Keep Rehearsing and Keep Performing

Then as the day drifted on, thoughts tumbled around in her head. She acknowledged that he was not an acting coach.

As she sat on the bus home from town it hit her full in the face. Of course, she is going to smoke. Yes, it's a prop, but he will believe it needs to be lit.

As soon as she got in the door she acted if was a house inspection due. She ran around what had started to become a rather messy house. Rachel was struggling to find time to clean it. She was never in. She was out most of the day. So, she set about making sure it was relatively clean and tidy for Grants arrival. She was stressed, she did not realise how many of her worn clothes that had not quite reached the washing basket. The bathroom was a mess of scattered make up. She never had time or the will in the mornings to quite put it away.

For Grant also had a building nervous excitement, but for very different reasons. Rachel was nervous and probably afraid to make a "scene" and look like a fool. Grant was excited and couldn't wait for his day at work end. He was rather distracted most of the afternoon. He was looking forward to the moment he could finally watch the rather beautiful women smoke again without being seen as a perv. That was truly the best part, as he was supposed to be there to watch. Rather than being uncomfortable hiding behind the curtain. Or just observing someone in the street.

After pacing up and down his hallway for what felt like hours but was actually only ten minutes. He headed out his front door and at bang on dot of eight Grant knocked at Rachel's front door. He had come home earlier but had wondered around at home for a while, then had a quick microwave dinner for one, then a shower and shave just to kill time and to make sure he did not arrive early and seem too eager. He knew that Rachel would have noticed his truck on the drive. Rachel had indeed seen him return home and park on the drive, having spent most of the time since she had come home from her class staring out of the window clutching the pack of cigarettes whilst anxiously waiting.

"Welcome, please come in!" Rachel had grated Grant with a beaming smile at the front door.

He couldn't but appreciate how beautiful she looked, even in her casual black leggings and fitted t-shirt. It slowed off her slim stomach, flashing an inch of her bare skin between the two fabric hems. Not being out the cold, Rachel was not hiding her slim figure under a baggy coat. Grant was taken aback by her amazing fit shape wrapped in tight black workout leggings and the seamless pink top that made perfect display of her fit body.

"Thanks!" He politely replied forcing himself not to stare too long at her peach of a bottom as followed her inside.

"I thought we could stay in the kitchen if that is OK for you?" Rachel asked as she led the way.

"That will be fine."

"Can I get you something? A beer or a coffee?"

"Oh, yes please, I'll take a beer if you don't mind." Grant stated, he definitely needed something to cool down, his heart was pounding as he stared down yet again at her cute buttocks split and gloved neatly in the stretched athletic lycra all which nicely jiggled as she pulled open the fridge door.

"Sure, coming right up!" she practically bounced around the kitchen with her own nervous energy. Swearing under her breath as she looked for the bottle opener in one of the drawers. She finally found it and looked at Grant with excitement as she flipped open both bottles.

Grant hopped up on one of the black leather barstools and took a sip from the cold bottle that Rachel had put right in front of him on the countertop.

"I'm sorry, but I'm freaking out a bit...I don't know why I'm so nervous..." Rachel said sheepishly as she felt her heart race inside her chest. "I am a performer after all!"

"Don't they say nerves make a performance?"

Rachel nodded in agreement. "Yeah, they do."

"So don't worry. I guess this is the whole reason you agreed to me being here, is as a bit of an audience for a rehearsal, right?" Grant smiled trying to act cool and relaxed in reality he was struggling to contain his thundering heart with his galloping excitement for what was coming.

Rachel smiled sweetly, "I guess." she replied, her fingers fidgeting with the new pack in her hand.

"As your audience, what do you want me to do?" Grant asked as casually as he possibly could. "I don't know. Do you want me to mind my own business, look at my phone, or do you want me to pay attention and actively watch you?"

Rachel straightened her back and took a deep breath. "Oh, good question." She screwed her face up momentarily as the thought about it. "I'd prefer if you watched me, if the audience is ignoring the performance, I am doing something wrong...even if I am smoking."

Grant chuckled. "Good point!"

"Yes, I know what, if you can, how about you imagine that you are the director or something?"

