All Comments on 'Just Another Day'

2nd person is hard for me to read.

Gotta admit that I started skimming after you lost me.

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First, don't write in 2nd person, and almost as important, don't write in present tense. I know some people use that as a Fantasy mode, but don't kid yourself: your storytelling isn't that good yet.

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Whenever I read an author say, "You said...," I really say, "No, I didn't. "

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I stopped taking this seriously once he prepared a bowl of 'serial'. It got worse when she wrapped her fingers around his 'tentacles'. Numerous other misused words make me think you are very brave to write in a language you have so little grasp of.

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And I'm sorry that I don't get how the rain ruined everything. I can foresee Wendy cutting her walk short and catching her mom's adultery; or the husband ending his round of golf early and catching them; but you ended the story before that happened. So how does the rain fit into the plot?

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It was a courageous first effort. The errors are significant, but would have been caught and corrected by an editor who uses English as a primary language.

Should have known by the mistake in the discription that this would be bad. 'GO' wrong. NOT gone wrong.

And I sure didn't do any of what you said. 1*

Starting the story with "you" tends to ruin it from the start

cereal is spelled with a c, serial is a happening

*** Thanks for the read.

Second person sucks

I didn't read it so I didn't score it. Rw43 explained it pretty well.

Keep at it and thank you.

Why, this idiot cannot even write in English.If you have no talent, cannot understand the language you are writing in why bother and waste our time with such crap.there are some real talents on this site and some amazing stories.This is not one it’s utter drivel and the poor English really pissed me off.Even the title is wrong

Sorry. 2nd person is really annoying. I assume English is not your first language and it shows.

Enjoyed your story, I think you meant testicle not tentacle

What a horrible first effort. I won't bother to even skim through anything else you publish. 1/5*

Don't write in 2nd person. You don't know me.

I hate cheating assholes and the writing was dreadful. I will take responsibility for not understanding what the rain had to do with the story since I skipped to the end after he heard a scream from their back yard.

Too many errors to make the story readable.

Gosh! This is the first example of Octo-porn I have ever read in Loving Wives. How did you know I have tentacles? Have you been peaking?

2 nd person is for instruction booklets, not stories. It's really too bad we can't give negative stars for being so stupid as to write a story in 2 nd. person. First, it's NOT Saturday. Does that mean I have to wait until Saturday to read the story?

Childish, horrible phrasing.

Your spelling needs work. You "thrusted" not "trusted".

speaking with *you*, *her* sure made for a stupid read.

That's pretty decent for a first story. Don't be fooled and stay tuned. Your first language is not English, so think less about it than some readers. Stay true to your line and make the most of it. If you want to save yourself trouble with the rating and the comments, then switch to another category!

Bad POV, but doesn't really matter, once we discover this is about some wife-stealing asshole and his gutter slut neighbor. Pathetic.

Stopped reading as soon as I realized it was 2nd person shit (which is a redundant term).

Could’ve been better if your writing was better AND not like reading a how to book. Also a bit more detailed. If you’re going to write a story, do it properly

A perfect example of why I don’t write. Like this guy, I can’t.

A second-person POV sounds like a hypnotic suggestion session.

That was a rough read. Knew it would be a dumb cuck type story right off the bat just by the way it was written.

Stop the second person writing. It is annoying and alienates the reader. It's the empty calories of writing.

Very poor story. Badly written. 1 star.

The story was okay. IMHO, it did not flow well, and it felt stilted.

Seem as if you want to tell us a story but don't know how to do so. Listen to the other people who made valid comments. Look at your character introductions at the opening and think about the fact that you told us the names and ages of the two females and then again just four paragraphs later. Proofread and think about what you want to say versus what you have written.

Not much