Learning the Art of Love

Learning the Art of Love

In May of 2000, one week after my twentieth birthday; I married Martin Echert. He was handsome and dashing, he swept me off my feet, and to me life was perfect. We had a son in January 2001; he hated Billy even when he was young; but didn't want to be called William, that was his father's name. When he saw Men in Black for the first time he announced he name was Will Echert, and it's been Will ever since.

Fast forward twenty years, it was May of 2020, two weeks after my birthday and a couple of months into COVID; and I was now divorced from Martin Echert. It wasn't something I expected or wanted, but in some ways I should have seen it coming. Martin's reason for filing divorce was irreconcilable differences, in the bedroom.

I had been raised in a pretty traditional Christian home. Sex was known but private; while enjoyable it was something sacred between married couples; done late at night in the privacy of their bedroom. This only intensified for me the older I got, and the more Will became a growing young man. The last thing I wanted was for my son to discover about sex by catching his parents in the act.

It seemed Martin had aged down a different path. One that included a twenty-two year old secretary who loved being screwed on his desk in the middle of a work day, and who gave him blowjobs while they drove to conferences. I should have seen the signs, working late; too many conferences; I don't know maybe even lipstick on his collar. But to be honest I never looked; it didn't occur to me. I was happy and content and I assumed Martin was as well. I was wrong.

In April, one moth into quarantine and Martin packed his bags and walked out of the house. He said if he was going to be in quarantine then it would be with a woman who made life 'fun'. I was devastated and heartbroken, especially since I considered our life so perfect. The divorce wasn't really very messy or long; Martin didn't even fight the fact he had been having an affair for over a year. He simply said he couldn't be married to a 1960's prudish wife in the twenty-first century.

I got the house and the car; and of course the floral shop I had inherited from my parents. Martin took a large part of the savings and simply walked out the door.

Will, being of age; had a choice of where he wanted to live and he decided to stay with me since he was attending university near our home. The strange thing was, through the revelations and divorce; Will said very little about his father. I suspect he had known about the infidelity but had said nothing.

With the lockdown now pretty much in full swing, by June I was getting a lot more time at home. While I didn't mind being alone, it had the unsettling effect of making me think. What had gone wrong; what could I have done different? All those horrible questions a jilted woman always asks herself.

It was obvious from what he had said that Martin was unhappy, but it all seemed to focus in the bedroom. During the divorce I had discovered that he had been having affairs for the last five or seven years. He visited strip clubs, he had flings with co-workers; he even hired a hooker on one occasion. Martin did not hide the fact that his one point of difference was simply sex.

This got me to thinking about sex; and how I approached it. Was I ugly, I wondered; I didn't think so? Was I repressed; I didn't believe I was. But hearing all the things Martin had said; had planted kernels of doubt in my mind.

By mid June I had more questions than answers; and with Will spending the summer break around the house so much from COVID; my innocent mind saw him as a possible source of information. I waited until later in the evening, I was in the living room when he walked through with a snack, heading back to his room. I called him over and asked him to sit on the couch.

"Listen, I know this is a tough subject" I told him. "But there is something I need to know." I said.

Will just sat and stared at me waiting. I didn't know how else to broach the subject, so I took a deep breath; and leapt off the cliff.

"Did you know about your father and...and...?" I stuttered.

"You mean did I know he was screwing other women" Will interjected. "The answer is yes" he said.

"Will" I was shocked; but I wasn't sure if it was because he knew, or how he put it so bluntly.

Will seemed to interpret it was the latter as he shook his head and set the chip bag o the coffee table.

"Look mom" Will aid patiently. "It's not 1950; if you want to fuck a girl or guy then go for it; you don't have to be married to have sex today."

"Will" I choked out at his language.

"That was dad's beef to be honest" Will said quietly. "You need to loosen up, get with the times. Sex isn't just about fucking in the missionary position in the dark anymore" he said so calmly. "It's blowjobs in the parking lot and cowgirl by the pool." He smiled.

"Lord save me" I whispered.

I was shocked at how he could be so vulgar and yet so calm at the same time. Yet, his words resonated inside me, my stomach doing a strange flip that I immediately squashed down.

"That's the problem mom, you are saved" he said. "Because you are saved, you can't be free for anyone else." He told me.

