Jordan - His Story

"I'm all ears Doctor. What have you got?"

We talked for another hour and the good doctor enlightened me as to the reality of life and complex relationships. Her belief was that Emily had started on a path that was eventually going to come to a crisis point and that crisis would determine what we all do. The one thing that I had avoided was any sort of confrontation with Emily about our son and Robert.

Brenda cautioned me that a confrontation might end disastrously, or it might resolve things in a better way. She did tell me that I needed to think carefully about what I wanted before I acted.

I swallowed hard; it was time for the truth.

Emily

We're actually on a date together. It's rare that Jordan and I get time alone. We got a sitter to mind the kids and Jordan made a reservation at a good restaurant.

After we got some wine and ordered our food he reached over the table and took my hand in his and looked me in the eyes and said. "Dear, we need to talk."

OH MY GOD!! My heart stopped beating for a few seconds. Jordan knows about my affairs. He's probably known for a while, but he's never said a word to tell me that he knows. Oh Jesus! What the hell do I do? Does he know about Andrew?

"Emily, you're a wonderful wife and mother. But, yes, I know about a part of your life that you've worked very hard to keep separate from me and the kids. I know about your other relationships. I've known about them for about a year before the bus accident."

I was, to say without a hint of exaggeration, stunned by his revelation. I took a huge gulp of the wine. Jordan poured me some more.

He continued on, "I kind of suspected but didn't know for sure until about three years ago. It wasn't one particular thing, but it was a general feeling that I had that you had a part of yourself that you kept very separate from me. You're a very smart, independent woman and we were both so busy with our careers, and the kids, and day-to-day life that it all got missed by me. I noticed that our sex-life had dwindled to once-a-week at the most, but you seemed happy to not have sex. That wasn't like you at all. I agonized over what to do and then I got some advice from a trusted advisor, no, not Jacq. My advisor told me that it would be the best thing for everyone for me to do nothing. I didn't want a divorce, I wanted you. I wanted our children. I didn't want to fight over them in some courtroom, arguing over minor details that would only hurt everyone. No, I wanted you and I want my family. I would like to have all of you, but I know that is probably more than I can wish for."

I let that soak in for a moment and he took a drink and then continued. "So, I took what I could get of you." He paused, "So, you see my problem. I want something that I know I'm not likely to get. I want my wife, but I'm not sure that I'm going to have her and keep her."

My lungs had trouble pulling in air. I'm a skilled lawyer used to challenges but this was personal and very different.

Jordan said more. "When you got back from your time in Paris I suspected that your pregnancy was not caused by me. When Andrew started to develop his natural hair colour and his eye colour. His eyes are brown. Mine are blue and yours are hazel. I took a cheek swab and had it sent off for testing."

I looked at the table, unable to say anything. My guilt was apparent.

Jordan lowered his voice a bit and said quietly, "I don't care that I'm not his biological father, I'm his real father. I'm the man that is his father. I'm the man that will raise him and love him. He's mine. So, it doesn't matter that the sperm that made him isn't mine. It doesn't matter. You're his mother and I'm his father. End of discussion."

I was surprised by what he just said. Was there hope for a reprieve?

We went home that night and even though we didn't have sex we lay together under the covers. Jordan pulled me to him with his arm around my waist. I listened for what seemed like hours to his breathing, wondering how much longer I would share his life, our children, our bed.

*********

One week later

Jordan

So, it has been an interesting week.

Emily and I discussed our son Andrew. Emily was afraid that I would, at some point in the future decide that her inability to be monogamous would finally implode our marriage and end it. I tried to reassure her that to now, what she did with her lovers, was in the past but I would be lying to her and myself if I said that I wasn't concerned about what she wanted to do in the future.

We had our chat over a drink after the kids were all in bed and sound asleep.

"Emily, I need to talk about what you plan to do with...with Robert. I'm not sure that what you're doing is good for you in the long-term. I know that what I'm saying might sound hypocritical, but I'm not sure just how long that being involved with him is going to be good for you."

