All Comments on 'Life of a Marriage'

Sorry, but this story doesn't make sense. She did the swing stuff with the guy before him. They should have gone to counseling. How you jumped from a new loving couple to them swinging makes no sense. Also, you left out what happened to Tom - hopefully a long jail sentence, and hopefully he doesn't survive.

Kind of boring

It was going along fine and then the bottom fell out at the end. You turned them into what? Swingers? They're not even out of the honeymoon phase and your solution to a man drugging them and raping her was to get married and swing. Got to be the stupidest idea ever. And how did that help his co-worker's marriage? Turned what was a decent story into a huge, steaming pile of cow manure. UGH!

What was the point of the Ex-wife, and her not new husband, being at the restaurant? There was no confrontation or anything to add to the story.

Also we were drugged and raped, let’s become swingers? After you established that it ruined her first marriage?

This was…barely passable. Better than any 5 of your stories combined but honestly, that’s not saying much.

The characters were wooden and stereotypical. The cheating wife cheated on the nan she cheated with when she was married the first time.

The incredibly hot woman is single and childless and into our godless hero the moment she saw him, acting like a teenager instead of a 30+ year old woman.

And what thevfuck is with him demanding she put out just because he took her to a fancy dinner? No one owes anyone physical intimacy just because they bought supper,

I agree it does’t make any sense. It is like you are rolling dice and then throwing that scenario into a story. A guy going from being dumped for money all the way to being a swinger? And then there are strange lines you stick into the story, like her yelling out about going an a date with a ball player that just got a hot to the nasty line of dissing his truck and sticking her hand out? Bizarre…

Agree with all the negative comments. Terrible story with no point. How is swinging an answer to a date rape event?

Turned into a cuck fest. Ugh.

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1 *

5 stars for good Writing, Good Story. Ignore the morons that inhabit LW stories. They can't write, they just like to "1" bomb everybody. Thanks for the effort, Good Job.

Everyday you learn something new. Today I learned that swinging does help people who were raped. /sarcasm What the fuck was that ending? Seriously, I couldnt believe what I have read. And why the hell was this in LW? 90% of the story read like a romance piece. The ex-wife and children were mentioned in one liners but that was it. Until the end I thought it was pretty decent for a romance story but you took it and shattered it with your solution to help rape victims.

"What do you expect? That was a really traumatic experience?"

So, your expert solution is for them to jump into swinging instead of professional Counseling & Therapy for relationship and personal issues? Ridiculous and unbelievable ending.

There were two great opportunities to write a much better story, and you blew it away with a quick commentary. The whole date-rape drug episode and subsequent fall-out and healing. Both came across as a footnote--you resorted to "telling" versus "showing." There was this huge build-up to a crisis, and that crisis became a quickly-written, "Oh, by the way...". Good storytelling is the classic heroic struggle against death, either literally or metaphorically. You missed a fantastic opportunity to make an interesting and compelling story a great one. 3/5.

Nope. This had a lot of potential but then you made them swingers which never lasts so why not just break them up and let him start over with a better woman? I guess he just wanted sloppy seconds...

There's a reason why Jay has 14 stories and 79 followers. It's like he combined all the leftover, unused, undeveloped themes into one story. I'm not sure why he left out aliens, special forces, a locust plague, and a Vegemite-flavored buttplug. The secret to writing is a coherent story and characters who act in somewhat predictable ways. They can't ALL be Bond Villains.

sorry, no joy. The Bear does not approve. 2 stars, 'cause there was sex.

The BEAR

Piss poor. Loose threads all over the place and the central cord of the story was complete nonsense. Don't know if you've contributed anything else on this site, but this should put an end to your submissions. Please stop.

Just couldn’t help yourself could you. Had a decent little piece going and had to flush it at the end. How crazy and stupid to think becoming swingers would solve their trauma from the date rape drug. Sad really sad

A "5"... and I can relate to your comments in the Epilog...