"Your father and I...made love..." I tried to defend myself.

"That's just it mom, you made love" Will shook his head again. "This isn't about making love; this about fucking." I was stunned at his words.

"Honestly you are the biggest dichotomy I have ever seen" he shook his head.

"Dichotomy; I don't understand." I asked.

"It's when two things are present at the same time but they are total opposites." Will explained.

"You are one of the hottest, sexiest women I know" Will continued as I sat there in silence. "You have a killer body that just screams to be fucked. But you have the mindset of an Amish mother of ten" he said in a sad voice.

"Look, I think I've already said too much" Will rose from the couch. "I'm going back to my room." He said softly.

I just sat there mute as I watched him climb the stairs. I got up from the couch, my mind a jumble, and turned off the television. I was still thinking of the things Will had said as I prepared for bed. I had undressed in the bathroom and was walking across the bedroom to my dresser to get my nightgown when movement caught my eye off to the side. Glancing over I saw the door to the closet was half open and what I had seen was my reflection in the full length dressing mirror that hung on the inside of the door.

I stopped, Will's words ringing in my ears and slowly walked over. Easing the door open I watched as the mirror filled with my reflection. I knew it was pride, something I shouldn't have; but I had worked hard the last number of years to try and stay in shape and be healthy. What looked back at me didn't look bad at all.

Oh my thighs were a bit heavier than I wanted, and I couldn't seem to rid myself of that little pooch of post baby fat that clung to my tummy. But my hips were trim; and my belly basically flat as I ran a palm over my skin. My breasts weren't huge, a modest 34C, but there wasn't a lot of sag and they seemed to be holding firm for having just turned forty.

Two words slipped through my mind as I stared back at myself; hot and sexy; wasn't that what Will had said. One hand slid up my side as I watched, until it cupped one breast.

"Mmmmmm" I murmured softly as the fingers brushed over my hardening nipple.

This was so wrong, so very wrong; part of my mind screamed. Will's last words rang in my head as my other hand slowly slid down my belly. He had called it a body screaming to be fucked, I thought.

"Oh my "I gasped as I slid one finger along my damp folds.

How could I be wet? This was wrong, this was self pleasure; no decent woman... I stopped that train of thought in mid progress. No, no decent Amish woman you prude; I thought. Do it, part of me screamed; and before I could hesitate, I slid one finger into my wet channel.

"Ohhhhhhhhh" I moaned as that digit slid deeper.

Pleasure, pure raw pleasure ripped through my body. It was stunning and mind boggling to me that a simple finger could create such an intense feeling of pleasure. Then, with horror, I realized what I was doing. I jerked my hand back and stared at myself.

"You're getting lonely in your old age" I said to the image in the mirror.

I retrieved my nightgown, and turning off the lights I slipped into bed. What confused me the most was that intense level of pleasure. How could something that felt so good, be so wrong? I knew that before any man would want me; I needed to want me.

For the next few days I warred with myself about what to do. I felt this had been the focus of Martins leaving, that in a way it wasn't that I had done something that drove him away; but that I had NOT done something. Twice more, in the privacy of my bedroom, I used my fingers to gently explore. New sensations coursed over my body, and each time I felt them overwhelming me, I pulled back.

I finally reached the point where I needed to reach out again. The problem was I wasn't a very social person; and I didn't work in an office where I had co-workers I could turn to. With COVID it wasn't like I could go sit down with a therapist; so I turned back to the one person who; while vulgar and blunt, had been honest...Will.

I waited until late evening again, and as was his usual routine Will descended from his man cave of a room to retrieve a late night snack. I called him over to the couch again; and I could see the concern on his face as he sat down.

"Look, I'm not used to speaking about...this" I told him. "But, you were honest last time and I appreciate that." I gave a weak smile.

"OK" Will seemed to ease his tension a bit.

"I want to ask some things; about...you know...about..." I stumbled again.

"About sex" he said calmly.

"I'm sorry" I said but nodded my agreement. "This isn't easy for me" I said softly.

"You" Will chuckled. "Think about it, my mom is asking me for sex advice."

"Lord help me" I sighed.

"Go ahead and ask" he smiled.

