Kate and Tyler Ch. 02

"What are you thinking?" Tyler asked after another long period of comfortable silence.

She paused, considering whether to admit her real thought.

"That I think I could lay here like this forever," she looked up into his face. He stared at her a moment, thinking about how gorgeous and perfectly flawed she was, loving her none-the-less for it.

Love. There it was. He had finally admitted it, if only to himself. That might be dangerous enough. His eyes began to sting and hoped she didn't notice.

"What are you thinking?" Kate retorted innocently.

Do NOT tell her. DO NOT TELL HER!

"Wondering if you've had a good night so far." Tyler suddenly wanted to scream for all the neighbors to hear how much he loved her. No. He wanted to run through the whole town and shout it. If Kate ever decided to stop keeping them a secret, he was tempted to do just that. But for the time being, he felt like he was going to burst.

"Absolutely! It was a nice change of pace," she smiled up at him.

Tyler couldn't take her looking at him any longer.

"Good," he agreed. "My stomach's kind of upset," he rose from the blanket. "I'll be right back." As quickly as he could without seeming suspicious, he made his way to the small downstairs bathroom and locked the door behind him. Tyler sat on the toilet seat lid and rocked gently back and forth, hands clasped together, unsure of what to do.

He had thought he loved a girl or two before, but this felt different, more powerful, more all-consuming. What was more frightening was that the revelation had seemingly come out of nowhere. The force of it felt like it would crush him. Now was not the time, though, and he knew it. As much as Tyler didn't want to, he had to flee, sort through his thoughts alone.

"Are you ok?" Kate's face filled with concern when he emerged from the bathroom. She was sneaking a few sips of red wine at the kitchen island. Typically, she didn't drink in front of him since he couldn't, legally. She knew he went out and drank beer with his buddies sometimes, but she still didn't feel right offering it to him since he was underage.

Tyler just shook his head, unable or willing to make eye contact with her.

"I hope it wasn't the food," her brow furrowed. "But I feel ok."

"I hate to cut our night short, but I think I ought to go home," he held his stomach for added effect. It actually was a little upset, so that wasn't a complete lie.

"I am a nurse, you know," she drummed her fingers on the countertop, smirking.

"I don't want you having to take care of me. Or getting you sick if I'm coming down with something, especially since you said you feel fine. I don't think it's the food," Tyler grabbed at his stomach more.

"If you're in pain, you shouldn't be driving," Kate insisted.

"Baby, I'll be fine. Please. I'll text ya when I get home, ok?" he finally forced himself to look up at her, eyes pleading.

"Alright," she conceded, but there was a touch of skepticism in her voice. He knew she was resisting the urge to raise an eyebrow at him, curious as to why he was suddenly so eager to leave. Especially when she was certainly capable of taking care of him if something was wrong with him.

"Let me know how you feel in the morning, yah?"

"I will. Sorry for running off," he offered dumbly as he headed for the front door.

"Hey! You're not getting off that easily!" He heard Kate's feet padding softly across the wooden floor toward him. Tyler turned and forced himself to look her in the eyes again. She saved him the trouble, though, and came in directly for a hug, squeezing him tightly for a long moment.

"Feel better, honey," she pulled back and rubbed his chest lightly. Invisible needles stabbed his eyes again as he mumbled "thanks" and left.

Part 9

Tyler felt horrible for lying. It wasn't in his nature. If anything, he was too honest most of the time. Yet he had continued lying to Kate when he called her in the morning, still feigning illness. It made him sick to his stomach for real. But he couldn't just blurt over the phone what was really troubling him. He didn't think she was ready for it.

Truthfully, Tyler felt like he wasn't ready for it. He wasn't sure what scared him more: realizing he loved her or the possibility that she didn't feel the same way. He wasn't sure what to do going forward. He couldn't just keep his feelings to himself forever. That wasn't fair to either of them, was it? At the same time, he was afraid his confession would push her away. Tyler certainly didn't want that either, not when everything was going so well between them. They had a mostly good thing going. But he couldn't help the doubt that crept in, wondering if she was just using him for company and a fuck buddy, not feeling anything more. No. He knew better than that, but still. The intrusive thoughts since last night were getting the better of him.

Despite his feelings, Tyler was still determined to give Kate a good birthday, even if he had to literally drag her into it. He had a plan and wasn't going to take "no" for an answer.

