All Comments on 'Laying Siege'

where is the story here?

Well done.

he has already lost the war he just does not know it yet

Assuming there is no further chapter, this snapshot of an uncomfortable time in a marriage is really well done, painful as it is to read. It is likely to meet with some unfavourable comments from LW readers who tend to like stories with a clear ending.

Good introduction to a story

Good scene setting prologue!

Very nice! It doesn't need a continuation, which would likely just turn this well-done scene into a typical LW story.

I agree with the 'no continuation' sentiments. This stands on its own.

What's wrong with wanting to know how this pans out? It's a good start but what happens next?

Sorry. Would like to rate this higher, but REALLY?

It is not even an introduction to a story.

1*

No real beginning, a vague middle and no ending. What’s not to like?

Pointless

uhmmmmmm, nice preamble. Where is the rest of the story.

Nothing much. More a sketch

3 stars

This is a lead up. Where are you going? Hinting is one thing telling a story is another.

Gratuitous anti military opening is wrong and insulting. My experience is that people who spout that kind of stuff are trying to hide their own insecurities.

End of her job, and the marriage. 0 stars

If you lose trust on your spouse, it’s over.

Yes she overstepped, so you have a choice: accept her willingness to go past it or dwell on it and destroy your marriage.

As the saying goes: you can’t control what others do, only your reaction to it. If you’re so convinced she will cheat then it will become a self fulfilling prophecy.

And is being fearful of what might happen really the best way to spend your life? Remember, men plan and God laughs.

I don't see this as a finished story. It is short of being a part 1.

Would like to see more.

Thank you.

Why would you publish this at this point? This fragment doesn’t even rise to the level of an introduction to a full story. You seem to have a creative mind and a way with words. Why not just write a real story, y’know, with a plot and real characters? 1* until you do.

Go ahead and call he lawyer since he's married to a cheating skank slut who "can't let that happen again" right before she betrays him and whores herself out to the co-worker, letting it happen again.

Got to the end and thought, "where is the rest?".

Doesn’t know his wife’s age? Might as well throw a unicorn in at that point and go full fantasy.

WINNER!

so who is telling story? She told him of the kiss and the hug etc? Is he at her conference and telling the story?

Doesn't say what his job is but if I were him and wanted to save my marriage and she laid down the rules that Jerry stay and so does she then I would attend every one of her conferences and I would do lunches with her and drop by late in the work day to drive her home or stay while they worked late.

If she complains about lack of trust I would just say that is the price you pay for having this type of work situation with Jerry.

So maybe she won't go to HR but as the husband I am certain he can go to HR and file a complaint about both of them. Not sure what it would do but it would draw some attention.

How much of a wimp is this guy. Their kids are in College and they are married. Details like DOB etc get shared and registered. So how does he not know her age? He must also see her naked so he can guess at her weight. He knows her height and must know her approx measurements by her clothing sizes. This isn't rocket science.

This third person type of relating a story is ridiculous. How does he know what was happening to the extent he can describe it? Like some invisible eye watching in the sky. Unless she relates, in specific detail what was happening on her trips away, he can't possibly describe what was happening, nor what she was thinking. Nor hear what was being said. That would require first person from her POV.

Third person relating simply does not work.

As lovers say, DON'T STOP! Our interest is piqued. We want to know what happens.

Sun tzu says that every battle is won/lost before the fight ever began. This is true for this MC, he has already lost, his wife knows there is. A problem, she knows that problem will not go away, and finally she will do nothing to solve said problem. Those 3 factors mean she is very willing to concede both the war and her marriage vows all to the alter of her career. Only thing you can do now is guerilla warfare, file for divorce, surprise her at conventions, go to her companies HR yourself hopefully with taped confessions of their indiscretions. Fight dirty, only way to win an insurgency.

Totally unrealistic circumstance.

Where is the acutal story?!

Other than being incoherent, this bit told readers that the MC was a dumbass: “ I don't have the courage to guess her weight. She has never told me her age, and I have never tried to see her driver's license”.

.

2 **

Just a nothing burger.

Did you forget after your brief opening, to write the next couple of pages?

You seem to have misplaced the story somewhere.

"I was too young for Korea. I was in a defense industry, and then married with children for the Viet Nam draft."

- Okay, from that we can presume that you turned 18 after 1953 when the Korean war ended. It's a bit harder to pinpoint which Vietnam draft you are referring to. My guess is you're going with the 1969 war time draft, but there was a big peace time draft in 1965 that was for Vietnam and there was an ongoing peace time draft prior to that. My dad was drafted in '63 and ended up in Germany, but some of those he was drafted with ended up in Vietnam. 1965 was the big one, so to be married with children by '65, you probably turned 18 by '63. This is 2023, so it's been at least 60 years since you turned 18, making you at least 78.

- So, yeah, the numbers are starting to feel a little sketchy here...

-

"She has never told me her age, and I have never tried to see her driver's license, but we have two children, both of which are in college, so mid-forties is a good guess."

- First, which number wife is she? From your first paragraph, we know you were married and had kids prior to 1969 and probably closer to 1963. If Tammy is less than 50, then she was born after 1973 and wouldn't have been of childbearing age until the mid to late '80s.

