KattieLynn & Tucker - To The BrinkbyKattieLynn©
This is a totally different story than anything I've written to date. Men may have a difficult time understanding what this is about. Girls and women will understand. For you guys, please bear with it. Maybe it will help you see what we have to go through every month, from the time we start menstruation to the time if finally ends. Is it worth it? For a woman, most assuredly. It's what makes us what we are.
KattieLynn & Tucker – To The Brink – A Bout With PMS
It all started over a water ring on a coffee table. A stupid little water ring. I now know it was related to the change in birth control pills I had been taking since I was 17. I had switched the prescription on the advise of my gynecologist. She had read about this new pill and urged me to try it. These had started to give me some problems (mood swings, cramps and bloating, plus it seemed to extend my heavier flow from two days to at least three) with my last period, but nothing like what I was experiencing today! I was due for my period within the next few days and I was in a really bad mood. Guys reading this will know the term – PMS. Girls reading this REALLY KNOW THE TERM 'cause we live it! . Tucker and I had been living together for about three months. Things had been super between us. We shared everything – the cooking, shopping, laundry, even the housework. Our sex couldn't be better. He was everything I every hoped a guy would be, attentive, gentle (when I wanted it that way), rough (when I wanted it that way!), in other words, it seemed like he was in my head, knowing just what I wanted at any given moment and delivering just that!
About a week before this story takes place, I had stopped off at the campus Thrift Shop, and spotted an end table that looked a lot like the one Grandma had in her living room. I plunked down my $20 and bought it, not a real antique like hers, but I liked it! I was so pleased with my find! Tucker was a bit less than enthusiastic, since the apartment was furnished in modern and this table was definitely not modern! However, Tucker (being Tucker) saw how excited I was by it and we agreed to put it in the living room, next to the couch. "Hey, it adds an eclectic touch", I told him. A raised eyebrow and an unconvinced look is all I got, but the table stayed.
That day, I went to the library to cram for mids. Tucker was cramming at home for his grad study courses and working on his thesis, the outline of which was due by the end of the school year. Both of us were under a lot of pressure. After the library, I drove back to the apartment. I felt so tired and dragged out. "Man, this is getting old!" I thought to myself, as I claimed the stairs. I walked into the apartment.
There was Tucker, asleep on the couch. He had started a beer and left it on the end table – without a coaster! All I could think of was "That sorry SOB – he doesn't care enough about what I think is important to even get a napkins let alone use the damn coasters on the coffee table RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM!"
I went into the kitchen, slammed my books down on the table and sat there, looking around. His lunch dishes were in the sink. The more I thought about my situation, the more depressed I became. I felt my depression turning to anger. "Just who the hell does he think he is? He can't treat me this way!" I thought to myself (while another part was whispering "Kattie, what the HELL are you doing?"), getting out of the chair and storming into the living room. Tucker was still sleeping on the couch, his beer dripping water on my table. I started ranting from the kitchen doorway, and (I must admit) was totally out of control by the time I got into the living room. Tucker woke up startled. "What are you yelling about?" he asked, rubbing sleep from his eyes.
I pointed to the beer can on the table, continuing my tirade of his uncaring attitude and how I was so sick of putting up with it. "Wait a minute, Kattie! Hold on! I'm sorry! I can fix it. Don't get so upset – it's only a water ring."
"Only a water ring!?!" By now, I'm in a rage! "Is that all it is!?!"
Just as suddenly, the rage turned to tears. I ran to the bathroom and slammed the door, locking it. I sat on the toilet seat, crying and sobbing. "He doesn't care! He thinks my concerns are trivial!"
"Come on, Kattie. What's wrong? What did I do? Look, I can fix it. I'm sorry, please come out. Let's talk."
"NO! Go away! Leave me alone!" I screamed at the closed door. I heard him moving around the apartment. "What if he's packing up?" I thought. "Do you really want that?" And, just as suddenly as the rage, depression, sorrow had come on, a feeling of tenderness and affection for Tucker swept through me. "What the hell is happening to me?" I thought. "Am I losing my mind? One minute I hate him, next I love him!"
I unlocked the door and came out of the bathroom. Tucker was working with some fine steel wool at the water ring on the table, trying to remove the stain. "See, it's almost gone," he said. He stood up, taking me in his arms. I stood there, shaking and crying, the tears running down my face, as I sobbed into his chest.
"Tucker, I'm sorry. I don't know what's happening to me. These mood swings are killing me! What's wrong with me? Why is this happening?"
"Kattie, I'm not sure what's wrong, but for the past two months, you've been a different person. Let's talk about this. What's changed?"
We sat on the couch and talked, as I continued to cry. "Kattie, are you unhappy living with me? Is it something I'm doing?" he asked. No, that wasn't it. He's the same I guy I had come to know and love and his actions and emotions hadn't changed. Was it a reaction to sharing someone else's space, or sharing my space with someone else? Well, that was taking some getting used to, but I thought I was dealing with that whole thing pretty well.
The problem had to be with something I was doing (go figure, like most girls, I blamed myself!). The only thing that had changed was the type of birth control pills I was taking. In the past, I had never experienced these types of emotions. Sure, I get somewhat crabby a few days before my period, but it's just that – crabby. I never got anything like these intense swings of mood. In fact, I always prided myself on the general sunny outlook I have on life. I had never PMS'ed like some of my friends did (I usually put it down to their taking the opportunity to act bitchy when they felt like it – not anymore!).