"So listen, while I've got you on the phone, I wanted to ask you something."

"What's that?" The apprehension in her voice was evident even over the phone.

"Well, it's not so much a question as a statement."

"Ok," Kate drew out a little. Tyler took a deep breath.

"I want to take you out to dinner for your birthday."

"Ty-"

"Before you say 'no'," he cut her off, "hear me out."

"Ok," she answered quietly.

"We'll go somewhere in Bloomington. Hell, I'll drive to Bedford or Indianapolis, if I have to. I just want to take you somewhere..." he let his idea sink in, holding his breath. Plus, it would give him a hint at how she felt about him. They'd be far less likely to run into someone they knew out of town. If she made up an excuse even then, Tyler would know that she was just embarrassed to be seen with him period. If she didn't, well, maybe there was hope for something more.

"Ok," Kate finally agreed.

"Ok?!" He couldn't keep the surprise and excitement out of his voice.

"Ok," she giggled. "Nothing too crazy, though. I don't want you spending a bunch of money on me."

"Who said I was paying?" he teased.

Part 10

Kate was a nervous wreck waiting for Tyler to pick her up. She wasn't sure if it was because they were going on a proper date for the first time, that she was going on a date period, or that annoying, lingering worry that they would still run into someone they knew. Or all three. She was about to drive herself nuts when the knock at the front door made her jump.

Jesus. Calm down!

It felt strange being in Tyler's truck. Or going anywhere with him, for that matter. His hand on hers didn't help calm her nerves nearly as much as she would have liked. Kate knew it was obvious she was nervous and she hated herself for it. He grabbed her hand before she could open her door when they arrived at the restaurant.

"Hey," he looked in her eyes. "It's going to be ok," Tyler squeezed her hand.

She couldn't stop the sigh.

"I'm sorry. I'm trying to relax. I really am."

"Just think of it this way: half the battle is already over. I got you out of the house," he smiled.

Less than a minute later, Kate's worst nightmare came true as they entered the restaurant. It would have been bad enough if it had just been a random acquaintance. But no. There stood her ex, his new wife, and Kate's kids in the entranceway, making their way out as she and Tyler made their way in.

"Mommy!" Jasmine, her youngest, ran the last few steps to Kate and wrapped her arms around her legs.

"Did you come to pick us up early?" Jesse, her middle daughter, cocked her head to the side, confused. Her eldest, Jocelyn, was old enough to have an idea of what was going on and blissfully kept her mouth shut.

"Hey, guys!" Kate greeted her kids with a little too much enthusiasm.

"No, I'm not here to pick you up early, sweetie," she gave the girl a one-armed hug, Jasmine still hanging onto her other side.

"What are you doing here then?" Jesse asked.

"Uh, well, my friend here brought me to celebrate my birthday," Kate told the truth. What are the fucking odds?! she screamed in her head.

"I'll see you soon enough tomorrow, ok? You have fun with daddy and Carmen until then, ok?"

Her kids were already distracted, though, only one thing on their minds.

"Who's your friend, mommy? We've never seen him before," Jesse asked, brutally honest.

"Can we meet him tomorrow?" Jasmine asked expectantly.

This is a nightmare.

"Tyler's busy tomorrow," she lied. "Maybe some other time, ok?" Jesse grumbled and Jasmine agreed, defeated.

"I'll see you tomorrow. Love you," Kate kissed the younger two on the forehead. When she turned her attention away from her trio of girls, she found Dan with a shit-eating grin and a knowing look on his face. It didn't help that Carmen was smirking too.

"Shut the fuck up," she mouthed at him. Her ex-husband put his hands in the air in defense, but didn't say a word. He didn't have to, though.

Kate zoned out as they finally departed. Tyler had taken her hand as the hostess seated them and she wasn't even aware of it.

"Kate?"

"Huh?" she finally snapped out of her stupor hearing her name. Tyler stood on the opposite side of the table and nodded towards the seat on her side.

"Right. Sorry," she sat. Kate felt numb, not aware of her surroundings, too lost in her own head.

"Kate!" she finally responded to the urgency in Tyler's voice, looking at him. She wondered how many times he had tried calling her name.

"Hey," he smiled, but she saw the hint of sadness in his eyes.

