All Comments on 'Just Once'

Good story. With more on the aftermath it could have been a 5.

Feels incomplete 4 ****

Good but should have been longer. A BTB story (which this sort of was) needs to dwell on wife's misery and the set-up and execution of revenge against the bastard who ruined the marriage. Given our legal system, it is all fantasy anyway but authors may as well make it a satisfyingly brutal fantasy.

Wish it were longer and more complete. Pelt like it was leading to something but ended too quickly

What an EXCELLENT read!! Thank you!!

Great build up but ends way too abruptly. One half of a pretty good story.

I've read the critique of your work, stating it wasn't long enough or not enough development of characters or events. I disagree. Sometimes, short and succinct work and I think you make them work well. Good read.

In my humble opinion, it wasn't a bad story at all. Sure the concept was not at all original, -but then it doesn't have to be now does it? Just look at all the "February Sucks" Saga! It seemed like that story spawned a thousand-and-one follow-on's, follow-throughs, and re-imaginings and the overwhelming majority were highly entertaining, not to mention inspiring many other stories!

Yes the concept behind the ending was satisfying to the poetic-justice fans (where I confess my sympathies lie) and to some degree the BTB crowd, but I concur that it did feel as if the author was under pressure of time, to get it finished in a frenzied race against the clock! The whole of the finalé did feel indecently hurried.

The author Mr. Jones, gives his location as London, yet although hie writing IS good, he's far too familiar with C&W Hillbilly Redneck slang parody-of English to be English himself, I would have thought, -"is all" instead of `that's all' and then of course, the current piece-de-resistance, the one every modern pseudo just MUST throw in to "fit-in" : He (White-Pigeoned) into her puss, He (international Bird-of-Peace) onto the bed! Just because one ignorant Tyke could not remember that the DIVE just added another 'D' on the end to become DIVED! -it did NOT morph itself into a flaming white bird! . . . But otherwise the story WAS well written. For the first AND the middle sections, the characters WERE described well enough to understand them, even if it was a tad minimalist! And we DID feel the appropriate sympathy/hate as appropriate! . Just that the ending felt somewhat rushed, that's all. Good story though, I would LOVE to see a revised version in the fullness of time!

better the second time

To the Anonymous below me.

Bro, this is fucked up. Cheating is bad, but acid on the face and setting people on fire? No wonder she cheted. I can only imagine what type of family you have here.

Hoist by his own petard! I love it, five stars.

Hard to believe it didn’t catch up to him earlier with need to keep giving Batman clues to his crimes.

The second reading makes me feel sorry for Joyce. She sinks into sin so readily. If. a woman seduces a man we tend to forgive him because he couldn’t resist the temptation but a woman can’t be forgiven or trusted ever again.

It takes two to cheat! Instead of fixing the problem at home, she fixed it permanently. She is very lucky she was not found with Mason in his car. Well done. Good story line. Keep writing.

XYZ

Why would The Predator work so hard* to ‘make Sweetie his’ when he informed Hubby after a few (NOT one) sessions?

*Well, yeah … what a tough job (if you pick your parents right to pass on length & girth!)

Hubby Jake might consider dating Sweetie (non-exclusively) after the divorce! The Predator deserved his fate but he did leave Sweetie VALUE ADDED! I will trade ‘no longer impressed by my size’ for Deep Throat and Anal with an Ex w/Benefits.

3*

Niceaplover: i call bullshit. Men and women both have cravings and both have a brain... the idea men have no control is bull. There's mo reason a man cannot do the right thing just as there's no reason a woman cannnot. Society may vie it differently and that's the big issue. But i have never cheated or come close and yes I've had the opportunity.

Good God, yet another “loving wife” who caves into adultery so easily, with so little thought, with so little effort on the part of the predator, as if she has no brain, no love, no moral compass, and no bullshit detector. Sorry, without some intense dissatisfaction on her part, which the author made sure we knew did not exist, a woman like Joyce wouldn’t cheat. She would easily recognize the “predator moves” the asshole was making, and shut him down. This story makes no psychological or emotional sense.

They make Mason and his like out as they are master seducers, whispering in the slut’s ear, secretly marking the husband’s wife, tipping off the husband, gently touching…..etc.etc. Look they see a piece….if its hot they take a shot knowing if the target is a slut they score, a normal wife they get shot down. It’s not complicated….just a game of numbers. Sluts fuck, normal wives don’t….they aren’t talked into it or seduced….these aren’t 18 year olds. Write stuff that has real world circumstances that DO motivate people to act…..stop with the Lothsarios and the dumb as a rock women. R. H.

Just once I want a story where the husband fucks better with a bigger dick than the other man. R. H.

Just a little FYI, I'm not greek god or even a good looking farmer. But I've had several women during my marriages offer to take me to bed. I've never cheat, not even once. My ex-wife cheated twice, I forgave her once, second time was the last one I'd take.

Standard fare for a brain-addled slut wife:

"Once is enough, do you love this man? Do you plan to leave Jake?"

