All Comments on 'Kidnapped Pt. 03'

It's very disappointing. If you can get past the wooden and lifeless "dialog" and constant machine gun exposition, it's a story of a guy playing with cheat codes so that everything drops in his lap without effort. I thought this was going to be about a spoiled rich kid that has his eyes opened by tragedy and goes through a mountain of personal growth (with a fair bit of sex along the way, remember what site we're on).I was horribly wrong. This could have been such a good story. Instead it's a let down.

Quite the ending, but he still didn't fuck his own mother, just his two slutty sisters.

This story needs at least one more chapter where he fucks his own mom, possibly while his wife is getting her pussy eaten by Valorie.

You went pretty crazy in this last chapter, particularly the twist at the end. Still liked it.

Great story, with a twist! Loved it. Thanks for your time and imagination.

Well I certainly didn't see that coming. As always you wrote a very enjoyable story and I thank you for you wonderful writing.

What a surprise. O'Henry lives.

Well written and edited. A real pro. Loved the ending.

yet there were a few parts that switched back and forth in the dialogue that seemed confusing. Here is an excerpt of what I mean:

"I nervously say, "Good morning everyone, I am glad you all could make it. Exactly one year ago, we all met and had a draft. Typically, the media immediately says you did terribly, and everyone forgets who was drafted after a year. Well, this one is different. Ernest and Young, as represented by Sonny here, have evaluated our performance, based on many criteria. They explained it, and it's easier to say black magic."

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/skipped paragraph 2

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Sandy is an angel. She is a short platinum blond with brilliant blue eyes and two beautiful breasts that want to pop out of her dress. The slit on the side goes from the waist to the floor. I know she is wearing light blue panties and it's evident by the raised nipples, no bra. She has a small round face with chubby cheeks and a button nose. Bright red lipstick and five-inch stilettos.

She is gorgeous. I like looking at her.

Sonny has a silky-smooth voice, even with no mic, we all hear her clearly."

Paragraph 1: it is Sonny from the accounting firm

Paragraph 3: Sandy is being described

And then we are back to Sonny giving the presentation.

I presume that it was Sonny you were talking about the entire time, but simple things can lose a reader or make the story seem rushed.

I'm not an author or writer, but I am an avid reader. If I'm missing something, tell me to shut it and I will.

You have written a incredible story and the twist at the end outstanding . Bravo

To read 3 parts about how a Son (Robin) seeks justice for his murdered Father,and fakes threatening his Mom and Two Sisters to kill them only to get them to accept and love him,BUT come to find out Dad had pancreatic cancer and pretty much asked Robin to set-up his murder to frame Cartwright for it,I am just in shock.

Sure Robin may have been the one to have his Dad killed but it was actually a Mercy Killing,so for Robin he was a good and loyal Son that did the right thing.Now as for Mom,Valorie,Patty,and Kathy (and maybe Sonny and also Mandy) to be part of Robin's life is beautiful and them all having babies by Robin is so heartwarming,but also they get to eat each others pussies while Robin recoups.This story is so Sweet and Touching,excellent writing.

Great story right until the end when you had to throw in a BBC fucking the mom. Out of the blue!! I don't get it - it was an incest story.

Re the comment on well edited - bullshit!!

Stork, you really, really need someone to PROOFREAD your stories before they are published. Waaaaaay too many typo’s, name changes and plot problems. Makes it very difficult to concentrate on the storyline.

wow, a way to fuck up a story.

I was hooked on part 1. I thought it was really good and interesting to read. All the drama and that.

part 2 I voiced my concerns about character interactions and all that. Yet still, storywise you kept somewhat on track.

but on this part, part 3.

wow, fucking hell did you, murder the story.

The entire Kathy thing got entirely lost on me. They fuck in the massage tent. At the bar later he says "he finally can fuck Kathy".

The whole runaway thing? really? are we in grade 2?

So now they are dating after the tent. Then at the bar, eaten out by the girls then groped by strangers who minutes earlier were on the verge of "raping" a girl. yea I'd be fine with that too.

the entire bar scene is just a big WTF. Yea patty "finds" a boyfriend through her brother robin telling his security guy basically "she's yours now" ?? I mean really? That's hilariously bad.

as I said the entire character dynamic is completely unclear and fucked up

Conversations are empty, it's pretty much empty text. (Presidential Suite, Bed & Sex afterward) A lot of hints and stories just left dead.

The ending is surprising, but then also completely unnecessary somehow? Why make all that fuss about and be "depressive" that your father is dead when it was you all along? I get now a bit of why he didn't kill his family and somewhat how he reacted and did what he did.

Anyways I'm not judging this Story for the Plot/Plot Twist. I really liked the idea behind the Story and probably would've been fine with some plot twists throughout, like you presented.

Yet your Character Dynamic, empty text & conversations, switcheroo, plot confusions completely ruined the story for me.

I'd suggest you have something like a storyline-board/document. Where you specify in points for yourself what your story is about, where you heading, what your intentions are and all that. So it comes to fewer confusions and mix-ups.

I normally don't comment on stories, because I don't have the imagination to create plot lines like this. However, having said that, I was disappointed with the way this on finished up.

I agree with the others that you need to have someone proofread for context and content. There are just too many errors with the wording and they seriously interrupt the flow of the story.

