K's Candy Ch. 016

Part 16 Home, and finding a home

Mistress informed me that we needed to get the lake house cleaned and closed up; it was time to get back.

The house was immaculate, thanks to Katherine's orders and my cleaning skills, but I cleaned it again. This time there were the extra steps of emptying the fridge and freezer, stripping the beds, and the like. Mistress called the caretaker to let him know She was leaving.

I half-listened to Mistress' end of the conversation as I worked. The caretaker must've asked Her when She might be returning. September, I heard Her speculate. Early enough that the weather was still decent but late enough that most of the tourists would have vacated.

I thought about returning in September. I had mixed emotions about it. The lake house was lovely and comfortable and in a beautiful setting with amazing views. Obviously being anywhere where Mistress was the most important thing, but it was difficult not to think about the many humiliating experiences I'd had here.

I wanted to banish those thoughts -- the most important thing was serving Her, and the forms that took weren't for me to judge. Still, I couldn't get quite at ease with everything that had happened here. I sighed a bit, considering that I still had far to go. But that I trusted Mistress to help me get to where I needed to be, comforted me.

I slept most of the way home in the car. Katherine liked driving, and I got the sense that She was happier thinking Her own thoughts while I slept, than having me awake and potentially making conversation.

I reached up and touched my collar when I thought this, considering how D/s relationships, while fraught with complexities, in many ways are so much simpler than vanilla relationships. In a typical relationship I could afford to indulge in worrying that Katherine liked me asleep better than awake. In my present situation, I knew better and could make observations and feel them without obsessing on what they might or might not mean.

We pulled into the driveway. I was about to get out and start bringing things in when Katherine put Her hand on my arm.

"Before we go inside, candy, I want to touch on a few things." Her voice was a mixture of firmness, concern, and genuine excitement.

"Yes, Mistress," I said, and turned a bit in the passenger seat, listening.

"Today is, at least I hope it is, the beginning of a new chapter for us, candy. Or, perhaps better to say a new book, as it were. It's more than a chapter and if things work out as I hope and think they will, we'll do more than turn a page. In a very real sense we'll finish one book and start another."

She laughed. "There, I think I stretched that metaphor to and past the breaking point." I laughed with Her.

I wanted to ask exactly what She meant but, in my experience, Mistress almost always came around and answered what I was going to ask without my having to.

She went on, the excited part of Her voice winning out a bit more. "A lot of things have changed, or are about to, candy. In a moment we're going to walk into the house and see the changes. I know that they should look like, but we'll see it for the first time together."

I was excited to see the house, too. I had no idea what Mistress had done, but I'd been holding onto the silent hope that the kitchen would be redone. It needed it. I laughed to myself; no matter what the subjected was supposed to have been, I could always easily fall into thinking about remodeling the kitchen.

Katherine's voice gently took me back to the here and now. "Then there is your job situation. I mentioned before we went to the lake that I had found you a new job."

Her tone softened more; She gently squeezed my forearm. "I know you have some trepidation about it, candy, but I want you to know that a) it's going to work out fine, and b) it's what I want for you and this is a case where your faith in Me has to be greater than your worries."

I let Her words sink in a moment. That was the essence of submission, in the final analysis -- when the point is reached where trust is greater than fear, or worry, or anxiety, or anything else. Being honest with myself, I probably would have to admit that I was not yet at that point, not all the way. But that point was exactly where I wanted to be, and needed to be, really. I trusted Her, so I trusted the process.

Mistress smiled and spoke again. "For that to happen, though, each of us must take a step." She paused.

"Several steps. I suppose, really. For you it's more difficult than it is for Me."

The silence grew just to the point where I knew Mistress wanted me to ask.

"Why more difficult for me, Mistress?

She smiled again. I like to think it was Her being pleased with me knowing what She wanted and giving it to Her.

"Because I know where everything leads, candy. Or at least I know much more than you do, which is just the nature of the relationship and process. I have the picture of the completed puzzle, and together we do the puzzle, but you only have the pieces scrambled around you. It's yours to have to accept, to close your eyes and step forward, not knowing what lies ahead (or below). Trusting as opposed to knowing."

I sensed that we had moved from Mistress delivering a message to a conversation, so I pursued what was swimming around in my head.

"Why is it that way, Mistress, if I may know?"

Katherine started to answer, then stopped Herself. "That is an important question for Me to answer, candy. Let's get the car unloaded, take a look at some of the renovations, then continue this in a more comfortable setting than the car."

The renovations were simply stunning. Beyond what I might've imagined or hoped for. Not only had the kitchen been beautifully updated, but Mistress had also had the kitchen/living room space re-engineered to a beautiful open concept. The dining area, never quite right and always out of place, was gone, absorbed into the new great room.

I stared at the beautiful high-end appliances, the new countertops, the island. I think my mouth was open. I had left a nondescript place and returned to House Beautiful.

