Jordan - His Story

Even though the kids and I provide for most of her needs, there is a part of her that needs attention from another man. Somehow it validates her. I know full-well that no matter what I do she will still want, no, crave, the need of a man that she can spend time with, without the confines of family and the daily humdrum of life getting in the way. She needs that attention to that part of her psyche that feeds her need for control and a certain satisfaction that I cannot give her. I have reconciled myself to the fact that Emily will never be 100% mine. Maybe she will be 95% but that final 5% will always elude my capture.

That is why I decided, a while back, that I would try to take that final percentage and claim it as my own. I didn't intend to start a relationship with Jacq. It just crept up on me. She became my colleague and then my friend and as we got closer, I knew that she could be more. She felt the same and as time went on, we confided more and more in each other. We spent a lot of time together with our work and as we got to know each other I realized that she was someone that I could be with sexually. It was while we were on a trip to visit a client that we first talked about taking things to a new and more exciting level.

It was Jacq that broke the ice on the idea of us being friends-with-benefits. I was hesitant to go down that road, at first. I was afraid that if I were to have sex with another woman, and Emily were to become aware, it would mean that she might want a divorce and take my daughters away from me. That was my biggest fear. In retrospect, that was stupid of me to think that.

Jacq and I talked about that fear and at the end of the discussion I realized that Emily had just as much to lose as I did. So, it was with a certain giddy sense of trepidation and excitement, that Jacq and I began to explore our sexual needs. We told each other that it was just sex, not love. We would escape the office on the same day that I knew Emily was meeting her lover. How convenient. Mutual infidelity.

Over the period of about a year, we would, one afternoon a week, spend the time together. I enjoyed giving as much pleasure as I could to Jacq. In return she gave me enormous pleasure. The sex with Jacq was different than what I enjoyed with Emily. It had a quality that was intense, but gentle. We took time with each other. Sex was never hurried.

In hindsight, the sex life that Emily and I had became too predictable. I suppose that was one of the reasons that she took a lover. Maybe I was boring in bed. I was the reliable husband and father. I wasn't the excitement. I was the day-to-day. The routine. The humdrum. I didn't provide the thrill that Emily craved. I didn't know how to fix it with her, so I fixed it for myself. I started having sex with Jacq. And it was great. Jacq didn't think that I was boring as a lover, I was pretty sure of that.

It wasn't until I had that discussion with Margaret, before the bus business, that I started to figure out that I needed to reclaim my wife. And that was because I wanted to make sure that I didn't ever lose my children. They were the most important thing in my life. I wanted to be an important part of their life. And I wanted Emily to see that. It worked.

The time that I spend with the kids is wonderful. I changed my attitude toward sex with Emily and that worked so well that I really looked forward to sex with her. I figured that she also looked forward to sex with me. It was a different kind of sex. It had a physical quality that was missing before. I gave up the gentle and loving part to replace it with a raw and basic quality. I wanted to take her in a way that reinforced that she was mine. Mine for the taking. Mine for the keeping. Mine. But, sadly, not mine alone. And maybe never would be. I had to reconcile my love for my wife with her needs. For better or for worse, that is what I had to do if I was going to keep my children in my life every day. I couldn't become an every-other weekend, and holiday father. So that was the price that I was willing to pay.

So, now both of the women in my life were pregnant. In a few months I would be a father to two more children. Holy fuck! My responsibilities were increasing rapidly. What was I going to do? I thought about that long and hard. I even went back to have a talk with Margaret and put a few things in place to ensure that I met my responsibilities to the child that I would share with Jacq. I wanted her in my life to a greater degree than she was now, and I wanted to be able to be with the baby as he or she grew up. That was something that I knew for sure; the problem was that I wasn't sure how to make that happen.

My decision was to do nothing but let nature take its course. Both Emily and Jacq would have their babies and then when they were recovered from giving birth, we would all sit down and talk about the future. Or so I thought.

