Know Thyself

We agreed that I could tell Kat that Hugo would be leaving, but I couldn't tell her how it would be encouraged. All she was to know was that when she returned from the US, there would be a letter from him saying he was moving back to Lyon and that he was dumping her. It would not be safe for her to know details.

*****

I came down from my room Saturday morning to enjoy the breakfast buffet and Kat was waiting for me. She flew into my arms and kissed me with reckless abandon and passion.

"Wow! Good morning to you, too!"

"Anson, are you hungry?"

"Why?"

"Because I'm hungry for something I think we can find in your room."

If I didn't catch the meaning of her words, her hand made it quite clear what she wanted. We rushed to my room, hung the 'Do Not Disturb' marker, and spent the next two hours tasting, caressing, and enjoying each other as completely as we could.

As we finished the final round, I was on my back and Kat laid on me with our bodies still connected. She looked up at me with the brightest smile and a sparkle in her eyes.

"We can do this all day and all night, if you like."

"Like? Yes, I'd like. But I'm not sure I'd live."

"I must say, sir, being with you is even better than I imagined. That was... wow!"

"I agree. But now, I am hungry."

"What do you want to do today other than make love like bunnies?"

"Well, breakfast is closed. How about if we grab some food at the little store on the corner, and drive to La Havre for the day. We can walk and enjoy some sites without meeting any friends of Hugo's."

We drove to La Havre and walked to some sites of interest and enjoyed a late lunch together. We talked easily, but I found she had little interest in anything other than work and sex. I tried to talk about politics, but she was clearly bored. I shared with her about my renewed faith after Linda's death, but she hated all thing related to religion, and seemed completely disinterested in my life to that point. I decided to give her a little information about the coming week and Hugo.

"Kat, I need to change the subject. I'm not going to tell you much for your own safety, and because I don't know much myself, but you need to know that when you come back from the US, you will find a note that Hugo is leaving you. If that's not what you want, I need to know now."

"What are you doing, Anson?"

"Not me. Just some people that deal with men who beat women."

"Are they gonna kill him? I mean, frankly, I'd like to put a bullet between his eyes myself if I could get away with it."

"That's not their plan. He will just choose to relocate and leave you and Grieg alone."

"Are you sure he won't come back and take it out on us?"

"I'm sure. If he tries, then harsher or lethal action will be taken."

"Then let whatever happens, happen. That means you and I can spend a lot more quality time together while you're in France."

We returned to the hotel and made good on our promise to make love like bunnies. By the time she left the next day, I was completely worn out. I decided I'd call Traci before I passed out from exhaustion.

"Daddy! I was hoping you'd call. How is France?"

"It's very French, but things are going well at the plant where I'm helping."

"Come on. You know that's not what I meant. How's Kathryn?"

"Well, we've been able to hang out together. I'm helping her dump her current boyfriend... I told you about how he treats her, right?"

"Yeah. So you've been hanging out and connecting?"

"Yes. We just spent the weekend together."

"So, you've been connecting over and over again, is what you're saying?"

"Traci! What kind of girl asks that of her father?" My laughter gave away my real reaction to her question.

"All right. I'll be good. But, seriously, is she what you expected other than in bed?"

"Stop giggling. And, to answer your question, I don't know. I mean, I enjoy her company, but things seem shallow when we talk."

"Maybe that will get better over the next few weeks. Have you called Li or Angela?"

"No. Li and I left with an understanding of our relationship and that it had no future. And with Angie, she made it clear she was moving on."

"You still think about her, don't you?"

"How'd you know?"

"Just in the way you talk about her when you mention her name."

"Yes, I think about her, but I messed that up, and I don't want to climb back into her life if it gets in the way of her happiness. She's with what's-his-name now."

I couldn't sleep that night. I'd seen those image sequences in movies where images swirl around as if in the mind of someone confused by competing thoughts. Once I finally fell asleep I saw Linda, Kat, Li, Angie, Alicia, Bambi, and Candi all swirling around and fighting for my attention. It should have been a dream, but it felt like a nightmare.

