Karenocracy Pt. 01

"Obviously not," she said. "You can see how busy I am." She was about to put her air pods back in, when I reached out and grabbed the handle of the elliptical, causing her face to grimace in distaste.

"Come on," I urged, while looking up at her hopefully. "I really feel like the fine is no longer necessary and I'd really like for us to come to an agreement." I nodded towards the remainder of the gym. "I don't want awkwardness whenever we're in the same place." I was being way more diplomatic than she deserved after her behaviour.

She simply rolled her eyes, then let out an impatient huff. "Just pay it and we're good." She then squinted at the watch on her wrist. "It's due today, isn't it?"

"I can't afford it," I said in embarrassment, while looking down and away from her. "With all of the moving costs and my mortgage, I just can't afford something like this on top, especially for something so petty."

I expected some level of sympathy, however, she continued to look down her nose at me while perched on the frozen elliptical. "Well, you should have thought about that before you violated the agreement, shouldn't you? You were warned by myself about holding a BBQ in your garden, and you went ahead and did it anyway. So, don't come here and act like I'm the villain because I was rightfully enforcing the rules. If you knew you couldn't afford a fine, then you should have worked harder to avoid receiving one."

"I've read through the Homeowner Association rules and regulations," I sighed. "I don't think you're being fair. I've only just moved in here."

"Would you stop harassing me," she suddenly said, before reaching for her phone. "Unless you're here to settle what you owe, then I have no interest in interacting with you."

"I'm not harassing you," I shot back defensively, completely flabbergasted at the suggestion. "I'm just talking to you."

"Everyone," she said randomly, before turning her phone towards my direction. "Look at this. I'm trying to enjoy my workout in peace, and one of the women in my gated community is harassing me." She shunted the elliptical steps slightly, and when they refused to move against my fingers clutching the handle, she let out an over-the-top screech. "See, she's stopping me from working out and I can't even get down from the machine." Her voice took on a gasp-like horror. "I feel threatened for my life."

"What the hell are you talking about?" I said, while looking around embarrassed and fearful that someone else might have overheard her yelling. "I'm not threatening you. You're the one that was threatening me!"

She lifted the camera and focused on the door behind me. "She's positioned herself so I can't escape. She's blocked my exit and is threatening my life."

I instinctively released my hand from the elliptical and stepped away. "What is happening here? What are you doing?"

"She's been here for an hour berating me, threatening me and all because I had no choice other than to send her a letter about a violation she committed. She's escalated to violence and I'm in fear of my life."

I continued to back away, shocked into silence at the performance she was putting on. "I...errr...what?"

Carol must have flipped the camera on her phone, because she was suddenly talking into it. "Someone send help. You think you're living in a safe community and you get people like this harassing you. This is why no one wants to be the president of the Homeowner Association, because people embark on personal vendettas."

"I'm going," I said desperately. "I'm leaving you alone, okay?" I backed out of the gymnasium a mixture of confusion and panic. Once the door had swung shut behind me, I paused and looked through the window, while Carol was still animatedly talking into her phone.

She must have noticed me, because once again the camera was turned towards my direction. "She has me trapped," she screeched, in an elaborate, dramatic shriek. "She's totally unreasonable." With that, she suddenly put the phone back down, before smiling and waving at me sarcastically.

My lips were quivering as I slinked back to my home; feeling more confused than anything.

I kept a low profile after that encounter, avoiding all of the communal areas of the facility and staying inside my home. I only left when I had to go to work, thankfully, at such an early hour that I never saw anyone else. I'd work late into the evening too, and wouldn't come home till it was after sunset and I wouldn't be bothered. It was a real bummer, as I enjoyed the amenities of the facility, but Carol had made me feel completely unwelcome.

The last thing I wanted as a reputation was to be a pariah that harassed middle-aged women. I didn't see Carol through the rest of the week, and I'd hoped, after scaring me with her dramatics, that an end to everything was in sight. After all, she'd got her way, hadn't she? I'd removed the stupid BBQ from my garden, just like she'd wanted. She'd successfully dictated to me that my garden had to remain plain while she was apparently allowed to make hers as extravagant as she liked.

