All Comments on 'Learning The Hard Way (Edited V. 1.10)'
by Maximillian_Excaliber
- 5 Comments
humminbeanover 14 years agoVery nice! Old friends, free to resume their relationship any way they want, and a pleasantly steamy interlude between them. Maybe the premise was a bit thin, but still a lot more substantial than some I've seen here. A little more detail about each intimate contact would have made this truly memorable. More!
fingalover 14 years agoI like the story, I liked the style it was told in. There were some distracting typos (it's "glans", not "glands", for instance), but not so many that I lost the thread of the story. The lightheartedness of the story made it a lot of fun.
Anonymousover 14 years agoBut, Max, please get an editor. I nearly had to grade you down from the 100 because of all the misspelled words, dropped words and phrases, and bad grammar. It interrupts the story line because the reader has to struggle at times to get exactly what you mean, but, keep on writing.
Anonymousover 14 years ago</style>
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<p class=MsoNormal>My opinion of this story is as follows:</p>
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</span><![endif]>Your plot line is predictable – absolutely so –
given the introduction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p>
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</span><![endif]>You leave nothing to the reader’s imagination.</p>
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</span><![endif]>The sex scene goes on and on as if you, the author, were
checking off sections in some modern version of the Kama Sutra</p>
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<p class=MsoNormal>You don’t have to make this a rant against traditional Roman
Catholicism; you could leave the reader wondering whether Patty was a closeted
homosexual or an even more than usually repressed Irishman (how do we know
Jesus was Irish?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>He lived with his
parents into his thirties and spent all his time hanging out with his
mates).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>The issue of mental
illness is immaterial in the context of the story.</p>
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<p class=MsoNormal>I recognize that you put a lot of work into this piece; if
you rewrite it you could cut the number of words by three quarters, leave a lot
of details to the reader’s imagination, and make it a much livelier story.</p>
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AzPilotover 14 years agoknowing this, I was more than willing to cut you some slack on the errors and go ahead and vote a 5, or 100. I thought the premise was funny and the way you handled it was good. Thank you sir, for a good read.
Maximillian_Excaliber@Maximillian_Excaliber
