All Comments on 'Kyle and Will Ch. 02'

You talk to Will, tell him what happened with your parents, ask if you can stay in his room while he's gone. You get a job, some scholarships, and financial aid, you pay your own way, and ignore your parents for the rest of your life because they don'tdeserve the title.

Staying is dangerous. His parents are the type that put you into "treatment" with people that think there is a cure and their methods are similar to what prisoners of war go through in countries that ignore the Geneva Convention.

This is so good. Please keep on writing your amazing. You accidently put Kyle's name when i think you meant Will's but other than that it was great.

He won't have a chance to make it up if he doesn't go to Will before he leaves and explain. Will will leave thinking Kyle hates him and he'll possibly find someone else or just have his year away ruined. Kyle's parents are assholes. I don't know if I would stay or go. I probably would go. I did for other reasons than sexuality. I can't imagine not being able to be yourself. Look forward to more.

what a place to leave us hanging!

also, what's with the switch from 3rd person to 1st? Either is fine, but the switch confused me and really takes away from the awesomeness of the story

Another great part can't wait for the rest of it.Please get these two together.

It's a good story which makes the chapters seem smaller, perhaps you'd try to make them a bit longer?

You must stop killing us with the way you're ending these chapters! Lol, but on a serious note, it's still awesome. I wish Kyle's parents were more accepting ): but I still want more!

This continuing story is well worth the 5 star rating but the fact that it comes from a female author makes it even more unusual and outstanding.

Please get an editor. You start out in third person then switch to first person. In the final paragraphs you say "Kyle" when you really mean "Will." It's distracting from the story.

You can't decide if it's Will or Kyle. You need an editor. The story is good and your writing style is not too bad but you need to either proof your own stuff better or get an editor. Keep writing because you have a good imagination.

The story is great, but stuff like mixing up your character's names is distracting, doing it once is an easily forgivable mistake, repeatedly is just irritating and wouldn't have been that difficult for you to fix just reading it over yourself...

At this point ... "My mom was in the sitting room when I finally made it downstairs." I thought you were writing about Will -- because you made no definitive indication in the narration other than to go from third-person to first-person. BUT then you wrote " "Stop lurking Kyle. Come in here." I did, very slowly and sat opposite her." Hmmm. I continued to be thoroughly confused because then near the end you wrote, "Kyle was going away. I couldn't burden him with this." In the first half you referenced Will as the one leaving for the airport...but then you wrote that Kyle was going away. SO, you have done a lousy job of properly guiding the reader thru your story and keeping everything clear and uncomplicated. Poor editing, poor attention to detail...totally distracting and, basically, unreadable. I am going to stop reading your 'stuff' now, but am hopeful you take the time to make corrections and be more respectful to your other readers. Good luck.

It's hard realizing that if I "come out" my mom may have a heart attack... but the worst part is the rest of the people who know me...