Kween 03

Kween 03

"Ouch!"

"Well, hold still, queer queen Kween! I told you to just bring me the winter seasonal red and white stripped thigh high socks to me in the package so I could remove the garnishing green bows, but, no, no, no, you decided to show off your legs by wearing them while I removed the bows, so (stab, poke with the thread ripper tool, poke), hold still!"

Lesson learned, don't argue back with someone when they are using a reverse sewing thread ripper tool. It's just not worth it. Also, the other lesson learned is that, OMG, a 40 something woman really knows how to grip a thigh while reverse sewing a couple of garnish bows off!

"And by the way, I know that you're squirming around to make this last longer, Kween! But I'm glad that a woman's touch still works for you (poke, stab, poke), so?"

[Shouldn't there be more "thread rip, thread rip" and less "poke, stab, poke" then?]

"(Ouch) well, it's a tie, Mrs. Randall because I could have come to you for your reverse sewing services while your son, Randy, was home, so?"

"Hah! Well, oh, I guess I can appreciate that, so, um, a couple of points each then. Well, wait, hah, I deserve a couple extra points since you somehow convinced me to remove my shirt while I remove your thigh high socks accent bows, so, how did that happen anyways (stab, poke, stab), hmm?"

"(Ouch, ouch) well, I said remove your shirt please and you whipped it off like a meteor was threating life on Earth because you're dying for me to share the video that I'm taking of you right now as "Sewing Shirtless" with the "Peep & Pull" adult bookstore, so?"

"Hmph! (Stab, stab, stab, poke, stab) well, I'm wearing my best bra tonight and it's been a while since a man whacked off his pecker over my boobs, so (poke, stab, thread rip, poke, stab), shut it and hold still, Kween!"

Um, well, Mrs. Randall removed the green accent bow on my left thigh high sock while wearing a very nice firm and lace bra, but by the time she made her way to my right thigh, um, not so much. All on her own, by the way.

Also, ouch, ouch, ouch!

"There you go, Kween, two accent bows removed and you seduced me into letting my two boobs out for you, so..."

Did I really seduce, Mrs. Randall into that? No, but I'll take the credit. Like a couple of points worth of credit, like two massive points! Tee he and they had points!

"Anyways, I mean, sheesh, I mean, Mildred, right, I mean, that Mildred, I mean, sheesh, that Mildred has in her head that, sheesh, there a little side lounge, I mean, that Mildred comes up the craziest notions, I mean, sheesh, that Mildred..."

[Clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, somebody snatched some tokens from the "Peep & Pull" place, clink]

"Oh, I mean, well, I mean, I mean, it's just for Mildred because I mean, Mildred, right, she thinks that, well, I mean, I mean, that Mildred heard that the "Peep & Pull" has the best soda machines in town, I mean, that's just crazy, but so is Mildred, so, I mean, shut it, Kween! It's been a while!"

Oh, I shut it ten minutes before from the blood loss for the reverse sewing thread ripper thingy tool.

"Anyways, I mean, that Mildred right, I mean, I can't let her visit the infamous "Peep & Pull" bookstore all alone, because I mean, well, damn it, Kween, the entire ladies gossip club wants to go and it's not easy turning 40, especially when one turned 40 five years ago!"

[Clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, how many are there in the gossip club, clink, clink, clink, clink]

"Well, you saw my boobs, so, it's a tie. Now get! And leave my Randy be!"

And that's how you two green bows removed from your thigh high socks with minimal blood loss and while watching two MILF boobs bounce around, again, don't let this be the end of that!

"Hm, it's not like I can still tell that those are winter holiday themed tall socks, but, um, what did you just find out then, Kween, hmm?"

"Oh, Kiki, I found out everything because I told you before that I was going to find out everything and then I marched right over there and found out everything that I needed to find out, so, I found out everything!"

"Well, Kween, does all that mean that you got distracted and didn't find out anything about what you were supposed to find out then, hmm? I mean, your purdy boy lips are quivering, so?"

"Oh, I mean, I might have gotten distract a little bit, but I just found out that three years ago, Davey was my stalker and then two years ago, Davey was my secret admirer and then one year ago, Davey was back to being my stalker and then add one more to bring us up to right now, I mean, I just found out that now, Davey is throwing in the white towel and standing neutral, um, that's what I found out, so?"

"Oh, well, what did you say to Davey about that since you know, it sounds like I'm not going to find out what I sent you over to find out, so?"

"Oh, I told Davey that white towels are a bad idea unless you're a hotel chain, but I'm way over and past someone like Davey, so?"

"So, I still can't find out what I wanted to find out then, Kween?"

