All Comments on 'Jonas Agonistes'

I am a 76 yo man and this story brought me to tears several times. I remember the atrocities in Korea, Vietnam, and Afghanistan and know the damages done to psyche, families, relationships, and values that these operations cost, notwithstanding the efforts to preserve our way of life.

This story feels like an allegory to the Nixon, Trump and Clinton presidencies in that morals and human values are sacrificed in order to preserve the cause.

Thank you for sharing your amazing story telling talent with me and I look forward to your next novel.

I am tired of Marines not taking responsibility for their orders, their actions, and their motives. Especially the officers. We're Americans. It means something, to me at least. It means we try to do good."

Read...didn’t want it to end.

I was moved and touched to the core.

Just curious. It seems in many of your stories whenever you describe a sexual encounter where the woman has fantastic sex, its always includes her getting a huge cock. Seems kind of juvenile. On Amazon, the plastic dildos that sell the most have an insertion length of less than 6 inches. Odd that so many of your female characters who really enjoy sex are size queens.

A good story. Thanks for your time and effort.

Although it would be a departure from your other stories, I would encourage you to consider a continuation of this story. What happened to the CO and his fellow platoon leader and consequences of their actions. Enter the USMC JAG

Okay, great story with my usual nitpicks. While easy to follow, probably should have been in third person POV. Five stars.

I realize that it's needed for the story, but I don't think his parents will tell anyone anything that he tells them, and a counselor would be bound by doctor-client privilege.

I'm a little surprised that he didn't wait for Jonas approval before actually publishing the book.

"Paul! You don't say that to a lady!" - You don't?!

Why no quotation marks for the therapist's dialog?

Minor point: Chris had voted no bill, and he's on the jury?

He made a pretty quick jump from being very unsure to being convinced that it was murder.

Minor point: He's going to be paid based on total sales? Shouldn't that be based on any increase in sales?

I never experienced this kind of tragedy, but was in Iraq 2X. I was there as an Air Force Nurse. We busted our asses to save the troops. Let me tell you I think the Soldiers and Marines are the braves troops ever. You will never see me in a bar fight against either, because I got their backs. I'm a male nurse. I proud to say those I served with were extremely honorable.

You have a solid core to a story but huge swaths could be condensed into a single scene (e.g. Jonas receiving multiple public vindications) or just cut entirely.

BUT, we did indeed find a very few weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Just not what most everybody thinks as weapons of mass destruction (nuclear weapons). We found chemical weapons, but most were sent to Syria and are being used today to wipe out villages. Given strategic location of the weapons on a perfect weather day in New York city millions could be killed making 9-11 looks like a minor car wreck. Not the same as the destruction of a nuclear bomb, but very definitely mass destruction. Iraq was trying to develop nuclear weapons, but not as advanced as EVERYONE thought. Democrats and Republican were both convinced and voted to invade Iraq. No one lied they all had the same info before voting. To say George Bush lied is a cowards way out. I wasn't against the war, but hated how it was fought. We should never have been there over about 2 years. Give them what they understand and don't ever think you can win their hearts.

I just gotta say when i wanna read a war romance I always read this story thanks for thix story. 5 Star's everytime I finish even though it doesn't count.

The character of Jonas is painted in such detail that I think I would recognize him if I met him. And the story is riveting and heart rending . In short, a masterpiece.

if this writer isn't writing professionally, they should be. so quickly draws us into the characters, makes us care for and about them.

I gave you 5 stars and a great review for another story.

This one proves to me that it was not a fluke. You are perhaps the most skilled writer on here.

I gave this five stars and it deserves a great deal more.

I did two tours to the Sandbox, I was one of the lucky ones where I did not see direct combat.

I do remember seeing what we were told were chemical weapons come thru and even once remember seeing a news report on Fox that a nerve gas round had been found rigged as a roadside bomb. I only saw it reported once.

I agree with one of the other comments, we should of been out of there in two years.

I blame Dick Cheney for lots of the problems we have had there. He gave President Bush some terrible advice.

Hind sight is always 20/20 tho.

I hope and Pray every day that none of my children or even grandchildren never see this elephant in their lives.

This was a profoundly moving story that reminds one that there are still people of character in this world. Although it is fiction, the author has made the characters real by making them good but not perfect. It is an inspiring account of human decency. Well done!

Brilliant!! Just Brilliant!!! And my tears just keep rolling!!! Not sad tears. Not happy tears. Just tears of hope for our humanity after 5 decades of utter despair. The only thing left in Pandora's Box. And it is still there!!!! I saw it today in Malraux's story.

