All Comments on 'Karen & Kylie Ch. 01'

really enjoyed the build up to the climaxes,, was a great story . Kept me wanting to be a participant either one was ok, ,, cumming while reading this was easy,,

Looking forward to chapter 2!

I really liked the story, it has a lot of emotion and he pacing is great. I loved how you were able to infuse most every scene with some level of sexual tension, from the very subtle to the very blatent. It kept the interest piqued. The basic story idea is great too, there's a great set up to both characters, why they have become who they are, and how they know each other, though they don't know it.

Now for the constructive criticisms... learn to love the comma, you underuse it a lot, leading to a lot of sentences that are confusing on the first read. Also, be careful with ambiguous pronouns, especially in same sex erotica, because it can get a bit difficult to know who it's referring to. You use the phrase "the woman" and "her" or "she" quite a lot, and on either of them. One way to avoid confusion and not have to use their name directly every time is to keep one amiguous pronoun for one character and one for the other. Just some thoughts, since you specifically requested constructive criticism sort of feedback.

I'll definitely be reading Part 2. :)

Wonderful story line... Can't wait for the next chapter.

This story was amazing. I love the build up of sexual tension between the two women.

Lost my attention completely. This Lengthly writing, reminded me of a 10 course meal. By the time you finally crawl up to the Main Course, your too stuffed to play!

Are you fishing for complements? Well, here you go...Wonderful! CALIENTE! Can't wait to read the rest!

certainly a good slow build up which leads to imagining what comes next

I thoroughly enjoyed the story and think it is realistic and highly erotic. I appreciate the background information and detailed descriptions. It was not at all boring to me; your descriptive narrative helped me to visualize the characters and each scene. When Kylie realized that Karen had given her her wet panties, the image of Karen Stone as Carly Norris removing her panties at the table in the restaurant in the movie Sliver immediately came to mind. It made real for me the fact that Karen could have removed her panties in the car and handed them very discreetly to Kylie across the dinner table. I commend you for an excellent story.

I am a professional woman that found this piece to be quite tantilizing....very sexy. It made me remember the first time I realized I had an attraction to women...

I was very turned on by the story...

Great start,LOVED IT !!!!!!!

Breathtaking - you write so very well.

Loved it.

Can't wait to read more of your work.

Especially liked your eye for detail in your descriptions of situations and the way you 'layer' your writing, building almost minute by minute.

The tension is palpable.

Can really relate to it as a woman.

Alison

loved the story...

wonderful rhythm and pace, beautifully executed

it needs scissoring

The innocent flirt between these two was jas amazing, I loooved it!!!

Wow!

I found the story intriguing enough to keep my interest enough that I actually read every word , even during the build-up , ( which i'll admit , I usually at best , speed read , and at worst , scan / skip through entire paragraphs to get to the goodies ). The only flaw is the few clerical errors , and I aint-a-gonna (sic) bitch about that!!! Good job ! What else you got ?

can't wait to read part two

It's hot. It's intruiging. Nice style, bring on part two.

Beautiful, excellent, surely this author hasn't stopped publishing; our loss!

Seduction stories are the best.

So glad I found this story again, I would often think bout it but couldn’t remember the name ..added to favorites