Keep Rehearsing and Keep Performing

She smiled "Thank you, Grant. I really appreciate your help and that you took your time to explain your point of view to me. I suppose that you are right, but I need to think about this."

"Thank you for the beer!" he grinned and then finished it off in one long congratulatory gulp. He picked up a piece of scrap paper on the counter and wrote down his mobile number. "Let me know tomorrow how you want to proceed?"

"I will do!" Rachel stated as she headed to the door to let him out. She rushed back to her bag, pulled out the chewing gum and swiftly got chewing. She needed to remove the taste from her mouth.

Once back at his place, Grant hoped that he hadn't pushed his luck with Rachel too far. He was slightly concerned that she had said that she would take a few days to think about how to proceed. He hoped with his whole heart that he hadn't made her task sound too difficult and overwhelming. Because after having seen her smoke that one cigarette he couldn't stop imagining what she would look like smoking with a more practiced action.

Rachel meanwhile got her phone out, and curled up in a ball on the sofa, as she quickly messaged Imogen.

Scene 3 Act 1

"To avoid such mistakes, remember, for all time, that when you begin to study each role, you should first gather all the materials that have any bearing on it, and supplement them with more and more imagination"

The idea of inheriting a different character and acting out each one every day was an exciting and pleasurable thing for Rachel. She was so determined that her 1940's character would definitely be smoking every day. That meant in turn she needed to smoke every day so that she could properly act the part.

As she had gone to the effort of buying her own pack. It all made perfect sense. The jigsaw puzzle was coming together.

She had contemplated in the perfect world; the selected movie scene would have been gym based like Fame and smoking would have never come up at all. She would have been dancing around in front of a mirror in an ill-fitting pink leotard and awful leg warmers.

She was not that lucky.

Her smoking routine now made her focus on the performance of her classmates, she could compare to try and determine who was 'better than hers'. The nagging insecurities that Rachel had meant that instead of taking in the post rehearsal notes about the things she had in fact done well. It could be argued that she was one of the best in her class, as she was often congratulated by both her fellow students and teachers for her work. She was more likely put more attention on the small negatives and create a larger one, compared to listening to the positive comments.

Having let the cat out of the bag to Imogen one evening that she is trying to smoke, Rachel had spent a great deal of the evening talking, or rather listening, to Imogen about how much she still loves smoking. Cigarettes are everything to her.

Rachel was learning that for a smoker, there was always a readily available excuse to smoke. On her lunch break sitting there in the break room, which was again downwind of Amanda as her exhaled. Her smoke drifted in through the open door as she devoured her cigarette with passion and enthusiasm. To Rachel watching the passion and force that Amanda put into every single inhale was as if her life depended on it. Rachel took a deep breath of the whisps of the exhaled smoke and looked away from Amanda and studied her phone. She texted Grant to say that she was going ahead with his idea and that she was genuinely looking forward to having a smoke this evening.

She did not see his reply until she was on her way to the academy of "Great to hear!"

***

Sitting there at the central island after finishing a bowl of basil pesto pasta, she opened a bottle of beer. It seemed the right thing to do, after taking a preparatory gulp she then grabbed her pack of Marlboro Light 100s. She had already strategically placed them on the kitchen counter. Rachel slowly extracted a second cigarette of the day. As it slid from the pack, she attempted to convince herself that smoking these cigarettes was completely necessary to at least make a sincere solid effort at the 1940's character. She knew she wouldn't like the smoke, the lit cigarette just reeked. But the pressure was on and now the stakes were too high. If she intended to do anything in her power to maximize her chances, she had to grab them with both hands. She placed the cigarette between her lips and lit up.

While pulling the first lungful of smoke in, she remembered Grant's comment about her nervous, almost beginner style. As such she purposedly tried to take a bigger drag. But as she exhaled the first one, she determined it was still awful. She could feel the smoke irritating her throat. She tried again. The longer drag she took, and her head felt lighter, and she was slightly woozy as it spun more intensively too.

Sat there alone, but with Grant's supportive grunts in her ears she concentrated even more on every molecule of polluted smoke that she could pull inside her chest and when she did. Rachel wished at least Grant could have been there watching and encouraging her.