Thank you.

Tony (UK)

As a veteran, and having read many novels and true accounts of war, not to mention my own personal experience, I have to say well done. You have brought to life a character that shows a depiction of the real people that have to do the work of war. The fact that it changes you, scars you. It will even break you. Even if you are not apart of a genocide. Your characters were very believable and well depicted. I was very happy to read the story and wished for more when I was finished.

I have no idea why I would even consider reading any of your stories expecting to walk away without a lump in my throat and tear stained cheeks. The depth of emotion that you are able to convey in each of the characters within a given story is simply amazing. You are a master and I hope you continue to grace us with the stories you create. At the end of each of your stories that I’ve read thus far I honestly feel guilty that you allow us to take this journey with your characters at no cost. With stories as good as this I feel readers should be able to contribute money to your efforts. Please continue writing as I truly feel that you are one of the best I have ever read on this site.

My eyes are still wet as I write this. I'll look at everything you write! Thank you so much!

Just wanted to bring to your attention there is in fact nothing like rebels in Ghana or an on going conflict... Truth is Ghana is one of the leading nation in Africa with relative peace and a strong in its democracy

I find that there is little I can add to the list of superlatives other than thank you from an old veteran!

Another great story, I'm making my way through your stories and can't get over how much of a gem your writing is

What a great story line, like a personal true account of the atrocities and pain of war. It has that personal touch of compassion and decency, almost unheard of but not like a fictional feel good Romantic Story.

A fantastic story about honor, dignity and love. This was incredible from start to finish, and I thank you for sharing it with us.

This story is the most in-depth piece of literature, in any category, on this site. It should be a novel unto itself. Great read!

could all most feel the action . a true Marine in a no win situation . superiors covering their A$$ at the finest . my mothers youngest brother was a Marine .

Thank you for a truly great story. You are a wonder with prose.

Outa be a hardback novel...Deep and complete.

couldn't guess at how may times I have read MALRAUX stories . Jonas . catching Colleen , Jerimiah , save one love save them all.

I wish he had time...

One great author, every story read brings tears. I have one grandson in the Marines and another that did time in Iraq a few years back who is now a successful civilian and married. We all wish this author would keep writing but we haven't seen a new story in a couple years............ I think we all hope his writings are being published for the general public.

All souls the have been in wars are losers, but the souls that try to protect life are and should be honoured above all.

A beautiful story of soldiers that who souls never return home fully whole!

As a former member of the military, this story has moved me!

Well done!!!

too many of our military come home with things happen they would like to forget. know a few myself. some drink others get high on what they can get their hands on . our goverment does very little to help. they become homeless no where to turn.

I'm sure there were many stories like this in all the wars we have sent our young men into. It's too bad it took the military so long to recognize PTSD as a legitimate ailment.

I served in the Army back in the 60s when they were gearing up and sending people to Vietnam. Helicopter pilots and second lieutenants had a mortality rate of almost 95% I believe. I was fortunate and was stationed in Europe for to years. Great story with lots of feelings and tears. How anyone can come out war normal I'll never understand. Keep writing.

I am military and went to war 2x. I do have some PTSD issues, but they are light thankfully. I haven't been able to sleep more than 4 hours for many years. Never went to therapy. I would have been moral too.

Another great story. Well written. Thanks

I read this story today and Save One Love yesterday. I read them before and loved them then and still do. I wish the author was still posting stories on this website.

5

However, I can confidently speak for all of us that love your writing, please more.

As one who has been involved with Marines for 30 years, thank you. Thank you for showing how difficult decision making can be. Thank you for show the hurt many carry. Thank you for showing how love can help to heal the wounds that do not show.

Enough said.

This and some of your other stories should be in a collection for Memorial Day and Veterans Day reading. It seems so easy to be on one side or the other - men and women in service as White hats or black hats - until you feel the choices as this story allows. None of us is always at our best or our worst and sometimes we make choices we're comfortable with or even proud of. Sometimes not. I'd like to see everyone in America read stories like this, especially for those days we remember our service members, so we can at least begin to understand their depth, commitment, passion, and responsibilities. All of us are multidimensional and this story highlights that so respectfully that it makes me proud to be American, proud to be a man, and proud to have that sometimes so inconvenient and expensive thing we call a conscience. Thank you for your service...

Your comment about "modern leadership in the military" struck me as a plausible description of what we have seen since at least 2001.

