Johanna and Maxine Pt. 04

It wasn't as if she didn't have underwear that wasn't sexy but this was different. It was the first time she'd walked into a specialist lingerie shop to buy lingerie. She'd usually just bought from Myers or Kmart but this felt appropriate after last night. After she'd finished dressing she took a photo of the garments and sent it to Linda with the comment.

Maxine: Time to upgrade my lingerie drawer.

The reply came back as she paused by a wall in the marital aids section.

Linda: Outstanding selection!

She picked up an electric dildo, it was about eight inches long and constructed in segments to give it a knobbly look, a smile nudged her lips as she blushed.

"Nice, but I'd go for this," a woman spoke.

Her embarrassment became even more acute because the voice was familiar and she turned to find Robyn and Louise behind her. She looked past them as Robyn took a step forward and pulled down a different dildo from the rack.

"It's the rampant rabbit," she explained, "well... the Chinese version," she turned the pack around to read the label, "the little bits at the bottom do your clitoris."

"Trust me," Louise stepped forward, "it's earth shattering but this is what I'm buying," she took a shrink-wrapped packet down and Robyn's eyes lit up.

The sex toy was shaped like a tongue and had dozens of tiny knobs on it.

"Ooh, even better," Robyn chuckled, "here," she handed the vibrator to Maxine, "is it electric?"

"Of course it's electric, Melanie was raving about it the other day."

Robyn took one down and read the back of the packet while Maxine stood there with two vibrators in her hands and the garments she'd been trying on earlier. Knowing her luck someone from church would walk in about now and she looked past them.

"So, what do you reckon?" Robyn turned back to her, "you can always buy both of them, a girl can never have enough sex toys."

"Um, okay," she looked at them, "although this one is more expensive."

"Yeah but it rocks your clit, it's a small price to pay," she eyed the lingerie, "shopping for a special occasion? Or is this part of your regular shopping routine."

"Um, kind of, I mean I'm upgrading," she replied.

"Are you all right?" Louise looked at her.

"I'm fine, yeah, I'm okay," she put the first vibrator back and looked at the one with the clitoral stimulator, "I'll take this one."

"Good choice," Robyn replied, "what're you doing after this? Fancy a cuppa? My shout."

"Okay," she nodded, "sure."

***

Maxine dropped her purchases on the bed and sat down on it as she relived the coffee she'd had with Robyn and Louise. She'd outed herself over coffee, telling them about her date with a woman but she hadn't told them her name because it felt almost as if she was betraying her. They hadn't even batted an eyelid, even when she said that she still had a boyfriend.

"It's not such a big deal to be honest," Robyn commented, "it's more about self honesty."

"I've been lying to myself for years, I can't count the number of boyfriends I've had and I never wanted to go much further than a kiss at the door or a bit of a cuddle."

"I know how you feel," Robyn replied, "I chose guys I could control and felt I was saving myself for marriage but I was just putting off the inevitable. Eventually I met a woman who turned me on and then I met other women," she took a mouthful of coffee.

"I had a couple of false starts where I went part of the way and then pulled out but by the time I got together with Penny I knew I was ready for it. Don't try to micro manage sexual encounters, when it happens try to go with the flow and see where it ends up."

"I agree," Louise mused, "my story was a bit different because I'd been with guys in the past but with Sigrid I couldn't bring myself to step over the line. It was my sister in law Agnetha who had to push me over the line and tell me to just let it happen. I guess I was trying to imagine myself with her as well, it's never quite how you imagine."

It was all good advice. She learned about Louise's homophobic mother who'd died not long after her only surviving daughter came out.

"She never accepted that her daughter could be gay and yet my other sister, Kathy who died from cancer was as gay as they come but she had to hide it from mum. She had this idea that we'd just be younger versions of her," she smiled.

Maxine stared at herself in the mirror. Homophobic parents seemed so yesterday, Robyn's mother had been the same but she'd heard similar things from others over the years and there were people at her church who probably fitted that description even now.

She took out her phone and composed a text to Mark.

Maxine: Will you be at the coffee shop tonight? We need to talk about something.

Mark: Sure, I'll be there, what do you want to talk about?

Maxine: I'll see you tonight then, about 8:30?

Mark: Sure thing, I'll be there, should I be worried?

