Karenocracy Pt. 01

"Good luck," he said again. "You're going to need it."

"Why does everyone keep saying that to me?" I asked under my breath, before marching away before the guy could answer.

I headed towards the main entrance of the gated community, just beyond the security hut and to what I originally thought had been the show house. When I'd first come to look at the facility, I'd even walked around the garden, not realising that someone had lived there. I figured that it was just a pretty display to entice us all in. As if it was showcasing the kind of home we could build ourselves. I never considered that it was a taunt of what the 'president' was allowed to enjoy while everyone else had to suffer beneath her iron fist. I mean, denying a child a paddling pool in their own garden? That was just spiteful and petty. Especially when she had some expansive pond that looked like it was straight out of a Japanese garden, even with the pricey Koi in tow! My yard looked like an empty plot in comparison, and she even had a bunch of wind chimes flapping and rattling around that were causing more of a noise disturbance than the music had been at my party.

I walked up to the gate, and without even pausing I'd rung the bell mounted on the wall. I was so annoyed by the audacity of the letter, especially after now knowing this was her home and that apparently the same rules didn't apply to her. I lived four streets over in the facility, so it wasn't as if she could even hear the music or see the smoke from my party. She must have deliberately walked over and made it a problem for herself.

When no answer came, I impatiently rang the bell two more times, and was stood with arms crossed when she finally came to the door.

"Who is that?" she yelled over. "You never heard of being patient? Stop ringing my bell." She pushed through the door, allowing it to swing behind her and slam closed. She was wearing a tank top and a pair of shorts, along with white, leather Birkenstocks and this annoying, almost Karen-like visor tucked into her blonde hair above her ever-present glasses. Why was she even wearing a visor in the house? It made no sense, but her appearance just seemed to grate me for some reason. "What do you want?" she asked as she neared the fence. "You know how rude it is to just turn up here and start ringing my bell over and over?"

I almost burst out in laughter at the attitude on her. I held the letter up and waved it around. "How about almost as ridiculous as fining someone over a BBQ?"

She adjusted her glasses slightly, squinting as I continued to flap the paper around. "What are you talking about?"

My face soured. Was she acting like she didn't even remember the stupid complaint to the police she'd made about me? Was she dishing out so many of these letters that I was just one amongst many? She couldn't even remember the annoyance she'd caused and how she'd ruined my housewarming party? "You called the police on my party," I said with a scowl. "I had to turn the music down and now you've sent me this letter saying I need to get rid of the BBQ or you'll fine me $400."

"Ohhhh. Yes."

I blinked, and waited for her to elaborate. When she just stood staring at me, I felt pressed to enquire further. "What do you mean 'yes'?"

"That's correct." She shrugged. "You violated two stipulations of the Homeowner Association rules and you face a suitable penalty for these infractions."

I had to blink again, and my words caught in my throat. She was just being so forthright and self-righteous about everything. I had expected her to squirm and talk her away out of it now that I'd confronted her. "How...how is that fair?" I asked, with far less conviction.

Surely, she'd realise that her stance was completely unreasonable and she'd embarrassingly waive the fine and send me on my way. However, she appeared to be standing firm and her posture was unrelenting. She merely shrugged again. "You were fully aware of the agreement when you signed it. A gathering of people of that magnitude, and with music of that volume, is a public indecency and a nuisance to the community as a whole. We can not have a repeat of that, along with the smoke pollution, which is a public hazard. You compromised the clean air in our community and it's not a big ask to request that you do not do that again in future. Removing the BBQ is a fair compromise and an official apology will smooth things over. If you choose to keep it, then that is entirely your decision, though there will be a $400 penalty for the inconvenience you caused everyone here. Failure to pay in due time will lead to late fees."

"Who was inconvenienced?" I asked aghast, while spinning on the spot and flailing my arms around. "No one was inconvenienced by my little get together. You're the only one who made an issue out of it and it wasn't as if it was bothering you from here. You must have had to walk over to even know it was happening."

"I regularly take walks around our community. That's part of living in such a nice area. We're all free to enjoy the facilities and the tranquil, fresh environment. That's until an inconsiderate neighbour like yourself deems it right to pollute the clean atmosphere."

