Lakshmi's Lust

His loud, drunken chanting was drawing attention to Lakshmi and when some of the others joined in with Gary's chants, she decided it might be safer to take the risk and go to the bar. Hoping for the best, she crossed the room using her small stature to hide behind groups of excited party-goers as best she could.

Just as the barman was pouring the last drink in her order, Steve sidled up next to her. "You and I need to talk," he said, without so much as looking at her. There was a hint of menace in his voice which made Lakshmi nervous. It was obvious what he wanted to discuss.

"Look, Steve, I don't want to get involved. What you get up to is your own business but for God's sake, don't hurt Jane. She's an old friend as you know." Lakshmi tried to be firm and make her disapproval clear.

"It's not as simple as that. See me outside in five minutes and I'll explain," he said and disappeared without ordering a drink.

Having taken the drinks back to her table, Lakshmi sat and considered her options once more. Since the incident she had been thinking that the best option would be to tell Jane everything, even if it made her resentful and angry. They had only recently become reacquainted so if Jane chose to blame Lakshmi for telling her about Steve, it would be regrettable but not the end of the world. But if she was going to take this step she had decided it might be best to speak to Steve first, either to give him the opportunity to tell his wife himself or to find out if there were any mitigating factors to excuse his behaviour. Now the opportunity to talk to Steve had arisen, she decided to stop putting it off and speak to him directly before finally making up her mind what to do.

Steve was standing in the street when Lakshmi emerged from the club and they walked a short distance along the road to a quieter spot before their conversation began.

"Okay, so it's pretty obvious that you saw me with Andrea the other night," Steve began grumpily. "So I expect you're going to tell Jane, right?"

"I haven't decided yet," Lakshmi replied. "Can you give me a reason why I shouldn't? It's pretty low - fucking the gym instructor - isn't it?"

"I'm not going to pretend I've not made some mistakes, and Andrea's not the first by a long chalk. But I've finished with her now and I want to give my marriage another go. But if you tell Jane, that will be it between us. Our marriage will be over."

"For fucks sake, Steve!" Lakshmi was getting really annoyed now. Just when she thought her mind was made up Steve had muddied the water further by saying he was re-committing to Jane. If he was telling the truth and she told Jane about his affair, it would be Lakshmi who was responsible for breaking up their marriage.

"Don't blame me because you can't keep your cock in your pants," Lakshmi went on. "You have a beautiful wife who just wants to settle down and try for a family - she told me about your problems in that department by the way. So stop trying to show the world how fucking manly and virile you are and give your wife what she needs."

"And what about my needs?! Is she going to give me what I need? No!" Steve was angry at being reprimanded by the tiny woman in front of him.

"Oh, your needs..." Lakshmi began sarcastically. "What are your fucking needs? A fresh young pussy to stick your cock into every week? You make me sick!"

Steve turned around slightly and put his hand to his chin as if thinking about what to say next. After a short pause he turned back to face Lakshmi.

"I have certain urges..." he began calmly. "I try to keep them under control but when the opportunity to satisfy them arises, it can be difficult. These urges would best be satisfied within my marriage - I understand that - but Jane... Jane thinks they're disgusting and refuses to give me the release I need. After a while the need becomes too great and I have to seek satisfaction elsewhere."

"Urges?!" Lakshmi was at a loss. "What urges can be so great that you have to keep going behind your wife's back and fucking other women?"

"Control." Steve was nothing if not succinct. "I need to be in control. I need to be dominant in the bedroom. I need to tie my woman up and roughly fuck her in whatever hole I fucking like. Does that answer your question?" It was his turn to be sarcastic now. "I'm sure all that is difficult for you to get your pretty little head around - I bet you've never had a dirty thought in your life - but there it is. My wife doesn't understand either so I have to visit whores or find some other slut prepared to be used in that way instead. Understand now?"

"Well thank you for that insult, you ignorant bastard! Of course an Indian woman can't be at all dirty, can she?" In the sarcasm stakes Lakshmi was beginning to come out on top, particularly with her suggestion of implicit racism. "So why are you going to give it another try with Jane then? You've as good as admitted that you can't help yourself so why will it be any different next time? And in the meantime God knows what diseases you're infecting her with."

