All Comments on 'Kelly and Kevin'

Great start to a great story line.

More chapters please.

Maybe one where he visits her at college and they do a webcast together.

The story was hot - but hard to read. Wrong word choices did this one in. That's truly a shame as this had all the makings of a great story.

"their", "there"

"put", "out"

Is he Steve or Kevin?

You need an editor to clean things up. Pretty badly, actually. But the story concept was great and the sex was hot. I'll give a 5 this time just for the effort and hope you get an editor. Because this story very much needs to continue.

Dewey Cheatham

Man great story but please please have someone proof read for you. So many spelling errors made it hard to follow along sometimes

He only made the top 5? Not very erotic, just another slut sister story, no affection or emotion, but I guess since he was only in the top 5.....

Who are Jelly and Kathy?

Overall a nice story, but marred by what I suspect are autocorrect word substitutions. For example "grown" for "groan." If you take more time to proofread you will eliminate almost all of those.

That said, a solid 4 out of 5, only because of that type of error. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.

Not a bad story line. You could really use a spell and grammer checker.

Not a bad story for a maiden attempt, but the story itself gets bogged down and tedious in your telling of it.

Let me begin by saying I taught composition and creative writing for a career, and I’ve been a professional editor.

Psychological testing has proven that readers become discouraged and a bit lost when they encounter very long paragraphs. Stay away from that. Joyce, Faulkner and Dostoyevsky can manage cogent long paragraphs. You cannot.

Each of your gigantographs could easily be separated into multiple cogent paragraphs.

You’re also rife with misspellings, typos and malaprops. We can expect a few from amateur writers, but you’ve nearly drowned us in them.

EDIT YOUR WORK!

Professional advice for free.

You need to get the names straight! A little proof reading goes a long way.

The story is OK, but I'd highly recommend finding someone to edit for you or using a grammar check application.

Poorly written.

Good story but all the typos use if wrong words or missing letters in words spelling errors like Jelly instead of kelly or calling her the little sisters name.....when the little sister went upstairs to bed they listen when she got to the landing not land the are some examples of many errors the should have been corrected with proof reading before posting

Silly and unlikely, but fun.

I agree with what everyone else says, plus I recommend learning how to write longer dialog instead of describing what they talked about. The dialog helps develop the setting and especially the characters.

Also, describe the characters more fully. The only thing we really knew abiout Kelly is that she had huge boobs.

I a believer now dreams do come true 😁 5⭐

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