"It was a small BBQ! I was hardly polluting anything, was I? Are you telling me you've never had guests visit your residence?" I looked at her pond, and then noted a birdhouse, nailed to the tree in her yard. The hypocrisy was unbearable. "How come you're allowed that then?" I asked. "If anyone else puts one up, you complain and threaten to fine them. You even deprived some poor kid of his paddling pool."

She turned towards the tree, before rapidly shooting her head back towards me, her ponytail flicking in the air while her eyes narrowed in annoyance from behind her glasses. "It's pretty," she said with a tut. "That one you're talking about was ghastly. It hurt my eyes seeing it every day, plus, it was drawing birds away from my yard." She then rolled her eyes. "Don't even get me started on that plastic abomination of a pool. That thing was awful and a crime against acceptable garden decoration. It looked cheap, and nasty, and was a horrid colour."

"In whose opinion? Yours?"

"Precisely," she said with a nod of her head, "and the opinion of anyone with decent taste." She glanced towards the paper in my hand. "Have you come to settle that? I assume from the stink you're kicking up that you won't be parting ways with your abhorrent cooking device."

"I'm not the one kicking up a stink." I crossed my arms, crunching up the letter against my ribs. "Actually, I have come to settle this, but not in the way you're thinking."

"Then you better come into my office." She had turned and walked back towards her door without even waiting for my response. Once there, she held it open. "Well, don't keep me waiting. I do have other things to do, you know? You're not the only person that matters around here."

"God," I fumed, before pushing through the gate and stomping my way towards her door. She headed down the hallway towards a back room, and I followed, entering just as she took a seat behind a desk. "You actually have an office set up in your house?" I asked in surprise. "You really take this stupid role seriously, don't you?"

She glanced up at me, before grimacing and signalling towards the seat opposite. "The sooner we sort this out, the sooner you can bother someone else."

I slumped into the seat, shocked that she was portraying me as the one doing all of the bothering. I couldn't think of anything witty or clever to say, instead falling into a silence as I looked around her 'office'. There were lots of pictures of her with various people from the town; notable people that likely had a lot of pull. There was also a load of trophies for something or other on the top shelf, as well as various books regarding legislation and the law. Clearly, Carol Broom thought she was quite the important person.

"So, how do you intend to settle this fine?" she asked while adjusting her glasses on her nose. "Cash or cheque? I usually require apologies to be written so I can keep a record, but since you deemed it necessary to attend in person, on this occasion, I'll accept a verbal apology."

"I'm not--"

Before I could even finish, there was some kind of intercom on her desk that was activated. "Ms. Broom," a voice said through the speaker. "Are you at home?"

She leant forwards and pushed a button, before speaking. "Yes, but I'm rather busy dealing with a community violation."

"Oh dear," I heard the female voice say. "Some people really have no respect, do they?"

Carol glanced up at me, before saying, "Quite."

"Anyway, it's Miriam," the woman said through the speaker. "From no. 11. I've brought you some of the muffins you like. I baked a batch freshly this morning."

"Oh, alright." Carol reached out her hand towards me, and after a moment of confusion where she impatiently wiggled her fingers, I passed her the letter. She lifted my letter in her manicured hand and read through it, before speaking through the side of her mouth. "Leave it on my door step. I'll take a look later."

"Certainly, ma'am," the woman said. "There's double chocolate, chocolate chip and blueberry. Just the type you like."

Carol clicked off the intercom without even replying. "So, what's the problem?" she asked, while allowing her thin glasses to settle on the tip of her snooty, upturned nose. She looked at me over the lenses; her eyes impatient in their wants. "Can you pay this right now?"

I flinched and had to fidget in my seat. "Ummm, actually, no, I can't. That's the point." When there was no insight in her expression to what she was thinking, I hesitated, before adding in a slightly flustered voice, "I don't think I've done anything wrong. It's my garden. Surely, I can do in it what I want? I wasn't bothering anyone with a small party. It was a one-off event."

