All Comments on 'Knight'

Not much pathos and basically derivative.

4 stars

Well, I’ve now written two stories for this site, and want to thank BlackRandl for her help and encouragement. She helped me overcome technical obstacles, and put a shine on the story with her edits. This site owes her a debt of gratitude, as do I, for her tireless efforts on behalf of the writers, and nubes such as myself.

For those who are thinking of writing, and use apple pages, you can’t use smart quotation marks, they don’t play well with Lit’s publishing software, appearing as weird emoticons and the like. Nevertheless, when you copy and paste to the author’s portal, everything looks fine from your end, so the rejections are a mystery. Randi immediately knew what the issue was. Ultimately I had to reprocess the story through word and rid the story of all smart quotation marks, with Randi’s help, thankfully. I haven’t located a means of turning the smart quotes off in the apple program, so I may be forced to use word should I ever write another tale.

Thanks again, Randi. Your welcoming help and encouragement makes all the difference.

It was good up to the ending. I think the last thing on his mind at that moment would be hooking up with another woman.

Still, 4 stars for a good set up.

The last sentence. 5*

Nice story, Mr. Reeno. Write another, please. Randi.

A lot of words, not much story.

The last sentence of your very well told story shows the whole dilemma! Who can say with certainty that it isn't money that ignites the other?

I will confess that I didn't care for some elements of the story, but I thought it was very well told. It was visual and it flowed without the stilted language that is too common here. Good writing!

"It was in personal sacrifices of themselves to one another that they demonstrated their love." - What sacrifice is she making?

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I MIGHT have been able to go along with "some zipless fun" if it wasn't obviously pre-planned with his immobilizing costume.

Profoundly sad.

The story was certainly different, but never managed to generate an emotional response. Both the husband and wife were enigmatic. Why are they doing what they’re doing? Is it simply that their extreme wealth makes them feel entitled? In the end, I didn’t much care for either of them.

Fabulous writing

His monologue (almost a soliloquy) was the best ever I’ve read on this site. The irony of the suit of armour, the sombreness of Batman, the support of his instantly available team, the implications of the Mary Antionette costume.

This story is brilliant. 6 Stars. It’s up there with Dreamcloud.

Poor ending no drama or her reaction and realisation of what her actions had brought. Fair effort but no drama.

Kind of strange. Didn't this guy have a prenup? Why wouldn't he kick her skank ass out with the help banging her. So, within minutes, he jumped to the next gold digging tramp. Quite the couple. Most rich guys I know are rich because they know how to keep it. This guy seems to give it to the slag of the day.

That suit of armor ought to be made of solid gold for a million dollars.

Interesting story. Towards the end I expected Peter to die in a struggle with the emperor and Clair with Jimmy would convince George to take Peter's place.

Damn. That was a sad story of betrayal. Did she purposefully try to trap him in the suit of armour? Or was than an unconscious artifice? A 5* story.

The saddest part of this whole debacle is she will get a large portion of his wealth, then either whore her days away, or find some other sap to marry then cheat on. While the MC will start banging his acolytes but remain heartbroken never being sure if any of them could ever love his despite his riches. It's a sad state all around. But it begs the question...why have buff hung dudes walking around your party? So single ladies have something to oogle? Yeah not at my party gtfo.

What did he expect? He married a brainless arrogant entitled bitch, who treated his money like it was nothing, just as she ended up treating him. He got what he married, so he got what he deserved. The only thing she'll regret about the divorce is the opportunity to acquire even more money. She's already getting all the cock she wants, now she'll have to pay for it out of her own assets. Happens to rich assholes all the time; who cares? These people are like inverse trailer trash: the exact opposite in terms of wealth and property, but exactly the same in terms of ethics and morals. They all swim in the same sewer.

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Thanks for the effort.

A slightly strange story, but l liked it. Emptyheaded Clair is going to get what she deserves, l hope there is a prenup that prevents her from profiting from her betrayal.

He is better off without her.

4/5

Overwrought

That was a little different, but very good. The description of her locking him up in a suit of armor , while she cheated, was great symbolism of the being a cuck that he rejected. Now he needs to keep an eye on the women with the dollar signs in her eyes.