"Oh, I may have gotten distracted by Curtis last night..."

Well, I lead an active life these days, folks and it's easy to get distracted a couple of times and Curtis had all the right answers anyways, like this.

"Curtis, the people who peel out on the Strip at the Elm Street traffic light, I mean, some people say that they are squealing their wheels and some people say that they are squealing their tires, but technically, it's squealing the tires, right Curtis, hmm? And why is it that the Elm Street crossing traffic light is the hot spot for peeling out, hmm?"

"Oh, um, Kween, yes, technically, it's squealing the tires, tee he, except for Tina sometimes who likes to burn her rubber down to the steel wheels, but technically, it's squealing their tires. And I'm not sure why the Elm Street crossing is the hot spot for that, I mean, maybe way, way back in the day, I mean, maybe the Elm Street was the first traffic light to cross the Strip, maybe, so?"

"Oh, okay, Curtis, I mean, that leads me directly to my next question, I mean, seriously, Curtis, some of your friends want to hear me squeal then? And I'll unlock my knee if you tell me back that stuff like that is just locker room talk, so?"

I mean, it was a legit segway to my next question, right, folks?

"Oh, oh my, Kween, I mean, um, I mean, guys will be guys and guys just have to locker room trash talk and um, how did you even find out about that anyways, hmm?"

Oh, the gossip grapevine, right, folks, it's better than the Gossip Chang page and I promise you...

"Wait, Kween, I officially withdraw my most recent admission and replace it with the guys were talking about hearing the pig squeal at my Laua party next weekend and I made it clear to them that nobody ever roasts a live pig, so, tee he, the gossip grapevine heard it all wrong and my Black Deck Shoes crew is innocent, innocent I say, tee he, the end!"

Hah! Well, that almost sounded legit.

"Oh, well then, Curtis, that sounds legit then, so, um, I was given a glass of punch once at prom back in the day, so I know a little bit about punch, so, um, I mean, can I crash your Laua party and maybe work the fancy tropical punch bowl then, hmm?"

"Oh, I mean, sure, Kween, I mean, trade me two pieces of information for that and um, show up tropical and as far as the information goes, I mean, start with if Kiki is interested and end with which diagonal direction the stripes on your tropical undies might go, so, your turn, so?"

Guys, right? They always want to know which direction the diagonal stripes flow on my undies!

"Oh, I mean, Curtis, Kiki is interested and you could secure that with a discount thingy from your daddy's boot store because she's dying to be Kiki, the Kooky Boots girl and I'll probably have to stick with the normal diagonal stripes flow because, um, I once again, saw the consequences of the dating scene and de-activated my card, so?"

"Well, damn it, queen Kween, pick a lane then! I mean, sure, relationship stuff is hard and it comes with consequences, but don't the phone representatives at "I'm Your Master Card" scold you for activating and then de-activating and activating and then de-activating and then..."

Well, I mean, while Curtis rambles on and on with his "activating and then de-activating" spiel on me about my sexually activity card, I mean, duh, they scold me like all the time for doing that! But I have unlimited minutes and my mornings are free and it always seems to end as phone sex talk, so, um, shut it!

"Alright already, Curtis, that's enough of your rambling spiel, okay, I get your message, so, circling back to a possible boots discount then for Kiki, hmm?"

Guys, right? Let them know that their crush wants to be known as Kiki, the Kooky Boots when their daddy owns a boot store and they turn to mush.

And by the way, folks, tee he, I mean, it's just an extra "p" that makes the difference between wearing diagonally striped undies and being stripped for sex, right, tee he?

"Hello! Kween, are you just now telling me that I have a discount available so I can afford to be known as Kiki, the Kooky Boots girl for almost three days and I'm just now finding about it, hmm? I mean, next, start with that then! And get the fuck out of my way because Kooky Boots Kiki is on a mission right now!"

Well, I would have gotten around to telling her sooner or later anyways, but I was distracted about a couple of guys who want to hear me squeal like a pig.

"Oh, um, it's you then, Carter, so, listen, Carter, any and all "squeal, squeal" is not in your future from me!"

"Oh, Kween, I mean, when we hook up, I mean, I'm not even going to ask you to keep your striped undies on when we both strip for sex, so?"

"(Gulp)"

That, according to the playbook, is not the normal, not at all, zippo!

"Oh, um, I should go, Carter because, um, I should get going to the Laua Costume Shop, so, um, I mean, that's some pretty bold locker room trash talk, Carter! You're talking about stripping me naked (and I can handle that since I received my temporary "I'm Your Master Daddy" card in the mail), so?"