...glad you found some of the positive folks on LW to help you find your center.

Keep writing... you're pretty good at it !

Overall, it's not a bad story. The ending where they become swingers to handle the drugging/rape angst is a new, good, and plausible ending. But it does seem a little rushed, with some intermediate steps missing and gaps in the drama build-up to that and other outcomes.

There are a lot of people on this site who think they are great critics and Im pretty sure not one of the self proclaimed literary geniuses have ever written anything that resembled coherent literature, In fact I think this is a first for me,

You have a gift and thanks for sharing

these 4 clowns are exactly who Im talking about, I have not read anything from any one of these assholes. when I wrote my 1st comment I hadnt read any other comments, S I must thank whack his dick, negative divorced man as always chicken shit anon and swordbreaker for proving my point

Just nothing to care about here.

Started good and quickly went down hill from there.. Plus the ending was so abrupt it came off like you were late for an appointment. Sorry

Use some accurate tags, like CUCK

Very odd and difficult to understand. This was more of a Romance that a Loving Wives story. Apparently he married a cheating deceitful selfish whore, and raised two worthless children; who's fault is that? And now his relationship with his new woman has been spoiled by being drugged and raped, and their solution is to seek out recreational sex? I don't see the connection between the drugging tragedy and the promiscuity as being the solution. It looks like the drugger could have fucked both of them without using drugs if he had just provided an additional woman to trade for. These peoples' lives apparently are driven almost entirely by their sex lives. It reads like that is the only lives they have. Pathetic story. But thanks for the effort.

Was right on. Good until you ended it with the swinging. Soooo....good try. Your writing was clear and generally easy to follow. Your ending just kinda lacked. It didn't seem to fit with the characters.

Thank you for writing and please continue to do so.

Sincerely,

Payenbrant

Well done, thank you!

cucks get one star

also what the point of pointing out his cheating whore of an ex wife was cheating on her new husband if he does nothing with the info?

Where did you get the stupid idea of how long people were married because of them not living long. How about this idea. Women in the workforce has giving them the ability to have the opportunity to have an affair. This causing the rise in divorce rate.

I liked it. I didn't love it though. I gave it 4 stars. It was well told, and had enough back story, but it seemed to drag along, not keeping a good even pace.

The swinging at the end didn't just come out of the blue. She had told him before the date rape drug incident about her previous swinging and he wasn't bothered by it. Since he dragged her off to screw he was probably turned on. Later when things started going south trying swinging was probably something that came to mind as a pick me up for both of them since had been thinking about it all along. Was it a good solution? Who's to say. Good luck to them! Hope it turns out well in the end. Seems like so far so good. Nicely set up story. Kinda messy just like things get in life. Sure some of its a bit over the top but that's to be expected in a piece of erotic fiction. 5 stars Glad to see more of your work. Please keep it up!

Sorry, but I don't get the point behind this story.

Boring and too many holes.

1. Why mention the ex wife cheating on her new hubby and not do anything about it.

2. NOTHING happened to the jerk who drugged them.

3. WHY go from happy romance to swinging? TOO quick for it to be legitimate.

Almost like you got BORED with your own writing!

There certainly very little I could say negative about this story , except for some grammatical and punctuation mistakes , it’s a fine and hot piece of work ! Hope to read more from you soon

better luck with your next effort!

I was going with it until they turned to swinging. So my my vote was dislike.

Load of nothing.

No B S with the New Lady and His Ex? No at the dinner or dancing place the Cat Claws showing on both His Ex and Her seeing Him with a real sexy lady again. No Ex's new Play toy getting punched out?

Loving wives category is a hard crowd to please.

Do not like the end solution. Not even a Lille.

As many have already commented, story was good until the turn to swinging - that didn't seem to be in the MC's DNA, shame

Getting better, seing9ng isn't everyone's cup of tea me included been married so long now we are both part of the furniture but we wouldn't share ever. A commitment is just that, vows said are honoured before each other.

Good story until the swinging bs.