My peace all came to an end though, when by the next Sunday, I'd received another letter in my mailbox. This time, it had been co-signed by a solicitor, who was warning that if the fine wasn't settled by the next week, then it was going to be followed up through the courts and a debt collection agency would recover it from there. I was informed that the fine, along with late fees, now totalled $600. It may have been extravagant, it may have been complete bullshit. Whatever it was, it was enough, after a panicked phone call to my friend, to spook me into writing a cheque for the full amount and heading straight over to Carol's residence. I was going to have to dip into my emergency fund, but I couldn't afford subsequent costs from the case being heard at a court. It was clear that this problem wasn't going to go away like I'd hoped, and Carol was becoming a splinter in my mind.

Once I arrived at Carol's, I saw that she was relaxing in her yard on one of those beach recliners next to the pond. She was wearing a rather revealing one-piece swimsuit, which seemed totally inappropriate for a gated community. I mean, anyone could have been walking past her yard with their kid and they'd be greeted by this middle-aged woman revealing more of her pasty body than needed to be shared. It also seemed completely hypocritical that she continually harped on about causing a public nuisance and indecency, when she was the one spread out on a recliner in half-revealing clothing. She was sipping some kind of pink drink while reading from a book; a pair of sunglasses in place of her usual spectacles. Next to the recliner were her tatty old Birkenstocks that were in dire need of an upgrade; the imprint of her feet etched into the leather. Her feet themselves were crossed at the ankles, a demonstration of her relaxation, which was completely at odds with the nervous squirming she'd induced in my tummy from that threatening letter I'd received.

"Carol," I said in a soft tone while I approached her fence. "Please may I speak to you for a moment?" I held the cheque aloft. "I have the payment for the fine. I'd like to bring an end to this whole thing." It was killing me inside that I was actually going to pay this wretched woman, but I was fearful of the weight she could pull in court, especially since she'd had the police dancing to her tune. The last thing I needed was a court appearance on my record, and subsequent fees on top of this already outrageous fine. I knew in my heart that I was correct in all of this, but that didn't seem to matter when I had everything weighted against me. For my own peace of mind, I figured it was better to just be done with the whole thing. "I don't agree with it, but I don't want to go to court, so I'll pay it." I actually felt ashamed of myself for giving in, I had no other choice. I couldn't afford a bloody lawyer.

Carol glanced up from her book, and though her eyes were hidden behind her shades, I could see the grimace on her lips. "You just love disturbing me when I'm busy, don't you?"

"I'm sorry," I said, remembering our previous encounter and how she'd completely manipulated the situation with her dramatics. "I just want to pay what I owe." It was my turn to grimace. "Not what I owe, but what you fined me."

She flopped the book down on her lap. "You do realise that we don't all exist to please you, right? Your little debt may be a priority in your life, but it's certainly not a priority in mine." She waved me away dismissively with her hand. "You should make an appointment to see me like everyone else."

I was about to say something, when I paused, unsure if she was actually joking or not. She was hardly busy, was she? Lazing around in the garden and reading a book. Plus, I was only there because she'd deemed it necessary to fine me for something completely trivial. I would have been more than happy to never cross paths with her again, but she was the one delivering letters to my home and demanding payment while threatening court. The sheer gall of her to suggest I needed to make an appointment to see her was the icing on the cake. She was a resident here, the same as I, though she was acting like she was the queen or something. All of this was her doing. I hadn't turned up on her door the first day and demanded she had to remove her pond, had I? Now, she was twisting the situation as if I was currently harassing her when I just wanted to bring a conclusion to our altercation.

I swallowed, and steadied myself, remembering to be amicable, as my friend had suggested. Even though I was raging at her arrogance and dismissive treatment of me, especially since she was the one causing problems in my life, I knew I didn't want to complicate matters further. "Please, could I just pass you this cheque, and then I'll leave you alone?"

Carol lifted her sunglasses and pushed them back into her blonde hair. The sun was reflecting from the lotion she'd clumsily wiped all over her face. Beneath the shades, in an almost dorky way, she was still wearing her regular glasses. She looked me up and down, before holding out a hand towards me. "Fine," she said, "Bring it over here."