"I'm going to get therapy," he said meekly. "I have an appointment next week. Seriously Lakshmi, give me one last chance to do the right thing by Jane. I know I've fucked up but let me try to put it right."

Lakshmi knew this wasn't a decision she could make on the spot. All she could say was, "I don't know, Steve. I just don't know..." and she walked back to the club, not prepared to listen to any more of his arrogant bullshit.

**********

It was only when she was lying in bed that night that Lakshmi had a chance to process the heated conversation with Steve earlier in the evening. Bhavik was snoring beside her but Lakshmi was still wound-up and couldn't sleep. She knew the right thing to do was to tell Jane - not least because she might be exposed to diseases after Steve's visits to prostitutes - but Lakshmi's actions could have enormous repercussions and, if telling Jane was what she decided to do, it would need to be handled extremely sensitively.

And while Steve's behaviour was shocking and completely unfair on Jane, the more Lakshmi thought about it the more nuanced the situation became. He obviously had some sort of sex addiction but he had said he was doing the right thing and seeking treatment. And the addiction was probably the result of his infertility which was no fault of his own. He had said he wanted to mend his ways and make his marriage work - did Steve maybe deserve some sympathy and support too, for Jane's sake if nothing else?

She was also slightly disturbed by the similarities between Steve's situation and her own. Both Lakshmi and Steve had a domination and submission fetish - the only difference was that he acted on his "urges" for control while she just accepted that she couldn't have the submissive fucking she craved, instead making do with second best from Bhavik. Should she be more assertive in getting what she wanted in her sex life? Should she actually be a bit more like Steve? Why should Bhavik always get the vanilla sex he wanted while making little effort to satisfy her more complex needs? She began to feel resentful towards the man sleeping beside her and that led to other, more tawdry thoughts emerging from the darker reaches of her mind.

What if she made herself available to Steve if he felt one of his 'urges' coming on? What if rather than taking risks by going with prostitutes, he could come to her if he felt the need for his release? She would insist on him completing his therapy with the long-term goal of normalising his relationship with Jane, but if during that time he had a relapse he would know he could come to her for a safe fuck to satisfy his needs until the counselling began to take effect.

Lakshmi justified the idea to her conscience by considering it 'marriage support' for Jane and Steve. She would also be protecting her friend from the risk of exposure to sexually transmitted infections. But what of her own marriage? What of Bhavik? What of her own health?

Bhavik had been selfish for too long, she told herself. Why shouldn't she think of herself for a while? After all, if Steve's therapy was successful he might never even need to take up her offer anyway. And if he took an STI test beforehand, there shouldn't be any risk; not from STIs and certainly not from pregnancy as a result of his condition.

Lakshmi knew these were all excuses. She had to be honest with herself: she wanted to be Steve's slut; his bitch that he could use as he pleased. She tried to push the idea from her mind but, once planted, it simply wouldn't go away.

**********

It was another week before Lakshmi saw Steve in the gym. It must have been difficult for him to come back with both a jilted lover and a witness to his infidelity to deal with, she reasoned. Andrea had been looking glum since the kissing incident so she couldn't have taken her rejection well, but at least it was some evidence that Steve had been telling the truth when he said he had finished with her.

Lakshmi had been turning the matter over in her mind for days now. Her dirty plan was now fully formed and all feelings of guilt about her own possible infidelity had been adequately explained away, to herself at least.

The main worry she had was that Steve might not want to take her up on any offer she made. To date, he had at best shown indifference towards her, at worst outright hostility. Could she be sure that any offer she made would be accepted? And if he rejected Lakshmi, could he use her offer against her, especially with Jane? If she was going to go through with this there must be no evidence that any conversations or meetings between her and Steve had ever taken place; at least then if he threatened to expose her as a cheating slut she could just say it was his word against hers and, with a disgruntled Andrea to back her up, she could prove he had a motive to discredit her.

But if his 'urges' were as strong as he said they were - strong enough to risk his health, not to mention his marriage - why would he not accept the proposition of an attractive and willing supplicant?