Emily

My god, my stomach and breasts are huge, and my breasts are aching again. They're full of milk and ready for the baby to come. Robert, loves to suck on my breasts. Jordan would be devastated if he knew that he wasn't the father of the baby. I love my husband so much, but I have needs that he can't fulfill. I know that. I've been very discreet and never once allowed my sexual needs to get in the way of my family. It did come close when Jordan got hit by that fucking bus last year, but I dodged that shot and have made very sure that it would not happen again.

Robert is one of the partners at the firm and is also very cognizant of the need for us both to keep our relationship very quiet. Robert is four years older than me. He is not that different from Jordan but can excite me in a way that my husband isn't able to do. We both satisfy a need for each other. Maybe it's the illicit nature of sex with a man that isn't my husband. Maybe it is the possibility of being found-out.

Most women cheat on their husbands because they have grown apart and they are not fulfilling each other's needs. That's not the case with Jordan. I love him. I'm in-love with him. I suppose I would say that I need to feel in total control and having the ability to have a relationship with another man outside my marriage feeds my controlling nature. It gives me the ability to lose some of that control with Jordan. Frankly he is much more dominant when we have sex, than he used to be. I like it. No, I love it. He actually spanked my ass a couple of times. That surprised the shit out of me. Where did that come from? But it made me so hot for him that it was unbelievable sex. He took me from behind that night to start off with and then after he shot his load into my pussy, he slapped my ass a couple of more times and then rolled me over on my back and mounted me missionary style and proceeded to fuck me again.

Robert is slower and gentle. But I love sex and want both Jordan and Robert. I'm fucked up, I know, but that is what I am right now. I love both the men in my life.

None of that matters right now. The baby is kicking my ribs. Just get it out of me!

Jordan

I got together with my brother Will, the other day. We had a great lunch and got to talk, without a pack of kids vying for his attention. We talked about his first marriage and how it changed, fucked with his head, and then finally ended. We talked about my marriage and where things are at right now and my relationship with Jacq.

The lawyer in him came out, and amazingly he offered almost the same advice that my actual lawyer, Margaret, gave me. Don't rock the boat, just yet. What he really wanted to know was what I wanted. We had that frank discussion. I wanted both Emily and Jacq, and I wanted them at the same time. I wanted my children, all of them. I wanted my life to be as normal as I could make it. Was that too much to ask? Maybe.

Will asked, "Do you see yourself remaining married to Emily? She's been having affairs with other men now for years. Is she going to stop at some point?"

"That's a good question, big brother, and I don't have an answer."

"Does Jacqueline want you to herself? Is she expecting you to leave Emily?"

"I don't think so. Jacq's a very independent woman. She made the decision to stop birth control about the time that I tangled with that fucking bus last year. She didn't tell me that and when I did find out she was adamant that it wasn't to get me to leave Emily for her."

Will said, "Well, I've learned the hard way that women sometimes do strange things and the reason is often not out there for us to see. We men often need help when it comes to figuring out our wives, and women in general. God knows that I did. I managed to land on my feet with Charlotte and she's a wonderful wife and mother. With all our kids I told her that the only way she would ever get rid of me was with a .38 caliber divorce decree."

We both laughed about that.

At the end of lunch, we each went back to our lives and work. I knew that eventually I would have to make a choice. Just like my brother did. I wanted to put that decision off for as long as I could.

Jacq

Okay, my water just broke. I texted Jordan and he is on the way. I also called the hospital and they are expecting me. My daughter, Sarah, will stay with Jordan and Emily. Becca and Alex are excited to have her there for a few days. Oh my god, I'm having another baby. And with no father living with me. What the hell was I thinking getting pregnant. And I made the decision to do this. Too late now.

Jordan

Holy shit, it's time! I knew that I had to be there when the baby was born. I'm the father and it was my responsibility. Besides, I care very deeply about Jacq and I wanted to be there. Do I love her? Yes, I do. Am I in love with her? Yes, I am.

The doctor and the delivery nurses got Jacq set up in the delivery room and checked all the vitals for her and the baby. Everything was good. I got into place by Jacq's side and held her hand. I smiled at her and an hour later we had a baby girl.