"Thank you." I opened the gate, and started heading towards her.

Carol snapped her fingers impatiently, which caused me to skip and quicken in pace. "Come on," she said. "I don't have all day."

When I reached her, I handed her the cheque, which she snatched from my hand and read. Meanwhile, I stood there awkwardly and didn't know what to say. There was a strange feeling inside me and I felt completely out of place, as if I was somewhere that I didn't belong. The way she was just laying back in her swimsuit, with her bare feet crossed, relaxed and completely at ease while I was in the height of trepidation and desperate for this to be the end of the whole matter. On top of that, the way she had snapped her fingers at me as if I was some servant bringing her a morning coffee only seemed to compound my uneasiness further; especially since my natural response had been to leap to her signal and quicken my stride.

"You can leave now," she said, before placing the cheque on a small table next to her.

"Is...is everything good between us now?" I asked.

"I already said you can leave." She picked up her book and flopped down her sunglasses once more. "You're bothering me," she said, "and now you're trespassing."

I froze in place, and though I knew it was probably better to just retreat from her property, I was hesitant and out of my comfort zone. I didn't know what to do, and I felt like whatever choice I made would be the wrong one. Instead, I lingered in place, taking a step away, before pausing and hovering near her recliner. "I...uh..."

Carol huffed, before looking up at me in silence. She seemed on the verge of snapping some retort at me, however, she paused, and instead she fingered the corner of the current page she was reading. She considered me for a moment, before glancing at the cheque, then adjusting her position to make herself more comfortable. She bent one knee slightly, crossing the other leg over it so that one foot dangled in the air. "Why are you still here?" she asked impatiently. "What is it you want?"

"I...ummm...just want to know that everything is settled," I said uneasily. "I don't want to have to bother you again." I flinched at the implication of my words. Why the hell was I using language like that? She was the one that was constantly bothering me. She was the inconvenience, not me.

She'd closed the book and was tapping the leather cover with her index finger by this point, while she stared at me, apparently lost in a deep thought. "Apologise," she said, as a small smile came to her lips. "If you feel the need to still be here, then you can apologise for your behaviour over the past week. That was the second part of your penalty, wasn't it?"

"Excuse me?" I asked, somewhat surprised. I had no intention of apologising as it was her behaviour that had been completely unreasonable. I just wanted some reassurance that as soon as I got home, I wasn't going to find another letter posted in my mailbox sanctioning me for a further made-up infraction. "No, I had to remove the BBQ and apologise, or pay the fine. You said I missed the chance for the first part, so I'm here to pay the fine."

Carol shrugged. "Well, since you're here, it would be polite to apologise anyway, wouldn't it? Call it a gesture of goodwill. So, apologise for all of the drama you've caused. You could have just accepted your mistake and dealt with it immediately like an adult. BBQ gone. Apology. No fine. Simple as that, but no, instead you've prolonged this and taken up a lot of my valuable time."

"What?" I asked in astonishment as she castigated me as if I were a child. "That's not what happened at all." I suddenly felt more reassured in my position; I wasn't in the wrong after all. "I'm not apologising for that."

Carol scoffed. "So, if you've no intention of apologising for your immature behaviour, then why are you still here and blocking my sun?"

I realised that I was casting a shadow over her, and I stepped aside while muttering, "I just want this over with."

She dismissively flicked her fingers at me. "It is over with." I was just about to turn and leave, when she added, "I'll be sure to come by soon and check you've no further violations."

That made me pause in my stride, and I turned back, distraught. "What? Don't say that." I looked her up and down. "My home is private property."

"You've already proven you don't adhere to rules." She plucked the cheque back up. "You think this changes things? This is a temporary remedial until you commit another violation. I know exactly your type. Always causing a nuisance to those around you." She dropped the cheque back down. "I'm sure this won't be the last time I see you coming to me with a cheque."

I blinked and couldn't believe what I was hearing as she pretty much described herself without a hint of irony. Her ignorance was mind-blowing. "You know this wasn't easy for me?" I said. "I really can't afford that." I nodded towards the cheque. "That's going to make my life difficult for the next few weeks."