I needed to ask the obvious but difficult question, "Are you planning to stay with him?"

She sighed, "What if I did, what would you do?"

That was a very hard question. "Well, I'm not sure what I could do. You're a very independent woman and you're in charge of yourself; so, I cannot and will not try to tell you what to do. I can only tell you how it will make me feel and what it might do to our family."

"How would it make you feel?"

"I would be lying if I said that it would make me feel good. I put aside my feelings before because I was very afraid of losing you and my children. I've come to realize that you're more than just my wife, or a mother, or a lawyer, or whatever. You're a complex woman with complex needs. I do know that it makes me sad to think that I'm not enough husband to meet your needs, but I'm not sure if any one man can fully meet your needs; I've always wanted to be the one to do it."

Emily looked at me. "I do admit that I'm torn between my desire to be faithful to you and my need for what I get away from you. I think I need to go see a professional and try to work out why I have that need. Can you understand that and accept it, for now?"

I nodded my head and let out a big sigh, "I understand it and accept it. I have a name of a psychologist that you might like. I've spoken to her already, a while ago. If you want someone else, then I understand and I'm sure that there are psychologists that can help you figure out what it is you want. Promise me one thing, please."

"What is that Jordan?"

"That you won't just up and suddenly leave me and the kids. I don't think that any of us want that. They would be devastated if you were to do that, and so would I. They're too young to understand all the things that adults have going on and that can affect them."

Emily

I spent the next three months having regular weekly visits with a psychologist to try to figure out what was driving my need to have sex with another man outside my marriage. Dr. Brenda was very helpful in assisting me to come to grips with the emotions and feelings that dictated my actions. I'm a control freak. I need to control my life as much as I can. Being married and having children and a demanding career takes away a large measure of the control that I need. Families demand a lot of your attention and efforts and careers do the same. So, what was left over for me? Sex. So I took a lover to emotionally give me the control that I needed.

On the surface of it that sounds screwed up but that is what drove me to have sex with other men starting just a few months after Alexandra was born. I worked very hard to ensure the Jordan never found out and I compensated for my indiscretions by making sure that I paid attention to the needs of my husband and daughters. My world started to crumble a bit when Jordan was injured by that bus and it was clear to Jacq that I was with another man in Boston. Then when I got pregnant by Robert, well I knew that eventually Jordan would learn the truth. I never thought that he would be getting Andrews DNA checked so soon after he was born. Jordan must have been crushed when he got the results. To find out that your son is not yours; well, that's a big blow to a father's ego. I'm surprised he didn't divorce me on the spot.

I have a lot of decisions to make. Do I give up my affairs and try to be faithful to Jordan? Do I resign myself to the fact that I'm unable to change and risk that this will drive Jordan and likely my children into the waiting arms of Jacq? If we did divorce, what would I do about the children? Would Jordan want the girls with him? Would he want Andrew? Would I have to fight him in court for them? If I did fight would I have the ability to be the mother that they need? Especially without Jordan there all the time. That would be the thing.

I still love my husband. I'm still in-love with my husband, but I'm in love with another man, too. Jordan knows what makes me happy. He knows how to please me in the bedroom. Why in the name of all that is logical would I want to risk losing that?

I must be crazy to risk losing him.

Jacq

Well, the last few months have been busy. I graduated from the university with a degree in Architecture and the company has promoted me and given me a healthy raise. As a junior architect I have a lot more responsibility and I have my own team to manage. Jordan was promoted as well and is supervising four teams, of which one is mine. The company has received several large contracts around the country and now I must travel more than before.

Jordan is still the man in my life. I know that his wife, Emily, has been going to counselling to work out what it is she wants to do and where she wants her marriage to go. The woman would be stupid to give up Jordan, but you never know what is going on in her thought processes.