My new daughter is a real sweetheart. Not to mention her mother. We picked a name, Stephanie Ann. It is for Jacq's grandmother. We're going to call her Steph for short. She is sleeping through the night and is a very good natured and happy baby. How did I get so lucky?

Emily

So, Jordan was at the hospital with Jacq as she was having her baby. Her daughter, Sarah, was with me and playing with Becca and Alex. After Jordan called me to tell me that the baby had been born, I packed all the kids into the car and we drove to the hospital. Jacq looked amazingly good considering she just plopped-out an 8-pound baby girl. I was almost ready to deliver myself and wished that I would look that good after giving birth.

Jordan was holding her and when I looked at the baby, I noticed right off that this little girls' eyes looked very much the same as Jordan's. Maybe that was a coincidence, but then again maybe not. Had I missed something?

Jordan

The last month has gone by in a blur.

Emily went in to labour at work. Her water broke in her office and I got a call to get to the hospital. Emily's assistant was going to drive her there. We had a hospital-bag at home all packed and ready to go. I raced home to get it and booked-it to the hospital maternity ward. Emily's mother had come to stay with us for a week or so, to take care of the girls, so that Emily and I could concentrate on the new baby.

I got to the hospital just in time. Emily's labour was pretty short. This was baby number three for us and it seemed that this child was ready to get busy in the world. We had a son. One of the maternity nurses had remembered me from a month previous when I was there with Jacq and gave me a funny look. I smiled back at her and kissed my wife.

We decided to name him Andrew George, after Emily's father. To me all babies look the same. Their faces are all beautiful and chubby and wonderful to look at. I have four children now. I am truly a lucky man. Only one thing, he has brown eyes.

Emily

Okay, that was the shortest labour and delivery of our three children. Jordan is over the moon with our new son. Finally, a son to carry on the Kennedy family legacy. Andrew George Kennedy came into our family at just over seven pounds and was ready to take his place. His sisters are just crazy about him. They spend every spare minute with him and take great pride in the fact that they are 'big sisters' to Andrew. They plan to hold that over him for the rest of his life. Jordan plans to teach Andrew lots of guy things and has gotten him a baseball glove already.

In the back of my mind I am just a tad worried that the biological father of Andrew is not Jordan. That would kill my husband if he knew that. That might spell the end of our marriage and quite frankly that would be the worst thing I can imagine. I have a wonderful family and don't want to lose them. I cannot begin to ever conceive of us not being a family. When Jordan was injured by that bus last year it taught me that I have a wonderful husband that I need and a family and don't want to ever lose them.

So, what the fuck am I doing carrying on with another man. There is a part of my brain that will not let me give that up. I need control and I need to be able to tell myself that I am independent and in charge. That I belong to no-one and can make my own decisions about my body and what I get to do with it. If that means that I have sex with another man when I want to, then that is what I will do. Oh, I understand that Jordan might not feel the same way. In fact, he has let me know very clearly in the bedroom that he wants what he wants. That means the sex we have is sometimes quite different. It has a rough edge about it. It has an intensity and urgency that wasn't there a few years ago. Jordan is very different. I love the difference.

In any event I'm taking a break from my extra-marital activities while I recover for a few months and spend time with my new son, my daughters, and my husband. It will be a while before I do anything more and I will have to reassess my needs when the time comes.

*******

One year later

Jordan

Both of my new children are almost a year old, now. I have worked as hard as I can to be a good father, but with the competing needs of two women that I love, I'm running out of steam. I'm physically exhausted. My headaches are coming back and that worries me to the point that I visited my neurologist a couple of weeks ago and she MRI'd my head and neck to see if there was anything going on inside me that was causing my headaches. The doctor called me yesterday and said the she had good news. The MRI looked good, no swelling and no fluid buildup. So, what's causing my headaches? I kind of know the answer to that so I went back to see Margaret.

