All Comments on 'John: How to Save a Life'

Outstanding. A very lovely story about taking control and moving forward. Love your work. Keep them coming!

Sucked the big one. This was three times longer than it needed to be, the editing and formatting were a mess, you repeated yourself endlessly by having all the head-hopping from character to character. There might have been a story in there, but the writing was awful. You need a big mean editor to clean up your mess. I wanted to give two stars, but you get a generous 3.

Familiar storyline but a satisfying ending nonetheless. No matter how she might have tried to rationalize it, the fact that she carried on an affair for 2 years and stated that she had no intention of stopping was a huge statement of how she viewed him and their marriage so the ending was inevitable. It does seem a little odd how a woman so "family first" slipped into being a career and sex focused. In the beginning of this story Andrea is described as one who usually is there for every family occasion and puts great thought into their meals/activities, she was even described as knowing John even better after he started changing. Then she just checks out totally from her family?

If this change was gonna come anyway, even an unobservant person like John was woulda figured something was up and they'd be right where that ended up although maybe not with him getting a bigger family. I'd say this was a 4/5, it might've been even better if John ratted out Rob and Tom. Rob could face the unfair rapings of divorce John had feared in the beginning of this story(only that he'd totally deserve it) and Tom would like get in trouble with the office. As it stands there's one cheater in this tale who gets off completely scott free.

Put up with the situation, um - no.

Hello good story. Needed more

For once can someone write a real story of how a real man thinks and acts.. instead of this bs love bullshit.. fuck staying face with her family burn the bitch tell them what a terrible person they brought to this earth show them how she doesnt care about her family at all.. fuck getting married

Oh man

Quite well written, the plot will be torn apart as usual (LW and all).

In most cases I hate the cheating parties with fervour, but Andrea hit me like a victim too.

From the first page I felt she had deep-rooted issues, which is no excuse, but also makes her damaged goods in desperate need of help - in short, she needs psychological help, pronto.

IMO there are no real winners here, even if the MC ended up in a good position in life.

hmmm, would a PT 2 or something else where she changes her life be worth it?

The Author definitely managed to evoke reactions from me so all done right from a creative point of view ^^

Nice. Thanks! 5*

That was one pathetic pissu ful story… on top of making the MC a full fledged wimp.. the writer also made him look like a cartoon character in the first two pages itself.. fainting at each sign of trouble! I almost laughed imagining the scene!’… a really insipid story!!!

It was a good story, but Andrea's behaviour was bizarre to say the least.

By buying her condo and building up a secret account, she was acting like she was trying to escape from the marriage. She'd already basically abandoned her husband and three daughters... but somehow seemed to think that everything was still fine. Why even try to fight to stay married when it was quite clear to everyone that she didn't give a shit about her family any more?

It would've been interesting to find out what happened to Andrea post-marriage. Was she permanently estranged from her kids? They all seemed happy to have Jane as a replacement, so I can't see them making much effort to stay in contact with an absentee mother.

Oh and John should've informed Rob's wife about the ongoing affair.

Trudged thru first two pages , but my life called and said there was grass to watch grow and paint to watch dry for some entertainment , because it surely wasn't to be found watching this Milquetoast of a man get shit on and apparently liking it !

⭐ for wasting 10 minutes of my life !

Well this was a five star story.

I think most would see the wife as evil and vile. She's just absolutely stupid.

To give up the love of your children for a few hours of cock per week is absolutely stupid.

I don't read stories rated below a 4, that eliminated nearly all of your stories and indicated this would be nothing but more of the same. Even skim reading I proved myself right. 1*

Well written story but it would have been better if John and Roy had included all of Andrea’s hidden assets in the divorce papers and filed with courts and had her served at the condo. John delivering preliminary divorce papers to the condo just didn’t feel like he was serious about getting the divorce done.

wow. Superb story. 5⭐

Congratulation. You blew me away.

A marriage that is gradually drifting away.

a selfish bride who lets her individual needs rule over her marriage and children.

A husband who in this relational and emotional storm, floats and finds himself.

He continue to care for and protect his daughters while discovering a new love.

Marvellous.