"I know you probably think so right now, but it's not the end of the world." He was silently waiting for the "I told you so", but it never came.

"What are the odds?" Kate shook her head.

"I don't know, but they're obviously not in our favor tonight," he tried to joke. "But do you really care what he thinks?"

"No," she laughed in spite of herself. However, she had to bite her tongue thinking about how many people Dan knew and could, and probably would, tell.

"Well, you've met my kids now," she tried to lighten the mood, more for her own sake so she wouldn't break down in tears.

"Kate...Would it be so bad if I met your kids for real? I would like to. We wouldn't have to tomorrow, you know." She didn't like the sudden change back to earnest conversation.

"I don't think that's a good idea," she spoke quietly and looked down at her lap.

"Why?" Tyler didn't miss a beat. She didn't like the look on his face either, on the verge of getting angry.

"I just don't," was all she offered. Because the kids will get attached to you. Because it will make things too real, she thought. Tyler shook his head angrily, smiling, but not from amusement.

"I'm tired of feeling like your dirty little secret, Kate. And I'm tired of you being mine. I never asked for that. I never wanted that." He was speaking under his breath because of their surroundings, but she could hear him plenty clear. Even if she couldn't, his face made his feelings clear.

"What are you so afraid of? Just what other people think? Because I know you and you're not that self-absorbed."

Kate couldn't believe what she was hearing. It was a long time coming, sure, but now? It had to happen right now?

"It's not just that," Kate agreed, but didn't offer up her other reasons, still too afraid to admit it even to herself. Every time it surfaced to the forefront of her mind, she quickly pushed it back under.

The truth was, their relationship was getting too serious for her. Seeing Dan happy as a clam just made it worse somehow.

"Then what is it?" he asked, brows furrowed, leaning forward on the table.

"Tell me, Kate. Please. I love you," Tyler finally admitted, softening some.

"Don't," she said, teary-eyed. It was one thing for him to be justifiably mad at her. Hearing those three words coming from his lips was a different story.

"I know you love me too," he continued before the light bulb went off in his head. Kate could see it in the way his features immediately softened.

"That's it, isn't it? That's the real problem."

Tears were starting to escape at the corners of her eyes as she nodded in agreement. Kate hated admitting it, to herself or him, but she couldn't live with herself is she lied and said "no". It would break his heart and he didn't deserve that.

"Then what? You're just scared?" he reached across the table for her hand. She obliged, but swallowed the lump in her throat before she answered.

"I can't have my heart broken again," her voice cracked.

"So what?" he pulled away quickly, anger clouding his features again.

"You're just not willing to try? Is that what you're getting at?"

Kate couldn't take it anymore and didn't want to make a scene in the middle of the busy restaurant. She pushed away from the table and practically dashed to the restroom. In the relative safety of the locked stall, she bawled her eyes out.

Back at the table, Tyler had a whirlwind of thoughts. This was the last way he expected their evening to go. He started wishing he had just told her how he felt two weeks ago when it had hit him like a freight train at her house. They could've at least avoided all this. Or, at the very least, not ruined her birthday. Instead of being one of her best ones, like Tyler had hoped, it would likely be remembered as the worst.

More than that, though, he didn't like the deeper implications of their conversation. And where had Kate gone? She couldn't exactly leave. He had driven.

Ten minutes passed before she came back to the table, eyes red, face splotchy, and she had done a poor job of trying to wipe away the mascara that had run down her face. Their food came shortly after.

Tyler felt like he should say something, but didn't have a clue what. It had already been an eventful evening. Maybe silence was for the best while they ate, though neither of them actually ate much, mostly just moving the food around their plates and nibbling. He kept looking at her, hoping for something, anything, from her, but Kate wouldn't look him in the eye. Gathering their leftovers and paying the bill, he sighed.

"Ready?"

She just nodded.

The awkward silence continued on the drive home. It was making Tyler feel claustrophobic. He was afraid anything out of his mouth would start a fight. Plus, he wasn't sure he wanted to hear any more from Kate either. Not if she was implying what he was afraid of. At last, he pulled up in front of her house. He barely had the truck stopped when her hand reached for the door handle.

"Wait," he said, but didn't reach for her arm like he normally would. Instead, he pulled something from the pocket on the driver's side door. He tossed the small rectangular box on her lap.