*****

Kat was on her way to the US, and I was consumed with Claude's company. I kept circling to various departments to help with their operational goals. Marketing and sales seemed under control. Engineering had a degree of focus, although they kept pushing for product differentiation for the French market. I got them to focus on the standard line offered everywhere else in the world, and instead of making so many unique products, focus on building a department that did modifications, and charged appropriately for them.

The supply chain was tied too directly to Patrick's group in manufacturing, so they reflected his reluctance. I chose not to interfere with the plan Patrick was developing because I knew it would be completely unacceptable. Instead, I shadowed him, criticized every ridiculous decision he made, which were plentiful, and made him feel as foolish as I could in front of his staff. I wanted to feel bad for what I was doing to him, but Claude was correct. Patrick would be the fighter and would refuse any changes.

The week was moving fast. I had dinner with Claude, his wife, and son on Wednesday. There were two things that had to be discussed. The first was my plan for the staff meeting the next day where the operational plans were presented, but the second subject was much more interesting.

"Okay, Gaetan. I can't wait anymore. How did it go with Hugo?"

"Very well. I was actually able to be there just to watch. He was a true coward and gave in to our demands with cries and wailing for mercy after the initial punishment. They released him, and while he was still naked, they made him clean up where he lost control of his bowels and bladder. They allowed him to dress, then with chloroform made him unconscious again. He was taken to his apartment where, once he was conscious, he packed all his belongings under watchful eyes. He wrote a short note for Kathryn, and he is in Lyon now. Several operatives greeted him upon his arrival, so he is quite aware he is being watched and will not be forgotten. So, Kathryn and her son are safe."

That week was shaping up nicely. I hoped the Thursday meeting and my showdown with Patrick was as successful.

*****

The mood in the conference room Thursday morning was greatly mixed. It was as expected. Members from every department seemed upbeat except two. The supply chain seemed nervous, but Patrick's core team was clearly prepared for a fight. I watched them closely as they entered. One young man in Patrick's group, Oswald, stayed on the periphery. Claude told me that Oswald had great potential and was a true agent of change and efficiency. He had been beaten down by Patrick, and only remained with the company because Claude went out of his way to encourage him.

Teams presented their operational plan in an order I preselected because I had enough knowledge to know which ones would be successful. I didn't want Patrick's team first, nor did I want them last.

Marketing and sales were the first two to present, and they went well. Gayle Plumail from human resources presented a plan that changed managers compensation based on performance to the company goals. In essence, their base pay was reduced by twenty percent, and remaining bonus would pay them higher than their current salaries if goals were met, and significant bonuses if the goals were exceeded. After much discussion on French labor laws and other complaints, they saw the opportunity to make more money and we achieved agreement.

It was time for Patrick's presentation. It was worse than I anticipated. His whole plan was PowerPoint slide after slide that read like a wish list and a New Year's string of resolutions. I couldn't wait for the last slide to finish so I could light him up. I tried to listen as he read the final points.

"And finally, we have goals for our customers. We want to meet our delivery commitments, and be proactive with good news and bad news. Finally, we need to challenge ourselves on behalf of our customers. Any questions?"

"Patrick, I have lots of questions. Let's start with your last slide. It sounds so nice to be concerned about our customers, but how do you measure being nice. And delivery commitments? Where is the measurement and the accountability? How can Claude measure your team on these ridiculous goals? What on-time commitment are you referring to? The lead time you promise, which is three times longer than the market expects? Is it the customer's request date? Is it the lead time sales and marketing have told you our customers expect?"

"No, it is what we..."

"I don't want to hear you tell me what it is. I want it defined in writing, and measurable so you and your team can be held accountable, but your whole plan had zero accountability. There's nothing to measure, and there is no mention of transitioning to standardized product, or lean manufacturing processes. You have presented nothing. This is perhaps the worst attempt at an operation plan I've ever witnessed."

"I could see his temper boiling in his eyes. Here it comes."

"Who the hell do you think you are to tell me how to run my plant, you son of a bitch!"

It was time to get in his face and shout him down.