Thank you very much for sharing your talent.

Far too long, should have been no more than 5 pages, 6 at the very most, longwinded and repetitive.

Lost interest halfway through the first page. You may want to add a pre-story warning to your readers not to read while operating appliances, so as not to cause injuries from falling asleep.

Better yet, let them know that reading this snoozefest is a great cure for insomnia.

Meh. The dialog between the husband and wife pretty much makes or breaks a story of this type, and I found it to be very unsatisfactory in most instances. The husband never could seem to get his points across, or get the wife to see the cheating from his side. For example, in an early conversation after finding out she was cheating, why didn't he say something like: "So you have no problem if I start screwing a secretary at work, as long as it's only once a week and I claim it doesn't mean anything, right?".

The husband seemed very weak. His initial reaction was to throw up, and not be able to communicate? Seriously? With his work background I would think he would be more in control of himself than that. And shortly after finding out about her lover he allows his wife to drag him into bed and has sex with her, thereby condoning her actions? Not what I would done, in a similar situation. Why didn't he move out of the bedroom? Sometime later the wife announces that she wants to have another baby and the husband has sex with her again. That was just stupid. I would have thought that he would be counting the days until the presently youngest child reached 18 and he would be free to divorce under more favorable circumstances. Then the wife's entire personality changes and suddenly she has a secret condo and second boyfriend. Lol. 3 stars; you clearly put some effort into this, but it really wasn't worth reading through 8 pages.

Fairly well written story but I don't like the format. And letting her get away with it for a year was bullshit. She would have gotten the divorce papers as soon as possible after finding the condoms.

Not bad. Not great. Andrea was too much of a stupid slut. John was too wimpy for too long. Only thing that saved the tale was John finding his balls and dumping tne bitch after busting her.

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Would have been more satisfying to have a scene where her children dumped her very vocally.

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3 ***

Thanks for the story, I mostly enjoyed it. With that said, it was too long. It took the husband way too long to recognize that his wife was not going to change. It is somewhat his fault though, as he did not change the homelife significantly. That should have happened immediately. Also, it took 8 pages for the wife to have her epiphany and then the story stopped abruptly. It would have been nice to be inside her mind more in the last stages of her marriage and realization of what she did.

Loved it, very well done, I hate typical cuck stories,but I got past that part here and you rewarded me with a awesome ending. A true Burn the Bitch ending without any dad blood.....

8 pages and all we get about Andrea is she thinks she was stupid. What happened to her? Did she see her kids? What kind of mother was she really? Did she fall into a depression or did she just continue with her lovers? She said she loved him but did little to try to keep him. Just a disappointing ending to a long -well written- story.

Great result for John. Loved this story and delighted it worked out so spectacularly for him.

A wonderful complete story, and with no lady dogs kicked or scorched.

If only real life could be like that..

I thought that Andrea's self dialog would be a little more realistic, less delusional. It's one thing to give voice to her excuses, another thing to have her think in the same way. Unless you were trying to portray her as mentally ill. And then wouldn't " in sickness and in health" kick in?

How many times do LW writers need to tell this same damn plot? Delusional/sociopathic wife calmly announces that from now on husband will have to share her with a lover, assures husband she still loves him, it's just sex, blah blah blah.

The husband in this story is a complete milksop, a cowardly wimp born to be cuckolded. Not once did he tell his "wife" that, "NO, you can't have a boyfriend." Never even told her he had a problem with it. What a pansy. I couldn't feel for him, didn't care what happened to him.

Lots of mistakes in this cuckold story too. To mention just a couple: on page 4, he states he "took her in her ass", but on the very next page, "John bought some KY lube and told me that he wanted to try anal sex. We haven't done that before..." On page 1, you apparently missed an editing note for an unneeded paragraph, "Move this paragraph...."

All in all, very unemotional and cold. The "relationship" agreement was written in modern-corporate-politically-correctness-speak, using all the buzzwords, sufficiently ambiguous so as nothing could ever be defined in court. The wimpy husband, doing whatever the cheating wife wanted, never once telling her NO. He's throwing up, fainting, whining, wringing his hands: I cannot empathize with this pussy at all. His wife's a slut and all he could do was feel bad and go along with it.

