All Comments on 'Kaana'

Hard to believe that you are posting your first story. Loved every bit of it.. keep going..

Black women corrupted me.Now I willfully and obediently stick my tongue as far up there gorgeous asses as far as it will go.

Some people just want sex in stories, but many want a plot that makes sense on some level. I think you have good potential, but it was too much sex too fast and at the wrong time. Yes, this is fantasy, but I'm guessing that your aim is probably to write well too.

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Anyway, if you haven't already, write a brief outline so that you know where your story is going. If you don't write an outline, at some point you will write yourself into a corner and won't know how to get out, or you'll make errors that show you lost track of the plot resulting in inconsistencies.

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Read up on punctuation ( I still make errors, but I'm getting better). Learn to break up long paragraphs and proof read, proof read, proof read. Those things will be a great help with the flow of your story. I hate editing, but it's part of the process unless you want someone else to do it. I grit my teeth through it because I don't want anyone else messing with my fragile babies. LOL.

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At least you've taken the plunge and posted, I haven't. Keep at it. I look forward to seeing where this story goes. :-)

I don't know anyone male or f/male who would want to have sex with a person after being told by that person "you're fired."

job i loved it

Nice. Wonder what happened to that promised second chapter?

Omg omg...next part PUH-LEEZ!

You sure this is your first story like this? It was amazing and I look forward to reading more from you. Keep writing

Next chapter PLEASE!

I thought this was a very good story as well. Can't wait for the next chapter and more. WCD

I just discovered this little gem and I'm glad I took the time to read it. Simply great and I can't wait to read more!

Thank you all so much for your comments, I will be posting the second chapter before the end of this month. And for the commenter who was interested in seeing Jennifer ( the red head) again, don't worry she has a role to play...

Great story. Wished you would of added white woman to the sexual part of story you had already mentioned how pretty she was.

Hi Onyx,

Loved your story...there simply aren't enough WM/BF stories on this site and I'm glad that there's a chance to change that with some new talent. Keep up the good work and I look forward to reading your next!

Kitty

I'm always glad to see a good Black Female/White Male story. Please give us more.

A very good start. I like others here have dated outside my race. When I did so, at that time it was frowned upon. I reeally did not care the beauty of her soul, not her skin color captured my attention. You said you have more please do us the honor of posting them. Your writing is good and will, I believe, only improve. I eagerly await your next installment

Please continue its a really good start and we want to hear more about the two protagonists!

Really enjoy the reverse interraciall theme. I am white but I have dated a number of wonderful black women. Thanks for putting it into words.

I hope there is a Part 2. This is pretty good.

one of the best first stories i have seen. hope there is a part 2

an excellent 1st effort! Loved it! you write very well.