Lap Dancer

I mulled it over for more than a week before I got the nerve to go talk to Cris again, but with her blessing I made the call. And a very weird call at that.

"Wing and a Prayer accounting."

"Um hi. I'm looking for Jerri."

"Who's calling?"

"Conrad Coutts. I got your number from Mike Martin."

There was a change in tone. "You got her, what can I do for you?"

"He said I should contact you about driving pilot car."

"Okay, gimmie your social and an email addy."

She took that and gave me a forum link and a user name. "You can go in and look and listen, you don't have posting privileges. Take a look around, I'll get back to you in a couple of weeks." I heard the phone ringing in the background. "Gotta go," and hung up.

Defiantly not what I was expecting.

I went back to driving taxi and making inquiries. I had gotten into a few discussions with two different guys, and was seriously thinking about going with one when I got an unexpected text.

CALL ME AFTER 6 P MTN, JERRI

What the hell, I never gave her my cell phone number.

I gave her a call just after seven my time.

"Hello Conrad, or do you prefer Connie?"

"Conrad."

"Okay Conrad. So here's the deal. You have several pros and cons about being a pilot driver. Pro, you've run your own business. Con, you've never been anywhere near a big truck much less an oversize or over dimension. Con, you had a drinking problem. Pro, you've never had a DUI." There was a long pause, I didn't know what to say. "You want to add to that Conrad?"

"Well, um. I was drinking back when..."

"I know why, and that's the only reason you're even getting a call back. So I'll ask again. Do you want to add anything?

"I think I've straightened myself out since then. I have the occasional bad day, but I usually know when they're coming so..."

"I can work with that. Next question. Mike is coming through on a couple of back to back runs next week. If you want you can ride along and see if you're still interested. I can pay you sixty dollars a day, which comes out to roughly what the hotel stay will be. If you're still interested then we can talk further."

"Um, well I guess that sounds good."

"Okay, I'll have him give you a call, bye." And she hung up. Not much of a conversationalist.

I got a call from Mike, and the following week I took a week off from driving taxi and met him at the truck stop. I hopped in and off we went to meet the truck. I filled out a basic employment form and he tossed me a well used orange vest with 'TRAINEE' across the front and back. 'You get out of the truck and you have that on, no if's and's or but's.'

So we're crusin' down the road, second vehicle behind a long trailer with a pair of wind generator blades on it.

"So are you thrilled to death yet?" He looked at me for a second, then burst out laughing. "Seriously, this is about ninety percent of the job. We cruise along a little under the speed limit. If it's a wide load we block the passing lane when we come up on a bridge or something that requires two lanes. Stop at all the weigh stations, all the good things in life."

"And this is it?"

"If you're lucky, yes. This is probably what you'll do for the first year or so until you get to know what's going on. Sometimes longer, very rarely shorter, and then usually only for experienced drivers."

This looked like real easy money!

"Jerri keeps us pretty busy. Not overly so, but you shouldn't get too bored. Did she explain how things work around here?"

I snorted, "She didn't even give me a chance to say goodbye."

He smiled and chuckled. "I thought as much, Phil says he lucked out marrying a woman that doesn't talk much, but there are some days she takes it to the extreme."

"So here's the basics. You join our private association, in return you get group rates for insurance, health, vehicle, liability, etc. She does your books and taxes for a small fee. You join our little credit union and use your card for everything under the sun whenever possible. With me so far?"

I just nodded taking it all in.

"You can move your official residence to Utah, which I highly recommend. It doesn't make a big difference to you and me, but it makes things for Jerri and the credit union a lot easier. If you want to do that, but not actually move there, she'll lease you a half an acre cheap and you're legal. All your mail and stuff will come to her minus all the junk mail."

I smiled, "Some days that would be worth it all by itself."

He chuckled, "Oh she still gets it. She takes them and rolls those soaked paper logs to burn in the winter. We had a mild year a few years ago and by spring she still had three cords of the damn things."

I just had to laugh, putting the junk mail to good use after all.

"Well here goes, have to earn my money. You stay in the truck," he told me as we pulled part way up the exit ramp, then turned the truck at an angle to block it.