"Happy birthday, Kate," he said unhappily, staring ahead, waiting for her to get out of his truck. She took the gift with tears in her eyes and exited his truck silently. She hadn't even reached the front door when she heard him squeal away.

A shitty ending to a shitty night. She unlocked her door and went straight to the couch to unwrap the small package, tears still threatening. Under the wrapping paper was what looked like a jewelry box. Shit. Kate slowly opened the box to find a silver, heart-shaped necklace and a note.

"Happy birthday, gorgeous. Love, Tyler"

Utterly exhausted and defeated, she curled up in a ball and cried herself to sleep.

Kate woke up sore from the awkward position she had slept in. The couch being her bed didn't help. Her eyes burned against the morning light filtering in through the blinds. Against her better judgment, she checked her phone.

"I'm sorry your birthday got ruined. But please don't do this, Kate." She found the text waiting for her. It was from two hours ago.

Her eyes were puffy and she felt exhausted though she had slept well past the normal time she woke up. 10:07, the clock on her phone read. She got up to make coffee, too scatter-brained to deal with anything yet, let alone emotional turmoil.

She sat at the kitchen bar stool, staring at her phone as she sipped her coffee. She wasn't even sure what to say. Her mind was a blank. What was she doing? Was she ending it? That certainly hadn't been her intention, but she couldn't keep going forward with the uncertainty. Too many what-ifs. She knew it was herself causing it, but she could only focus on the loss aspect. Her divorce had nearly ruined her. She didn't want to get to that point, or anywhere near it, with someone again only for it to fall through.

Kate finally took a deep breath and texted him.

"I got your message."

"Can I call you?" Tyler's message popped up almost instantly. Just thinking about him sitting around waiting for her to text him made something in her ache. Still, talking didn't seem like a great idea in her frazzled state, but she also knew they needed to.

"Yes," she replied before she could change her mind. Her phone rang a few seconds later.

"Hey," they both greeted soberly. Then Kate cut to the chase before she could lose her nerve.

"Tyler, I don't want to do this any more than you want me to. That's the bitch of it all. I let it get too far."

"Then don't. Damn it, Kate, you're not making any sense! You can't keep yourself walled off forever. I'm sorry about what happened with your first marriage, but you can't go through life without taking chances. Don't you ever think things happen for a reason?"

Tears began to sting her eyes. She was getting tired of crying.

"You deserve to be happy just as much as anyone else. Stop punishing yourself for something that wasn't your fault. Life is full of risks. Isn't love one worth taking? I know it is for me," Tyler's voice got quieter at the end. "But you know what I'm not willing to risk? Losing you. I love you too much."

Kate's watery eyes had turned into full-on sobbing. Tyler finally grew quiet on his end, temporarily.

"I didn't mean to make you cry," he apologized.

"I know," she managed. "How'd you get so philosophical?" she laughed and hiccuped at the same time.

"Too much time to think growing up."

Kate couldn't help laughing again and could imagine his smile on the other end. His heartfelt speech had made her resolve collapse like a house of cards. Hell, just hearing his voice was giving her mixed emotions. She needed to get off the phone, pronto.

"I need some time to think, Ty," she said softly, calming down some.

"Yah. OK," she imagined him nodding.

"See you soon."

Ugh. Why did he have to remind her?

"Ok. Bye."

She caught herself messing with the necklace he had gotten her as she finished regaining her composure. She had forgotten to thank him for it on the phone, too eager to get straight to the point.

"Thank you for the necklace, btw. It's beautiful," Kate texted.

She continued fingering it, bringing fresh tears to her eyes thinking of his thoughtfulness. He really was a sweet boy. No. She had to stop thinking of him as a boy. She had, most of the time. He was a man. Kate understood now why he had gotten so irritated when she called him a kid at first. Because he didn't act like most guys his age and knew it, and didn't want to be likened to them either.

Still. She couldn't help but worry about where things would lead. Everything was still new. It had only been four months since he had started talking to her. Sure, they were smitten with each other now, but what about a year from now? Would he meet someone younger, his age? She definitely couldn't deal with that again. It would make more sense for him to than Dan. She couldn't really blame him if he did.

What if he wanted his own kids someday? She couldn't exactly give those to him easily, nor could she imagine wanting another child. Her biological clock was on the downhill slide anyway. She was 37 now. He had his whole life ahead of him.