Know Thyself

"She was that special?"

"Oh, yeah. When we talked by phone over the following weeks, well, I knew how strong my feelings had become. I actually considered skipping the rest of my trip and just flying to Monterey to sweep her off her feet."

"So, she has someone else now?"

"Yeah. I don't blame her. I want her to be happy. If she was having the same feelings for me, then I was doing nothing but stringing her along while I screwed around the world. I should have just given in to my instincts and gone to her."

"So you haven't talked to her since?"

"No. I don't know how she would feel if I called, but for me it would be like pouring lemon juice on an open wound. For her sake, and I guess mine, as well, I need to let her go and stay open to finding the right woman for me."

Traci climbed into the seat next to me and just snuggled while we discussed our plans to fly out to see Caleb and Brenda about a week later. Our trip was during Traci's spring break, and I was going to stay a little longer to look for a second condo near where my expected grandchild would be. Caleb and Brenda were excited I would want to do that, and I was overjoyed that they welcomed me near them.

Back to San Diego

After being home for only a week, it seemed strange to prepare to leave again, but this was a happy trip for sure.

Traci had been a pure delight since my return home. She was clingier than I ever remembered her being, but I loved it. It was great to have my little girl feeling so close.

Traci and I held hands as we boarded the flight to San Diego. I swear she was as giddy as a five-year-old on Christmas. She kept talking about how great it will be to all be in the same place again.

During the flight I was trying to read as Traci attempted to sleep. I couldn't help but feel her stare and when I caught her, she looked back at me with a huge smile and a twinkle in her eye. I guess she really did miss me when I was away on my trip. My whole body and soul tingled with the feeling of love from my little girl.

The wheels touched down without the aircraft falling apart, so it was a good day! We got our luggage and I picked up my favorite rental car—a Mustang convertible. This one was jet black and looked sexy as hell.

Again, Traci was almost giddy the whole drive to Caleb's house.

"What's with you, Sweetie? I've never seen you this happy."

"We're going to see Caleb and Brenda, and all be together again. I love when we can all be in the same room."

Something was going on. I wondered if there was going to be a 'gender reveal,' but Caleb told me they weren't going to give it away until the baby was born. Whatever had Traci so juiced up rubbed off on me. I was excited for the family to be together.

We pulled in the driveway and Caleb bounded out the door to greet us. I was surprised when he attacked me with a hug before he went to Traci. This was a first.

"Dad! So glad to see you. Come on in and I'll grab the luggage."

Traci took my hand and slowly led me to the front door, which I opened and held for my son since his arms were full. I spotted Brenda and her rather large baby bump, and I gave her a gentle but firm hug.

"Brenda, you look as beautiful as a woman can get."

"Thanks, Dad."

Then I heard a voice from behind me.

"What about me?"

I turned and almost lost my balance.

"Angie? Oh, my God, Angie!"

We ran together almost knocking each other over. Never had an embrace felt so good.

"Well, globetrotter, aren't you gonna kiss me?"

I kissed her like a starving man attacks his first meal in weeks. I couldn't get enough. Our lips and tongues were moving frantically in response to the pent-up passions.

Caleb broke the mood. "Geez, Dad. Get a room!"

I stepped back and looked at the woman I adored.

"How'd you get here? What's going on? What happened to what's-his-name?"

"Chuck? Oh, he and I have been friends for years, but nothing more."

"But, I thought..."

"I know. My new best friend and I thought it would be best to put a little separation between us to see if we came back together."

"Your new best friend?"

"Yes."

She left my arms and went to Traci and gave her a hug. "So we finally meet in person."

"Angie? Traci? What the..."

"Dad, after you kept talking about Angela, I decided I had to find her and call her. We've been talking several times a week since you were in Australia."

"So, you two conspired... you..."

"Yes. Your lovely daughter clued me in about how you couldn't get me off your mind. I decided that if I was going to be your true first-choice, then I needed to get out of your way so we both could be sure what we had growing was real. Traci is convinced that you're in love with me. So, are you?"

"Angie, I'm absolutely in love with you. I think I knew that when I was still in Monterey, and I didn't know how to trust my feelings."

"I see. So you've sowed you wild oats and decided on me?"

I was embarrassed to admit that I'd been sleeping with so many women, but her smile let me know she understood.

"Relax, Anson. I just wanted to see you blush again. Traci helped me understand that it was something you had to go through, but that she was sure your heart already had my name printed on it."

"So, my darling daughter, you set this all up?"

"Hey," Caleb interjected. "I helped!"

That room was filled with love on so many levels. We laughed, talked, hugged, and spent that night and the week that followed in familial bliss. We had a new normal, and it was glorious.

*****

It took a full year. I experienced a family tragedy, a rude awakening to the truth about myself, a trip around the world, and experiences that touched my heart and filled me with a new perspective on life.

I finally knew myself.

'My name in Anson Howe. I'm a reformed asshole, and I can now say that I know what's important in life. Family, love, connection, helping those who need it, and being faithful to the God who made us and caring for the people he put in our lives... these are now my everything.'

Epilogue

On the second of June, Linda Anne Howe bounced into the world at eighteen inches and six-and-a-half pounds. Yes, tears filled my eyes when Caleb announced her name.

I found a beautiful condo only two miles from Caleb and Brenda's home, and slid into my role as doting grandfather. Angie and I babysat a lot to give Caleb and Brenda plenty of time to be alone together, and most days we were able to give Brenda some time to sleep or rest while we spoiled Linda.

Oh, yeah. What about Angie?

She helped me find the condo, and then put her female stamp on it. It would be our primary home, but we kept her place in Monterey. While Traci was still in college, we also kept the condo in Maryland.

Angie agreed to be my wife just a week after our reunion at Caleb's house, and we were married on July 20^th. At seven weeks old, the wedding was Linda's first outing. Since we were helping so much with the baby, the official honeymoon wouldn't be for a while. We were planning a European cruise for the following January.

Hey, that didn't mean we weren't enjoying all the benefits of a honeymoon.

I started taking contracts as a consultant for companies with problem sites that needed to be turned around. Several private equity firms really liked my work, and offered me far more opportunities than I wanted to accept. The idiots who owned private equity firms loved outside consultants and loved to pay big bucks. I decided to let them.

I formed my own company, and Angie became my assistant who always travelled with me. I specialized in European problem sites. I struggled with a company name. I wanted 'Asshole for Hire,' but Angie talked me into 'Operational Excellence.' I guessed her idea was better.

I kept in touch with the folks with Love's Embrace. Just as we returned from our cruise, I learned of a seventeen-year-old girl who needed foster care in the US until she turned eighteen. Angie and I agreed to take her in and continue to help her beyond her eighteenth birthday, if needed. Masha became a member of our family. She was a delightful young woman, and Angie and I agreed that she would not be the last orphan we would accept in our home.

That's me. I'm a man of two lives. The first one I screwed up, destroyed the woman I loved, and nearly alienated my children beyond repair. My second life is my do-over. Thank God!

I now know myself. I think I finally like me.