Good story!

4

Nicely done

All a bit too florid for me. It's not a Shakespeare competition.

half a story is half a score

That last line spoke volumes! The story was a little wordy in spots but well written and enjoyable. Thanks for sharing.

Wow. What a sad tale.

@Anonymo0us Re: Prenup, they built the business after they were married.

Weak story line. But a true statement of facts and outcome. The wife gets half of his billions and moves on to fuck whomever. He suffers as he will trust no women. But if he goes underground and appears as an average guy I’m sure there is a dedicated women out there for him.

Some of the readers are plain stupid people. Jeff Bezos ,started his empire with his wife who worked the business. He left her for another, she got billions and took less than a court would give her at least half. When people start out they rarely need a prenup. So much for some readers comments.

Imaginative, and pretty well written. thanks for sharing.

@sbrooks103x

RE:"It was in personal sacrifices of themselves....

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I MIGHT have been able to go along with "some zipless fun" if it wasn't obviously pre-planned with his immobilizing costume.

YOU MIGHT HAVE??? Like what you want really matters.

I rather liked it. The imagery was well presented. As for the editing....

If there is one thing I can say about Randi, her copy work is always solid and does seem to continually improve.

No one has given me any razzes for making the MC Peter Potamus?

Might as well get it on with bat-woman, sounds yummy. Bet she can suck cock upside down, bat style

Great story, however it needs a part 2. Thank you for writing and sharing.

Hard to see a vagina … well, it is also kinda hard to see a vulva, but much easier than seeing a vagina. Well, unless you have a speculum and a license as an ObGyn. Vaginas are about as visible as a rectum. And neither is that sexy to look at!

Great!

He had it all, but all he really wanted was a faithful wife. Nicely told! Thanks for writing.

Meh. Come across as fairly emotionless to me. Husband catches his wife cheating after she try to contain him in the knight suit and he has a weak conversation with her. WTF??

Did the emperor advertise the size of his cock? How did she just happen to pick him to have her meaningless sex? Somebody invited him. Who?

She appears to admit to serial acts of infidelity.

I have heard that money can corrupt. In your story it did! Well written. ****

The writing WAS okay - the STORY just dung

Well-conceived. Well-done.

Love it. Something different and original

Great story, Loved it!!

You captured the essence of the characters perfectly.

Peter was well constructed as a man with a firm grip on his intelligence and psyche. Just the elements that would lead a man, with a bit of luck, to become such a success.

Clair was simple enough to not understand who he really was... and the true value that she represented to him.

Obviously, the relationship, although an illusion was born in optimism, the beauty of hope, an aspiration, at least on his part, to transcend the trappings and the guilded seductions that permeate the lesser throng.

He has no need of anything outside his universe but he had invested in someone who was not on his level. Just another face in that lesser throng. Just a happy accident of DNA and self delusion, who ended up making herself ordinary.

Maybe if she had had to contribute, maybe if it had taken her some work to build what they had as well, so that she could understand just how out of the ordinary, what they had really was.

It's going to be an impossible task to find that true connection for him. I won't say 'true connection again', because he didn't have it in the first place.

I would postulate that he could only find it outside of the world that he had built. Someone who's purpose and motive was care and charity to the well-being of others. Or maybe someone down on their luck, with a soul of integrity.

But to keep someone like that... He would probably have to surrender his other successes. Transplanting someone from another life like that into his own would probably fail.

That's not him either. His outward success is as much a part of his life as Clair was.

Thus... his life going forward was perfectly captured in the closing frame. His companions would truly be meaningless from now on. A distraction with no pretense that it meant anything more than the hollow, fleeting joy found in the shallow hunger of the amoral money chasers.

You told all of that indirectly in your tale, which is the hallmark of a good storyteller.

I hope you planned it that way, which makes you an author to follow.

I think this story is underrated.

Well done and original. Well paced and interesting. Another narcissistic woman who thought she deserved more than she had, even though she had everything. HUDOS! 5 from me