"No, well I don't know, I am confused. I don't think so, maybe." Joyce was rambling.

"It was just once though!"

The epilogue was rushed. Would be nice if you would of turned it into a conversation between colleagues or news report or conversation between him and the doctor or his parents and the doctors about his injuries. Maybe even a conversation between him and the husband where he begs before each and every hit, where he sees his disfigured body as more and more hits mangle him.

A further action would be for the wronged husband to tell the other wronged husbands who was to blame for their ruined marriages, maybe even a video recording of the mangled asshole as he details exactly what he did and how many household he ruined, ruining his life completely with family, friends and acquaintances abandoning him for good reason, leaving him, alone, broken and fearful of the next husband that will seek revenge.

Glad the seducer get his in the end!

5

I tend to love it when the predators get "broken up".

Overall, I like the story. It was well written. I like the fact that the spouse that cheats and the person who she/he cheated with gets their comeuppance and they are destroyed for a long time. I plan to read some more of this author's stories. I hope they are all as good as this one.

She proved she was a whore and Jake had pictures to prove it. I know it's fiction, but she got hers and so didn't her boytoy! Neither one got quite enough...

WTF? It was just once ... but seriously?

Do you love the man, are you planning on leaving your husband? "No, well I don't know, I am confused. I don't think so, maybe."

The story started out promising but then became a cliché filled BTB. It became very ordinary and devoid of any real emotion or conflict. All but the BTB fetishists will walk away feeling unfulfilled. 3* for being well written.

[14.07.23]

Fun Stuph!

11/10!!!!!1

The end is what I liked. The wife was right out of the delusional wife handbook. "Do you love the predator" It was a well written and told story. For those who say it was predictable I ask" What about most of the BTB stories isn't? I love the predator to get smashed nuts...Just love it,,,

10 Big Blazing star for writer! Great Writing, Great Story, Great Plot, Great payoff, Great Ending, I love a happy ending, Great Effort. Thanks, Good Job! Buster2U

A rather sad one dimensional story. No real character development and a rather abrupt BTB ending.

My favorite part of these stories, us when wifey finds out her “ new soul mate”, is fucking other women at the same time. It didn’t state that in this story, but it was implied.

Beautiful writing, however the story makes the male seducer the main antagonist and vilified all his actions as evil. At the same time the author softens and eroticises the cheating as if some how justifying it, because it was loving and passionate. There will always be men looking to seduce women some with good intentions some with bad. The fact is, the majority of sin, or blame should be placed on the wife as it was she who broke a vow, a vow being a "lifetime promise to (God,family,friends,husband)" on top of cheating she also, lied, deceived, humiliated, and insulted the one person that she'd sworn to love, honor, and respect. So stories like this that continue to always feminize the story by vilifying the actions of the men, and justify those of the women will always loose a couple stars.

This is an age old story that I never get tired of reading about. I think it is the narrative that makes this tale top notch. The description of the game is very good and the mindset of the victim is really well executed. I know that she broke her marriage vows and the way she did it was unforgivable but let’s not forget how many men have done it and have reconciled with their spouse. They blame the whore who seduces them. “It was only sex.”

To niceallover, you say "let's not forget how many men have done it....'it was only sex' ". And what? BOTH women and men TRY to use that line. Neither is right. That is why it is called "cheating" and being "unfaithful".

It ended as it should. They played and then paid.

Mason is a first class ashole, but Joyce is 1000 times lower. He didn't rape her, drug her or blackmail her. He convinced her to cheat by talking to her and asking her to betray her husband with him.

HE didn't swear a sacred oath before God, family and friends to be faithful to Jake .. SHE did that. HE didn't betray Jake .. SHE did. However, HE gets beaten half to death, and SHE loses a husband she neither loved nor respected. Am I the only one who sees a total lack of proportionality here? Mason deserved what he got, but Joyce deserved to pay a similar price. In the end, the lying, cheating skank lost nothing she values.

Good no cuck wimp MC, author's like Ohio, capvigurl,slirpuff should learn from you.

What anon below me wrote (2 months ago). There's a time for reconciliation & a time for not putting up with the "it's only sex/ doesn't mean anything/ ... your fragic male ego" shit. This author did it very well. But while the guy got the life almost beat out of him, the wife really got nothing more than a divorce & the distain of her co-workers, friends, & family. Somehow there should've been more. 4 stars Bob

A good concept, but there was too much time was spent with the cheaters having sex. I had to skip through most of that part. Disgusting! You should have limited that to a small paragraph. Put more time into Mason's beating, and the aftermath with regrets by the cheaters, Mason's firing, reactions from her family and maybe a new woman for Jake.

Skipped the sex scene. Not a writer in LW can write a sex scene without a number of readers laughing their asses off. Sex is so personal you can never write a good sex scene for all readers. This one was skiable for sure.

A good balance of plot and revenge, enjoyed it greatly. Don't think you need to write sex in LW when it's about revenge or punishment.

Another instance of setting up the story and then just mailing in a brief finish. You waste your readers’ time by not finishing the story. I’m done reading your material.