Lakshmi didn't have long to wait before she could put her plan to the test. When Steve joined her at the water cooler, both exchanged a wary 'hello'. Surprisingly, Steve followed his cautious greeting with an invitation to join him for coffee afterwards, saying he had some updates. Intrigued, and keen to find an opportunity to put her proposal to him, Lakshmi agreed.

Seeing Steve stretching on the mats minutes later, Lakshmi realised he must be about to shower and change so she shortened her cool-down run, switched off the treadmill and went to shower and change too. She knew that by the time she had dried her hair and reapplied her make-up he would be waiting for her and, sure enough, when she left the changing room, Steve was waiting in the cafe with two hot coffees in front of him.

"I'm sorry - I don't know how you take it. I just got you a flat white," he said as Lakshmi sat down.

"That's fine, thanks. So what are the updates?" Lakshmi was trying to play it cool.

"Well first, thanks for not telling Jane," he began, keeping his voice low. The cafe was almost empty but he didn't want anyone to overhear.

"Yet." Lakshmi interjected.

"Thanks for not telling Jane YET," Steve corrected himself petulantly. "Look, I know you have every right to tell her but I just wanted you to know that I was being completely honest with you at the party. I am seeking treatment and I wanted to show you my appointment card to prove it." Steve removed a card from his inside pocket and passed it to Lakshmi. It looked genuine so she handed it back.

"It says you had an appointment this week and that you have another next week. So how did the first one go?" Lakshmi was keen to find out what sex addiction therapy was like, never having undergone any herself.

"Well, the councillor seemed good but she said it might be a long process and I shouldn't expect immediate results. I just wanted you to know I'm taking it seriously in case it influences your decision regarding Jane."

"I'm glad you're taking it seriously Steve - the last thing I want is to see Jane get hurt. But if it's going to take a while before it has any impact, what are you going to do in the meantime? What if you get one of your urges?"

"Well Andrea was shaping up quite well but since your little discovery, that's gone tits-up," he began. Lakshmi shot him a 'don't you dare blame me' look so he chose his words more carefully thereafter. "I don't suppose I have any choice but to use prostitutes again, but I promise I'll be more careful. I'll use protection from now on."

"You really have no other options?"

"Can you suggest one?" Steve asked rhetorically, shrugging his shoulders.

"Yes, actually I can." Lakshmi paused as she tried to find the right words. "Me. Use me for your release if you like. I'm serious Steve. Until you can conquer your addiction, I'll make myself available. Just don't put Jane - or yourself - in any more danger. If you feel an urge coming on, let me know. And besides, contrary to your assumptions about me, it might surprise you to know I enjoy a rough fucking from time to time."

At first Steve appeared shocked but then he looked down at his coffee and laughed disdainfully.

"Ha! You? Interesting offer, but I don't think you quite understand what you're suggesting."

"I know exactly what I'm suggesting," Lakshmi shot back, angry at being underestimated yet again. "You think that only whores can enjoy a bit of S&M or anal? You know fuck all about me, Steve - fuck all! Only recently you said I'd never had a dirty thought in my life. Well here's proof you were wrong. Tie me up, fuck my arse, piss on me - do what you like - it's nothing I've not done before."

"You're right," Steve said, holding up his hands. "I know nothing about you. So let me tell you what I do know." At this point he leaned in and angrily hissed the words at Lakshmi.

"I know that three of London's dirtiest whores have used the safe-word within ten minutes of our session starting. I know that two of them refused to see me again after I subbed them because they couldn't take it. I know that little girls like you who have been constantly indulged and over-promoted above guys like me seem to think they're special - invincible even - but you're not. You're just a little girl looking for a cheap thrill and you're way out of your fucking depth."

The slap was as hard as it was surprising to Steve.

As Lakshmi rose from her seat and made to leave, panic gripped Steve. He realised that his angry outburst had just blown any chance of keeping his affair secret and that Lakshmi would undoubtedly now tell Jane about his affairs. He stood up quickly.

"Lakshmi, please! I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. Please, sit down."

