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Click here"No, Dave. I mean, STAY with me. Take classes. Go on hikes. Study, work, have fun. But at night, stay with me. Please." Her voice was soft.
Dave put the coffee press down, came to Rosa's bed, and sat next to her. He took her hand.
"You sure about this, Rosa? You're exploring your freedom. I'm fifteen years younger than you and I don't really know where I'm going. You sure you want to tie yourself down? To me? Here, now?"
Rosa pressed his hand to her lips. "Yes," she whispered, "yes, I'm sure, I'm ready." Her voice strengthened. "I've had fun. And I feel guilty."
"What?" Dave shook his head. "You don't..."
"No, I don't think what happened is divine retribution or bad karma or any fantasy like that. It's not Catholic shit. You've seen that SHIT HAPPENS IN RELIGIONS joke? For Adventists it's, 'Shit happens on Saturdays'. For Jews, 'Why does this shit always happen to me?' And for Catholics it's, 'I deserve this shit.' Well, I don't. I don't deserve it, and I don't believe it.
"But... well, I talked with a woman about burdens. My past is my burden, all the mistakes I've made. And my kids, the rotten little shits, they're part of my burden, but they're mine. What's that song about freedom? Nothing left to lose? If I explore freedom, where does that take me?
"I'm free from Bobo, but he's still my past, my burden. And the woman said we can't dump our burdens, but we can share them, share the load. I'm going to talk more with that woman and her group about sharing loads - from my shoulders to theirs, and from their backs to mine. And Ernie said he could maybe help me get together with my kids. That'll take off some weight."
She rubbed his hand - not nervously or idly, just calmly, closely.
"So I want to use you, to shift some of my load onto you. Think you could be Tío Davíd, Uncle Dave, to my kids, if I get them here? And I'll take on your load. Sure, you're on scholarship, but it doesn't cover everything, right? And you've got your own past burdens. We all do. I can help, if you'll let me. Not just money; I know things."
Rosa pulled Dave close and hugged him. "You don't have to stay forever. Just be close at hand. Stay with me. Please."
*****
THE END??
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- COMMENTS
Richard1940about 2 years agoOnce again you've come up with an unusual, but believable, plot and characters. It worked very well Congratulations, 5***** all the way through.
Anonymousover 3 years agoVery well written. Very interesting. So many authors introduce characters and the reader can’t keep them straight. You avoided that problem by using a word or phrase to reintroduce the character. I enjoyed this very much
Hypoxiaover 9 years agoAuthorLEFT BEHIND is officially successful. I am officially inspired. I *will* write at least one follow-up. I can't promise when -- maybe not till early 2015, 'cause I have a few other series I want to wrap-up, and then there's the Winter contest, and yada yada... but y'all have not heard the last of Rosa, both here, and with cameo roles in forthcoming stories. Which stories? You'll just have to read them all and see, won't you? :) Stay tuned!
fanfareover 9 years ago....to check for updates. A very fun read, skillfully written. Kinda like riding a rollercoaster, blindfolded. Try it sometime, before lunch!
Hypoxiaover 9 years agoAuthorFriends in Cotati (I lived near Frisbee U for 10 years) tell me the club scene is pretty much as I wrote. But I missed it. :(
And where could the story go? I see many paths to explore. If Bobo books, does Rosa bring her kids to California? Does she reconcile with them, and their surviving grandparents (Bobo's folks)? How long and strong are Rosa and Dave committed? Do they part amicably, angrily, tragically, if at all? Does a fugitive Bobo appear at her door? Does Rosa go wild on business trips? What goes with the metaphysical support group? Will Rosa's past sneak up to bite her? Many possibilities.
gordo12over 9 years agoBut I enjoyed the story although the night club shit was a little overdone (my age showing). Carry on by all means but it would be hard to see where it would take you now but I guess the characters can tell you :-)
Hypoxiaover 9 years agoAuthorWell, high votes could encourage me to write more -- in a few weeks; I have other stories brewing right now. (I really do need to finish THE BOOK OF RUTH.)
And yes, the players are alive. It helps that I know some of them. I haven't met Rosa but I've bought crafts at her family's shop in Tlaquepaque (TLAW-kay-PAW-kay). I used to work with Terence and Ayesha and I had a class with Ernie. I may have run into Ally -- scary woman! The real Cici is a law professor in Guatemala and a relative by marriage (and she's Serena's grandmother). Et cetera.
Yes, the story does meander. Like the Ferron song: "Life don't clickety-clack down a straight-line track / It comes together and it comes apart".
arrowglassover 9 years agoGreat story...meandering through all it did...the characters all had a life of their own! I so enjoyed this and hope a look at her life in the future is IN THE FUTURE! Thanks for this one!
Hypoxiaover 9 years agoAuthorI write by setting up a story-world and a few plot points, throwing characters in, then letting them loose and recording what they do. They make the story; I just transcribe. And they surprise me. I do not know most of what they do until they do it. Who's in charge here?
I didn't know Ally the carjacker had a pile of loot till Rosa opened her pack. I didn't know Bobo was cartel until Ernie told Rosa. I expected Rosa to end up with Sammy and Lily, not Dave. I didn't know Rosa felt guilty about her kids till she told us so. Yes, the players constantly surprise me.
I'm ending the story here because... well, it seems right. But will future events sweep over Rosa? Give this series enough five-star votes, and more story *might* be told.
