All Comments on 'Joe Jackson'

Stupid murder porn. This has no place on Literotica.

That was sooo fucked up on so many levels! I think this writer has maggots eating his brain ….slowly slowly!

Joe was richly deserving of being castrated! SSGT Chris did not deserve what the worker meted to him…Soldiers of ya ever find this writer on the street please kick his balls through his throat for me!!

This writer is a man who seems to hate soldiers and plays with the misery a seperate military family suffers! He glorifies a asshole soldier who has no qualms about bedding a military lonely wife and infact tries to portray this as a normal situation and I being a military person find this disgusting at so many levels! I challenge this POS TO MEET ME openly and I will castrate him and make him

Eat his gonads!!! What a bloody bastard!

Vague and patchy.

Joe would have never made it back to Afghanistan to get blown up. He would have been Article 134'ed.

What a scumbag and the two wives are little more than dick seeking missiles.

And the point is?

PERFECTLY executed. Rare to see a 4 chapter story written without a single word gaff.

I stayed with it to the end, but must say I failed to get either in love with or hating any of the revolving door of cheaters you created. I think you would be better off just following a single 3some. I'll look forward to the next one.

What an awful story. Joe deserved to be in the car with them. He's a piece of sh#t that did the dirty on a fellow soldier. And you let him ride off into the sunset with the wife and also get to bring up the other guys son! Wow, just a horrible story with horrible people.

Really? 1*

WTF was that? DId you FORGET what story you were writing? 1*

You really needed to research the Army more before publishing.

First, combat engineer and EOD are two wholly separate Army career fields. The selection process for EOD is very stringent. Many apply, few are accepted. Combat engineers do NOT engage in explosive disarming activities.

Next, the rank abbreviations are three letters, not four. Sergeant is SGT. Staff sergeant is SSG.

Third, no one and I mean no one goes from private to sergeant first class in 5 years. SFC takes about 10-15 years.

The technical stuff aside, you need to work on transitions between characters. The method you used was clunky and jarring. Moving from one POV to another should be smooth and seamless.

Am I missing something? Why would Joe be allowed a happy ending? It certainly wasn't deserved.

I mean he gets no repercussions for cheating with Angie. Then gets Angie, his daughter and CHRIS'S SON at the end? WTF?

And we should also have been shown the wives reactions to being divorced. There was no detail on that at all. It was like, they cheated, got divorced, end of story? Like what? Did they not care?

This could have been a decent story but why glorify a guy like Joe Jackson?

Garbage.

You hate marriage and you hate yourself. And you love the idea of cheating wives getting off scott free. Not a good combination.

Too much crammed into to small a space.

With the exception of the two wronged husbands, every character was an unmitigated piece of crap. That two of those POC’s ended up “winning” and living on the beach is just disgusting.

The way soldiers were portrayed and treated is insulting.

Too many plot holes, unanswered questions, and character perspectives.

This whole story was just one hot mess.

Kaeyo

As bad as adultery is, it is not a capital crime. Murder is also the cheapest ploy in LW stories by authors who have no imagination or skill to write a more realistic and less criminal BTB ending.

Too many other stupidities to make the second an interesting story. For example:

Bill Kelley was a “Harvard educated attorney” who had “thoughts of playing for the NFL”! That has happened, but really? The portrayal of the law firm and law practice is really juvenile.

Has puking become a new LW meme? Also, adultery is a crime under the UCMJ. In addition to divorce, why not ruin ol' Joe, while you're at it. The rest of the story is excellent, except WHO put out the hit? Susan's husband? Bill's wife? Los Colobianos? 5/5!!

After the 100th person got introduced into the story, halfway thru page 2, I realized that there was no way I was ever going to keep up and understand it. So I quit. Kind of like reading the phone directory.....

Excellent

Well-written but confusing as he'll. i don't understand why Jack Martin saw the explosion at the airport and &it 100 mph in his Muustang. And why waste time on Angela's neighbors Bob and Nancy Parish and their teenage son Rick? A red herring perhaps, but confusing to a reader trying to keep all the characters straight.

/

3 stars.

Joe is short for Jody. He doesn't deserve a happy ending. Why does Chris deserve to lose his son to this scumbag? not a good ending. Very elaborate build up but very abrupt finish. Had promise but disappointing in the end.

Too convoluted over all. The author wasted too much time and words to describe a simple load of bullshit. Not even worth one star in ratings.

0 star - any form of violence in this LW category always gets a big fat ZERO.

Especially, when it's directed at current, or former military personnel, no matter what the reason.

So Disjointed. for a story called Joe Jackson hes in like 2 paragraphs

I was confused by this story. It seemed to me that Chris and Joe Jackson were misplaced by each other in the story. Also how did Jack and Joe figure zogezher? Finally the ending felt incomplete. Really good theme and early development.

WTF??? Take your fucked up story and put it up your ass where shit belongs. Texas is ashamed of you!!!

So Joe is trying to receive karmic forgiveness for betraying a fellow soldier (and blowing up children) by killing his lovers cheating friend and her boss? I can't imagine that Joe or Jack will escape justice.

had a great concept - too many characters for a short story when you go from a name to MR or MRS . 3*

Too many characters. No idea who anyone was by the end, but more important, I just didn't care. No empathy, no connection.