At best, this story is a 2.

Great story.

Andrea is stupid clueless cunt. She got off easy. Oh well I guess the local animal shelter will have a lot of cats adopted in the future.

There is only one real reason this story took so long to get to the expected conclusion. IT WAS IN NEW YORK! Just like most liberal states. The laws are so unfair and unbalanced that without having the whore in jail or convicted of some heinous act. The father never has a chance. Some one needs to take these liberal politicians that pass these biased laws out fishing and use them for bait. At least then they will be providing a needed service to something.

The worse thing to do for an 'itch' is scratch it, the itch just gets worse. Andrea must not have listened to her parents, to stop scratching your only going to dig a hole in your self.

Andrea proves that it is easy to lie to yourself and believe it. It is so prevalent in real life. Men who think they're studs but are really foolish boys in an adults body. Girls who think 40 tattoos and fake tits are desirable to men. People who blame luck on their circumstances. In the end, Andrea never should have gotten married and also should have realized that she was penalizing herself trying to remain married. John certainly wasn't very aware either. In the end both are in a better spot than they were. The only winner was Jane.

Read first and last page. Think that covered the story. Should I read the rest of it?

Rob has a wife and kids. His wife deserved to know what he was up to. I was appalled when John had sex with Andrea after finding out about Rob. He should have been grossed out. Sure she had some condoms, didn't mean they always used them. Unless she insisted on a condom when giving Rob a blowjob, he should never have kissed her ever again. She wasn't worth the trouble and effort John gave to try and save the marriage.

This story is more realistic than some people would like to admit. Because reality is scary.

We have the wife, an A type personality....she isn't mentally ill. She's just self centered. When she was afraid of her husband, she was barely able to keep her two lives juggled decently. When her husband feared a bad outcome in divorce, he resolved to give her ONE boy toy. That made her spiral into full blow 'affair fog'. Some people call it the 'martian slut ray'. But it's just hormones. Hormones make us stupid. Andrea got a lot of adrenaline and serotonin from her high profile business deals AND her two sex toys. They weren't even people to her. Just human dildos. But she neglected her family more and more. Soon she became redundant. Easily replaced. She felt above the law. Above morality. But she is just one flawed human being. Faced with an iron clad divorce petition that could bury her if she didn't agree....she agreed. Because she's actually a coward. Some A type personas aren't warriors, just aggressive leaders. That's all she is. She's not a fighter. Just an arrogant person that cake walked herself outta a family.

I bet her affair fog is over now that she's been demoted to human. Doesn't matter, she's not a fighter. She'll just give in. Her work will likely suffer a little, but not enough to be let go. She'll still have sex, but it will be subdued. She viewed her family as a trophy she can come back and admire whenever she felt like it. Now that she can't, she'll start displaying regret. Her trophies gone, and she let them go. Her insecurity/ego will make it very hard for her to beg and grovel for a second chance to be a mom again.

She will most likely never do the work with a therapist required to change her ways for the better. She'll just become a more muted version of her current self.

Why, after a year, is he telling us what he already told us?

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Realtors have pretty odd hours, if she can carve out time for Rob, why can't she do that for John?

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If they DO get divorced, it seems like it's going to be hard for her to have custody.

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"Why can't John just accept that I need more than him. I plan to continue to be a good wife to him and mother to our children" - She's saying that to herself when she knows she's hiding money, has MORE than one lover, and appears to have an escape plan.

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"Andrea was looking at me as if she was the cat that ate the canary." - No, THAT'S actually a satisfied look, she looked like the cat that got caught eating the canary!

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"I added most of my commissions and bonuses to the account" - Commissions AND bonuses? Commissions are the bulk of an agent's income. And why start it so soon?

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If she hasn't been declaring all of hr income she's in BIG trouble.

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I also didn't care for the format. Use 3rd person instead.

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Maybe better than a 4, but couldn't see giving this a five, so four it is.

Sorry, gave up after 3 pages. Repetitive and monotonous. Interesting story line, but probably could have been handled with half the words.