Maxine: No, I'll talk to you tonight, I need to lie down for awhile.

The rest of the day was fairly uneventful. She tried on her other underwear, tidied up her room and sat down to watch a movie but the weather was changing outside as another storm front moved in from the west. This had an impact on her plans and she resolved to get to the coffee shop earlier and have a bite to eat before speaking to Mark and so she got changed into something neutral. A pair of loose-fitting jeans, tee shirt, flannelette shirt, ugg boots, jacket and scarf.

At precisely seven o'clock she farewelled Rowena and Dave and headed out into the teeming rain to her car. A frown nudged her lips as she started the car. It occurred to her as she backed out that she could've done this over the phone instead and stayed dry and for a second or two she nearly did that but then she shifted into first gear and drove away.

***

Shona O'Connell was a twenty-three-year old woman with a healthy head of auburn hair and a wild sense of humour. It was what had attracted Johanna to her nearly two years ago when they met at the Dorset Gardens hotel. It wasn't her usual hangout but it wasn't Shona's either, she'd come here to meet a woman who had apparently bailed on her. The rest was history and after a steamy night in bed they decided to start seeing more of each other.

Shona had a strong sense of right and wrong, when she was sober but when she'd been drinking she could be mischievous and her morals would slip. At first it was funny but then it became dangerous when her kleptomania became apparent. Whenever they went into a service station or a store Shona had to slip something down her pants or into her jacket. Eventually Johanna paid for her things first and hurried out to her car. Shona would eventually waltz out with a smug smile and when she was in the car she'd take out packets of crisps, tampons, Cokes and even baby wipes one night although she'd thought the wipes were something else at the time.

It was a major factor in the breakdown of the relationship. She could turn a blind eye to a lot of things but the thought of her licence plate on CCTV was too much. She finally laid down the law and was instantly exposed to her darker side. When backed into a corner Shona always came out fighting, especially after a few drinks and Johanna ordered her out of the house. The breakup text came the next day and she'd breathed a sigh of relief.

The woman sitting in front of her looked completely different and it wasn't just the weight she'd lost since she quit drinking. Her hair had been styled recently, she'd had it cut shorter to just below her shoulderblades and was much thicker. Her eyes were clearer as well and she'd also returned the silk tie for the blouse Johanna was wearing at the moment.

"I didn't pinch it," she handed it over, "I didn't even know I had it until I moved the bed over to the other side of the room when I got sober."

"Oh," Johanna looked down at it, "I couldn't remember where I'd put it."

The most startling change however was not visible, it was audible. She talked about her reasons for drinking in the first place out of a need to escape a manipulative mother and her boyfriends. She'd known that Shona's mother liked throwing a leg over after a hard week at work but what she wasn't aware of was that some of these guys had made their own approaches. None succeeded but that was because she was out drinking with her friends.

"I used to wake up in the morning and swear I'd never do it again but by the time it got to knock off time at work I was thirsty again and so I'd set out to have a couple of drinks, again."

"And the shoplifting?"

"I was pissed at the time, I'd wake up with shit I knew I'd nicked and then go through turmoil in case I got a knock on the door or a visit at work from the cops and because I was in retail I knew a conviction for shoplifting meant the end of my career."

"I'm glad you quit drinking," Johanna smoothed out her jeans and I'm glad you stopped shoplifting, it was one of the reasons we broke up."

"I know, I felt guilty the next day, but I was controlled by a thing I had no control over."

"And you've been sober ever since."

"Six months and counting, I'm making amends."

"Good," she smiled, "in that case you're welcome to come back, as a friend."

"Of course," Shona returned the smile, "and thanks, um can I use your loo?"

"Sure you can," she inclined her head, "you know where it is. I'll be in the bedroom, you left your leather jacket behind, remember?"

"Ah, yeah, that one," she stepped towards the door.

Johanna stared after her as she left the room. The white blouse was tucked into a black skirt that matched the black tie and shoes. She rose and headed into her bedroom a few minutes later. The black suede jacket was still hanging in her wardrobe and she pulled it out and tossed it onto the bed and sat down on it and waited for her.

***

Maxine turned into the church carpark. There were a few cars in the front carpark and so she headed into the smaller side carpark. Because of the overhead lighting that had been installed a few months ago she killed the headlights as she drove into the carpark and looked down at her phone as she composed a text to Mark.

