Letter from Acapulco

Dear Shoeblossom,

This should be a "Letter from Scottsdale" as we are settling in Arizona, but I did tape this little convo I had with my new husband...hope it doesn't bore!

Joslyn Handelman

"Oh, stop moaning, Grady."

"But..I'm tied to this uncomfortable wicker chair and you're rubbing my dick with, what is it, dental floss?"

"Yup.Dipped in bacon grease. I love passing it just under your glans...your cock head just gets all bulgy and purple, Grady."

"Joslyn, I love you so much, but it's eight days after our honeymoon and we still haven't had sex."

"Gray, this is what you wanted. You bought the chastity belt. Oooh, watch your dick rise up, and bounce!"

"Y-yes, it's very exciting, and I'm looking right down your bikini top."

"Well, this is Mexico."

"Yes, we should go to the beach."

"No, I like keeping you here in the cabana. Hey, it looks like your penis is having a religious experience or something. Like a Charismatic Catholic, it bucks and roars."

"But-why can't we go to the beach. Every day, I put the suntan oil on you, and then you tie me up here."

"I don't want you to get all burned, Grady Bear."

"Oooh...but you look so hot. That intense tan the white bikini...please let me come out with you today."

"No, your Mom told me how easily you burn. And remember she's the one who is funding our honeymoon. She also says you have a heart murmur and shouldn't get too easily excited, so we shouldn't really fuck."

"That's ridiculous! Mom's always been like that about my so-called heart murmur. She would never let me play any sports, not even golf."

"Well, your dad told me that you aren't really well coordinated anyway, hon."

"Once he threw a baseball at me and it hit me in the nose, and broke my glasses. And then he told me I was being a crybaby."

"Right--and he kept trying to get you to box with your cousin, and your cousin kicked your ass, right?"

"Rambert is a bit of a bully. Oooh, that feels so good. Please can I at least jerk off, or would you let me finish?"

"Grady, your Mom is right. If you had the excitement of an orgasm it could possibly kill you. She was so considerate, and she packed five Fleet enema boxes with your athsma meds, and I'm supposed to give you one tonight."

"Oh, that feels so good, you keep rubbing my balls...could we go to the bed, the wicker chair is really uncomfortable."

"You are so goddamned ungrateful. I should just leave you here and go out now."

"But-Jossie please."

"You are such a whiner. "

"I don't mean to be, oooh that feels so good."

"Right here, under your...this vein, I can pinch it, too."

"OOOOW"

"Such a hissy-fit boy"

"But--"

"Your Cousin Rambert told me that after he hit you a little too hard during a boxing match"

"I wish he wouldn't tell tales "

"Your dad whipped you for being a crybaby and put you in adult diapers, and had Rambert take your date to the prom."

"I was a twenty year old man! I had to repeat my senior year because I had been sick, but I was so excited about taking Jenna to the prom, and Dad was so mean!"

"But it was nice for Rambert, right? Ram wasn't able to finish high school at all, so going to the Prom was a big deal for him."

"Everybody favors Ram. Three of my girlfriends dumped me for him,and one had me arrested for stalking, because I followed her in my car to see if she was cheating on me."

"So creepy."

"Please-don't take your hand away from my wee-wee, Jossi"

"Oh, no sugar, I understand."

"Yes, and oh God, you slept with Ram, too."

"You and I weren't exclusive."

"We were ENGAGED!"

"Well, Ram's a great listener, and it just happened."

"I was so upset."

"Yeah, and he was a little over-the top when he caught you watching us."

"A little? Joss, he pulled off my pants and whipped me with a carpet beater."

"That was a painful thing to watch. But you like being whipped."

"By you, sure, but sometimes you do it too hard also."

"You are so sensitive. It's like when you shave, you whine a little when you put cologne on."

"I have sensitive skin, but not too sensitive to go to the beach with you and...Ram."

"Well, we like our privacy. It has nothing to do with you and me."

"And why did you let him come in and watch the other night when you used the strap-on with me?"

"Because you won't hold still. I wanted Ram to help me with you, he is so nice and big and strong, and all."

"But, and then he told me you let him suck your boobs in the other room. I've never even seen your boobs, Joslyn!"

"I had to thank him for helping with you. He says you scream too much, and you might do better if he made you suck him when I am going from behind."

"He's so helpful. My wonderful cousin."

"Don't be so bitchy, Grady Bear."

"You like Ram a lot, don't you?"

"He's a sweet guy. He writes poetry. You really pitched a hissy fit about him coming with us on the vacation."

"Because you spend all your time with him on the beach. And he told me the other night that you even took off your top when you were playing volleyball!"

"Sure, it's kind of free and easy down here."

"Joslyn, I've never seen you without your clothes on."

"I'm a good Catholic girl, um sometimes."

"But...I'm your husband."

"Jesus look at you, all resentful, tearing up. I think I'm just going to put you back in the belt and leave you here."

"Buh-please don't..."

"Tonight you are supposed to be playing your French Horn for us at the club, and you should be practicing it."

"Oh, that."

"You should be proud. Rambert told me that your Mom made you practice the French Horn and the violin while he and the street guys were miss-spending their youth playing stickball and going bowling."

"Right, and I'm far more successful than he is. I mean, I do work for Dad, but..."

"I gotta go meet Ram. I tell you what I'm going to do. I won't lock you in the belt, but I'll leave you like this, and maybe you can cause some friction between your legs and have a little accident, how's that?"

"But you and Ram are--"

"Don't be nosy, Grady Bear. It doesn't fit you."