I would offer that IF the War Du Juor is militarily unwinnable [i.e. unless we kill ALL of the locals], THEN this strategy makes as much sense as any.

Every officer checks off their "combat command" for promotion, and the System rolls on, until some non-military solution is reached outside of the combat zone.

I’ve read this story several times…all I can say is that it’s one of the best on this site and it’s deeply moving and thought provoking , besides being a spanking great tale .

Scintillating and mesmerizing . Two thumbs up 👌

Only a truly great storyteller could take an incident or such horrible brutality and show how it affected a diverse group of people, telling it all with such a delicate, sensitive touch. The gradual untangling of the protagonist's PTSD gives a clear example of the difficulty of treating the war wounds that lie in the mind, and don't show up on xrays, but can go on disabling veterans for years.

A wonderful story!

of the whole episode by the protagonist, with his understanding that in armed conflict you can't save every life, and that the guilt doesn't rest on his shoulders, is certainly abbreviated but still shown clearly enough to remind is that the wounds suffered in wartime aren't always to the bodies of the combatants.

This is truly a one of a kind story. It is long but, the length is appropriate to the story. It is very moving. Needs more than 5*.

Another great story. You are very good at pulling the reader in and keeping them there.

An even better read the second time. Simply marvelous.

I love it Malraux. I truly love this story but this needs to be fixed:

"He swivelled up to her and they kissed, despite the odor of sex from her cunt"

I mean talk about distraction. Look, I am not necessarily opposed to the word in question but there is a difference between hot, primal, unbridled fucking and making love to your future spouse for the first time. I know this is a small thing but I felt those words took away from the moment.

I am not opposed to using cunt but its situational. It needs to be reserved for those moments when you are sandwiched between Tom Brady and Brad Pitt.. oh fuck, did I write that?

Your stories all haver a very cinematic element to them and should be pitched to a studio.

Arguably the best story I've read on this site.

Thank you. Hard to describe military service with the fear the joy the pain and regret/remorse but you did. Hope you have fun telling the story as well as you do

More please

The marine having the courage to face a terrible situation in the story was amazing.

The capability to disobey an unlawful order does not really exist if you are a lowly enlisted man, Rank was the only thing that took precedence. If you were a private you were treated like a child and not able to make a decision about anything. At least in the 60s. Could you imagine an enlisted man questioning an order by an officer? Never happen. The story was good and the romance and love shown between him and Emily was great, but the love making seen should not have used the crude words it did. Fuck and cunt just didn't fit and sort of dampened the the beautiful love scene of them making love rather than fucking. I'm just and old romantic. A great story up to there and brought a tear to my eye in places. This was a second or even third readin and still great

Not many stories on Literotica are worth reading. This one is. You have talent.

If it was not so long and repetetitive and boring, it could have been worth four or five stars,. It should have been about a thitd as long. As it is, it gets two stars.

Excellent! Just excellent!

Another excellent story with heart and purpose. Loved it.

Much better then a five!

A masterful short fiction too real to some.

Two important things. When a "cease fire" goes over the net, everybody stops shooting.

When an incident of "friendly fire" (because we all know friendly fire isn't) or CIVCAS occurs, the investigation will go forward, and no one will escape accountability. These investigations happen even when the reporters are local nationals or if such an incident is even suspected.

The USMC has issued magnified optics to every grunt out there since 2003. One of the express purposes of this is target identification. This equipment includes optics for the M-249 SAW and the M-240G machine guns. Thus having the Marines open fire on reported noncombatants, that they would be able to identify as such even at extended ranges, is very unrealistic. That's putting it kindly.

I would highly recommend Lt Col Grossman's works, On Combat and On Killing, for insight into the modern US military and how combat actually works.

What a wonderful story. Can't express myself how wonderful to have read the story from start to finish. Definitely a 5 star ✴️🌟✴️🌟✴️🌟✴️🌟✴️🌟. Thank you for your lovely story.

Ali Singapore

One of the best I have ever read. Beautiful story.