Maxine: I'm at the church now, see you inside.

There was no immediate reply but she heard a distant beep and at that moment a car parked beside her but its headlights were on and she saw a very familiar figure standing near the church with his back to them and her eyes narrowed. There was no mistaking the leather bomber jacket that Mark loved to wear. The woman in front of him was blinking against the headlights. She was snuggled up to Mark and they'd been kissing but now he was looking at his phone.

Mark turned around to face her but couldn't make out her car because the other car had its lights on and then the lights went off and he finally saw her car and said something to the woman but by then Maxine was moving forward, she stopped fifteen feet away.

She was tempted to get out of the car but instead turned her high beam on and they shielded their eyes against the glare. She spun the wheel and took off in a shower of gravel. She almost turned left towards the pool hall but then swung right and headed up Mount Dandenong Tourist road with no particular destination in mind and eventually found herself at Skyhigh restaurant.

The Skyhigh Restaurant has been a Melbourne fixture for years, not just for the restaurant but for the carpark, frequently used by sightseers for a good view of the city. Coin-operated telescopes have also been provided, but it's also used by couples who want some privacy. It has been said that many Melburnians were conceived in the carpark.

For Maxine it brought back memories from when she was seventeen. Visits to Skyhigh were usually spontaneous ones after youth group when two or three carloads of kids headed up the mountain. She'd kissed her first boy here, and had her first drink, a few mouthfuls of Southern Comfort but she had only been here once at night after she got her licence. By then she'd been at Tafe doing a social work course and youth group occupied less of her time.

Whenever she was up here she remembered her teenage years, a time of innocence, things were less complicated. The last few weeks had highlighted something she'd ignored, her natural affinity with women but last night had taught her something. With women she was unprepared an escalation but with guys she was always in a place where they could be easily disturbed. Last night she'd stepped out of her comfort zone and almost gone all the way.

Maxine stared out over the lights, recalling the similar view from Penny's verandah. She'd felt more comfortable at that women's meeting than in church. Was that a sign that she'd outgrown church? What about her faith? Did a God of love really consign gays to hell? Her church was known more for its social justice platform than traditional fire and brimstone sermons. The closest it'd come to that stereotype was during the recent plebiscite over gay marriage but even the secular community lampooned it because most Aussies considered it normal.

She eyed her phone and picked it up and found Johanna's number.

***

Johanna fingered the collar of her blouse, it had a cream background under grey and black streaks that looked as if someone had painted it with a brush. She'd bought it at an op shop a few years ago but since breaking up with Shona she hadn't worn it much because of the missing tie. She fastened the top two buttons and fashioned the tie into a pussybow knot and by the time she'd finished Shona was stepping into the bedroom.

"Looks good," she commented.

"It's felt weird wearing this because of the missing tie," she pulled a wry grin.

"My jacket," Shona picked it up, but the big question is, does it still fit me?"

"I imagine it'll fit even better now, you've lost weight."

"True," she started to put it on as Johanna fell back onto her elbows.

"So, are you seeing anybody?" Shona spoke a few moments later.

"Kind of," she frowned and then added, "not really but I don't know."

"Sounds complicated, straight, gay or undecided?"

"She's just come out and I get the feeling that she's attracted to me," she frowned.

"So what's stopping you?" Shona turned towards her.

"I don't know but I'm not willing to step over the line just yet, I'm cautious."

"It hasn't got anything to do with me, has it? I wasn't exactly sane," she sat down again.

"Not really," she stared at herself in the mirror, "but ours was just one in a long line of tempestuous relationships, I'm addicted to wild women in the same way as you were addicted to booze and drugs and shoplifting," she grinned.

"Sorry, I didn't mean it to come out like that."

"But it's true," she too fell back onto the bed and stared at the ceiling, "I was addicted to all of those things but some women have other addictions, stormy relationships, control freaks, submissives and everything in between. My sponsor was addicted to credit cards, she had six of the fuckers, all were maxed out and she had to apply for bankruptcy."

"I might have handled her case if she came through the Cab."

"I doubt it, she's been sober for fifteen years," she rolled over onto her side and propped her head on her hand, "but what is she like? Is she flighty, manic, stable or all of the above?"