It is the playbook to never let the guy know in advance that your dream is to show off how your body looks naked though.

"I'll see you Curtis' Laua party, Kween and make sure the diagonal stripes flow the other way!"

"(Gulp)"

Well, at least I secured a couple of invites to the Laua party, so.

[The Laua Party Shop front door chime jingle, jangle]

"Oh, I'm in the right place then, Nancy! I'll take one bikini bottom style undies of everything you have with Laua type colorful diagonal stripes flowing the other way and I'll take one of those [points] and I'll take one of those [points] and I'll take one of those [points] and keep the diagonal flowing stripes flowing to the counter top, so?"

"Oh, queer queen Kween, tee he, they are all bikini bottoms, but I'll hook you up since it's basically the same thing (Cha-Ching), so?"

"Oh, and I'm side stepping because I want those full bottom undies that are more solid, but fade orange to black with a sunset, so, ring those up too, Nancy, so?"

"Tee he, those are my undies, Kween because I stripped for you since you're going to make beautiful babies and it is legit side sex since there's just one silly little "p" in between striped and stripped, so?"

Oh, it seems like I heard that before. Also, Cha-Ching in my favor! Ahem, because I did it. Well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it for a couple of years.

"Well, maybe next year, Kween, tee he, but maybe we can use the Fertility Clinic test tube method or something, so, tootles and thanks for shopping at me shop, since, tee he, there's only one silly "p" between those words, too!"

Well, I'm sure that applies to a lot of words. And the way, I mean, I'll wreck the Feritily Clinic test tube for all others and I'll wreck it good too! I mean, as long as they have different sizes and all, so.

"Get your leis necklace, here, take a leis necklace, leis necklaces, have a leis necklace people, take a leis necklace, it's mandatory to wear a leis necklace, so?"

"Oh, um, I'll have a leis necklace then, Pebbles, so?"

See? I made it to the Laua party.

"Oh, here you go [slips it over Kween's head], Kween of queens and oh boy, are a couple of guys going to try and lay you tonight! Is your "I'm an Adult" card activated, hmm?"

Well, duh, I just said it above! And tee he, the "I'm Your Master" card company now includes a data sheet on the back of the card and that's right, I'm 2.6.

"Well, Curtis said I could work the fancy tropical fruit punch bowl and I know all about punch since I was given a glass at prom a few years ago, but, I mean, is the punch spiked, Pebbles, hmm?"

[A little giggling breaks out between the two of them because, duh]

"(Giggling) but it's okay, Kween because Curtis took five red pills and cut them in half to reduce the effects by half, but then he dumped them all into the punch globe, so, it's half spiked plus a half, so?"

Whew, right? I can handle a couple of sips of half plus half spiked tropical punch, right?

"Punch, get your half plus half spiked tropical punch here, folks, line it up and lie to me about a couple of things, get your punch here and I don't squeal like the pig, get your punch here, people."

"Oh, Kween, it's me and you some time tonight, right, I mean, that sounds about right, right?"

"Rodger, I mean, maybe, but my customer is lining up and there all a ton of coconut shell bikini tops bouncing around this party and I mean, you hated me in school, so?"

"Well, Kween, I had to treat you that way to keep my rep! Besides, I mean, look at you now, right? You can flaunt it in front of me and tease me for being a butthead back then, so, I'll be around, Kween."

Hah! Guys, right? They always want to make amends when you grow up, right?

"Tropical spiked punch here, people, get your half and half here, my peeps and the coconut shell bikini tops are plastic, guys, so, stop knocking on them to tell the difference, guys, get your punch and leis necklaces here, my good peeps and for the couple of guys who to lay me, tee he, I've been sipping the tropical punch, folks (squeal, squeal), so, come visit with me and take your best shot (hic)."

Yeah, the playbook says to never do that. (Hic).

"I mean, I'm going straight to "hey there, hey", Kween, so?"

"Oh (hic), Davey then, my admirer and then my stalker and then back to my admirer and then back to my stalker and then you went crazy (hic) and bought white towels and then I wore diagonally striped undies that diagonally (hic) flow the other way and then my card got re-activated and (hic) then, the only way I'm getting out of here without made to squeal like a little piggy (hic) is for you to take me straight into Curtis' house and..."

Well, I passed out before it came out of my mouth that he could take me into a bedroom and bring a white towel with us to clean up the...

"Up you go, Kween, it's me, Kooky Boots, Kiki and I'm here to save the day! And to save you from squealing like a little piggy from sex! Come on, get up and you can try to play adult again next weekend at the river bank party."

Well, my active card was one of those temporary cards anyways.

End Kween 03