All Comments on 'Kate and Edith Too Pt. 01'

Good beginning!

YAWN!!!! Way too wordy, too much unnecessary filler that didn't entice me to come back for the rest. 1*

Great start! I like the build up!

Ok

For now there's nothing to comment. I'll wait till the next chapter.

This has great potential, and is well written

Good so far, lots of different directions to go from this point. Looking forward to the next chapter.

looking forward to the next part

We already know Jenn is going to fuck Jack, right?

Really good writing. Not too much detail…not too little. Got a pretty good idea about what tne 3 characters are all about.

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But….sister shows up on short notice and it takes TWO BLOODY WEEKS to get around to asking WHY THE FUCK SHE SHOWED UP?! Not very realistic. By day 2, 99.999% of all sisters on the planet would have taken Jen aside to ask/demand “what’s going on?”.

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Finally….hope this isn’t going in the direction of “sister wives” 😱. THAT, frankly, would be boring.

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4 ****

I like the story so far. Being mostly secluded like they are, casual nudity ought to be the norm, even for guests.

Well Jackie boy, it was nice meeting you. But if things pan out as they typically do in LW, you are soon to be TOAST!

Will there be something to develop between Jen and Jack? And as long as we're on descriptions, Jen notices that Jack is fit AND muscular. Does Jack have a splash of sexy chest hair to tease Jen with the next time she "falls" into him?

Well written. Enjoyable read. With this chapter stopping where it did I'm not quite sure yet why this story is in the LW category. Hopefully the next chapter isn't far behind.

It is well written and I think it could be a good story but it seems a bit long for all that has happened.

Go! Something is afoot....

Loved the story. Your people and the situation come across as almost real, therefore very relateable. I say almost real because, except for the sister, the husband and wife don't seem to have any of the usual personality flaws that we all have to live with. Flawless superheros are fun tin the movies and to read about but only young children think they're real.

I quite enjoyed it; and am looking forward to the next installment. Keep up the good work!

Where is this story going. He needs to background check her story and charles net worth or a scam artist. I cannot see any cheating and letting her stay for to long is a mistake.

I don’t think I saw when the next instalment would be. Any time frame?

Seemed like a lot for very little. Maybe down the line but right now it doesn't fit in LW. You sure talked it to death. Four more chapters? You need to pick up the pace.

Pretty good buildup so far, although the way you've set it up it's clear where we are headed. The only unknown is whether Liz will be on board or not. I'll definitely be reading the next installment to find out - LOL! Rounding up to 5*

Wonderful story. I love how you write and find myself smiling as I read every paragraph. I’m trying to imagine how this is going to go and see several ways. I only wish all 5 chapters came out at once.

What did stand out for me was that the wife had sexy sleep wear and pool wear that her husband of many years had never seen. Wonder if that will be a factor in the story. Was mentioned for a reason I would guess. Not voting until the end, maybe.

Very well done. Your characters are well established, setting is well described, dialogue is easy, plot is believable and moving well. Good break point, looking forward to more.

A very distracting and disconcerting writing style. Lots and lots of pointless irrelevant details, even to the drinks being on ice or not; really? But they let this distant somewhat unknown woman into their home, take her unbelievable story without any serious questioning, simply ignore the obvious questions about her husband's criminal activity, any accessory charges against the sister (she helped spend the money), and begs the question about legal representation and the normal time lag and court drama of proving the husband was criminal and not just sloppy and incompetent. You would think the rich parents would be helping this couple, and what is the point of the wife and husband splitting up? Yeah, lots of details that are useless, and all the logical obvious questions don't even get asked. Well, except for the inevitable fucking that is going to take place between Jen and Jack. Wow, and you hid those signals so well. Can't wait to see how you try to make this make sense. Thanks for the effort.

Need another chapter to see where this is going.

Please. This story has no outline or defined plot. It's obvious the "author" has only a vague idea of what he wants to accomplish. Stop blowing him.

I almost didn’t read this, which would be a shame.

As I write this, I’m quite literally looking at the Superstition Springs mountains. I live about 8 miles from them, on the edge of Mesa. It’s a small world!

"You Can't Have Your Kate and Edith, Too," - Do you really think that we're too dense to pick up on the play on words?

I’ll wait on scoring this after reading more chapters. Right now I’d give it a 2 as the ridiculous details of everything from drinks to attire detract from the story. Speaking of stories it’s hard to fathom a relative visiting and holing up in a room for any period of time without communicating. The reason for Jen being there is far fetched.

Well done. Nice flow to the dialogue. Appreciate the unhurried approach to plot development.

Nice build