by smokinggun
Maybe get an editor because the errors detract from what is an interesting story. For example, you call it an intra-venous mind control device, but that would mean it is stuck in a vein, not swallowed. Lots of little typos too.
But, like I said, cool idea and I hope you keep going with it!
will be interesting to see how each Woman reacts after the fact esp. Andy since women will be hitting on her. and Reminding her of their Time Together.