In hindsight Rachel felt it was better to be preoccupied by being watched by him with his cute smile, his meandering eyes following her hand movements every time she smoked. Rather than being along only having the one focus, the dreadful sensation of that polluted smoke that filled her lungs and the nicotine that flowed around her body.

Rachel exhaled, rubbed her lips together, grimaced at the taste as she crushed the cigarette in the glass ashtray. This time she had succeeded in smoking most of it. Her fingers touched the chewing gum pack, she contemplated removing the bitter taste from her tongue and throat. However, with an encouraging nod to herself she then jumped up from the bar stool. She knew what she needed and urgently.

She marched straight over to Grant's. She imagined he would be at home by now, so she knocked on his door, but at first no one answered. She waited a moment and wondered if she should knock again or head back to her house and the chewing gum and to forget this bit.

'The lights are on inside and I'm sure I saw his truck drive into the garage before...' she thought as the cold air was beginning to make her shiver. She rubbed her hands up and down her bare arms. Contemplating turning and heading back. As she was about to give up, Grant opened the door.

"Oh! Hello Rachel. Sorry I was down in the basement, but I thought I heard a knock...I clearly did!"

"Yes, hi Grant. Sorry to bother this late..."

"Nonsense! What's up?" He too shivered.

Grant assumed that Rachel wanted to talk about smoking again. He could take in the aroma that she clearly smelled of fresh smoke and having texted him earlier in the day saying she was going to smoke; Grant was intrigued as to what she was doing on the doorstep.

"Well...as I said earlier, I want to give this audition my best shot!" She nervously grinned sticking her hands in her jeans pockets and almost bouncing.

'Yeah and?' Grant enquired whilst screaming of joy inside but tried kept a straight poker face on the outside.

"Tonight, after dinner I smoked again, like I said I was going to, but I felt it didn't go as well...so I was hoping, and I hope that I am not intruding, that maybe I could ask you to join me again...I thought that it was easier when I wasn't alone, and you maybe could give me some pointers again. To make sure I make some progress...in the right direction?"

Grant could hardly contain his excitement. He slowly nodded humming a thoughtful noise "Of course, no problem. When?"

Rachel bounced on the balls of her feet excitedly. "Oh, thank you so much Grant. You really are amazing Godsend! How about...would you like to, err, come over, like, now?"

"Hmmm"

"As I guess that one cigarette a night isn't much of a rehearsal, as you have said practice, practice, and more practice, right?" Rachel asked with a cute smile although Grant could see that she was indeed nervous.

Grant nodded at hearing his words coming back at him. "Sure, yes, of course, let me lock up!" He couldn't have been more enthusiastic the idea of seeing Rachel smoking at any time of day or night was going to be a bonus.

***

As they had done the first time, they went to Rachel's kitchen where once settled on the bar stool she calmly smiled at Grant before arranged the pack, slid the cigarette out and soon had it between her lips. She then lit up, and gently smoked a cigarette. After every little exhale she would glance at Grant for confirmation she was going in the right direction. However, as it was her second cigarette in a short space of time, and she had done those longer drags she was feeling a little spaced out. Rachel blinked several times and had her lips up turned in a frown as stubbed out the three-quarter smoked butt. Grant almost excitedly clapped for the end of the show. Rachel unsteadily got off the stool and offered him a beer. It was either beer or chewing gum. She needed to wash her mouth out.

They then, as if nothing had happened, sat there chatting about the neighbourhood and the latest news. Grant was working hard to make sure that he did not completely overwhelm Rachel with his presence. Or talk of smoking.

Twenty or so minutes later Grant swirled his nearly empty beer bottle around and smiled at Rachel, contemplating trying his luck. "As you invited me over and as you said you need the practice, practice, and practice, why don't you take another opportunity to smoke?"

"But Grant, err, I shouldn't as that would be like my third of the day?" Rachel queried with concern looking down at her open pack in front of her.

Grant casually shrugged his indifference. "Yes, that should not really a problem for you, and like I have said, Rachel you really need to be comfortable with a lit cigarette between your fingers. In my humble opinion the best way to get that feeling is to as often as possible to actually have lit cigarette between your fingers?"