"Right?" Grant queried

"I need to feel being scrutinized and fault find. Just as I will be during the audition. I am thinking over time...I will get better!" Rachel explained as she continued to fumble with the cellophane on the brand-new pack of Marlboro Light 100s.

Grant nodded with encouragement whilst he was screaming with joy in his head. "Ok, great, perfect, I understand. Well, in that case, err, shall I say 'action'?" he laughed at his attempt at humour.

Rachel could see Grant's smile, which masked his stare at her, but she knew that was exactly what she wanted to overcome her unease. She was so nervous her fingers and thumbs had difficulties tearing the plastic wrap from the pack since her hands were trembling and her fingertips felt almost numb. After a bit of tutting and head shaking, she finally succeeded and was able to liberate the first white cylinder from the pack.

She looked at Grant for the go ahead, he nodded on encouragingly as she placed the filter delicately between her lips and readied to light up.

"Here goes nothing..." she said around the filter, making the cigarette bounce slightly as she flicked the lighter and began moving the flame towards the unlit tip.

Grant was watching intently trying not to squirm excitedly in his chair as his eyes followed the bright flame as it glowed in the space between them. He was fighting against his own body that was getting all worked up. He could feel his heart beat harder in anticipation as the flame reached the tip of the cigarette. He recognised he hadn't been this excited for years.

They both sat in silence as Rachel with her eyes steely focused on the lighter tipped her head slightly forward to direct the cigarette into the bouncing flame. They connected and with a delicate suck she dragged to ignite the dried tobacco. It predictably caught alight, there were a waft of smoke from the tip as the air moved through, she quickly let the pungent smoke escape from her lips. She killed the flame from the lighter and the space between them momentarily cooled as there was a gently waft of acrid smoke slowly filling the room as she placed the lighter neatly back on the counter next to her pack.

Rachel attempted looking at ease, it was difficult. There was a hot burning cigarette between her fingers and smoke drifting towards her face. She adjusted her position a little, just she had practiced the past two weeks, with the hand holding the cigarette cocked next to her face, her elbow resting on her side supported by her other hand that reached across her abdomen.

All Grant could do was stare at her; his mouth slightly ajar in awe she performed her smoking routine. 'She does look amazing holding that cigarette!' Grant thought, indeed, appreciating the stylish pose she struck, but couldn't avoid noticing that her face and upper body told a different story. The cigarette and herself looked completely alien to each other. She was still not feeling natural with the feel of a cigarette between her fingers, almost as she was afraid of it. The fact that she had not yet again inhaled the smoke was cementing that impression that she did not want it there. But he said nothing, for now.

Whilst Grant stayed silent, his head nodding like a cheap solar powered window decoration, and in a time that she felt was infinitely long, although in reality was less than twenty seconds. Rachel bent her elbow more and moved the cigarette to her lips and took a light puff, this time inhaling the smoke, even though not very deeply. Then she raised her chin a bit and exhaled the cloud of smoke towards the ceiling.

'Okay, right, these cigarettes are easier to smoke!' she noted happily rubbing her lips together, comparing the taste and sensation in her with her previous attempts with the harsher full-flavored Benson & Hedges.

With Grant still sitting there mouth slightly ajar and bolstered by the realization, that the cigarettes were less harsh, she took again another drag. This time for slightly longer taking yet more smoke into her mouth. She was happy to note that the larger amount of smoke this time didn't make her want to cough. After exhaling a light cone of smoke through her attempt at sexily pursed lips, she looked at Grant and then at the cigarette and then back at Grant and attempted a confident smile.

"What do you think? How do I look?"

Now Grant had to think fast! He forgot in his excitement she wanted acting notes. He could feel a distinctive pressure inside his trousers and watching attentively at this stunning young woman smoking in front of him was literally driving him crazy as she smoked. But he needed to both sound and look composed and distanced. But a little devil inside his brain decided to try something. He took a gulp from the can as he thought.

"Well, Rachel, I would lie to you if I couldn't tell I can see that you are quite new to smoking."

"Oh..." Rachel turned her head and looked at the burning cigarette in her hand.