I would like address the comment posted by No1_OfConsequence about how this story is not realistic. First, he stated that if anyone yelled "Cease Fire" into the radio that everyone would immediately stop shooting. Everyone who has spent anytime in combat knows this is not true. With adrenaline pumping it often has to be said repeatedly to sink in. Then there is "the fog of war". Things happen in the moment that even the participants do not recognize for what they really are. The truth only comes out after a through and fair investigation. And these investigations many times fall woefully short of either standard - through or fair. If you doubt that you just have to remember the death of Pat Tillman, the NFL star who enlisted right after 9-11 and was killed fighting in Afghanistan in 2004, The Bush Administration celebrated him as a hero who was killed by the enemy while trying to liberate the Afghanny people from their oppressive leaders. They even had the Pentagon fly a "Missing Man" formation over his funeral. That he died from enemy fire was the "party line" for many months. It finally came out that he really died of "Friendly Fire" from soldiers in his own unit (i.e. the Fog of War). The Pentagon and the White House had known the truth almost from day one, yet they continued to lie to both his parents and to the American People for months. Eventually, many officers (including a 3-star General) had their careers cut short or were forced into early retirement - but No One Went to Jail, even though they Repeatedly Testified to something they knew was not true. So much for "everyone will be held accountable".

Now for my impressions of the story. I thought it was the most well written story I have read in years, on this site or anywhere else. You could actually feel the anguish that the Captain felt about the lives he could not save. And the only reason that the truth came out was because someone took nine photos on their cell phone. That seems to happen a lot these days, don't you agree. Think about it.

I’ve been in that motel room. Five stars, six were it possible.

Five stars, great feel good story. Some of the combat is off but the fog of war is hard to understand even to those who have been there. Keep writing!

as a story, i really really liked it. tears in my eyes more than once.

now some have went at it from a realistic point, well like movies some things must be left out to make a good story.

my experience. 30 years army, 6 tours, 4 Iraq, 2 Afghanistan. i ran convoy escort for supply convoys and protection detail for personnel. 2004-2005 Iraq some called the wild wild west, shoot first ask questions later. we had changing rules of engagement, with more and more control of return fire. basically if a bullet left your gun you better know where it ended up. you didnt fire at muzzle flashes because could you guaranty it wasnt an other american unit firing (that how Pat got killed, being somewhere he was not supposed to be after disobeying orders to stay in place. happened not far from where i was later).

we were in one major fire fight where in the end, 20 of us were credited with stopping a reinforced rifle company (words from the AAR). there were people all over the place, some bad guys, some civilian. in my report i praised my gun truck for their fire control, only firing at those i identified thru my binos as being armed. after a sweep of the field, we found zero civilians hurt. you can look this up. some call it the battle of BIAP.( think there are still some videos on youtube) it was Easter weekend 2004. like i said, i was so proud of how my guys and 1 girl responded to some bad crap. keeping their heads while under heavy fire from mortars, RPGs, and small arms.

later in 2014 while at Ft Knox undergoing surgery and recovery, i worked with an E5 ranger. he was getting treatment for PTSD and other issues. as we talked he told me his story. he was the units sniper, sent out to take out a guy who had been placing IEDs along a main supply route. guy was spotted digging a hole, calls were made, and he was told to wait till he placed the bomb. once placed, his spotter called again and they were given the go code, a second call to confirm, and it was a go. shot fired, man down, mission over......... but not. the bullet went thru him and hit a person the E5 hadnt seen. it was an old civilian that walked a round the corner of a house at the worst time possible. even tho he had clearance to fire, that he hit the main target, someone that had sat multiple IEDs, he was charged with hitting a civilian. he was waiting to see what charges he was facing, but his career was over. the use of deadly force was POUNDED out in the mission brief before every mission. gunners were forced to report in front of the company and battalion command staff what those rules were. thru training and some pure luck i dont believe my guys ever hurt one civilian during my 6 tours. i credit them, not me. some of the best young people this country has.

Awesome story.

for all of those who mouthed off about this an other stories that have never written 1 word stick your head where the sun doesn't shine !!!!!!!!!

I loved the story. Plan to read more of your works.

An amazing story of a brave man taking responsible actions in an untenable situation. I am sure there have been many situations in our wars where our soldiers asked themselves if what they were doing was right.

I served in the Army from 64 to 67. I was fortunate and was never put in harms way.

What an incredible read, loved every bit of it. The characters had such depth and the story flowed beautifully, bravo, outstanding piece of work...!

Wow, even better read the second time around. 5 stars the first time but 5+ now. Great depth of character study. Jonas truly is a bona-fide hero.

