Kinda Gay

"If he's gonna hate me maybe we could skip it?"

"No, Mum will kill you if you don't show."

"Island hospitality?" I smiled.

"You'll be fine Dev." I cleared my throat and looked at him. "Dad ummm... he'll call you Palangi. Ignore him."

"Is that bad?" I blushed.

"Uh... Maybe a little bit like if your parents called me a nig.."

"Got it." He looked at me with narrowed eyes. "You call me palangi all the time."

"Do I?" I blushed. Devon folded his arms and looked firmly at me. "Ok, ok that's different. That's affectionate. Maybe it's more like when we call each other faggots. Like it's ok when we do it."

"Well one, you called me a faggot way before you knew I was one, and two... last time I checked I was the only... palangi..."

"Since when did you care about what I call you?"

"I guess it hits a bit different if you picked it up from your Dad." I bit my lip. He knew about Dad. Dad would always take me to the rugby, sometimes even out of school for it. He was there for all my soccer games growing up. He bought me my first beer. But there was just stuff you didn't talk to Dad about. He was old fashioned.

"I can say you're sick." I said slowly. "If you really don't want to. I get it." Dev sighed.

"Got a feeling your mum will see right through that."

"She won't hold it against you."

"It's ok. I do think we're moving a little fast."

"Well duh, I do everything full on."

"Except your degree."

"Fuck off, I'll have you know I got two Bs this month, suck my dick."

"Two Bs?" Devon paused in getting dressed and glanced at me. "Maybe I will suck your dick. As a reward." I grinned.

"No fucking way asshole. You're gonna trick me into studying by offering sex and it's not going to work on me!" Dev laughed and crossed the room. He wrapped me in his arms and tilted my chin up to look at him.

"It's really hot that your grades are picking up." He whispered. I groaned.

"Fuck you." He reached down and squeezed my dick. He pressed his mouth to the side of my head and his tongue played with my ear. I don't even understand how that felt as good as it did. I started to go limp in his embrace.

"If you ever get an A I think I'll fuck you so hard you'll cream yourself hands free." I pushed him off me weakly.

"You... I... fuck you." I said intelligently. He laughed. "Come on, we gotta go soon." I whined. He smirked as he continued getting dressed.

"You think you might be into that?" He said casually. "Maybe I could fuck you in a jock, and make sure you don't even touch your dick." I tried not to think too hard about that, because it turned me on way too much.

"I guess that's up to you, palang..." I stopped myself. "I swear that just slipped out." He laughed.

"I think fixing your language is a losing battle."

——

Mum loved him. She opened the door and I could see her eyes sparkling. I think she was worried he'd be a dirty bogan like me. He cleared his throat.

"Kia Orana koe, pe'ea ua koe?" Mama beamed.

"Meitaki 'ua au! Tomo mai!" She embraced him and I laughed a bit to see my 5 foot 3 mother smothering him.

Dad was watching TV but he turned it off when we came in and stood up to shake Devon's hand.

"Kia Orana. Ko Devon taku ingoa." Devon said quietly. I blinked. I don't think I'd taught him that. Dad looked a bit taken aback but his eyes crinkled as he smiled.

"It is nice to meet you." He shook Devon's hand and offered him a seat. He smiled at me as we greeted each other. "You don't visit enough." He told me off and I rolled my eyes.

We sat down and talked about school. I proudly told them about my B's and Dad asked how Devon did. He blushed and I laughed.

"Straight A's." I answered for him. "He's studying Law." Mum and Dad both glanced at each other.

"Really." I sighed at Dad's incredulity.

"Not straight As!" Dev protested.

"Oh yeah, you got that B in Case Law." I remembered. I looked at Dad and shrugged. "He's smart."

"I study." He said firmly.

"What do your parents do?" Dad asked. God he's the worst. Devon shrugged.

"Mum is a nurse and Dad works in MBIE." Dad nodded. I rolled my eyes. As if it mattered.

But they were getting on. Dad was nice. I mean, Mum was giving him a firm look every time he opened his mouth but still. Nice. Devon was a little shy, but Mum doesn't really go for that, she pulled him out of his shell pretty good. I realised as actual dinner rolled around and I saw the stacks of plates I'd been conned and I squeezed Dev's hand.

"I'm so sorry." I muttered. I didn't even have a chance to explain what for, because Uncle Hehu and a truck full of my siblings and cousins had rolled up. Dev shrugged and grinned. He seemed way more relaxed than I expected.

"My family's kind of the same." He shrugged as he was pulled into a thousand hugs and greetings. He grinned at me. "Ōatu ka 'aere!" My mouth fell open. I definitely hadn't taught him that.