"Firstly, opening the pack, and then your whole style. But I suppose Rachel, don't feel disheartened. That is where practice and repetition at rehearsals come in. I think we need to build your confidence with the cigarette, so it belongs to you. It is not a foreign object between her fingers. It's a natural prop. So, in time, with your idea of using it in your audition that smoking a cigarette completes your 1940s' look and to use it to your advantage."

Rachel nodded as she almost nervously took another shallow drag. After exhaling, she asked: "If I don't look a natural smoker...do you have any tips?"

His eyes lit up 'YES!' Grant cheered in his mind. 'This might get even better!' He gently coughed as a whisp of smoke from the ashtray tickled is nose. He tried to hide it as clearing his throat "Well, I am sure I could suggest some things." He said with a sober tone.

"Oh?" Rachel raised an eyebrow.

Grant smiled and rubbed his hands together enthusiastically "Well, luckily for you, as I said yesterday my wife was a dedicated smoker. Some would probably say she was a heavy smoker." He clasped his hands together "So I am sure I could give you my thoughts as what stands out when comparing your style to hers..."

"Oh wow, sure. Anything that can help me would be great!" She looked down at her hand and the burning cigarette and she frowned as her eyes followed the twisting smoke which was pouring off the tip. Her focus instantly switched back to Grant as he spoke.

"Well, first and foremost, as I said, you definitely need to get comfortable with your cigarette. You cannot fear it. I can really see that at the moment your whole body is really tense. It almost looks like you're afraid of that cigarette you're holding in your hand might bite you?"

Rachel laughed at his joke and then looked at her hand and at the pack on the table and nodded in agreement. "It's a bit strange to be honest."

Grant nodded confirming the situation, "Then also it's the way you actually smoke. I'm sorry to say this, Rachel, but I've seen those old black-n-white movies and the way those actresses smoked reflected the era they lived in. They were in control. You can see that they smoked depending on their character to look tougher, or sexier, or alluring, or even arrogant...their smoking helped define their character?"

Rachels mouth opened with a wide O. "Oh, okay, that makes sense!"

"Smoking is used to accentuate their look in a given situation. But they did it with confidence and unapologetically because smoking was not frowned upon. Actually, the opposite was truer. Smoking on screen was used to convey a new status of women in society, and to promote it among the general public. What I'm trying to say is that if you want to use this smoking-thing to your advantage you have to do it right, with the same attitude of that era."

Rachel nodded as she glanced at the cigarette and instinctively bent her elbow and brought her hand back to her lips and pulled yet again, the concentrated on forcing the acrid smoke from her lungs.

Grant hoped that he hadn't pushed too far. She hadn't said a word for what seemed like hours but listened in silence to Grant's comments, but he thought that on her last couple of drags she had potentially inhaled more deeply. It looked like she was forcefully taking deeper breaths to pull the smoke deeper, and Grant wondered if he had anything to do with what he had said. He waited impatiently for her response, hoping that she wouldn't dismiss him and his opinions.

Finally, after one final short drag and tiny exhale, she crushed out the cigarette although there was still probably one third left to smoke, and as the smoke was drifting from her mouth she took a deep breath, licked her lips, and then finally spoke, breaking the silence.

"What you say does make sense. If I can't smoke correctly, maybe I should just miss it out altogether..." She paused and winced as the contemplated what was going on "...I don't want it to hinder me. Grant, you do make a valid point." Rachel said with intent as Grant observed how incredibly she looked standing in front of him, as her final exhale continued to drift in the still air of the kitchen that was made even more perfectly visible by the kitchen by the spotlights high in the ceiling her.

Grant shook his head, "Rachel...I honestly don't think you should quit just yet, as you are genuinely starting to get the look with the cigarette!" He tried to be positive. "There is more to do, but the more you hold one, the more you smoke it, I can almost guarantee the better you will feel with a cigarette there?" Grant smiled. He knew the journey his wife took; she was no different to start with.

"Oh, Grant you are so right, it's a prop, I need to feel comfortable holding it. It needs to feel natural and not force. I cannot exaggerate smoking, it's not a farce. To be honest, I felt much less self-conscious smoking the second half of that cigarette. Once I started listening to you, I didn't focus as much on the fact I was smoking in front of you. So, from that perspective this was for me, a great step forward."