Jordan helped me find a bigger place to live. It's a townhouse with three bedrooms and two bathrooms. He gave me the money for the downpayment and has been great in helping me get it set up. We still spend a lot of time together since he does have a daughter in this house and he is very emphatic about taking responsibility for her and me and Sarah too.

So for now, I'm living my life and concentrating on my daughters and my new career. I'll bide my time and I know that eventually things will sort themselves out. I'm a patient person and not in a rush.

I did change my hair style to a shorter one and have started back at the gym three times a week. I want to drop 15 pounds and tone up a bit. I'm going to try running again, something I haven't done for five years. I want Jordan to see just what he stands to gain if Emily decides to do something foolish and leave him.

Margaret

My sister called me and we made a date to get together for lunch. When we got a glass of wine and ordered our food she started to tell me some news about Jordan and Emily.

Brenda started, "I'm about to break a whole bunch of rules right now so as my lawyer I want you to keep this all very confidential. Lawyer-client privilege stuff. If you say anything then we're all in deep shit here."

I nodded, "Okay..."

"As you know I've been counselling Emily for a few months now."

I nodded, 'Yes."

"Well, what I have to tell you is important for Jordan since I know that you are his lawyer."

I nodded again, "Okay."

"Well, Emily is a very confused woman. She certainly is conflicted when it comes to her sense of self and her sense of her place in her family. She is very much a control freak. But at the same time she says that she loves her husband and children. You do know that the baby she had last year is not her husband's?"

"What!" I just about spit my wine out all over the table.

Brenda went on to describe Emily's psyche and how it means she responds to her husband and her need to for sex outside their marriage. She spent a good amount of time talking psycho-babble that I barely understood but at the end I had one question.

"Is she going to leave him?"

My sister took a big gulp of her wine, "Honestly, I don't know. Earlier on I would have said that eventually she would leave him and the children in search of some elusive fulfillment that has escaped her so far. But now, that's anyone's guess what will happen."

The lawyer in me took over, "Jesus, what a shit-show. Okay, I'll be prepared for Jordan to want a separation agreement if she does decide to leave him. I know that he will fight for the children and we can argue that she in an unfit mother carrying on several sexual affairs for years now. That and the DNA test that Jordan got after the boy was born. I can paint her as a promiscuous slut. She can fight it, but I know the right judges to get our argument in front of if we have to go that far."

Brenda leaned forward, "Settle down Sis, don't launch on this just yet. My guess is that Jordan will keep her at all cost. She still loves him, and he loves her. And he firmly believes that the kids need their mother. No, don't go dusting off the legal briefs just yet."

We ate lunch and got caught up on our own family things but in the back of my mind I would be ready to do whatever Jordan needed me to do to save his family.

Jordan

It was Saturday night; date night. I wanted to take Emily out for a quiet dinner with just the two of us and maybe go for a walk after. I needed to have a chance to talk to her without distractions and complications.

We talked about some things about the kids, work and what was coming up next week. But it wasn't what I wanted to talk about.

"So, how has it been going talking to Dr. Brenda?"

"It's been going good. I've been able to come to some realizations about what it is I want and why I want it."

"So, what is it that you want, Dear?"

Emily said very matter-of-factly, "I want my cake and eat it too."

"I see." But I didn't. I wasn't sure what that meant for her, for our family and for me.

"Jordan, I love you and in know you love me. I love our children so much. Can we leave it at that?"

I was quiet for a moment. I needed to let that sink in and try to figure out what she was saying. "Okay, I can do that."

We sat for a few more minutes without saying much. Emily broke the silence. "Jordan, I need you to take me home and make love to me. No, I want you to fuck me, fuck me hard and let me know that you want me."

I almost couldn't believe what I was hearing. I nodded. "Okay." Emily smiled at me, I paid the bill and we hustled out of the restaurant without eating.

