All Comments on 'Kathy's Twins Model for Mom'

No, this is no good. while there's a ray of hope, much of it is due to your inablility to write DIALOG. there's a reason for punctuation. Learn it and use it.

Trying to write in the present is not a good style. Everything has happened in the past, so write it that way.

Your introduction of the characters at the beginning is an indication of poor writing. If you can't weave the descriptions into the story, they're not necessary.