He hopped out and raised his stop sign as the long truck stopped at the top. The guy right behind the truck hopped out, and then the long truck went back and forth a bit with the rear trailer axles turning back and forth until he made the turn, then we all hopped in and off we went.

"I always wondered how they made those turns. I mean I've seen the rigs for moving houses. I've just never seen them do it with a semi-trailer."

"There are different kinds. Yancy has a steered wheel trailer, some of the guys like the articulated trailers that pivot the whole ass end. When it gets to the site, the erection company has a sixteen wheeled hydraulic crawler they can put in place of the truck if it's a real tight location. It'll spin a three sixty in place if need be."

By later that evening we pulled into a truck stop and everybody piled out for supper. It was a nice group of guys, and as the new guy I was regaled with lots of stupid driver stories. As well as a word of warning when three of the lead truck pilot car drivers went off to find a bar. They were independents.

"Word of warning. You want to go have a beer, fine, but don't get plastered, and don't try to show up in the morning hung over, or worse, still drunk. Jerri will fire you in an instant and take the hit for a delayed trip. She lost her youngest to a drunk driver and has absolutely no tolerance for it."

I blinked, I was surprised she even hired me with my three year binge. "Good to know."

We made it to the hotel, but I didn't turn the TV on, just sat there thinking. It wasn't that difficult, and it was pretty regular. Jerri had been doing it for quite a while from what I could tell. And having someone familiar with the bookwork was a real boon to someone like me. Cris had handled all that for our business...

Cris... Ali...

I just sat there and cried. I missed my girls...

I didn't sleep that well, and thank god there wasn't a bar next door or this might have been an even shorter career than Wal-Mart.

"Rough nite?"

"Not my bed."

"You'll get used to it."

We made the drop yard late that afternoon. Got signatures, folded the sign down, pulled the flags, and hightailed it out that night.

We grabbed a quick bite, then got on the road. "We got two options Conrad. We can drive for a while and then get a hotel and get to the pick up lot late tomorrow and pull out the following morning, or we can hot seat it and be there in the morning."

"Works for me."

He just grinned, "Time to make some MONEY! We'll fill up about an hour down the road, then it's all the way to the pick-up yard."

It suddenly dawned on me, "On one tank?"

He grinned, "Dual tanks plus a big auxiliary in the bed. Full up we're carrin' just under one fifty."

Damn, even getting better mileage in my explorer it would still be a three stopper.

We chatted a bit for that hour, giving me pointers for when I drove my explorer. I'd need to carry two extra five gallon cans for these particular runs. Dump one in at the first weigh station to make it to the overnight. 'Always have reserve fuel.' Then top everything off for the next day. Nothing I could do about the return run though.

These wind generator runs were pretty consistent. They were three months into what was expected to be a twenty to twenty two month contract, then on to the next one. We didn't make quite as much as the individual one off runs the independents liked, but it was regular work. And with all the hotel and fuel points during the runs, Jerri usually tried to set up a few break between contracts whenever possible, so the guys could take a little vacation time if they needed.

With us hot seating it we got in three runs in instead of two that week and saved two nights hotel. I had also pretty much decided to do it, and Mike agreed enough to make the recommendation to Jerri.

And so came the second hardest week of my life. First I told Cris and Ali I was going on the road, and second, to go through the house. I tried, but I got four steps in the door and had to turn around and leave.

In the end I couldn't do it. I couldn't go through the house. Sally Ann came to my rescue again. She took all the clothes and stuff to the church and boxed up the personal stuff and put a dozen boxes in her attic.

I wanted to sell the house, but Sally Ann talked me into just renting it. 'Just in case you want to come back.' Of course that was said with her pressing my hand into her tit and grinding her pussy against me. We both chuckled, her girlfriend probably wouldn't want to share even if Sally still swung both ways.

Her last comment before I drove away was, 'We could always initiate a new corset!'

I grinned and shook my head. Leave it to her to send me off with a lovely nasty picture in my head.

She did demand I take one picture with me. Cris and Ali at Ali's birthday party a month before they left. I kept it on the passenger visor flipped up. I knew it was there, but it was out of sight.