"Your plant! Is your name on the building? No. It's the name of the company that hired me to tell you how you should run the plant because you have no idea how to make it run successfully. Now get this in your thick head. You will present a new plan to change this plant to lean manufacturing and standardized product by first thing Monday morning. You and your team may have to work all weekend to finish, but that's what expected of real leaders. And every initiative will have a deadline and measurable results, and you will be held accountable."

We were standing nose to nose. He looked to Claude for some support and felt none.

"Big deal! I'll write what you want, but it won't work."

"Then, I'll tell you what I'll do for you, Patrick. I'm moving my desk into your office with you, and I will be in your face every moment of every day helping you do it right, because it seems you have no clue. You will go home every night with my image burned on the backs of your eyes. You will have nightmares about me, because I will not let an incompetent fool stand in the way of this site meeting its goals."

The room was uncomfortable. Hell, that's putting it mildly. I let the pause make him even madder.

"So, Patrick, you ready for me to move in your office? Let's go."

"You stay away from my office or I swear I will watch you breathe your last breath."

Wow. Could he have made it any easier? I thought I'd just get him to leave, but he handed me his walking papers in a most unexpected fashion. I continued to stare at him as I called out to the head of human resources.

"Mrs. Plumail, did you hear the same threat I just heard?" I knew she didn't think much of Patrick, so I hoped she was a silent ally.

"I did, Mr. Howe."

"And what is the company policy for terroristic threats, especially when made to a co-worker?"

"There is no tolerance. Immediate dismissal and police are notified to remove the individual and investigate charges."

My stare never left Patrick.

"Claude, what is your decision?" I knew Claude would not quickly agree per our plan.

"Anson, I don't think he meant to actually threaten you. Do you?"

"Yes, I do. And it's within my right to demand his immediate termination."

Claude appeared to contemplate, and then offered his seemingly reluctant decision.

"You are right. Gayle, call security to escort Patrick to your office while we process him and await the police. To everyone else, we will resume this meeting on Monday. I'm encouraged greatly by many of the plans I've seen. Oswald, you are temporarily in charge of manufacturing, and I will ask Anson to meet with you to revise this plan."

Claude and I decompressed over dinner with his wife. It was a difficult day, and I took no pleasure in destroying Patrick. Unfortunately, he was a roadblock and if he wasn't removed, he could cost the job of every worker in that building. He was being held overnight, and in the morning, I would inform the police that I didn't want to pursue charges.

Kat would be on a flight that arrived Friday morning, and I planned to be at her apartment when she arrived to welcome her and Grieg home. I wanted to let them know in person that they were free of Hugo.

*****

In the weeks that followed, Oswald emerged as a true team leader and was given the position that Patrick had. The plan came together and I could see Claude now had a team that worked together towards one goal. My job was done. The hired asshole had his desired effect, and he could relax until the contract was complete.

Kat and I started to see each other just about every night. Several weekends she stayed with me when Grieg could stay with a friend. The longer we dated, the more I was concerned that all we had in common was our past work experience, and amazing sexual chemistry. Don't get me wrong. Great sex is... well, great!

A week before I was schedule to leave, I felt it was time to define us. After a great dinner at a new restaurant Kat wanted to try, we took a leisurely walk hand in hand back to my hotel.

"Kat, you know I'm only here for eight more days, right?"

"Yeah. Don't remind me."

"So, let me ask you. What do you think of us? What do you think of me?"

"I think you're terrific and I love being with you. What do you mean? Where are you going with this?"

"I came to Rouen with visions of you and of us. We always had a chemistry and I had hoped we could be a lot more than friends."

"We are, Anson. Being with you is so much better than I'd ever imagined."

"But, when I say 'more,' I'm talking about a commitment, not just the great physical connection we've had."

"Why read more into than there is? I'm not looking for a life partner, Anson. I never had expectations beyond what we have."

"I see."

"Oh, Anson. You look hurt. Did you come to Rouen expecting me to pack up and move with you to the US and play wife... as long as we both shall live?"

"Truthfully, yes, but I figured out that you don't feel that way, and neither do I."

"So, let's have fun for eight more days and build some great memories to hold onto."

"Kat..."

"What? Doesn't that work for you?"