Mistress' taste in furnishings was impeccable. The great room really did look like something out of a magazine.

Before we unpacked or looked at the rest of the changes, Mistress had me get into my around the house outfit and make some coffee, so that we could continue the conversation started in the driveway.

I sipped my coffee, kneeling at Her feet, comfortable on my pillow.

"You asked why it is the way, candy. Why you must make that blind step, as it were. She paused, enjoying Her coffee a moment.

She looked at me again. "Because if you know ahead of time, candy, the gesture will have no meaning." I considered those words, slowly parsing them like a beginning reader with her finger on the page, moving along each word.

Katherine's voice gently cut through my efforts. "If you think about it, you know this to be true. Suppose I were to tell you the entire plan. The sequence of events, from A to Z, in detail, with complete openness and transparency. Imagine Me laying out everything for you, detailing all the potential pitfalls. The risks, the benefits.

"Suppose I outlined all the variables and gave you a detailed explanation of how each one might go one way or another, and My honest assessment, based on careful analysis, of the odds and percentages relating to each one."

She looked at me more intently and smiled. "Sound exciting?

I practically laughed out loud. It sounded like spending an afternoon with a life insurance salesman. "No, Mistress. Not exciting at all."

"Exactly, slut. I will give you general parameters, and then you must make what amounts to a final choice of sorts. Experiencing what lies beyond that choice is the exciting part."

The words "final choice" struck me as ominous. Mistress seemed to read my consternation and continued, knowing that I needed Her to elaborate.

Her voice was warm and even when She spoke. While She was being direct, and rarely was anything other than direct, I could feel the affection and care coming through from Her.

"What you will be asked to do, candy—" She stopped Herself.

"What I am asking you to, candy, is to make the choice to be totally Mine. I call it the final choice because if you choose to be totally Mine, there are no real choices for you after that. After this final choice there is only belonging, and obedience."

She paused. "And freedom."

I was a bit confused, and could let myself get vaguely offended, if I chose to. Hadn't I already chosen to be totally Hers?"

I realized that this was not the time to wallow in confusion or suffer in silence. "Mistress, I guess I am slightly confused because I thought I had already chosen to be totally Yours."

Katherine considered my question a long moment. We each sipped coffee.

"In a way, you have done that, candy. The difference is that now, I ask more. And this step I won't go forward with unless and until you explicitly made the choice to go forward, without knowing everything it entails."

My next question sort of ran out of me without my really even forming it in my mind. It just came from nowhere and appeared in my mouth and came right out.

"May I know some of what it entails beforehand, Mistress, if not everything?"

She set Her coffee cup down. "You may, candy. I have formulated the question. The question hints at what 'everything' is."

She looked in my eyes intently. Her gaze seemed to be slowly burning a hole in me with a cool flame.

"The final choice is this, candy. Do you accept My complete control of every aspect of your life? Sexually, emotionally, financially. Do you accept my complete control in all affairs -- legal or moral? Do you give Me your life, with no assurances other than what you have already come to know and expect from Me? Do you willingly relinquish all power over your life, body, and mind? Your answer to this question, if yes, is irrevocable by you. Only I can terminate this bond, once created by your answer to this question.

"If your answer is 'no,' this ends our relationship. I will leave your life -- you get a freshly-renovated house, and I will make sure you can return to your job. But you and I will cease to be."

Katherine got up. "Take some time to think about it. Obviously, this is no small decision." She walked away, towards the bathroom.

I got up, not out of any burning desire to bring the empty cups to the kitchen but because I felt I couldn't breathe if I didn't move from the spot I knelt on.

I rinsed the cups out and put them in the dishwasher. My mind was a jumble of thoughts, rationalizations, doubts, fears, and being honest, more than a little excitement.

I looked around, at nothing in particular really. I considered Mistress' words.

There was nothing to go back to. There was no life worth living that didn't include submitting to Her . . . no, not submitting, surrendering to Her. The choice had already been made. The choice was made the first time I knelt before Her, or called Her "Mistress," or did what She asked without objecting, or questioning, or thinking.

The sound of Mistress coming out of the bathroom nudged me from my reverie. I turned and walked towards Her.

I dropped to my knees and hugged Her legs. I felt the reassuring sensation of Her fingers in my hair.

I turned my head to the side. "Yes, Mistress. Yes. Yours. Completely and always, Mistress. Yours."

I closed my eyes and Her voice drifted down to me, making me glow a little inside.

"Thank you, candy. Good girl."

I held on tight, joy and nervousness and excitement and a thousand other emotions coursing through me. But more than anything I understood what Mistress meant by "freedom" when She talked about the choice.

I felt free, and I couldn't wait to experience and explore every aspect of that freedom.

Mistress' voice again, landing on me like a soft warm blanket. "I love you."

I held on tighter. "I love You, Mistress."