It had to be the new pills. There was nothing else. Guys don't realize what women go through with these things! They alter our cycle, they induce hormonal differences in our bodies, they alter our personality, and we do it all so we can have the freedom they have! After all, it's not like a guy can get pregnant! If they could, abortion would be a sacrament!
Tucker still held me in his arms. I stopped crying and looked up at him. "Kattie, if living here is driving you nuts, maybe you should consider moving back to the dorm," he said.
That's all I needed! Now he was rejecting me! I started to cry again, really sobbing!
"What the hell did I say?" (I sensed he was losing his patience). "You don't want me here, do you?" I sobbed.
"Kattie, what do I have to say to make you understand that I love you, I need you, I want you, and I don't want you to leave? I just want you to be HAPPY!"
Back to the bathroom, SLAM the door, lock it, and sit on the toilet, sobbing. The little voice was whispering again, "Kattie, get control of yourself! You're not a little girl anymore; you're a GROWN WOMAN! Come on, now. Get control!" I struggled to master these emotions, trying with everything I had to stifle the sobs and control the anger. Eventually, I came out. Tucker was sitting on the couch, looking very frazzled. "OK, what's going on? Are you tired of living with me? Is it something I'm doing?"
"No, I want to be here. I've never been happier (and all the while, I'm sobbing like someone just killed my puppy!). I think it just might be the new birth control pills I'm taking. I feel funny, and they're really upsetting my system!" We sat there and it dawned on me that I needed to change these "HELLOOOOOO! What took you so long?" that little voice in my head was now yelling at me! The weekend passed, not without a lot of teeth gritting by Tucker and me. Once we identified the problem, we tried our best to avoid situations that would provoke the other, but it was difficult! Any little thing set me off and poor Tuck looked like he was walking through a minefield the rest of the weekend.
Monday morning, I was at the doctor's office. By now, I was a total wreck! I looked terrible (at least I thought I did), I felt even worse. My period had arrived that morning and I was flowing like a damn river! I had already gone through three pads and I just knew I was leaking past the fourth pad. Christ, I felt like CRAP! I waited almost 45 minutes but finally got in to see her. She listened to me, watched me cry for about 10 minutes, consoled me, gave me a new prescription for my OLD pills, and I was out the door. Before I left her building, I ducked into the ladies room and changed the pad. As I thought, I had leaked over the edge of the one I was wearing (so much for "wings"!) and my panties and the crotch of my jeans were wet from menstrual blood. Well, nothing I could do about it 'till I got home.
Back to the drug store, get prescription filled, stock up on pads and tampons, get the GIANT bottle of Midal and, just to be safe, a bottle of Pamprin. I also picked up a supply of condoms. When I changed pills last time, the doctor advised me to either go thirty days without sex (yeah, like THAT was going to happen!) or make him use a condom as it takes at least that long for your body to adjust to a new birth control pill. Now all I had to do was drive home ("Screw classes for today!" I thought). I changed into some old sweats, threw the old pills out, put warm towels on my belly, lay down flat on the couch with the drapes closed and the TV on. The phone rang several times (my friends wanting to know where I was and if everything was OK, along with a call from Tucker looking for me). That's how Tuck found me when he rolled in about 4:30.
"Feeling better?" he asked gingerly (I guess he expected the DRAGON LADY to rip into him) as he came over and sat on the edge of the couch. I didn't answer him, just put my arms up. He bent over and hugged me. It felt so good to be in his arms!
The next few days passed in a bit of a blur. I went back to class on Tuesday and, by Friday my period was done. I started the new prescription. Tucker made a face when I told him it was back to the "raincoat" for the next month. Too bad! The last thing I needed was a belly my senior year of college! He laughed about it and said that, even with condoms, sex was still "extraordinary" with me and he would wear whatever I wanted him to if it meant us being together. The month passed slowly, me dreading the start of my period and the week leading up to it. Would it be as bad as the last one? Could I look for a "quick fix" to my problem? I was hoping like crazy!
A week before it was due, I was very anxious. So far, so good. A few days before it arrived, I got some cramps, a little bloating, but nothing like last month. Mood swings were still there, but they were really controllable, if I stopped and counted to 10 every time he did something dumb. Like most girls, I did a lot of counting during those few days! My flow started, somewhat heavier than "normal" but nothing like the river I had last month! I didn't miss a beat, classes every day, gym in the evenings, no leaks (in fact, by the end of day two, I was back to tampons!).
That was also the end of the "raincoat" season for Tucker and, to be honest, I hate them as well; the feeling of him coming inside me is lacking when he has to wear one and I do so love that feeling (although I could do without the inevitable leaking and stickiness that results!). I stuck with these pills for several years, but about six months ago, I switched to the patch. These don't require me to take a daily pill, but I have to remember to apply a new patch once a week. I was very reluctant to make the move but, after listening to my current doctor suggest it, I decided to give it a try. They worked quite well, with none of the symptoms the earlier switch gave me.
After this experience, I assure you that PMS is real, it makes you nuts, you can't control it, and you need all the sympathy you can get! If you have it, you have mine. And remember - it's not your fault!