So much better than most of the books I have paid for. Read this several times and still struggle through tears for about half of the story. Wish someone would put this on Netflix or similar platform, as it is better than their product.

one of the best stories i have read about the service and the problems people have to go thru --i was up for a court marshall while i was in the service on something i did not do-- they finally changed their mind-- i made up my mind not to re up---so this was a great story-- i am proud to have read it

Interesting to think of how empires die. A foreign war in Afghanistan. Now the US has pulled out. I'm angry at the shabby treatment our veterans have received and the blood spilled for nothing. Shameful Joe Biden.

I re-read this deliberately in view of the events taking place in Afghanistan this hot August of 2021. That place, that destroyer of empires, took something irretrievably from all of us... Former Captain, USMC, 1st LAR - 0302 & 0303. Only the Dead have seen the end of War.

An amazing five-star story that cries out for an editor to fix up the point-of-view confusion.

Another wonderful story. Being a retired Navy man I understand the purpose of and why we have orders to be followed.

Wow! So good, just far outclasses everything I've read on this site or any other. Would love to see this expanded and turned into a full length novel, it could easily be a bestseller with a tiny bit more polish. Fantastic.

I agree with mrfriendly8181

Incredible story! Thank you for sharing your work.

Six stars

Jonas Agnistes is a great story. It would have been good without the sex part maybe even better.

This is the first time I have commented on a story here.

Quite Incredible. Privileged to be able to read this quality. My sincere thanks to Malraux.

Very nice. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Malraux: My hat is off to you. 5 stars, only because there are no more to give. I was never in war but had many friends that were. Can I believe what you wrote about happened somewhere in many of our wars? Yes. By both sides. I told you in one of my other comments about one of your stories, I am a tough old SOB, but easy to cry when appropriate. This was a tough story to read, but damn, it was great. Thank you.

Malreux, who would think that such an insightful examination of atrocity in the context of a war would be found on an erotic literature site?

Well written, other than the odd homonym error (i.e.: there, their, they're), and almost perfectly ended. The only change I can see would improve that would be if the Colonel's reply had been delivered by one of his two squaddies. Personal opinion there. ;)

I was an Army Lieutenant in Vietnam. I spent 8 months of my tour as a forward observer with an infantry company. Although never in a village, we did see plenty of combat. I recognize a lot of situations , emotions, and doubts your story brings forward; including the PTSD. Thank you for your story.

I love your work.thanks

My time in the Marine Corps predated any recognition by the military or the medical community of PTSD as any kind of a treatable malady. So they just ignored it. They didn’t even have a name for it until ten years after I left the Corps. It was interesting to read about the way it is perceived by people, forty years after they put a name on it. Thank, Malraux, for another great story.

I wouldn’t say that this is a bad story. But, I WOULD say this is a bad romance story. Maybe a page and a half focusing on the MC’s relationship. I’d advise putting this into non erotic.

Not a bad story by any stretch but despite being 11 pages I kinda wish it was longer. While this was a romance story the center of the story was the massacre and Jonas dealing with it. I kinda wish there was a few more pages showing his reconnecting with his friends and why they abandoned him, continuing to deal with the fallout over the massacre, and maybe getting some justice with those who deserved it winding up behind bars. But just a minor complaint, a great if sad but happy ending 5 star story.

This story really touched me. The thoughts and dialogue are are so well written and emotions so raw and real, I believe in the unique characters as well as in the plot. I have read stories at this site for some time and this is the first time I have felt compelled to comment — due to the high quality of your creative work. Thank you very much!

Very compelling and moving story. I commend your writing.

Off the charts chocked full of meaning and depth. Brilliant. I could have read on for another hour. Thoughtful and engaging thoughtful wok product typical of this author. Bartlett, really? 😁

All I can say is wow. And thank you for your hard work and time.

5 stars. Easily the easiest 5 stars I have given. Thank you.

A fantastically conceived and written story. Well planned and executed, it follows a good clear path, not jumbled, confused and self contradictory.

Excellent character develop through the use of thoughts and dialogue, rather than just a summary of events.

For me personally Emily's declaration of "Lets do it" was a let down. As was her statement "Lets fuck". These animalistic statements seemed to be devoid of any love. These crude comments were cheap throw away lines that degraded the romance that was being built up in your story.

They were also quite contrary to the wholesome image you had been creating of Emily.

good story, I just didn't need a step by step sex description when so much of this is a huge moral question.

Wow! This is the second of your stories that I’ve read and am impressed by your insight, sensitivity, and compassion to the human condition. I look forward to reading your other stories.

As an aside, “Peace of Mind” by DB86 is another excellent story about how a returning serviceman deals with PTSD and how the love of a good woman helps him in his recovery. I highly recommend it.