"You really think so?"

Grant nodded "Yes, the cigarette needs to become normal, I guess you could walk round all day with an unlit one, but it would just be like a pencil. Would you to be able to properly act out smoking a pencil, pretending that it's a cigarette?"

Rachel rolled her eyes and sighed "No, it would not feel right. A pencil is heavier. I could not get it to balance between my fingers properly. So, yes, you are right."

"Please understand me, I am not trying to force you to do anything Rachel,"

"I know you are not. I should give it a good go, as you're probably right. Yet again!" She nodded and smiled at the proposal, trying to sound cheerful but feeling instead angst at the idea of smoking yet another disgusting cigarette so soon after the last one.

This time Rachel smiled sweetly sat down on the barstool right beside Grant. She attempted to look elegant by resting her elbow on the countertop, so she could support the arm holding the cigarette. Doing so she was ever so slightly leaning forward towards Grant she was unintentionally highlighting her the curves of her breasts. Watching on Grant was trying to take this all in, squirming whilst bouncing on the stool as she looked at her. Rachel was so cute and fresh, with a natural elegance that only accentuated her beauty. From his position he could peak down the V-neck of her top and could see clearly the cleavage supported by a white bra, he enjoyed watching as her breasts rose a little when she inhaled.

Whether it was nerves or politeness, Rachel exhaled upwards towards the ceiling to avoid blowing it in Grant's face, unaware of the fact that was exactly what would have sent him over the edge. He would have loved it and would have come there and then.

They sat there for the next five minutes as she slowly and patiently smoked the cigarette. There was no rush she did so in silence. There was just total focus on getting the action of cigarette between her fingers to lips and back again correct.

"So, how did I do, it's a thing- acting notes, I sort of expect feedback?" Rachel sheepishly grinned once she had crushed her thirds cigarette alongside the other two in the ashtray.

Grant nodded "Well, I could see that with that one you tried taking slightly larger inhales. Did you feel as if you are inhaling the smoke deeper into your lungs too?"

Rachel enthusiastically nodded, "Yes, I tried, but it's, you know, not so easy...I have watched Amanda over the last couple of days. She takes so much more smoke into her lungs. They must be phenomenal."

"Yes, I can see that as watching you now, I can tell you are trying to do the same. We have to be careful with your style, we need you to be natural, not looking as if you are trying to be natural. You need to look as if you are smoking, not looking as if you are exaggerating for acting sake how to smoke. Yes, I know you are an actor, and you will perfect it. I think you're moving in the right direction!" Grant affirmed.

Rachels shoulders sank a little "...But..."

"Oh, Rachel don't be sad...you on the right track, but as with every new skill, you still have still a way to go I'm afraid." Grant stated with mixture of kindness and harshness mixed.

Rachel gulped her beer and licked her lips again. "So, Grant, how many times a day should I smoke, you know, to get it right?"

Grant gulped air wishing it was his beer as he thought. "As I said the other day, well it was yesterday, I think you should be doing it at least three times a day."

"Honestly, do you think it could be enough?" She asked.

Grant rubbed his and across his face as he grinned, but Rachel never saw it.

He pursed his lips and nodded. "Frankly, I would recommend that you did it every day. It's easier to relax your pace later, if possible?"

"So, you think I should smoke a couple of cigarettes every night?" Rachel asked preoccupied.

"It's better to do that than having unfortunately smoke more in your training later on if we both feel progress is too slow."

"Slow?"

"Why taking the risk, its only smoking?" He offered mischievously in his friendliest tone.

"Grant, I am taking a risk..." Rachel looked on worried.

"Don't look so concerned."

"But I am?"

Grant shook his head, "Rachel, we need the cigarette between your fingers to become a natural part of your character?" He tried too sound authoritarian.

Rachel reluctantly nodded, "True, I need to prop to feel right. So, what do you suggest I do about smoking?"

Grant winced thinking this conversation might come up. "Right, if you ask my opinion, if I were you, I would be aiming for at least, err..." he paused to think briefly looking around for inspiration, spotting the clock and the big hand. "...4 cigarettes a day to get your confidence up.