Lakshmi thought about it for a moment. One or two gym-goers were looking over anxiously, concerned that she was being harassed. Not wishing to cause even more of a scene and keen to get her plan back on track, she took her gym bag off her shoulder and sat down silently.

"I'm trying to protect you," Steve began calmly. "The counsellor told me it's likely I have pent-up anger and resentment as a result of my infertility. That's what's behind my fetish and you've just seen an example of how my frustration comes out in other ways too. She says I have a subconscious resentment towards women and, I'm ashamed to say, Jane often bears the brunt of it.

"If I was to accept your offer I couldn't guarantee there wouldn't be moments when I got out of control, and I can be dangerous when I do. It's an occupational hazard for a whore but you're different. Look at you! You're a beautiful, married woman. Why would you willingly sink to my level?"

Lakshmi was concerned about Steve's revelations. If he was so rough during sex that even prostitutes refused to see him again, maybe he was right. Maybe she was out of her depth. When Bhavik had played rough with her in the early days of their marriage they had never had the need for safe-words or anything similar; she had just trusted that Bhavik would never take things too far, and he hadn't. But Steve was a completely different proposition. He was out of control and he knew it.

Yet paradoxically, Steve's warning just made Lakshmi even more determined to be his sub. This wouldn't be the mild S&M she had enjoyed with Bhavik when she was younger. The time for play had passed - this time it would be for real. The idea of Steve cruelly taking what he wanted with little concern for her pleasure or even her well-being was getting her wet, and what was the worst that could happen? If it proved too much she could use whatever safe-word they came up with. To go back on her offer now would prove him right about her being out of her depth and her pride wouldn't allow that.

Lakshmi stood up and put her gym bag over her shoulder again. "The offer stands," she said decisively. "On one condition: a recent, clean STI test before each fuck. I can't trust that you won't still go to whores and I'm not going to catch any shit off you. No test, no fuck. Think it over."

Lakshmi turned and walked out of the gym.

**********

Steve didn't give Lakshmi a prompt answer to her proposal. At the gym everything was as usual; he would say hello but there were no further invitations for coffee or anything else and, after two weeks of virtual silence, Lakshmi thought he must have decided not to take her up on her offer after all.

This left her in an awkward situation with regard to Jane. If Steve wasn't asking Lakshmi for sex, was he still using prostitutes instead? Maybe he thought that was less complicated than fucking Lakshmi. If this was the case, she needed to tell Jane.

But it was also possible that his therapy was working more quickly than he had anticipated and he hadn't had any urges since they last properly talked. Lakshmi didn't even know how often they came over him; perhaps he only had them every few months and by the time the next one was imminent the therapy might be having an effect. For all she knew, Steve and Jane might even be well on the way to fixing their marriage.

Lakshmi couldn't decide on any further action until Steve let her know what was going on and perhaps he knew that. Maybe his silence was just an attempt to delay any revelation to Jane by creating confusion. She decided to give it another week and then she would raise the issue directly with Steve.

It was the following Thursday that Steve's silence suddenly ended. Once more he approached Lakshmi at the water cooler and invited her for a coffee after their workout. When she joined him in the cafe two coffees, the appointment card, and his phone were already on the table. Saying nothing, he pushed the appointment card towards her. Lakshmi picked it up and looked at it. It was already filling up with regular weekly consultations.

"Good - how's it going?" she asked as she passed the card back to him.

"Okay. She says I've made some progress but there's still a long way to go," he replied, giving away only the smallest crumbs of information. "And this came this morning," he said, pecking at his phone. He turned it round to show her a clean STI test result he had received by email. She took the phone to check it came from a genuine NHS address before handing it back to him.

"So when was the test done?" she asked.

"Last week, and I've not been with anyone other than Jane for four weeks now, before you ask. It would have showed up if I'd caught anything from her," he said, nodding in the direction of Andrea who was leading a personal training session in the gym below.

"Okay, so what are you saying, Steve?"

"I'm saying that I'm doing as you've asked," he replied. "I'm clean, so you needn't worry about Jane catching anything. And I'm keeping up with my therapy."