All Comments on 'Last Call, the Sequel Pt. 05'

Loved the sibling sex

Homophone: Different spelling, same pronunciation.

As in:

Waste- Trash that you throw out.

Waist: Anatomical part of a human being..........

I got lost in this tale I thought it was about difficulties in a couples marriage and all of a sudden incest ? very strange. Only one *.

where is the rest of the story? certainly, you can't stop here.

so where is the rest of the story don't you know enough to finish it

AN 'INCONCLUSIVE' END of Ahazura's story

Done a good job in initial Chapters , but later mixed up in total "Family Incest"

involving all

Though it is highly interesting story and amazing narration , but can't be called "sequel" of Ahazura .

In main story Jerry has been painted as man if "character"

Shannon Quote

"I just want to spend time with you. I feel like you are pulling away from me. Do you know that we haven't made love in over three months? I know you aren't cheating on me. You are too honorable of a guy for that. "

Positives: The sex was interesting. You can narrate well and your dialog is okay. You have some good foundation.

If this was parody then well done. If not, you need to to focus on what you are trying to do and be consistent with your characters. And your characters cannot be this ridiculous.

Apparently Mom seduced her son and has had an affair with him for some time and intends to continue it. But she insists that she was faithful when she moved out. I mean, that is great comedy. Or it is cray cray. Or bad writing. I am not sure what you intended, so I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you were writing it ridiculously on purpose.

Negative: I do not think you had an ending. You had a good concept and some ideas but you clearly did not know how to end it. That is not uncommon. But your stories will be much better if you can come up with a solid ending. To do that you will need to develop what your thesis or central plot is. I cannot identify it. But once you have one the story needs to end with concluding it.

The waste/waist mistake is understandable. Word processors probably will not catch it. And, yes, editing stories is tedious. But it is an area you can improve.

what crap. 1's across the board

Worse than the first four chapters taken together.

Sorry I ever started reading this piece of crap. Guess what you scored I HATE IT.

Hope the author got help

Reads like the author was spiraling into a psychotic break.