Rachel rocked back on her stool before grabbing hold of the counter for balance. "My God, Grant, that sounds like a lot!"

"Rachel, think about it. It would be all of maximum of 20 minutes a day, it could well be less?"

"Well, if you put it like that...and I guess, as you say my character would be smoking a lot more?"

Grant nodded enthusiastically and laughed, "Exactly, you are trying to recreate that 1940's feel, but with a very powerful woman, back then they were like 5 cents a cigarette, you could smoke as many as you wanted wherever you wanted to, and so they would. Got to remember 1950's London bronchitis was one of the biggest killers!"

Rachel stared open eyed in fear at Grant and then sighed loudly. "Wow, what a positive fact."

Grant panicked slightly, "Please don't let that scare you. It shouldn't. We are not doing anything that crazy."

"Exactly, I am not going to smoke hundreds, we are not looking for a full-blown addiction here. I am just trying to master the look. Also, I have not got enough time or money for that many!"

"That is very true."

"But even so Grant, just thinking about it. Smoking four cigarettes a night would take me like the whole evening to get through. There would never be time for eating or anything else!"

Grant chuckled and dismissively shook his head, "Just think about it Rachel, there is plenty of time during the whole day, around work and the Academy."

"I guess so?"

"Good, you see, my Penny..." he paused and tried to read Rachel's face before continuing "...She used to smoke all day from before breakfast to gone bedtime, she would spread her twenty or so out throughout the whole day."

"Oh...okay, like Imogen, but that's still a lot more than four?" Rachel questioned.

"Yes, the point I am trying to make is that you don't need to cram them in all at night. I know you have had one the morning before work, well you could make it two, and then when back here, you could have one as you come in the door, and the second after dinner in the evening. That wouldn't take too long, right?" Grant suggested.

Rachel nodded and sighed loudly. "That's true...I can then wash my mouth and throat out each time afterwards!" She nervously giggled and stuck her tongue out at the current taste in there. The chugged a couple of mouthfuls of her beer.

"Exactly, ultimately Rachel, I am not forcing you to do anything. Everything I say is a suggestion. Unfortunately, it's all completely up to you. Plus, with practice if you're lucky, maybe you can get away with just smoking one odd cigarette now and then...like I said it is not up to me!" He reasoned purposely against his own interest not to give the impression to be pushing her too much.

"Lucky?" Rachel looked back quizzically as her index finger toyed with the pack in front of her, spinning it around.

Grant defensively shrugged his shoulders. He did not want to say out loud and scare her too much with the thoughts and obvious dangers of addiction.

"But I totally agree with you." Rachel continued filling the silence, "I don't think one or two cigarettes every now and again will work, that sounds too risky! If I'm going to smoke at the audition, I want to be 100 % absolutely sure that I'll nail it. I need a cigarette to become part of my character. I can't run the risk of leaving things to the chance." Rachel stated looking back up at Grant authoritatively.

Rachel's reply was like music in Grant's ears. He couldn't have wished for a better reply from her.

"Then I think its best you try to keep to a routine, but I think it wise when I am not here to say anything, you can remember to check on your style every now and again in the mirror. It will help and give you instant feedback, and I'm sure that shortly you'll feel as if you smoke much better!"

Rachel took a deep breath laboured with resignation. "Right now, being honest with you Grant, it all sounds quite overwhelming, but I suppose you're right..." Her eyes looked extremely bewildered and confused as she internally reasoned with herself. There was a growing hint of sadness. She looked up at him with a tear almost building in the corner of her eyes. Then with a deep reluctant breath asked, "Grant, would you mind helping me out in this endeavour? I am not sure I can do it all of this on my own.?"

"What?" Grant queried.

"Grant, I am asking could you come over now and then and check on my smoking progress?"

Not even in his wildest dreams Grant could have imagined or wished for a better offer. He was genuinely stunned by the opportunity arising in front of him, and was left speechless, just nodding enthusiastically.

Rachel noted Grant's surprise in his face and thought she was taking advantage of his availability. Concern crossed her face her body crumpled with the weight of the thoughts of the process. "I'm sorry, am I asking too much from you?"

"No, its...fine..." Grant replied shaking his head in confusion.