"It would have been less difficult if you'd apologised." She yawned and stretched out in the recliner. "I mean, if you'd apologised from the start, then maybe I would have waived the fine weeks ago. Instead, you came at me with attitude, and that only convinced me that fining you was the right course of action. We can't have your disruptive sort running around and causing problems in our peaceful community."

My first instinct was to march off, cursing to myself, however, I thought for a moment, while watching as she lay back casually and taunted me over my situation. "Would...would you still consider waiving the fine if I apologised?"

There was a slight smirk on her lips, as she leant over and picked up the cheque a third time. It looked so delicate between her manicured fingers. "You want me to rip this up, do you?"

"Yes," I said eagerly. "Would you?"

She shrugged. "I'll think about it, I suppose. Let's see how good your apology is."

I looked around nervously, worried that someone else might hear. "I'm sorry," I muttered, beneath my breath.

"Is that it?" She was clearly unimpressed. "I'm certainly not ripping this up after a poor attempt at an apology like that."

"I'm sorry," I said a bit louder and with more conviction. "I'm sorry, Carol."

"Sorry for what?" That little smirk appeared on her lips again, and it became evident that she was enjoying taunting me. Clearly, it had been a mistake to share with her the fragility of my financial situation. Still, the idea that I could get off the hook and avoid having to part with any money was worth the mild humiliation of apologising for something that I hadn't really done. I knew saying sorry for having a BBQ was ridiculous, but it seemed I'd been backed into a corner and this awful Karen was able to exert more power than I realised. I'd figured she was a mild nuisance, a busy-body that loved sticking her nose in other peoples' business, but it seemed like she actually had some pull in legal circles.

"I'm sorry for taking up your valuable time." I felt like an idiot for saying it, but I just wanted this all over with. "I'm sorry for causing a public nuisance."

Carol crossed her arms and looked all smug. For a moment, I thought that would have been enough, but then, she let out a small chuckle as if an idea had come to her. "Ma'am," she said. "Try again." She bit the corner of her mouth and smirked.

"What?"

"Don't you know how to talk to your elders with respect, young lady?" She dipped her head and I could see her staring at me accusingly over the sunglasses. "You should be respectful and polite when apologising. I can hardly believe it's genuine if you're rude about it, can I?"

"Fine," I said with a huff. "I'm sorry for taking up your valuable time,"--I averted my eyes with shame--"ma'am."

She let that word hang in the air. "Don't let it happen again."

"Yes, ma'am," I said with a gloomy, nod of my head, dropping my eyes and unable to look at her. "I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

"It better not," she said. "Or you'll be receiving a strongly worded letter in your mailbox." She cleared her throat. "Along with a suitable fine to teach you a lesson. You know I have the authority to do that, right? If you break the terms of the Homeowner Association rules, then I have the right to issue out appropriate punitive measures."

"I know that," I said, before tutting beneath my breath. "I've learned my lesson." When her face soured and I could see an eyebrow raised above her sunglasses, I cleared my throat and corrected myself. "I've learned my lesson, ma'am." It felt so wrong to address her in that way, and I loathed having to do so, but I just wanted that fine out of the way and behind me.

"Good," she said, before gesturing towards the door. "Now, be on your way." Her eyes were at once hidden behind the shades, and her book was back up in her hands; my cheque slotted between the pages as a bookmark.

I hesitated, lingering, not sure if there was anything else I was supposed to do. She'd told me to leave, but still, she hadn't ripped up the cheque. What was stopping her from cashing it anyway? I already knew I couldn't trust her. "So...uh...is the cheque going to be ripped up, like you said?" When she didn't answer, I added in a shaky voice, "Ma'am? Are you going to destroy the cheque, ma'am?"

Carol tutted out load, before she slapped the book closed. "You're really not good at paying attention, are you? I said I'd consider ripping it up after you apologised. I am still considering it, and will do so for the remainder of the afternoon while I enjoy the sun. But to honest, with the way you're annoying me, I've a good mind to go and cash it right now."