"OK" I took a deep breath. "Do you...uhhh...for yourself...do you...relieve your..." I tried to get the words out.

"You're asking if I masturbate" Will said calmly.

"Yes" I choked out.

"Every day" he replied instantly.

"What? You do it that often?" I looked at him shocked.

"Sometimes more honestly" he nodded.

"How?" I was so shocked the word just slipped out.

"Well guys have it a bit easier" Will laughed. "We just..." he made a fist and pumped it up and down in the air.

I knew my face had to be beet red by this time, but my curiosity was getting the better of me. The more we talked the less tension I felt inside.

"Don't you feel guilty?" I asked in awe.

"I used to, when I was little and my mother told me it was a sin" he stared at me.

"I'm sorry" I whispered.

"But for women you can use your fingers" he said in that calm voice.

The memory of the pleasure that racked though my body when I touched myself made me sit upright.

"You've tried haven't you?" he was wide eyed looking at me.

"Yes" I felt tortured admitting. "But I can't...I feel..." I stumbled.

"Have you tried a toy? Like maybe a vibrator or dildo?" he asked.

"I don't own any" I whispered, ashamed.

"Well that's the first step, you need something to help" Will told me. "Which would you prefer a dildo or a vibrator?" he asked.

"What's the difference?" I was ashamed I didn't even know the difference.

This conversation was going deeper than I had ever imagined; but at the same time I was so loathe stopping now that I was learning.

"Well" he settled back on the couch. "A dildo is like a plastic cock, it's more realistic but it's just a piece of soft rubber you use to fuck yourself with."

I opened my mouth to object to his language, and then quickly closed it. He stared at me and smiled.

"You're learning" he said softly.

"A vibrator is more like a long metal cylinder that you can press against your clit or put inside; it vibrates and pulse which sends different sensations." He explained.

That meant while one was an active toy, the other was more realistic. I thought about the choices for a moment, and then looked up at him.

"A dildo" I whispered. I didn't feel I was ready for all the buttons and buzzes yet; and I wanted something that would seem realistic and take my mind away from the fact I was doing this myself.

"OK, that's a start." Will looked at me a moment. "How big was dad?" he asked.

"Big...what do you mean" I was confused.

"How big" Will held his hands apart. "How long was his dick?" he looked at me.

"Uhhh, I'm not sure" I couldn't believe I didn't even know the size of my husband's penis.

"I'll be right back" Will bounded up the stairs.

When he came back down he was carrying a small wooden ruler. He sat on the couch and held the ruler on both ends, extending it to me. Tapping one thumb he spoke.

"OK, this is the base, how long was dad...about?" he asked me.

I looked at his thumb and slowly lay one finger on the wood away from his thumb. Slowly Will rotate the ruler and I sat there staring as I realized my husband was about five and a half to six inches long. Dear God, how did I not know that, I wondered.

"OK, now we know the size to get" Will started to pull back.

"Wait" I almost shouted. Will froze and looked at me. "How big is...I mean how long..." God I couldn't believe I was asking this.

Will reached out and slid my finger along the wood. When it came to rest at seven inches I didn't know whether to cry or scream. I looked up at him in shock.

"You can't be serious" I gasped.

"You asked" he smiled.

"So now we know what size and that you want a dildo." Will rose from the couch. "I'll see what I can do" he stated.

"Will" I stopped him as he turned towards the stairs. "Get the...second one" I could barely get the words out.

He just nodded and headed back up the stairs. I turned off the television and retreated to my room. I was so ashamed, I had just asked about dildos and masturbating from my son; and worse I had asked for a dildo that matched him and not my husband.

As I drifted off to sleep, that little hidden thought that should have stayed buried, surfaced. Dear God was he really that big? How did a woman fit that thing? I shuddered as I fell into a deep sleep.

A week later I discovered the wonders of Amazon Prime when I found the box sitting on my bed. It must have come when I was at the floral shop and Will had put it there. I knew he had taken the liberty of ordering for me, since I had no idea what I was doing. It had been tremendously embarrassing at the time, but now I felt a thrill of excitement as I opened the box.