"I'm afraid not. I love you Kat, but I'm not in love with you. I thought by us being together and making love that it would grow, but it hasn't. If there's not a chance for more, I can't continue with our physical intimacy—as much as it pains me to say that."

"I guess I don't understand that, but I respect you. You know, I'll never be able to thank you enough for getting the 'Hugo' weight off me, and I can't regret the intimate times we've had. I mean, damn, you really know how to ring my chimes. But, I guess we're done, aren't we?"

"I'm afraid so."

"At least we both satisfied the curious question of what it would be like to be together."

"Yeah. It was mind blowing."

"That wasn't all that was blown!"

"I love your gutter talk."

"Give me a hug, and I'll head home."

"Goodbye, Kat."

"Take care, Anson. I really hope you find what you're looking for."

*****

The lonely walk back to my hotel seemed to take a lot more time than the distance demanded. I had my answers. My trip was almost over, and nothing in the romance department made sense.

Still, the trip was worth taking. My time in India and Ukraine, alone, was time well spent. I didn't set out to screw my way around the world, but Traci's gifts were long gone. That didn't give me any sense of pride, but instead seemed to be more of an indication of how empty I felt.

I finished the week with Claude, and boarded my flight to Dulles. I had about eight hours to just sit and contemplate my life. Did I know myself any better? I thought I did. Did I like myself better? Definitely, although being the paid asshole for Claude had its rewards.

Did I know where I was going from here? I didn't have a fricken clue. I knew I wanted a life partner, and I trusted the right one would come along. For now, I would cherish the time with Traci, Caleb, and Brenda. I looked forward to being a grandfather, and hoped I'd be a good one. The rest of life would just have to work itself out.

Back Home

I opened my front door and a screaming Traci almost tackled me. My daughter's dog, Sandy, didn't seem to recognize me and was barking insistently at my intrusion to her home.

"Dad! You're finally home. Damn, I missed you."

I hugged her harder than I think I ever had before. I was fighting back the tears while thinking how much I loved my daughter and son.

"Oh, I missed you, too."

"I bet you're tired from you flight. It's just after noon but you've been up for a while. Did you want to wash up and take a nap?"

"No nap. I do want to wash up and change and I'll take you to an early dinner."

"No need, Dad. I'm making lasagna and we can eat anytime you want."

"I figured I'd lost the bet and you'd want me to start paying."

"So, how bad did you lose?"

"Sweetie, a gentleman doesn't tell."

"Come on! You were keeping me up to date on the number left. How many did you come home with?"

"Let's just say that you'll never have to cook again if you don't want to."

"Ooh, you dirty old man!"

I never noticed that my condo had a fragrance to it. I guess it was a mixture of the familiar foods and the baking lasagna, the brand of deodorants and shampoos Traci and I used, and other common household items. It was comforting. It smelled like home.

As I leisurely showered, my mind was flooded with the experiences of my long trip. I thought of all the women, of the two missions, of my time with Claude, and of the sorry episodes with Patrick. The sites I had seen and the people I encountered gave me an inner warmth. The trip was worth taking, but damn, I was glad to be home with my daughter.

While enjoying Traci's lasagna, she grilled me with questions and seemed to take delight in my sharing of the experiences. I knew she was saving the big questions for last.

"Dad, it sounds like you had a great time, but in some of your calls you really sounded lonely."

"Yeah. It was easy to be homesick at times, and I guess some of my expectations were too high."

"You mean Li and Kathryn, don't you?"

"Yes."

"You told me a lot about Li, and you sort of expected that she wasn't your lifetime soulmate. What happened with Kathryn?"

"We had a definite physical attraction and chemistry, but it didn't take long to figure out that we didn't have much else in common. I think what she wants in life is a lot different than what I now want."

"So, what do you want?"

"I want to be the best dad and grandfather I can be. I want us to be a close family where love is both understood and demonstrated."

"But what about a soulmate? You used to talk a lot about Angela, but you haven't mentioned her today."

"I screwed that up. I guess I questioned that I could find someone so easily in such a random set of circumstances who was so right for me. I mean, I was only with her for two days, but I was falling for her and I didn't trust what I felt."