*********

Eight months later

Jordan

Well, there have been some significant developments in my life if the last months. It seems that my wife has, without my knowledge, quietly purchased a condominium in the city close to her office. It's a two-bedroom, two-bathroom unit on the 17^th floor of a 25-floor building. It's a nice unit, about 2000 square feet inside and well decorated, if what I hear about it is accurate. I've never been there. I just recently found out the address. Margaret gave me a heads-up last week and was able to get the real-estate listing with photos. I have a very bad feeling about this.

Jacq

I've been very busy with my new responsibilities at work, so much so, that my time to spend with my children had been slowly eroded to the point that I had to hire a part time nanny. Can you believe that? Me, a busy professional with a nanny to help look after my daughters. Jordan had been there as much as he can and when we match up our schedules it doesn't leave much time for us to be intimate with each other. We're down to about one or two afternoons a month so we try to make the most of the time that we have together.

I still love the feel of his body next to mine. When my nipples rub against his chest I almost orgasm from just that alone. His lips and his touch quickly push me over the edge. His mouth on my pussy and clit always give me so much pleasure and the feel of his cock in my vagina is something that I don't ever want to go without. He is the man that makes me feel like a woman. Not to mention that he is the man that I want more children with.

Yes, that might sound stupid and foolish but it's the truth. Eventually I'll get my wish. I'm still young, I'm only 33, and Jordan is now 37, so we have lots or time for more children. He made me promise that I would go back on birth control, so I had an IUD put back in. That way I don't have to worry about taking a pill every day.

Jordan is talking about starting his own design company. I know that it would be a lot of work to get it going and there is always the concern that there won't be enough business to make it a success. If he decides to do that, I'll be right there as part of the new company. I don't care if I must sell my house to make ends meet, I know that in the long run he'll make it a success.

Okay, I gotta get back to work. There is lots to do and I have little time to do it. Oh, just one more thing, I know that Emily has been up to something that is a bit weird. I heard that she bought a condominium downtown. I don't know about you but to me that says that if it isn't for investment purposes, she is getting ready to leave her husband. She says that she loves Jordan but buying another place to live says something quite different. I'll be watching closely to see what happens.

Dr. Brenda

I'm worried. I'm very worried.

My patient is not doing very well. I thought that she was getting on the road to a better understanding as to what motivates her need for sex outside her marriage. She says that her husband is wonderful and that she loves him and her children very much. So, what's the problem?

Her whole psyche is driven by a couple of conflicting issues. Her narcissistic traits and need for ultimate control along with her fear of missing out. She is driven by the need to have it all and have it at the same time. So that means she wants her husband and family, she wants her high-power career, and she wants the high that comes with sex outside her marriage. Ultimately this is a formula for disaster.

Her FOMO and controlling nature were supposed to be under control as a by-product of her time in counselling with me. I gave her several coping strategies that would help her manage her own expectations for what it is she wants. But, sadly, I failed, and my patient is getting worse.

Emily confessed to me that she is spending less time at home than before and more time with her lover. She is inventing reasons to be away more and more with work and thus it gives her more freedom to fulfill her need of sex. She has what I believe is sex addiction. Even though her husband is a good sex partner she wants more than he can give her.

Having three children puts a crimp in her time as well so she looks for opportunities to spend time scratching that sex-itch whenever she can.

This is not going to end well. I need to call my sister and warn her so she can warn Jordan. I owe him that.

Jordan

When Margaret called me and asked me to come by to visit her, I didn't give it much thought at the time. I knew that she might have some paperwork for me to look at since I'm getting very close to jumping ship at the company that I work for and starting my own company. There is lots of work for architects out there and I want both the flexibility that being on my own will provide and I want the challenge of starting my own company from the ground-up. To me that's a thrill that I look forward to.

When I got to Margaret's office, we shook hands and then she gave me a drink. When she brought out the good bourbon, I knew that it was serious shit we were going to talk. Well, I got a lot more than I had planned to get that day.

I found out that my wife, the same one that told me just this morning that she loved me, might be getting ready to abandon our marriage. This hit me like that bus did a couple of years ago. I swallowed a big gulp of the bourbon and looked at the photos of the condo that she had bought.