So I bought all the old equipment from the other driver, well most of it. I had to get fresh glow sticks since his were about out of date. He kept his handheld and a few other things but most of it went to me. We just transferred the totes from his van to my Explorer. I mounted the signs and lights and radios. Then headed off to school.

School wasn't really a good description of it, more like a certification seminar. Two short days of the do's and don'ts with a fairly reasonable test at the end and it was 'have a good time boys' and girls'. I was glad for the three trips with Mike, even thought it was pretty common sense it made the class make a WHOLE lot more sense for someone that's not a natural book learner.

So here I was riding along behind a long load, the trail car. Once in a while I would get on a generator unit. Not long, but wide. Not much different, just following along keeping all the idiots in check. I mean come on. I'm in the left lane, wide load sign, and flashing lights. And you want to try and pass me on the left shoulder?

Thank god Jerri insists on front and back dash cams. The idiot in the Escalade tried to sue the truck driver for running him off the road after he came around me like I was standing still. Didn't matter how fancy a lawyer he was, it was rather comical when I was called to the stand with an SD card in my pocket.

The judge awarded the driver the counter suit and filed a false charge allegation with the bar against the lawyer. Don't know for sure, but rumor was he got all his licenses, law and drivers, suspended for about six months. The driver wanted to buy me a case of beer, I told him to just bring it to the next company picnic. I didn't need the temptation.

And so life went on. Jerri would do her best to get me my special days off. Wedding anniversary, Cris and Ali's birthday. What really made me appreciate the company I worked for was the other company wide holiday. It was totally voluntary, but those that wanted or needed it could take 9-11 off. I needed it and an extra day every time.

And true to Mikes prediction, I was on chase car for a little over two years. That was also coincidentally about the time my Explorer started dying. So I did the 'upgrade' to an actual crew cab escort truck like Mike drove. It was six years old, but it had everything mounted and fixed. No more extra gas cans, all the radios where I could get to them but not in the way.

Even had a little built in RV fridge behind the driver's seat for cold drinks. This guy had also taken out both pieces of the 40/60 rear seat instead of just the part behind the driver so if needed the front passenger seat would lay almost completely flat. I hadn't had to very often, but those few times I had to try and sleep in my Explorer it would have been nice. I would also be 'qualified' for lead car now that I could put a height pole on the front of the truck. Mike shook his head and chuckled the first and only time I tried using bungies to put it on my Explorer. Not that we needed it for the long blade loads anyway.

Man, I had to go and say it! We had gotten just west of Topeka when the truck driver way behind me called out he had a problem and was pulling into the next rest area. Just in the nick of time I was able to slam on the brakes and make the

exit ramp. We lucked out and there were not that many trucks in the rest stop during the day.

A little investigation and he figured out he had a problem with the steering axle. Calls were made and things arranged, but we weren't going any further this afternoon... and I lost the rock paper scissors. I got to stay with the blades while the guys went to the motel. Of course the driver had to go so he could drive the replacement truck back in the morning.

So I sat, wishing I had an e-reader or a kindle or something. Watching cars and trucks come and go. And I saw something else. There was a kid hanging around, looked to be about sixteen or seventeen, kinda short. He'd approach a vehicle every so often, then would walk back near the picnic area. Even tried a few of the trucks running empty.

But what really got me was just after a family left, dumping the remains of their picnic in the trash, he went over and dug it back out finishing off their left overs. What was this kid, a run-away or something? It was kinda hard to tell the way he was dressed, but he wasn't nasty dirty... well hell.

I rolled down my window. "Hey kid!"

He looked at me like he'd been caught at something. I just raise my hand waiving him over. He looked around then came over slowly.

"Hey I wonder if I could get you to do me a favor."

"Um I guess"

"Well I have to stay near this load, and the vending machines are all the way down on the other side of the other bathrooms. I was wondering if I could talk you into running down there and grabbing me a couple of sandwiches? I'll buy you a couple for your trouble. What do you say?"

His face brightened up, "Sure, what do you want?"

I peeled three tens out of my clip and handed them to him. "Get me a couple of ham and cheese if they have a sandwich machine. Some snickers and some plain chips if they don't. Get yourself what you want, something to drink as well."

