her voice.

I started to shake a little, I felt the tears forming in my eyes.

Elaine took my hand and led me to a sofa, there we sat, I curled up, my head sinking into the ball.

"It's ok, Joanne," Elaine said, "you're safe, it's ok."

"I just feel so lost?" I said, "I'm 30, and I'm alone, I'm fat, I look terrible."

Elaine said nothing, she just stroked my leg. While I couldn't see her face, my head down, I could feel the warmth and tenderness she was giving me.

I slowly looked up over the top of my knees. She was looking right back at me, her green eyes like emeralds, her long straight black bangs hanging down over the side of her face, her lips the most stunning red, my heart started to skip.

"You're so beautiful, it must be so easy for you?"

Elaine laughed a little, her fingers came up to my face, brushing the hair from my eyes.

"I see stunning blue eyes in front of me," she said, "I see them each time you walk into the office, that big smile, that warmth that radiates from you. The heart of gold."

I smiled a little as I listened.

"When you let yourself see beauty, you see beauty, when you don't allow yourself to see the beauty in something, then you stop seeing it. You need to convince yourself, Joanne, I can't convince you."

I smiled at the words, relaxing a little, I snuggled up to my still fully clothed manager.

******************

I awoke the next day to the light coming through the large window of Elaine's spare room. I was naked under a white sheet. I looked down at my body lying on its side, the curves of my waist and hip catching my eye. I heard noise from the kitchen, wrapping myself in the sheet I walked out of the room and to the source of the sounds.

"Well, hello there," Elaine said, smiling, "how are you feeling?"

"A little embarrassed," I said, smiling back.

"You're fine," she said warmly, "we all have those moments."

I sat at the dining table, and Elaine brought me over some toast and jam. I smiled thanking her.

"No pets to rush home to, I hope?" Elaine said.

"No, just a small apartment the size of your lounge room."

Elaine smiled. "I'm not up to an awful lot today, I would appreciate the company."

I thought for a moment. I could go home, spend the day on my computer looking at the profiles of men who I had absolutely zero interest in, or spend the day exploring why I suddenly felt attached to a woman.

"That sounds great," I said.

"Brilliant," she responded, "let's have a girly day."

We sat and ate, chatting away. It was comfortable, a little different to the days I'd done the same with Ginny, there was something there, a spark of energy, something that had me continuously looking at her and feeling a sense of want.

The first day of my week off looked promising.