When I got to her office, she was there with another woman that I had not met before. Introductions were made and I quickly found out that the woman was a psychologist. Dr. Brenda Jones. Brenda was a tiny woman about 50ish with a grey hair that was very fashionable. She smiled as we exchanged pleasantries and my expectation was that she would be leaving before Margaret and I got down to business. That didn't happen.

Margaret explained. "Jordan, I asked Brenda to join us today because I think that I've just about reached the limit of the advice that I think you want and need from me. I can be your legal counsel and look out for your best legal interests, but I think that you came here today looking for something that is beyond my ability to provide. That's why I asked Brenda to join us. She can offer thoughts on your situation that, frankly, is outside my area of expertise and I'm uncomfortable dealing with."

I looked at both Margaret and Brenda and thought that I must be able to be read like an open book. "Is it that obvious what I want to talk about?"

They both chuckled. Margaret replied, "Kind of, yes."

"Okay, I need something stronger than coffee to drink before we get down to business."

I got three finger of bourbon and started. Brenda is Margaret's half-sister and she proved to be a godsend.

Well, the three of us had a very long conversation. What we talked about was totally focussed on me, the two women that I was in love with, my children and what it was that I ultimately wanted.

What did it want? Wow! That was the 64-million-dollar question. I wanted things that I figured I couldn't have and consequently I knew that I needed to make a decision one way or the other between my life with Emily and our children and my life with Jacq and our child. But with Jacq it was both children since I couldn't have just her and the baby; no, it would be a total package including her daughter Sarah. Sarah's father was well out of the picture so there would be little complication there with him showing up and wanting to be in the child's life.

Could I have my proverbial cake and eat it too? I didn't think so. But that day I had my eyes opened to a different possibility.

Brenda started off the discussion. "Jordan, from what Margaret tells me, you have had a very busy three years. She told me about the bus incident, and I do remember seeing it on the news at the time. You're a hero, young man!"

"I don't really think of myself that way. I just did what anyone else would do. I couldn't see standing there and letting the baby and her mother get killed when I had the ability to help."

Brenda and Margaret both laughed. Brenda retorted, "Oh, you would be very surprised to learn that many people would not risk their own lives to help someone else. You're the exception to the rule; and an exceptional man for doing what you did. How is your health now?"

"Overall it's good. My head is back to normal, the arm fully healed of course and my life, well, almost all my life, is back to normal. I have some...big complications, that are weighing heavily on me right now. "

Brenda nodded, "Margaret told me about some of them; could you go over your current life just so that I have a clear picture from your perspective, please."

I swallowed hard and started to give Brenda the details of my life and how it had become more complicated in the last three years. I talked for almost an hour. They both listened very attentively, and Brenda would make small notes on her pad from time to time. If I didn't know better, I thought that I could almost see a smirk on Margarets face. She was enjoying this.

At the end of it I said, "So, I love two women, I'm married to one and I want the other, but without giving up my wife. I love all my children and want to do the right thing for them. I would rather die than have to give them up."

I swallowed deeply and exhaled all the remaining air in my lungs and then said, "So, what the hell do I do?"

The two professionals sat back and looked at each other. Margaret said, "I'm gonna go first."

She took a sip of the glass of bourbon that she had poured earlier and started.

"Jordan, what's the advice that I gave to you the last few times that we talked about your 'situation'?"

"That's easy; do nothing. Go home and enjoy my life and but keep my two lives separate as much as possible."

"And how has that worked out for you?"

"Overall, at the time, it was the best course of action, I do admit that. But life has gotten quite a bit more complicated, as I just told you both, so I don't think that doing nothing is going to work this time."

Margaret exhaled, "I think you're right but any suggestion that I might offer would hinge on keeping it as simple as possible. Like I said when you came in, I think that you need Brenda's expertise here, so, I'm gonna shut up now."

With that she sat back, smiled and looked to her half-sister to take this on.

Brenda coughed just ever so slightly and said, "Well, Jordan, I have some ideas that I want to give you and see what you think."