"Is that right?" she asked. "Well, what you think doesn't matter, does it? It's clear in the Homeowner Association rules. You can't do anything that damages the aesthetic harmony and environment of this community. A loud, disruptive party with billowing smoke does exactly that, doesn't it?"

I gasped and chuckled in surprise. "It was hardly loud, and that smoke was anything but billowing. We cooked a couple of burgers. I'd put it out before it had barely started." I blinked. "How does my little party do any of that stuff you're accusing me of?" I looked passed her and nodded towards her window. "Your windchimes cause a nuisance, and they're constant, not like a one-off party." I signalled over my shoulder with my thumb. "That little fountain thing leading into your pond makes a trickling noise. I'm sure that annoys your neighbour."

"My property is not up for debate," she said, before offering me a patronising smile. "All of my decorations were approved by the Homeowner Association board."

"Of which you're the president." I sat back in the seat, unamused by the carve-up I was having to go through. "That's quite convenient, isn't it?

"If that's the way you want to look at it, but we're not discussing the convenience of my role in this community, are we? We're discussing the inconvenience of your actions." She shrugged then waved away my protestations. "In my opinion, you violate both orders." She settled the letter back down and tapped the final paragraph. "This letter was a courtesy, and you were given until today to rectify this violation and remove the apparatus from your property. Have you done that?"

I looked at her, perplexed. "What are you asking me exactly?"

"Has the violation been removed?"

I blinked again. "Are you asking me if the BBQ is still there?"

She sighed and rolled her eyes, before speaking a in a slow, condescending manner, "Yes, that's exactly what I'm asking you."

"It's still there." I swallowed nervously. "I didn't think I'd done anything wrong, so I errr...didn't see why I had to remove it." I nodded towards the letter. "I literally received this an hour ago."

"Well, you did do something wrong, and you haven't rectified it, therefore, the fine issued will be collected. You were given the opportunity to avoid a fine by correcting the violation and apologising. You have chosen not to do so, and therefore, a fine is the appropriate punishment." She reached over and plucked a file from her bookshelf, before turning to a page and scribbling something down.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm making a record of your violation and your punishment to be collected."

"Punishment?" I asked, completely flabbergasted. "What is this? School? You can't punish me for putting a BBQ in my garden."

She ignored me and reached for her diary, before scribbling something in today's section. "I assume from your behaviour that you're not settling today. You have until next week to pay. If you miss the deadline, then I will add late fees of $20 on a daily basis. After a further week, I will escalate your violation to the courts." She looked up and offered me a serious expression. "Note that any extra fees outside of my control will be due to your lack of cooperation."

"What? Are you being serious right now?"

"We have a legal team on hand, and we're more than willing to recover our damages."

My hands balled into fists. "What damages? You haven't incurred any damages?"

"You've damaged the harmony and nature of our living space."

"How have I done that? You spied on my place and found a problem where it didn't exist. I wasn't harming anyone." I swallowed nervously, my voice becoming panicked, and as a result, I went on the attack. "Is this because you're such a Karen that you can't stand seeing other people enjoying themselves?"

At once, Carol's eyes widened and her face turned purple. "Who the hell do you think you're talking to?" However, after a moment, while I sat there shocked and frozen, she seemed to calm and let out a sigh, before rolling her eyes and pointing towards the door. "Your attitude is so unjustified. You can leave now. I'll expect a cheque by tomorrow, otherwise I will begin topping up late fees. Have a good day." She was already stood and offering me towards the door. "Come on," she said. "I have other things to be doing." I was so confused and perplexed, that I rose to my feet and made my way to the front door, turning and mumbling some protestations which she easily waved away and shushed. "I'm done talking," she said. "Either settle or we'll take further action through the courts."

Once she'd directed me outside, she glanced down at the basket of muffins, before she looked up towards the security hut. "Henry," she called out. "Come and take these for me." She reached into the basket of muffins, plucked one of the blueberry ones out, then curled her lips in disgust, before squashing it and tossing the crumbs onto her garden. "Miriam's baking is only good for feeding the birds," she said, before abruptly going back inside and closing the door.

