All Comments on 'Knight in Shining... Ch. 02'

I'm enjoying the story, though it seems to be progressing a little fast. Make sure to watch for grammatical errors. Aloud vs Allowed was a big one here

Overall I'm liking this though, it's great especially for your first one. Can't wait to read more ^.^

You've got a good knack. Some of your writing is rather lazy "The place was nice.". You are telling not showing and you tell far to often. Readers don't want to be told "it was a dark and stormy night" they want you to show them that "the new moon obscured all visibility and the rain bombarded the ground". Showing, not telling, will take your story from a 7/10 to a full 10/10,

Some of the dialog seemed a little simplistic, redundant and banal. If your going to use dialog assume the reader has a brain and can put 2 and 2 together. Make sure you are not trying to tell the story completely with dialog. That is what the narration is for. To much narration and it's like your writing a screenplay, too little and we assume it's a first person narration. Keep these things in mind and you'll quickly improve what is already fairly good writing.

Great story like it a lot but like other person said try not to progress to fast or your story will be over before you know it but overall really like it and cant wait to read more

not bad, like it

Great start can't wait to see where this is going.

I like the story its really good I hope u post a next chapter soon...

Hey guys. I'm sorry I haven't posted the next chapter yet. The last couple of weeks have been pretty busy. I just got a new schedule, I'm spending some time with my best friend (much needed), and I'm trying to finish reading/editing other stories for other writers. I am still writing for this story, it's just taking longer than I thought it would. Bear with me, it'll be up soon. Sorry!