You used the phrase cat that ate the canary incorrectly. It is not a metaphor for guilt, but for pride.

This would have cut the story much shorter, but I think early on he should have taken a Scarlet Letter, or public shame, approach. Tell all their relatives what she was doing. Say he would like to divorce, but the system would make him give up too much. So, they were staying together, but every one of them needed to be aware of the circumstances. He could have also hired someone to picket the location of their trists with a sign something to the effect that Andrea and Jim were fornicating inside.

Andrea was completely unconvincing

8 pages of a woman written in the full on LW template....just plain stupid in the end. Yes it works well on those who will say "This story proves how women just think with their pussies and always want to cheat, and they cheat more than men do, but they've been hiding that for decades from us".

So in other words this plays well to the simple minded misogynists amongst the reading peasants, and though you do write decently enough you are too long winded.

Id like a follow up as to what happened to the ex wife

Well done

Another re-writing of "Jordan - His Story" and "Dan: His Story" and like the other two, another stone 5. Really, you can't tell this story too many times. Always pleasant, always satisfying to see the good guy and the good gal come up roses.

Despite some really bad editing errors, I thought this was your best story. 5 stars.

Hooked

I want to give you 5* for a great effort, but the Andrea character never made sense to me, to point of distraction. There was too big of a gap between her actions and the thoughts you were revealing to us. 4*

Sorry, this was dragging its course. 2*

Good story. I noticed a pattern of husband trapped by divorce law and wanting to be full time father in these stories which is all well and good but it feels unrealistic. There are good sacrificing men out there but it feels over done

I gave you 5 stars for a well written story. The story had some major holes though. What makes me wonder the most was why John never let Rob's wife know what was going on. He just accepted his wife screwing around. Granted, he wanted his daughters more than he wanted his wife but still I could not have held back from at least a little revenge.

I particular he let Andrea keep all her crap except the 100k. Why not ask for half? If nothing else for his daughters. Plus with all the money she was making she would have had to pay him alimony until he got married. That would have been the perfect leverage point. He was a dumb ass.

Andrea was a lowlife, manipulative, conniving, unloving round heeled slut.

No one reading this story would believe her husbands stance in the relationship.

That being said, the story, although overbearingly long, was well told and had a reasonable ending.

In short, the slut got hers. She got what she deserved, she did indeed lose everything, when she lost her daughters she did lose everything

It was too long in the telling and often painful to read, but l enjoyed it despite its faults.

Scores 5/5

One thing the guy could have done was to tell Rob's wife that he was fucking around. That might have put an end to Thursdays (or not). As it is, Rob got off Scott free. And, condoms or not, if a wife does this, the husband has to withdraw from sex. Let her get it somewhere else (him too). But don't give it to her. She can't have her cake.....D

1. Editing notes were left in the story, and there were some continuity issues in the setup as a result of not going back.

2. John goes to see a marriage counselor, gets advice about the post-nuptial agreement, but doesn’t insist that Andrea go to counseling with him? This was the biggest plot hole in the story.

3. Second biggest plot hole was Andrea’s change in attitude without explanation. She went from being attentive to John’s needs to try to keep him happy in the marriage so she could have her cake and eat it too, and then she suddenly forgets to have sex with John for 8 months, we find out she’s been illegally hoarding money, she’s bought a love nest, and she added another lover to the stable. Her change didn’t follow the arc set previously, and there wasn’t a clear explanation for the deviation. It really just set up John’s opportunity to blackmail Andrea for custody of the children.

I liked the story overall, but there was a pretty big truck driving through those holes.

Wow so Andrea got a reversal of roles, where she moved out and rarely sees her children and pays child support albeit in the form of an educational fund; and now her kids now calls another woman Mom.

Good Read. 5*

Easy peasy... Game Set Match!

Great story and writing.

x

One of the more interesting stories I have read in quite a while. I can think of a few somewhat similar stories where the husband puts up with the wife's cheating while they grow apart and eventually divorce, but this was at least as well done as any of the others, probably better in fact. Nice.