- If the kids are in college, then they are probably in the 18-25 age range, putting their births most likely around 2000. By your estimate of your wife's age, she would have been in her late 30s, which is not unreasonable for having kids.

- How did you get married without filling out the marriage license, which requires birth dates. Also, based on kids ages, you had to be there when she turned 40. Unless she is an orphan with no siblings, her 40th birthday would not have passed like any other birthday. At your age, hopefully you've got life insurance and a will, both of which would have required you to include her birth date.

-

So, basically what I'm saying is that within the first three paragraphs you completely destroyed any credibility this story might have had.

-

The story itself, even if you ignore the opening, is not much and not great. If every conference is a battle, you've already lost the war. Of course, this is the risk of getting old after marrying a much younger trophy wife...

Pathetic attempt at writing a story. I've seen 3rd graders write better.

Well done. Stands on its own…but I’d still like more!

I am amazed there's a protagonist who does not know his wife's age after so many years of marriage.

Why don't you pay a visit to Jerry and tell him if touches your wife you will put him down like a rabid dog.

Interesting premise, but I have seen prefaces with more information or plot. This is just an introduction to a story.

Huh last me totally on this one, exactly what was it about maybe add some more drama and such otherwise stick it in the war section as it sounded more like a build up to a what could be decent war film, certainly not an LW story

Did you forget to post the rest of the story?

Good start but I noticed no part 1. I would hope you wold continue on to see how this plays out. However, I as a husband would have had to be more forceful about the still working together, even though she assured it would never happen again. I would say based on our vows it shouldn’t have happened the first time and if you still love me as you proclaim why would you want to keep putting yourself in this situation to be continuing to be tempted. I hope you provide more it’s a good start but as now no way it’s a stand alone story in my opinion.

I get it the author is using siege as a metaphor. The end of the first chapter where the MC states he wants to lay siege to Jerusalem doesn’t fit or help the story. The MC is written as weak and indecisive. If the author wants me to get interested in this story then next chapters must give illustrations of why MC is a worthy husband. Then some example of how he is emotionally hurt by any betrayal.

Interesting beginning for a story. I'll wait to score once the story is underway.

a bit of a waste of a readers time.

Wow!! Maybe a Part 2?? So far I agree with TheArtfulCodger comment..

Needs Part 2. Start the siege, plunder the corporate coffers, burn their castle to the ground. Take no captives. Total Destruction to the opposition.

That's it? The lack of a chapter number would indicate that it is. Easy rating of 1.

And when is the chapter with the siegeing going to happen ?

Ok, go ahead and post the story... or go ahead and write it.

What's the point? No real story and no resolution - so why???

Dumb. The first paragraph was full of irrelevant information, an opinion that pissed me off, and a "fact" that is mindlessly incorrect. Then, the story went downhill from there. I've seen more detailed bumper stickers that certainly took longer to read.

What story? This was, at best, an introductory chapter.

So far a non story as a good one has a preamble and middle and an ending. This has so little development, so little continuity and no ending. It's like the premise is What Happened?

Nothing to read or understand here. Believe they are on drugs and it must be LSD

Rest of the story?

Where is this going

Why bother posting that ???

Well, that's a start.

Presumably this is the preamble for a longer story because if it’s a one off it sucks.

Ok... so that was a pretty good intro. Now for the actual meat of the story.

Part 1 is missing from the title.

What was the point of this? Was it a thought process for a longer story?

Flaw number one: If he missed the Viet Nam war by being married with children -- he and his wife would be at least 71 years old, she would not be in her mid-forties unless this was set in the mid-1990s.

Flaw number two: No character development

Flaw number three: No real conflict

Flaw number four: No real climax

Flaw number five: No resolution.

If this was a creative writing assignment it would get an F,

She only cares about money and the children are grown. Just fire-bomb the relationship and move on.

?

You need to raise hell with Literotica!! They left out your story.

Structural writing skill works. Plot development is both uneven and unfinished in pointing a direction for the story.

Keep writing.

MLJ

Whats the point? Terrible story.

Except for the time-frame (as already pointed out, if he was old enough for 'Nam, then they'd be in their seventies,) this was a well-told, very _spare_ story

WTH

This story goes no were with no real ending

Really not a good start to a story.

Finish it!

For sure you need to finish the story.

I think it's a good start but you need to continue for sure. Don't drop it.

Good beginning!

4

I see the there's now a Chapter 2, but why isn't there a Chapter 1 in the title?

You don't know your wife's age? WTH? I get that that may be something strangers don't ask, similar to weight, but as your wife? It's on marital documents, anything co-signed, taxes, etc.

Why even bother? If you're not going to tell a real story, or finish this? This isn't even a flash short story! Because most all of them have a beginning and ending! WTF IS this?

I will give you time to finish this...but I have my doubts you will...

So why bother wasting our time, with this unfinished story?

Short, but it does go to the point, but not so sure about it yet

What? He doesn’t know his wife’s age? Doesn’t make sense.

2 stars from Xluckylee for a story that doesn't make much sense.