"Stable," she selected the word, "I mean she's a Christian but she's been questioning her faith and she came out at this women's meeting we were at recently."

"So, what's she like?"

For the second time in the last twenty four hours Johanna found herself talking about Maxine but she didn't feel comfortable giving her name just yet.

"Seems to me like she's on the edge but she needs something else. What's her name?"

"Ah, perhaps not," she grinned, "sorry, rules of competition and all that."

"But of course," Shona returned the smile, "but even if I did know her name there' s no chance I'd be moving in on her, I tried that trick when I first got sober and nearly picked up a drink."

"That doesn't sound too good," Johanna replied, "so, how long before you can date?"

"My sponsor told me to give it a year or so, maybe longer in my case. I have to focus on doing the steps and getting my life in order," she fiddled with the pussybow knot.

"Plenty of other things take precedence," she shifted position and loosened the knot.

"What are you doing?" Johanna asked her.

"Adjustments, you got it all twisted," she kept fiddling.

"So what are your priorities?"

"Getting out of debt, making amends to mum, and dad although that's a long way down the track, he moved to Singapore to work in banking and it's not like I ever knew him," she finished with the knot and tightened it.

"There, all done," she lowered herself, "it looks good, very elegant."

"I've ordered another one in a similar colour," and in answer to Shona's quizzical look continued, "I ordered a few blouses from a dressmaker up the top of Mount Dandy."

"Cool, what brought all this on?"

"My friend, the one I told you about, she put me onto her. She's got these pricing plans if you pay a certain amount each quarter you can order so many items, I'm on the lowest plan but it's a hell of a lot better than buying from the big stores. She's got heaps of patterns going right back to the forties and thirties, so I can choose my own look and have more choices."

"Sounds like a plan," Shona rolled onto her back, "I'll grab her number before I leave."

"Sure, no worries. You should see her place, well it belongs to her partner, Penny but it's on the top of the mountain and has these amazing views of Melbourne."

Shona didn't reply as she stared at the ceiling.

"Some things never change."

"Huh?" Johanna's eyes shifted.

"You still haven't changed that fucking light shade."

"What's wrong with my light shade?" Johanna craned her head to look at the Japanese style shade over her light.

"It's got missing bits," she grinned, "I was always going to buy you a new one but I just never had enough money because there was always another drink and so I nicked one."

"You didn't?" Johanna looked at her.

"Yeah I did, about a day or two after our last big fight. I was going to use it to bribe you into taking me back but then I thought fuck it and gave it to Shannon instead."

"I'm kinda glad you did give it to her, I'd be afraid a Swat team would kick the doors down."

Shona burst out laughing and rolled onto her side.

"I've so missed your dark sense of humour," she propped her head on her palm, "you just come out and say the shit I've been thinking."

"Was that part of the attraction?" Johanna looked up at her.

"Hmm, maybe, along with your dress sense," she tugged at one of the ties.

Johanna stared at the ceiling. Shona touched her collar and she instinctively grabbed her hand. For a moment neither woman moved and then Shona kissed her forehead. Johanna tightened her grip and Shona smiled crookedly and then leaned down again and pressed her lips against Johanna's and left them there for a second. Johanna opened her mouth and Shona pressed harder, forcing her lips apart for a teasing kiss. Johanna turned her head and Shona bit her lip.

"Why did you kiss me?" Johanna broke the silence a few seconds later.

"Fucked if I know, old habits I guess."

"Is this a habit that should be broken?"

"You tell me," Shona replied, "was that a bad thing?"

"I am gay and we were in a relationship so it wasn't a bad thing but under the circumstances?"

"You're right," she sighed, "sorry, my bad."

In response, Johanna let go of her hand and tapped her cheek gently.

"Stop it. I'm proud of what you've achieved so far."

Shona stared at her and Johanna swallowed as she allowed the memories to resurface. If it was one thing Shona was good at it was playing the seduction game, she'd apparently been quite the lush before they got together and it'd been confirmed by some of Shona's friends. Shona could seduce a frigid nun but Johanna could testify to the fact that even if she wasn't in the mood, Shona could get her aroused without breaking a sweat. Johanna slipped her hand around to the back of her neck and pulled her down slowly. Their lips met and she parted her mouth and kissed her. For a split second there was resistance before Shona responded, pushing against her.