I gave it the lowest rating I could due to the mind numbing detailed thinking and rethinking on the thoughts and actions of the characters. All that weakened the plot, simply by have to wade through it all. The whole situation as too unlikely to garner any sympathy for either of the principle characters.

Hmmm..... A man will do anything to stay with his children and protect them. I have seen some put up with shit that would have driven me crazy. John came out way ahead in this story. Still with his three daughters, a younger, loyal wife, and two new sons.

RSKY

Some editing mistakes, and several repetitive / redundant passages I'd have edited out. Biggest problem is that Andrea is unresolved: was she planning to bolt, or wasn't she? She's doing everything consistent with leaving, but she keeps on saying she wants to keep her family. That's a pretty big load of self-deception.

First of all, it was a well-planned, pretty well-written story. The plot and action were crisp. It rambled in places, and some sentences were heavy with unnecessary verbiage. You need a savage editor, because being wordy and long-winded tends to wear our a reader. I skimmed much of the lawyer visit scene. The self-talk grew tiresome, but that's easily overlooked and fixed on a re-write should you ever consider it.

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That whole scene with the lawyer suffered from too much repetition and way too much narration between the reader and MC. Yes, we get it that John was taken aback, and we get it that John is getting screwed. Move on with the story, stop the circumlocutionary patter.

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The notion that there are people in a committed relationship who can have set with others and not feel anything except the physical act itself is believable, with caveats, of course. First, those people have narcissistic and/or sociopathic tendencies. Or, they are just simply having an emotional/sexual fling and lying about it. Your portrayal of Andrea is indicative of the former in the beginning, but as the story closed, I think she was just a selfish and entitled fool. That she finally realized her errors and took responsibility precluded excessive personality disorders.

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Also, it strikes me as amazing that John didn't contact Rob's wife. Wow! What a concept in the face of an intransient wife, especially when she pushed back on the agreement! I'll say that 99% of men would've at least used that as leverage for the agreement. Also a man desperate to stop this insanity would not hide from it but barring relief from the courts, also consider bringing in parents/in-laws or their families for a confrontation with Andrea. Of course, that changes your story, and we wouldn't have read this excellent offering in its present form.

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Easily 5/5!!! Bonus poin++++s for BTBAAC and Anon hating it!

There is only enough story there for four or five tops

I apologize for some of my obvious editing errors. I’m working on a revision and will post it in the next week or so. My schedule is such that I rushed this story at the end. I started it some time ago but that is no excuse. Thanks for the feedback.

Tip for self-editing I got from a blue-haired HS English teacher 40+ years ago: proofread by reading "it" out loud. Takes a little longer, but you will catch errors you would otherwise miss. Makes you slow down and read what's there rather than what you think/"remember" you typed. Also helps catch the good old wrong word spelled correctly that spellcheck will slide right past, and awkward phrasing that will just sound "wrong" to your ears.

This has the bones to be a very good story, though I agree with others that it could use some paring and that Andrea sometimes seems to have a personality disorder and other times seems just delusional.

☆☆☆☆

Well done! Full marks.

An enjoyable story that could have been improved by enlisting a good, brutal editor. Meandering, repetitive verbiage, unnecessary recounting of situations and way too much invested in the lawyer conversation and unspoken thought processes could all be edited down.

That said, it was an enjoyable read.

First, I would like to say that I think those people who insult you because they don't like your story are simply revealing how pathetic they really are. That having been said, I really disliked your story for several reasons. You have set up one of the most daunting scenarios that husbands of Loving Wives have to face, that of a husband who is knowingly cuckolded and emasculated by his wife and who can't divorce her because he will lose his children, his house, half of his savings, medical care for her and the kids, etc. In effect, he gets destroyed while she (the cheating bitch) thrives.

Having set up this scenario, the challenge for the writer is to find a way out for the husband that preserves his manhood and dignity. I had hopes that you would at least try to do so even if you weren't completely successful. You let me and countless other LW readers down by not only letting him limp along for years as a defeated cuck, but much worse having a postnup that gave her legal permission to do everything she wanted to do. Even worse, if at all possible, the postnup forces him to reward her slutting around by prescribing a "date night " weekly and requiring him to fuck her weekly. Having him find his own girlfriend months later merely sidesteps the main issue and throws your readers a bone.