I stood in shock on her doorstep for a few minutes, watching silently as the security guy came over, nodded politely, then took the muffins back to his hut to enjoy with his colleagues. The arrogance of the woman was outstanding, and I couldn't believe the way in which she had spoken to me. I'd had my ass metaphorically spanked and sent on my way as if I was an unruly child in need of a lesson. What did she expect me to do now: go away, find the money, then crawl back and pay her? It was completely unjust and there was no way I was going to give in to her demands.

On the way back to my property I called up my friend again. "She's come out guns blazing," I said. "She says either I pay or go to court."

"Didn't you discuss any alternative arrangement?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know...something...anything other than going to court? Did you engage? Were you polite and reasonable?"

"I was as polite as she was," I said with pride.

"Oh God, Jodie. Sometimes your stubbornness gets you into a right hole."

"I think she's bluffing," I said.

"I guess you'll find out in due time."

The next week was a mixture of work and continuing to settle into my home. I put Carol and her shenanigans out of my mind, focusing on more important issues that improved my life, rather than made it worse. Clearly, she got off on pushing people around, but I wasn't about to become one of her victims. She could go to hell regarding the payment, and she was the single blip in an otherwise beautiful community. She was an annoying irritation, and I wasn't about to extend a single thought more than I needed towards her.

I guess I kind of entered an out of sight, out of mind way of thinking, and the weight lifted as I buried my head in the sand. I figured that I could just pretend that my run-in with Carol hadn't happened, then she'd probably forget about it and move onto other more important things. In the grand scheme, $400 was hardly something for her to fret over, and it was glaringly disproportional to the apparent 'crime' I had committed. She had to realise that. I mean, she clearly wasn't a stupid individual, was she?

I settled into enjoying the facility, visiting the pool each morning before work and swinging by the gym afterwards. I fell into a routine, where I felt refreshed and energised, and I accepted that despite finer details of the Homeowner Association rules being a hassle, the actual benefits I received in return were well worth it. I was just mindful of making the same mistake in future, as the other people in the community had mentioned; Carol was a persistent annoyance, and one just had to find a way to handle her. She was a pest that needing swatting, or at the very least, I needed to erect a figurative fence to keep her at bay.

By Friday evening of the next week, I was well into my new fitness regime, and I was already feeling the benefits to my body. I'd been varying the muscles I exercised each day, and Friday I'd lined up for an extended session of cardio. I arrived at the gym with positive intentions, however, my mood became glum as I noticed a figure in a pink tracksuit, with a familiar blonde ponytail swinging back and forth through the window. I hesitated, wondering if it were better to have a rest that day and come back when the gym was empty. However, as I was about to walk off; my pride tugged at me. This community was as much mine as hers, and I'd paid to use these facilities. We were bound to run into each other again in future, so it was better that we got things out of the way.

After taking a breath to steady myself, I opened the door and walked into the gym. Carol was busy on the elliptical, flinging back and forth while humming along to whatever music she was listening to. With slightly sweated patches beneath her armpits. She squinted at me with annoyance, before making an over-the-top demonstration of removing her pods from her ears. "Now, really isn't the time," she said with a snarl. "Can't you see I'm busy with my work out?"

"What?" For some reason, under the watchful look of disdain from her, I felt the need to apologise. "I'm not disturbing your workout."

She blinked at me, before raising her head slightly and peering down her nose at me. "You should have come by my office to settle your fine. This is extremely rude to come bother we while I'm exercising." She shook her head. "And just so you know, with incurred late fees, your fine is over $500 by this point."

I was holding my water bottle and towel, while wearing my singlet, sweat pants and sneakers. It was pretty damn obvious that I'd come to use the gym. "I'm not here to pay that fine, or whatever late fees you've tacked onto it." Since the ice had been broken, I figured now was as good a time as any to settle this matter once and for all. "Anyway, I've already removed the BBQ, if you would like to come and see?" The truth was it was dismantled and in the trunk of my car. Even though I had no intention of paying the fine, I'd taken down the BBQ just in case Carol escalated things. In the event she came by, I'd planned to drop the BBQ off to my mother's so that Carol wouldn't have anything to complain about anymore.