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He collapsed forward slowly, trying not to crush her. They were both gasping for air. Kevin wrapped his arms around his sibling and kissed her neck.
"This date was great my love." Kelsey said before she fell asleep in Kevin's arms. As the sun sett on their perfect day all Kevin could do was kiss Kelsey's head and drift off on top of her.
- COMMENTS
Anonymous10 months agoTo become better you have to accept there’s a fine-line between being realistic and fictional when compared to real life events. Never having backdoor sex and getting shafted on the whim killed it for me
ScottishTexan10 months agoThis story has hidden potential, but the execution is absolutely horrible. It's extremely obvious that you were winging it and making it up on the fly because there's too many instances where you wrote something after the fact that filled in previous gaps in Chapter One.
Next time, if there is one, PLEASE sit down and make out a STORY OUTLINE before you begin writing the first sentence. Use the outline to make sure that you're really organized. Adding in background later in the story can be a valuable plot device, but it should be done correctly for dramatic effect. 2/5
Anonymous11 months agoMy 2 cents
A good story. I look forward to reading more. Thanks for your time and imagination.