Now you may have liked this story and found it to be satisfying but I felt very let down. It is analogous to an Agatha Christy novel about a murder in a locked room, but one in which Agatha can never figure out who did it and the murderer goes free. (and Agatha gets laughed out of town!)

Given all this, I was only able to give it one star, and I regret spending the time I did reading it. Respectfully yours, Robby_D

How to write ANY story! Do not forget what, as author, you told (or did NOT tell) We-The-Readers a few paragraphs before. To this point, Lover1953, and this story of your’s, you did not tell WTR JackShit about Hubby’s three lovely daughters. And Sweetie did NOT disclose Rob’s name, nor anything about him except, by implication, his gender and age!

Just started this story and I am at the latter fatal-flaw re: your wordsmanship! You have already lost two stars (or asterisks.) I will continue reading this for the same reason I kept reading ‘Moby Dick.’ Namely, the opening salvo is DY_NO_MITE!

Dearly hope the quality of the theme continues to compensate for the lack of focus

of the author!

Nice story. Don't feel bad that many readers didn't like the way the characters behaved. They're your characters.

The writing could have been tighter. The story didn't have to be this long.

Rob, Roy, Ron, then Tom. I was expecting a Rod and a Rog and maybe a Rock! Maybe a Mordecai or Zackery for a little novelty?

Kinda surprised a guy that vomited when first coldly informed of his cuckhood was able to ‘perform’ within a few days when Sweetie was obviously trying to disorient him.

More than ‘kinda’ surprised that Hubby did not pass on his knowledge of Rob’s itch-scratching to Rob’s Sweetie!

Oh, yeah … Sweetie has assets of a half-megabuck liquid account AND a nearly clear condo worth at least half of that! An educational fund of 100 kilobucks for Sweetie’s three kids is 3x too small.

It was insipid and repetitive. This should have been thinned a ton. Your plot and character development does not support 30k words. Presenting the same information from different perspectives only serves to lengthen the story. It adds nothing to development. If a new perspective is necessary then new information must be delivered to advance the plot or provide context into character behavior. You need editorial help. -starsong77

Nice happy ending, buuut…. Shez a realtor not an illegal drug sales rep, her employer declares commissions and bonuses, what company wants to give u 400k tax free, that hurts them and the irs penalties are brutal

The Kray referencing sort of got tossed to the side after a bit…

The LW cliches just keep coming. We almost never have a normal reaction to the adulterous wife. Instead, the cuck faints, gets drunk, vomits, and/or cries. No second rate adultery LW story is ever complete without the inane phrase "Don't do anything stupid." Then, there is always the need for the not-very-intelligent divorce lawyer who tells the husband that there's nothing he can do that won't cause him to be poor and lose his children, even though there are courses of action that give the husband considerable leverage over the slut. "Roy" only does what is appropriate the second time around.

The idea that the children will always be devastated by a divorce is ridiculous. What is more likely harmful is for the husband to become an accessory after the fact to the wife's adultery. The children will find out, and the example set by the father is toxic rather than noble. A divorce doesn't mean that the girls would be taken to the Colosseum and fed to the lions. Moreover, based on the story facts, even if the slut gets primary custody her job and lovers would mean that she would need the husband to provide more child care than standard visitation. Using the children as a reason for the husband to be a spineless cuck is both bogus (at least when the father and mother are high earners) and stale.

Why is there no mention of child support? No court would approve an agreement that fails to provide for child support. Unfortunately, in LW Author Land, the slut never has to pay.

The "Agreement" is laughably poorly drafted, and it undermines the husband's position, as well as does the relationship with "Jane". Is the character a smart engineer or a fucking moron? The character development of the husband is wildly inconsistent.

There is more, but this one is very overscored, undoubtedly because the author takes an unconvincing narrative and forces it into a procrustean bed to write a"happy ending" for the husband.