Maybe you can add 15 to 20 more people for us to try and keep up with. WTF? I think it could have been a decent story but it was presented in a terrible way. Way, way too convoluted and confusing to say the least. There probably is a decent story in there somewhere but I be damned if I can find it.

I think the score tells you everything need to know about this pile of dung. Slimy predator and murderer along with the cheating whore live happily ever after on a beach in Belize. Hopefully a hurricane blows in and kills both of them.

Stopped reading when Joe became Jody. Filthy scumbag. I can expect that from civilians with no honor. To do that to a fellow soldier is beneath contempt.

Did we change the abbreviation for Staff Sergeant (SSG) to whatever in this story?

This story bounced around far too much. It was hard to keep up with and I gave up.

Good work, kept my interest, although was a bit confusing wiht all the names and detail re what they did for lunch, dinner etc.

I'm still scratching my head at the connections although I appreciate the style of presenting seemingly separate stories that merge at the end. I agree with one commenter, Joe's ass would have been burned by the military for adultery with another member's wife. Especially since the husband was deployed. Similarly, we never get a good explanation for Chris just walking away from his son. Overall 4*, but needs some polishing to be at 5 level.

Rubbish

An incredibly poorly written story that was impossible to follow. Wasted about 20 minutes of my life I will never get back.

Too disjointed, with the important bits only vaguely described or glossed over. The jumps in the storyline were hard to follow and it ruined the storyline completely.

Scores 3/5. Needs rewriting, and a lot of flesh on a boney tale.

just plain bad

How many characters can you have in a short story? It is confusing and totally unnecessary.

The drinks are on me

Joe Jackson doesn't get to be the hero and the trash Angie shouldn't be a heroine. Chas is no friend of the military man or woman. If you wanted to write about justice and what's right you should have written about SSGT Chris kicking in the balls of the panty stealing Jodi Joe Jackson! -- 1☆

Fucking blue falcon knocks up a deployed Soldiers wife causes a divorce and the helps another guy murder his slut wife….then the same buddy fucker gets a happily ever after with the original whore?

You're an idiot. Please stop.

Too much detail—way too much. So much the reader loses sight of the story,

Another excellent report!

Absolute stupidity.

There was nothing in this fucking mess that anyone would find worthwhile. I love you lazy assed writers who cant create anything realistic other than you thinking women think more with their cunt than men do their dicks.

They way too easily slipped into full on sluts and clearly you enjoy cheating twats. I've gotten more motion out of the online diagnostics app for my car. Yes, this was THAT bad.

Go away if you cant do any better than this shit.

Ok just to let you know combat engineer and EOD are two different MOS. Most of the time they hate each other and if you said that you where trained to be eod when deployed people might get a little upset. Engineers do know about explosives and you could have just stuck with that. Crabs over castles

Nonsensical

How did the cheated on husband get in contact with Jody?

Why would the Jody help a cuck?

Joe was just a scumbag.

There's a story in there somewhere - I could not find it.

I think the author can find it - rewrite required IMHO.

I am sorry. What was the connection between Joe and Jack? How did the hit get set up? Life can leave lots of dangling unfinished business, but helping your readers with cause and effect would be helpful… especially as there were no suspicious payments… etc etc etc

A proper end to one pair of vile human beings, not so proper for the other pair

Missing something… part of the story is missing. Tooo clinical. Decent attempt. Thank-you

It's funny how many people have no idea on what our military people go through. This story has just enough real-life truth added to story telling to make this an excellent story. A lot like a James Patterson novel.

Funny thing, as I was reading I began thinking about JIEDO and when it was first stood up when IED's were getting hot and heavy mid-2000's.

One other thing for readers to understand, is that there are many out there who have taken their military training to do good, while others are living at the government's expense on FT Leavenworth who have not followed the credo's of their services.

Anyone who knows about the mid 90's OKC bombings, know the training for both bombers was obtain through the military. So this story has some possibility's that can be seen in real-life. The epilog has a similar meeting to those which happened after that bombing.

All of these are things that make good writers intriguing.

Keep Writing

JH4Fun

Good story. I mostly liked it. Still, I was left wondering: what happened to Chris? There was plenty of detail about him, then nothing. Detail that his Army job was very much like Joe’s. Why put that much detail, then dump the character?

As for Joe… he had to know that the explosives could be traced back to him. Why not build his own IED? If not for the casing fragments, there was no connection to KC or Joe. For that matter, Susan was Chris’ sister. Joe first caused his divorce from Angie, then his sister’s murder. As an explosives expert, he’d want to know more about the explosives that killed his sister.

None of this made any sense. No one was related or had any connections. Do you just imagine the story is finished, or started.

Very disjointed and hard to follow. I’m not even sure who the father was at the end.

Just no. Look to article 134 of the UCMJ. Adultery is punishable and is prosecuted when this blatant. The interloper would be prosecuted fot acting against good order (he was a total Blue Falcon) and likely get a BCD. Buh-bye!

Chris is the loser here, and Joe ends up with his wife and son.😡 The story as a whole was hard to follow.