Spell checking is not the end all and a story needs to be proofread more than once after each edit. Unfortunately, this is an ongoing theme in your stories.

Once the story line went to Larry's, it was just constant rambling sex. I lost interest in the story at that point. For someone with as creative a mind as you have, I found it very disappointing.

I have read several of your stories and while they share the same issues that would be corrected by proofing the content, I normally enjoy the flow and story lines.

Please keep writing, but find an editor that is willing to work with you.

P.S. Get rid of the "ropes of cum" statements in all your stories - it is very redundant and boring.

Best of luck.

Part one Started out strong with a good story line. After they had the story started going South. The story line was forgotten for Gratuitous Sex. I think you ruined a good story.

I must say you are great writer with a sick twist with this ending. But I loved it. Continue to write good stories. I will read all of your work

Clever twist at the end. I guess nice guys can be cold-blooded, too,

Great story-line. I agree with others about getting an editor. The story was a good read - an editor would have helped make it flow better. But, hey, we aren't paying for it, so I am grateful to you, and thank you for sharing with us.

Good twist ending, but the story would have been MUCH better without Kathy in it.

The last chapter sex was ho hum. Who ever heard of the mega rich getting up on a stage in a club owned by Robin and doing a live sex show in front of the peasants??

No one? What a surprise!

How pointless was that part of the chapter, just pointless sex that added nothing to the overall plot.

Hell we do not even know why the family and especially Kathy wanted to do that anyway, to humiliate themselves like that, so stupid.

However despite that l gave the chapter and the story 5/5 because of the twist in the end. Totally unexpected.

What the fuck was that last chapter? Nothing made sense anymore. And the part about not whoring around was dissmissed instantly.

Did a different writer take over the last part? I would have given 5 stars based on the first 2 parts of the story, but I don't even know what happened with this part. 2 stars

The plots are interesting. The sex scenes, too, although often repeated from series to series. But there is a complete break with the logic of events.

Realistically. The father who owns a multibillion-dollar company agrees to have his daughters, Priston graduates, used by their mother as business whores, for small clients or seducing employees, even high ranking ones? For a decade?

More likely they would have already been married to the heads and owners of major companies to merge.

Who cares who the father is, she's the mother and she gave birth. Although if the son she just ignored, she made the daughters whore. Why? Why did the father let this happen? Or was it all his decision?

All the stars are only for the sex scenes.

Although there are questions there too.

Sometimes the author doesn't know basic anatomy. Sometimes the impression is that he has never seen a woman's cunt or had sex.

Try running a metal paint brush over your hand. Approximately the same thing a girl will feel when she scratches her labia with a bristle. Pain, not orgasm.

And the question. Robin has been pumping his sisters daily with sperm for a couple of months. They're ready to get pregnant. Where are the babies or the big bellies?

There's no such thing as a fucked up cunt, just poor vaginal muscle tone.

Yes, fantasy/fiction but not fantasy/science fiction?

WHAT THE F___??!!..REALLY, that ending was 'almost' awful...Dad asked Robin to have him poofed...because he had cancer??!! Did NOT see that one coming...

And then the truth, about the kidnapping...WOW!!

I gave **5** stars, only because the story is so good...Chapter 3 was all-over-the-place!! The stage sex was way too out in left field...what billionaire is going to have public sex, with family members involved...that would jeopardize BUSINESS way too much, the "bottom line" would be affected, and perception of FAMILY would greatly suffer among ALL they deal with. Discretion is PARAMOUNT for these people...you stretched this WWWAAAYYYHHY too thinly, almost to breaking...

Did not read a lot of the comments...but I am sure others will agree...😣😵

The first chapter was the best one. The dynamic between Robin and Kathy when them basically forced to remain in close proximity and growing increasingly attracted to each other was interesting. I liked the interaction Robin had with Patty and Valerie as well, though I think it might have been even better if you had made them opposites and really leaned into it, with one trying to use sex to control him while the other falls for him. The mom was just a bossy, greedy moron, and I think she was underutilized. You kinda shit the bed with chapter three, and seemed to just go for pure raunch and shock value, throwing out everything the first two chapters had developed in the process.

Excellent story! All 3 chapter get 5 stars, BIG FUCKING STARS!

The last Part fucked the story up otherwise 5/5... Especially the Last 2 chapters. Why exactly was Kate stabbed by Cartwrights goons when the whole thing was Robins Master Plan to kill his father (one Twist too much in my book). Why did they need to fuck on Stage? Also more WE need more payoff with the Mother Story would have loved if she finally had an honest and apologetic talk with her now beloved son (and maybe a fuck). Also no pay off for the martial arts Training.

You ruined the story you went through it all building a closeness between him and Kathy just to turn her into a whore like the rest of the women in this story and you decide to blind side everyone with the added kink that you didn't mention anything about and that was interracial sex then you wrote it out to where he is no man so he hired a hooker to service the whores including Kathy why the fuck did he even marry the 2 timing slut who will fuck anything with 2 legs like his mom and sisters

The part at Larry's RUINED the entire story.

Good story, but I agree with grandegale, the whole Larry's thing sort of put me off a bit, the twist at the end was not great either, the twist, negates the entire mistery. He knew all along who did it. All his did not know was why his mom was os evil.

I enjoyed the story, a lot. AAAA++++