"Kārē 'āite." I muttered.

He was amazing. He let the kids teach him swear words and helped Mum and I with the washing up even though she tried at every turn to stop him. Eventually the night was getting on, and the Scotch was coming out... and he gave me a little wide eyed look. I made our excuses to go.

Mum made me promise to be back soon. Dad shook Devon's hand again and muttered in my ear as we said our goodbyes.

"Mē ko tō'ou tū tēnā..." I felt myself grow hot and my chest grow tight. "Ka pu'apinga 'aia." He slapped me on the back and I glanced at Devon. He smiled tightly, a little unsure. I grinned back at him and wrapped my arms around Dad. He embraced me with a smile.

"So..." Dev asked as we walked away. I shrugged.

"He likes you." I said. I opened my mouth and shut it again. I didn't have the words to explain the utter miracle that had just occurred. Devon squeezed my hand. His palms were sweaty.

"You sure?"

"He's never said a single nice word about any of my girlfriends."

"And... he... did? About me?" I smiled at Dev.

"Yeah."

--

There was meant to be a party at ours a few weeks later and I had been looking forward to it until Riley cleared his throat as I served up a stir fry for him and Dev and myself one day when the others were at the cricket.

"So you two... gonna be at this party together?" He glanced at me and Dev. I frowned.

"Well duh, we live..."

"Jesus you're slow." Dev rolled his eyes. "He means together together. You're not out, dipshit."

"Oh." I frowned. "Yes I am. We told everyone at Ethan's." Dev and Riley looked at each other.

"Is that the same thing?" Dev said slowly. I thought about it. Ah. I guess not. All Dev's friends were queer and none of them knew any of mine. I guess that had been pretty risk free. I thought about it and shrugged.

"Everyone will be cool right?" Riley shrugged.

"Got no idea." I looked at Dev. Fuck it. What was the worst that could happen?

"Yeah?" I suggested.

"Yeah?" He shrugged.

"Together together." I nodded at Riley.

--

I was super nervous, more than I expected. I ended up locking myself in my room and focussing on an essay to calm me down. I worked for a while and actually had most of it finished when my phone lit up and I suddenly realised the house was rowdy. I glanced at my phone. Oops. Dev had been calling. I stood up to grab him and join the party. I opened my door.

"Oh hi." He blinked at me. "There you are." I laughed and wrapped my arms around him.

"Sorry, I got distracted." I leant up to kiss his cheek. "I was... wanking." He rolled his eyes and made a face as he looked me over. His eyes fell on my desk.

"Wait, is that a textbook?" He barged past me into my room and I sighed as he picked it up and looked at my laptop.

"Wanking, huh?" He raised one eyebrow at me. I shrugged, turning a little pink.

"Yeah, Criminology really does it for me." He laughed and wrapped his arm in mine.

"Man you must be getting real close to that A." He teased, running his fingers over my shoulders and pressing his lips to my cheek.

"Doubt it." I pulled him out of my room and shut the door firmly. "Ok. What's the game plan?"

"Game plan?" Dev rolled his eyes. "I don't think you need to make a speech."

"I'm nervous." I admitted. "I never get nervous." I glanced up as Ben passed us in the corridor.

"Marcus!" We greeted each other. I cleared my throat as we pulled apart.

"You know Dev right?" He shook his head and the two of them shook hands as my throat went dry and I tried to say the next bit like a normal person. I don't know why that was hard for me. I looked desperately at Dev and he sighed.

"Marcus and I are dating." He said.

"Oh." Ben looked at me to check it wasn't a joke. I bit my lip and shrugged.

"Surprise?" I tried.

"Not really." He laughed and walked away to get more beer. My face was burning.

"Was I the only one on the whole fucking planet who thought I was straight?" I grunted. Dev shrugged.

"Probably."

—-

I didn't have to go through the same awkward rigamarole with everyone, thank god. Dev and I weren't joined at the hip so I spent plenty of time without him where my mild sexuality crisis wasn't anywhere near a topic of conversation.

It was a good party. I drank too much and nearly pulled a muscle in my neck from too much headbanging. I think Dev had gone to bed early at some point because I couldn't find him. Parties had never really been his thing. I went outside for a smoke- only when I'm drinking!- and Lucas was there, alone. He looked at me and at the cigarette he just lit. He moved to stub it out.

"Woah." I stopped him. "Scared it's catching?" He rolled his eyes.

"I just changed my mind." He said quietly.