I felt my stomach do a flip as I stared at the plastic encased fake phallus. Words like realistic and life-like; ribbed and veins were written on the package; but it was the sheer size of the thing that caught me off guard. As I separated the two halves to free it, my only thoughts were that this was nowhere near the size of Martin, it had to be twice his size; and second, if this really was Will...I shuddered.

Once it was free I slid my hand along the veins and ridges; I couldn't stop the seep of moisture between my legs as I envisioned that monster shoved into me. My only fear was getting it to fit; after twenty years of Martin this was going to be a stretch, literally. I picked up the Amazon box to throw it away and discovered Will, thoughtful as ever, had even covered that base. Inside was a tube of lubricant I could use; it was labeled Helping Hand; and that was exactly what I was going to need for this thing.

All the way through dinner Will never said a word about the delivery. On one hand I wondered about his level of curiosity, on the other hand I was glad he respected my privacy. Dinner was barely over and I hurried through the dishes, I wanted to try this new discovery. I wanted to prove to myself that Martin was wrong, that this had never been about me and my repression, but about him and his infidelity.

Back in my room, with Will in his room studying; I pulled out the fake penis, and after applying a liberal amount of the lube on it, arranged myself on the bed. I quickly discovered either the thing was massive, or I was very tight. It was a struggle just to get the head inside.

Once in, I began a slow in and out motion, trying to imitate Martin when he would be on top of me. I got the thing a little over half way inside, but much beyond that and I had this incredible pressure sensation so I backed off.

After a bit my wrists began to ache and I glanced over at the clock, I had been at it for over twenty minutes. Something was wrong, I thought; Martin and I would barely last much more than fifteen minutes and we were both satisfied.

I kept going, with that slow steady pace; I could feel something deep in my belly, but it never rose to the top. After another bit my arms and wrists began to ache; and in frustration I pulled the thing out and set it on my night stand.

Maybe Martin was right, I thought gloomily. I was so repressed I couldn't even masturbate. Oh I didn't care if it was a sin by that point, I cared that my body didn't respond like a woman's should. At least not the way I understood men wanted.

Now depressed and a bit peeved I threw on my cotton nightgown and headed downstairs. At least it was fairly early and I hadn't wasted the entire night I thought. Will was already in the living room, watching some car race movie when I plopped down on the couch.

"And?" he asked not looking from the television.

"That was the biggest waste of your money and my time" I sighed.

"What do you mean?" he looked over at me.

"It didn't work OK" I retorted. "I'm a repressed old hag who can't enjoy sex all right." I was angry, not with Will; but something inside me burned with frustration.

"First you're not an old hag" Will said calmly. "Second, tell me what happened." He watched me.

"I tried using the thing and nothing happened" I grumbled.

"Explain used the thing" he came back.

"You want me to describe it?" I was aghast.

"As a matter of fact...yes" he said staring at me.

At first I wanted to ask if he was going to masturbate while I described my failed attempt at sex; then realized how cold that sounded. God, what was wrong with me. I sighed and tried to explain.

"I put the lube on it, and yes I used enough. I then stretched out on the bed and began..." I was cut off by his sudden curt reply.

"Whoa whoa whoa" Will barked. "You mean you just shoved it in; without any preparation." He looked shocked.

"Of course" I snorted. "This is sex right."

"Oh My God mom" Will seemed genuinely surprised. "You can't do that, you have to..." he stopped.

"I can't believe I'm doing this" he grumbled as he rose from the couch and disappeared from the living room.

"Stretch out" came his commanding voice as he returned. Without even thinking I swiveled around and stretched full length on the couch.

When he came around the end of the couch, I was shocked to see he had retrieved the plastic phallus. It flopped in one hand as he moved to the end of the couch. I bent my knees to make room and he sat at my feet.

"You can't expect me to use that thing with you here" I was horrified.

Will didn't answer my question, instead his hand shot out and through the opening of my cotton nightgown. With my knees now bent it gave him total access. I felt his hand on my bare thigh before I could even form a reply.

"Will, what are you...oooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh" I moaned as one fat digit slid between my lips and deep into my channel.

"You can't just shove the damn thing in" Will was telling me.

My brain wasn't working right as just like that day in front of the mirror a bolt of raw pleasure erupted in my belly and shot through my body. I heard a wet slurp as his finger began to pump in and out, sending another bolt every time it probed inside me.