This was good. but rather formulaic, and it lacked any real emotional punch to the story - largely because the wife was totally a "black box" of a personality all the way through. A few "Gee, I don't know what's going on with me" lines is no substitute for actual emotional context. Without that context, there is no emotional drama, and without that, this is just a narrative, a travelogue, if you will.

The "black box" would have been better in the story on his side, because "engineer" yeah, - we'd all kinda "get that", but having the wife be the "emotionless" one...just doesn't fly well with me.

Plus - you mentioned the grandparents, and in the 2 years that the family fell apart in, THEY would surely picked up on things being amiss...and started asking questions of their daughter...and there would have been a legitimate entree into whatever was going in in her head. Too bad you never went there. It would have been a better story for it.

4* from me.

What the hell is it with men vomiting when they find out their wife is fucking somebody else?

Started strong, then weakened when Andrea's thoughts stopped being posted and we find out she has been hiding money and bought a condo, taken on a new lover. She is just another selfish cunt, driven by her material and physical desires.

The happy ending saved this story. There is nothing to criticize about your writing skills. In terms of content, however, I do not agree. Which real man allows his wife to have a relationship with another man for more than two years and wants to continue this without not acting ultimate immediately. Either stop or divorce. 75% are likely to file for divorce immediately.

There was so much repeated narrative that reading the story became tedious and that is too bad because the story plot was interesting

The best story in the LW category. Well written, even with your editing mistake. Don’t listen to the Anon’s that have never written shit by themselves. Most of them can’t read, let alone write. This was about human emotions and the flaws of real people. Keep up the good work. 5 Stars.

Well written story but how stupid was the wife? At least the story hsd a happy ending for the husband.

Bit of a tossed really hyperventilating vomiting , can’t breath has to lay down , lol no wonder she’s getting strange

After 'move this paragraph' appeared and the next paragraph was obviously out of order I realized it had not been edited. I went ahead and read it anyway. Does that count? A really good editor might make this a decent story.

Real snooze fest. All hubby had to do is drop a dime to good ole Robs wife that He's fucking another woman in her Home. That would have got Rob Out of the picture. What smart women would ever sign a Postnup.

"We have three beautiful daughters; I told you about them earlier ..." No you didn't.

There were many repetitive statements. Your final proofread should catch this.

Also, during your final proofread, ask yourself if each sentence and paragraph add to the story. If not, delete it.

Interesting story - underneath the wholesale traffic accidents that is the "editing".

Please; you tell good stories. Get an editor!

Did Jane give up work,I?.It is not mentioned in this over long story,which could have been told in far fewer words.

It was really tiring getting through the unnecessary verbiage! Especially with the lawyer Roy and his ponderous statements. It seems by chance that it all sorted itself out in the end. The Andrea at the start changed to someone unrecognizable at he end. Why was the MC so indecisive, stunned and speechless so often? He found out what his wife was doing, right from the beginning, so what was there to shock him? Quite inexplicable! Interesting format and a new slant to cheating. 4*s.

Good plot, decent story that played out as I expected. Get an editor and edit ruthlessly. This could have been 5, or at the most, 6 pages.

Congratulations!

You have come a long way in your writing. Your first stories were all the same just with different names. Your last ones are a lot better.

Well, I guess it all worked out well in the end. For everyone except Andrea, of course. I got to thinking about half way through, I think they made a movie about this story. They called it “Clueless”. Because that’s what ALL the main characters were. John was an idiot for putting up with Andrea’s cheating, Andrea was even worse for thinking she could have her cake and eat it too, and Roy the lawyer was just unbelievable. If I hired a lawyer and got advice from him like John got from Roy? Let’s just say that Roy might not be a happy camper for a while. Might not walk for a while either. All in all, I wasn’t crazy about the story. I don’t want to use the word “cuckold” because it’s so over-used here it’s become cliche’, but I do believe that was the basis for the whole story. 2 stars.

The storyline was quite good, overall I enjoyed it. Early in the story, repeating the way John discovered Andrea’s cheating, really was irritating.

The other suggestion is, try to bring out what the characters were feeling. You’re getting inside their heads, but all POVs are presented clinically.

A pregnant Jane (hormones raging) who isn’t emotional? Only comatose women are rational when pregnant!