"Ah-huh." I sighed. "Well. If you ever get over that homophobia I'll be here." Lucas sighed and turned around to face me properly.

"You fucking..." He sighed. "I'm not homophobic, ok? I'm upset because it's Dev."

"What?!" I frowned. "Why? Because he's a nerd? Because he doesn't party? Because you don't think he's cool?" I was gripping Lucas by the shoulders now, and I realised I was shaking him slightly. He went limp in my arms.

"Because I thought you'd stay in the closet forever ok? And I thought that's ok, I don't have to worry about anything. But I kind of always thought, if you ever did come out, well... I thought it would be for me." He broke free of my grip and my hands dropped to my side. I blinked at him. He was looking determinedly at the ground.

"But... you're straight..." He grunted.

"It's not that simple dude. Do you still not get that?" He glared at me for a second as I stood in shock. "You're a moron, Marcus." He said with a sigh. "A very sweet moron." He paused, and almost leant in a bit. He stopped himself as I stood in front of him, with a small frown on my face... I'm slow at the best of times but with god knows how many litres of beer in me I can be real fucking dense. Lucas's eyes scanned my face and he sighed again and turned inside. "Forget it." He mumbled. "Please."

I let my cigarette burn down until it burnt my fingers.

--

I tucked myself in next to Dev and he shifted to make room.

"Cigarettes and beer." He mumbled. "Is that by Marc Jacobs?" I pressed my body against him.

"I had a weird night." I sighed. He wrapped his arms around me.

"You ok?" I let him stroke my back and I rested my face on his chest.

"Everyone in the whole fucking world is gay." I mumbled. I could hear Dev stifling laughter.

"Ok." He said softly. "Well, I can't do anything about that right now. Let's go to sleep ok?"

I woke up early and went to go for a walk. I was too stressed and I couldn't talk to Devon so I crept out of bed, out his door, and walked straight into Lucas. He looked at me and smiled.

"The very man I'm trying to avoid!" He joked awkwardly as he tried to duck past me.

"Wait." I caught his shoulder and he turned around with a sigh. "I'm sorry." I said quietly. Lucas shook his head and smiled. It didn't quite reach his eyes.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. You and Dev... I'm happy for you." I shook my head.

"Lucas... I didn't know..." He shook his head.

"Truly, Marcus. Please, I'll be fine. I'm like a hotter version of you, of course I'll be fine." I laughed.

"You're not hotter than me."

"That's not what your mum said." I cracked up and Lucas took the chance to escape, dashing to his room. I glanced at him and felt a bit of weight off my shoulders. Maybe I didn't need that walk.

--

When Dev woke up I was reading one of his comic books. I pointed to the jug of coffee and he blinked at me.

"You're up early." He said. I shrugged. "God, anyone would think I'm a good influence." I frowned at him.

"You're a terrible influence." I said. I pulled out my phone and showed him the latest grade from my public policy paper. "Look what you've done to my C average." He blinked at the phone and looked at me in delight.

"Marcus, is that an A?" I threw the phone down.

"Don't you dare tell Mum and Dad. They'll start to expect it." I glanced at him. "Anyway. You owe me something." He blushed and sat up.

"Um..." I stroked his arm, keeping my eyes on his comic.

"I'm totally ready for you." I said. "I got up really early." I glanced at him to make sure he knew what I meant. He definitely did. He was bright red. He sighed.

"Ok." He said. "But I'm not going to be able to fulfil the mind shattering orgasm I had planned for you. I just want to tell you honestly it won't be like that your first time."

"Whatever. I need you so bad Dev." He pulled me in close to him, enveloping me in his arms and legs- so much limb on that guy. He kissed my forehead.

"I need you more." He whispered, and I glanced up at him.

Oh god. He was so wonderful. I almost felt teary looking at him.

"Dev, you really fucked me up, you know that?" I mumbled.

"Well, if it's any consolation, I could say the same to you."

"No... I think." I squeezed my eyes tight. "I think I love you." I said quietly.

He said nothing and my stomach dropped. Ugh I was such a fucking idiot. Of course he didn't love me. It was way too soon. I mean, I probably had loved him for months, the physical stuff was just an extension of that... but I knew it was way too soon for that. I'd never told anyone I loved them before. I mean. Mum and Dad obviously but...

Dev moved off the bed and I tried not to cry. Dammit. Was this a gay thing? Crying? I never cried.

I sniffed and shuffled a little. Ok, well. That was dumb. But it didn't matter. We could still do this, he didn't have to love me back. I glanced up at him and my mouth fell open.