"I'm glad I could help!" Grant acknowledged politely.

"As for your comments instead, what do you think I should do next?"

Grant had spent the whole time after explaining his opinion thinking about what to answer to this very question, indeed he was hoping that Rachel would ask. Now it was time for him to take a gamble.

"If you want to continue with the practice and rehearsals, I think that you need to unfortunately, and I think you already know this, as you bought a pack yesterday evening. You need to smoke more of them to gain confidence and become more credible and convincing holding the cigarette whilst smoking."

Rachel nodded in silence and Grant waited. They sat there looking at each other waiting for the next move.

With a loud sigh Rachel broke the quiet as she pushed the pack around with her finger "I guess I could do that..." she said just before Grant opened his mouth to speak. He chose to let her do the talking. "I was happy to notice that it wasn't as hard to smoke these cigarettes. These are the ones I used to smoke with my best friend Imogen in high school. I suppose that I could smoke them a little more often."

Grant nodded almost smiling with excitement, "Yes I think that would be perfect."

Rachel half-heartedly smiled back. "Thanks."

Grant looked decisively at her. "At least now in the beginning, you may need to work quite intensively to get it all perfect. Can I ask how long you have you actually been smoking for?"

Rachel chuckled "Well, Grant, I don't really smoke..." she joked and picked up her can of coke and gulped some it down, licking her lips afterwards. Her face showed she enjoyed the washed down throat.

Grant eyes looked up to the ceiling. "Yes. I know that bit is obvious to me. What I mean is: how long time ago did you and you friends start experimenting with cigarettes?" He corrected himself, not taking up on her joke.

"Well one friend smokes a lot, her parents do, so she started early. My other friends it was much later, maybe a couple of years ago."

"You, see? This is what I mean it can take years..." Grant replied, thanking his good luck for the perfect reply. "You see, you have been smoking cigarettes tentatively for days, maybe weeks and you still haven't mastered the technique and looks. If you continue doing the same, it is probably safe to assume that in a few months, when it will be time to have the audition, you won't have progressed significantly. You will still be standing there awkwardly holding the cigarette?"

Rachel audibly gulped air and sighed, she shoulders sank, "Right...you have a point there. What should I do instead, then?" She asked with a worried look that suddenly clouded her normal jovial face.

"I think that you must see this as any other performance, you will need to practice and rehearse. Just as you would with your lines. Repetition will help. You need to practice, practice, practice!" he jokingly whipped the air.

Rachel ducked her body away from the imaginary whip and laughed "So?" Rachel inquisitively tilted her head.

"I think that you need to smoke every day and probably more than once a day. And you know what? Do as ballerinas do. Practice in front of a large mirror so that you can see exactly what you are doing and if it looks wrong to you, you can try to correct it there and then." Grant smiled and gulped his beer.

Rachels eyes widened "Oh my God, Grant! Do you really think it's necessary?"

Grant clasped his hands together and nodded "I'm afraid so. At least if you want to make a convincing scene. I guess we don't want this idea to blow up in your face and become negative display at the audition!" He stated matter-of-factly not wanting to offer alternatives to her.

"I never thought I'd need to smoke so much. I imagined this could be a clever idea to win cheap points..."

"Oh, I think it is a very clever idea. I think that you really are onto something that can make your performance stand out. Or at least ensure you don't lose out to a seasoned smoker, I guess the acting world is fully of them, at the end of the day what I'm saying is that you must make sure that you do it right."

"True...I guess...MY problem is that I really don't like smoking. My best friend Imogen liked it from when she was just over 14 and always wanted to smoke more and more of them, but then she came from a smoking family. They all smoked. I didn't like it back then, and you know, I still don't." She patted her open pack,

Grant nodded. "Does Imogen still smoke?"

Rachel chuckled and nodded "Oh yes, like a fiend!" She sighed as the memories tumbled through her head of being with Imogen and her any finding an excuse what seemed liked every few minutes to light up and smoke at every given opportunity.

"Well then, talk to her about it, see what she can help you with?"

"Oh, what a good idea." Rachel replied as thoughts tumbled silently around in her head, pondering on what Grant just said. This whole project had become so much more complicated than she had anticipated and wasn't sure about what she felt about it.