"They have sandwiches, I'll be back in a few minutes."

He came back all smiles with four sandwiches and two bottles of orange juice.

"I wasn't sure what you wanted to drink so I got two OJ's"

"I have water in the cooler, so you can have them both."

We sat on the tail gate and ate in silence. He leaned back on his elbows contented with the sandwiches. "I appreciate the sandwiches mister. The card readers on those machines are broke and all I have is plastic." Then he sat up and dug into his pocket. "Oh and here's your change."

"Keep it. I've been in a tight situation before. Just help someone else out down the road."

He snorted, "Down the road is where I need to be." He paused a bit, then asked quietly. "Um, any chance of getting a lift west a ways?"

I almost sighed, "Sorry kid, the company and the law says no passengers. I get caught it's my job and my certification."

He was going to say something, but the big tow truck rolled in. I hopped up to meet him and sign off on the tow. By the time I got back to the truck he was gone. Well not gone, but back over at the picnic area.

I saw him approach a few more cars, then went and huddled down by the rest rooms, and he ducted into the ladies! Either he was some kind of perv, or he was a she!

Well either way I wasn't going anywhere tonight.

"Hey kid!" I waived.

He, shit she, came over fairly quickly. "You need some more sandwiches?"

"No," his face dropped a bit. "I know I said I can't have passengers, but I'm not going anywhere tonight. The passenger seat is a whole lot warmer than outside."

"Um, you sure?"

"The rest of the crew won't be here until after sun up. Can't go anywhere until then."

"Okay," she paused a moment. "Would it be okay if I tossed my bag in the back so nobody walks off with it?"

I just chuckled. "Sure."

She ran over behind the restroom, and appeared a few minutes later with one of those huge military size duffle bags packed to the bursting point on her shoulders and a large messenger type bag in her hand. She tossed the big bag in the back and climbed in with the messenger. "Thanks, I wasn't expecting to get a ride over night anyway."

She looked around a bit at all the equipment, most of it shut off right now. "Um, you mind if I charge my phone?"

I laughed, "Kids and their toys." She gave me quite the look. "Sure, there's extra USB ports on the back of the console."

She grinned and flipped around ass in the air and plugged her phone in. "Thanks, the outlets in the rest area are all twist locks."

I chuckled, "To keep people from plugging in."

She hesitated a moment, "Um, could I plug my tablet in too?"

I just chuckled and waived to the console. She grabbed her messenger bag and dug out a nice tablet and had it plugged in the unused cigarette socket moments later.

"I really appreciate it, they were low when I left and I haven't been able to charge them."

That brought me around to her age. "Um, I don't mean to be nosy, but you're not a run away or something? I'm not going to have the law breathing down my neck having you here am I?"

She snorted, "Not hardly. We had a layover in Oak Grove. I caught my supposed boyfriend with a lot lizard when I came back from the showers."

"WHAT!?" how the hell did this kid know what a lot lizard was?

"Yeah can you believe that? We had a hot shot to KC dropped off Saturday afternoon and another one to pick up going North on Monday morning. I run in for a shower but they are all backed up and come out to find him porking some lot lizard. I kicked him out of the truck with his pants around his ankles, packed my stuff and got out with the first truck that would give me a lift."

"And you're running hot shots?"

She rolled her eyes, "Yes a girl driving truck running hot shots. You're not one of those old farts that thinks girls shouldn't be driving truck are you?" she said with a bit of an edge in her voice.

"No, it's just that you're not old enough to be driving truck."

"Jesus fucking christ, every fucking time." She reached into her bra and pulled out her driver's license and practically shoved it in my face.

I took it and looked at it, and her, and looked back at it. It was a Class B CDL with more endorsements than I knew what they were. I looked at the birth date and started calculating in my head when she sighed.

"I just turned twenty nine."

I just looked at her a moment, then it just kinda spilled out, "no fucking way." Her mouth was coming open about the time I realized I had said that out loud. "Sorry, you just don't look that old."

She rolled her eyes, "The lovely side effects of a screwed up pituitary gland. I'll look like this until I'm old and gray. And I have a head start on short and scrawny."