He had a pair of thigh highs on... not exactly the kind I'd described, these were plain black... but still... he was sitting casually on his desk, his legs out in front of him, spread wide. He looked broader than usual, more definition in his pecs... you could even see he had biceps... I blinked. Had he been working out?

He looked at me.

"So. Long story short, I'm nosy too. And your laptop was open when I went into your room... and I sort of knew you had a thing for these." He blushed. "So even though you weren't actually talking to me at the time my stupid fag ass went and bought some... just in case..." He looked at me. He was flushed and it was creeping down his neck and across his chest. "So, um. I hope it's what you imagined. I'm pathetic and I love you too."

I grinned.

"Turn around." I said. He obliged me. Ugh. His ass was framed perfectly.

"I wanted a jock to match." He said. "But they just look obscene on me."

"And I like looking at your dick." I said. "I don't want it covered up." He glanced over his shoulder at me.

"Really?"

"Yeah, really." I bit my lip as I looked at him. "Look um. I know I'm... I know what I'm like. I just never really thought about it before. I do actually really like men. I mean... girls too I think... but you... I'm sorry I'm so... straight about it, but like... your dick was the thing that you know... made me really think about it." I paused to breathe. "I never wanted you to be a girl for me. I just want you." He turned around and leapt on the bed.

"I love you so much." He said. "I always thought it would be a little... hairy twink. I'm so glad it's you. Even though you're fucking retarded."

"Language!" He laughed.

"And, you should know, since you know nothing about gay culture, guys like you... that straight masc thing... it's hot." He grinned. "Especially hot when you're really kind of subby."

"Kind of what?"

"Nothing!" I grinned and rolled him over so I was pinning him down. I fiddled with the top of his tights and snapped them against his skin.

"Kind of subby." I said thoughtfully.

"Kind of." He said. He bit his lip. I love the way he does that.

"How?" I asked. He grinned.

"Take your shirt off." I obeyed and sat patiently over him, waiting for the next instruction. "Play with your nipples." He said. I moaned and sat back, gently teasing myself as he watched. "One hand on your dick." I fondled myself through the sweatpants I'd hastily thrown on to make coffee. They were his and were a little tight on me... and I had to roll them up about four inches. I pressed against my own touch. I glanced at him and he was biting his lip again, smiling. "Kind of subby." He said quietly. I blushed.

"I see." I said slowly.

"Don't stop." He said. "You're so hot." I kept playing with myself for his amusement, closing my eyes and panting as I touched myself. "Good boy." He said, and I moaned. "Now undo those sweatpants. But just tease yourself."

"Ok." I whimpered. I reached for the ties and felt his hand firmly grip mine, his nails digging into my skin. I opened my eyes and Dev was grinning at me.

"Not ok. You say yes, sir."

"Do I?" I laughed. "I don't think I can."

"You can." He wrapped his hand in my hair and pulled my head back. I gasped as that sent an electric shock to my dick. I moaned.

"Oh." I said.

"I think you really like it when I take charge."

"Maybe a bit." I laughed. He stroked my abs gently as I continued to follow his instructions; shuffling the sweats down and teasing myself with one finger gently stroking my dick.

"Mmmmm." He teased my nipples.

"Oh fuck." I whispered.

"All your big talk and big muscles and you really just like being told what to do don't you?"

"Uhhh... yeah..." I moaned. I reached for his dick and he swatted my hand away. I groaned. "Can I not touch your dick?"

"You can. But you gotta beg for it."

"Dev!" He grinned.

"Come on Marcus. You're gonna love it. Play ball with me."

"I don't know what to say!"

"I'll make it really easy then. Don't say anything except yes, sir." I bit my lip. "Unless you don't want to do something." He reconsidered. "Then you can say no." I wondered if it might be a bridge too far for me, but I glanced down at him and he did that stupid thing with his face and his mouth and I felt myself go limp in his arms.

"Yes, sir." I muttered. His grip on me tightened and he moaned.

"Now, did you want to touch my big dick?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good boy."

He leant back and I wrapped my hands around it, moaning at how hard he was. I rubbed my thumb over the head, collecting his pre-cum and using it to lube up the rest of his dick. I started to gently stroke him, using both hands because hell, seemed a shame not to when you can. He leant back and closed his eyes.

"Fuck, man, that feels so fucking good." He sighed, pressing up into my hands. His abs contracted and I smiled as I watched him.

"You've been working out." I said.

"A little." He kept his eyes closed but I could see his smile. "You can tell?" I leant over him and pressed my forehead to his.

"You look so hot." I whispered. I licked the side of his cheek and he turned his face to meet my mouth so our lips could tangle together.