Three daughters, one in puberty, and no mother present, unemotional? A highly perceptive 12 year old, who realizes that mom isn’t around, then that mom left the the family… that daughter doesn’t ask questions? None of the daughters feels rejected by Andrea?

As for John, I’d be more upset with Andrea. I don’t criticize any man for prioritizing his children. Part of what makes him a “real“ man, a good and strong man, is being able to endure for the sake of his family. I’d have probably bought twin beds for the master bedroom; or converted the spare room into Andrea’s new bedroom, at least after she rejected the marriage agreement. When the PI first investigated, I’d have asked who owned their meeting place. Andrea said Rob was married with kids, I’d want to know about his wife, then I’d be thinking that his wife might want to know.

Andrea… throughout, she rationalized that Thursday afternoons wasn’t taking anything from John. How is it that hiding money in her maiden name, not taking from her family? A college fund didn’t need to be in her maiden name, omitting John. Then using the hidden college fund to buy a condo? After all the rationalizing, still telling herself that she’d return to her marriage and family… then being unemotional after surrendering custody of her daughters?

Decent ending, but he stuck around as an indicisive Cuck for way too long. And she was clearly whack-a-doodle out of touch with reality and he let her be that way. No consequences.

Way too clinical. Sure he was an engineer type, but he dithered around her cheating and there was just no emotion form the daughters, the girl friend, or even Andrea. Also the transitions in their relationship were glossed over. he goes from screwing her brains out to not having had sex for eight months? It all felt too long for what was accomplished. this could have been really good if you had gotten inside more of the character’s heads and shortened it by two or three pages. It needs brutal editing.

Fantastic story, Great out come!

Was going to comment about the editing, but I see everybody else has already done it. Many conversations are just essentially repeated over and over between the two of them. It happens in real life, but you really need to trim the fat for a story.

Besides that, strange that no one suspected how Andrea seems to be mentally ill. Her delusions about keeping her marriage intact while fucking around are one thing, but just giving up her kids altogether, and saying she's no longer a mother is crazy talk. She definitely needed some sort of therapy to avoid hitting rock bottom.

《Andrea rationalizing her affair》- "It was only once a week...during the afternoon... I never allowed my Thursday indulgence to interfere in any way with John and the girls.

...lots of times that I had cancelled my Thursday. Work, family and personal reasons sometimes affected what I did. But every single time I made sure that my family came first. Thursday was to indulge that 'itch' that needed scratched... Rob and I got to know each other...at the real estate agency. He's married...has a family... I found that John and I never had time for just us. We almost had to schedule sex. (WAIT A MINUTE! Weren't you just saying you SCHEDULED sex with Rob?) That made it really exciting. I'm being sarcastic now (You are also being a HYPOCRITE). But I know, you're thinking, that I'm a slut for cheating on my husband. Maybe you're right. Maybe you're wrong." (OH, we would be absolutely RIGHT!...SLUT!)

Your stories are becoming repetitive, same New York State, same post marriage agreement, same lawyers advice, same staying because of the kids, same putting up with wife cheating for years, same meeting and falling in love with another woman, same same same, just the names are different, come on your writing shows your better than this, try and come up with something original or at least original for you.⭐️⭐️

Instead of going for reconciliation or revenge, he let events play out until it was obvious what the conclusion was going to be. This is a positive outcome, since he found evidence of intentional fraud, and he managed to escape a marriage to someone who was, as he said to his kids, having a mental health crisis. If only they were all this clean.

Very repetitive story. Nothing you haven't written in others.

Thisvwas Avery good story. I liked the way it ended and the girls didn't get burned

Well done. The clinical presentation of the divorce laws running parallel with the emotional impact on a husband was very effective. I suppose that the laws were written to protect the females when hubby ran off with his secretary. It appears that most cheating starts in the workplace or, at least, that's where the "other" man/woman is almost always initially encountered. LW stories bear this out. With females entering the workforce at the same rate as males, the law needs to catch up with societal realities. It certainly appears that these laws were written with the assumption that it is the male that causes divorce and that he is willing to just buy his way out.

LWlurker