Just One Regret

"Huh..." Sadie muttered as she stared at her new husband's cock nestled between her legs.

"Is something wrong?" her husband, Paul, asked, wondering why she had suddenly stopped after acting so eager only a moment before.

"It's nothing... I was just remembering... how things used to be..." Sadie replied.

"Oh..." Paul replied, as he noticed how she was looking at his cock between her legs, "Ohhhh... right. You know I sometimes forget you weren't always the woman you are now. You don't have any regrets, do you? About us?"

"No, of course not," Sadie replied emphatically, she didn't want to worry her husband. "I love you and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you."

Sadie leaned to give him a reassuring kiss, before getting on with their lovemaking, taking his cock into her waiting pussy.

While Paul knew Sadie had once been a man, he didn't know the whole truth about why she transitioned. Paul thought it was her own courageous decision. He didn't know about the years of vicious blackmail that started her down the rabbit hole of radical feminization. He didn't know that Sadie still had times when she wished she could go back. Times when she wished she hadn't been such a coward. Times she wished she'd stood up to her blackmailer. Surely the dirt he had on her wasn't worth all this... But, at the time it seemed there was no way out. And now? It was too late to change any of that. She made her choices. And her blackmailer had long since moved on, seeing their job as complete the moment Sadie underwent that final operation

So, Sadie did have regrets, but none about Paul. Growing up they had been best friends. Without him by her side, she might have genuinely broke down. But he gave her hope. Hope that this new life, her life, could still be a happy one.

It was Paul who went looking for her. When everybody else stopped asking what had happened to him, Paul was still looking. All that Paul knew was that his friend had found himself in "a toxic relationship."

All my other friends from school had dropped me when I came out as gay, but I suppose that I dropped them too. I was looking for sex, so I mixed with gay men. I mixed, rather than making friends. It was something I missed. Without the guys I grew up with I felt that I needed a relationship that was more than just sex.

But he was all wrong for me - I know that now. He wanted me to be more effeminate than I really was, but I went along with it. Then he wanted me to pretend to be a woman when we went out to things like sports events.

It now seems to me that he was fighting the fact that he was gay. He loved sucking my cock, back when I had one, but after I had filled his mouth he would spit it out and call me disgusting. He was a fucked-up person, as I now realize.

He found out that I was skimming the club I worked at, and he threatening to tell the owners. You might think that might be no big deal, but the owners of the club were serious criminals - not the kind of people you steal from. It was my mistake, and now it was going to cost me my life.

He demanded that I live as a woman full time - his shemale girlfriend. He had me on hormones, which left me barely able to get an erection. He would ram my ass and tell me that my dick was a waste of space. He would nag me to get rid of it, but that was something I never wanted to do.

He came into some money and told me that he had booked me in for sex-change surgery. I pleaded with him. I never wanted that. Okay, so I was living as a woman by that stage and I was quite used to it, even enjoying the dresses and the hairstyles, but that did not mean I was ready to lose my dick.

"You belong to me, remember?" he said. "If I want you with a clean hole instead of that useless pee-stick, then that is what is going to happen. It is that or the club owner gets the proof of your dishonesty."

Pain is better than death, I figured, and there was pain. Even when I was in recovery he as ramming my ass telling me that I was now what he wanted, but when he saw my new anatomy - the flush crotch and inflamed vulva he demanded - I could see the horror on his face.

He never wanted me from then on. He is a gay male, and I was not that ... not anymore.

And then there was Paul. He had heard that I was working in a drag club, and that I had an abusive boyfriend. He was there to see if I was alright. That was the kind of person that he was.

I could never have loved him as a gay man, but now everything had changed. No gay man would be interested in me anymore. I needed to adapt to my new reality. The man I needed had to be straight.

If it sounds like I took advantage of an old friend, I want to explain that it was not like that. I just told him that I was a woman now, and that I was alone, and that I felt that working at the drag club was not what I wanted to do. I was lost, and still very sore down there. Paul just took me in.

He said that I had made a courageous decision in becoming a woman without support and without certainty as to what the future held. I thought about telling him that it was not my choice at all, but I decided it was better not to. I did not want pity to replace admiration, even when it was not justified.

And I admired him too. He had gone looking for me out of concern - a true friend. He said that he had always felt bad about the way the other guys had refused to accept me. I told him that I held no grudge. I wanted to live another life - a gay life. But that was over. I needed to live a third life - maybe a wife life?

I went back home with him. I stayed with him and I got a job as Sadie working in a fashion boutique. I slowly healed, and when that was done Paul and I started to have sex. It was great. I never expected that it would be that good. The surgeon had done a good job and I had feeling, and my orgasm was now outwards but inwards, and better somehow.

We became a couple. Marriage seemed the right next step.

Please don't think of me badly for having one regret, that I gave in to blackmail and lost my manhood, because it was only one regret, and once only. I held his cock as if it were mine, and thought about the life I might have had.

"Come on Sadie," said Paul. "Slip it inside your pussy and ride me like a cowgirl should."

God, I love that man. And he loves me. One regret, perhaps - now forgotten forever.

The End

© Maryanne Peters 2022