All Comments on 'King of the Pack'

You know just how much I enjoyed it. Oooohhh

if only ................

I thought it was an excellent job of writing. You managed to exude a sense of feeling in placing the reader right in the room.

But I suggest you be a little more careful with editing. For example, “the first volt hit me” jarred because it didn't make sense. The same with, “ stars and tiny lights that were before our eyes in the midst.”

I don't mean to be discouraging because you have a fresh bracing style that you need to develop, but you must not rush into submitting until you have had time to polish. I hope to see plenty more from you. Write me if you want more detailed suggesting about editing.