Like Lab Rats Ch. 01

But I wasn't given any time like that. The second I sat down, the screen buzzed to life with its familiar voice.

"ryan... thank you for completing the tasks that will allows us to start constructing your profile. it's important for the study that we understand the unique characteristics of everyone involved. in this room, we will begin to construct your psychological profile."

Uh oh, I thought. Is this where the mind games begin?

"as before, successful completion of each evaluation will result in more points earned. completion of all intake evaluations will advance your compensation to level 2"

The mention of compensation reminded me of why I was here in the first place. Mind games? I guess if that's what it would take.

[> psychological_profile.begin() ]

"the first test is a general intelligence test. don't worry... ryan... you will receive 150 points for completing the test, regardless of the answers."

Two buttons slid out to the left and right of the screen, glowing the same teal.

"you will see a series of logic questions on the screen, and two possible correct answers on the left and right. please push the button for the answer you believe to be correct."

Logic puzzles? Definitely not my strongsuit, but I'd try my hardest. Sure enough, a series of increasingly challenging questions began flashing on the screen. How many squares could I find in a strange geometric sketch? What letter would complete a sequence? How many feet of paint would be needed to paint a full fence? Which nonsense words did I remember from earlier? I did my best to think through the solutions, giving my most reasonable guesses as I tapped the left and right buttons. It felt like a never-ending barrage, but just when I felt like I was ready to throw my hands up, the final question disappeared from view.

"thank you ryan. we appreciate you answering all of the questions to the best of your ability."

Yeah, you should be thanking me. Doing homework on my day off! At least my wrist buzzed with a few points.

At least the next two tests were easier. First, a personality profile. Two words were shown on opposite sides of the screen, like "Loyal" and "Principled" and I had to choose the one that I thought better described me. Not all of them felt like opposites... like shouldn't I be able to be both "Creative" and "Shy," right? Well I kind of just went with my guy, and got the points regardless. So what if I screwed up, I thought. All I'm doing is messing with their data. No consequences for me!

Then, there was a supposed "morality" test, whatever that means. I was shown a bunch of hypothetical situations and had to say what I would do in them, like:

- You're walking home and you see a stranger being robbed at knifepoint. If you intervene, there's no guarantee the attacker won't come after you instead. Would you:

INTERVENE or IGNORE IT

(I ignored it... what am I going to do? Just get more people hurt...)

- There's a new hormone treatment that could greatly increase your attractiveness to the opposite gender. However, in 5% of patients, your attractiveness to the opposite gender is decreased. Would you:

TAKE THE TREATMENT or NOT TAKE THE TREATMENT

(I chose not to take it... even though there's nothing I wanted more than to have women throwing themselves all over me, I struggled enough as it is... can't risk making it even harder on myself)

- At a party, a friend you trust offers you a new drug that you've never heard about. He assures you that it's totally safe, and several other friends confirm they've enjoyed it before with no side-effects. Would you:

TRY THE DRUG or REFUSE THE DRUG

(Try it! I smoked pot for the first time over the summer and it was great. Why would my friends let me down now? Live a little!)

These I actually found quite fun! After thirty or so questions, the screen returned to its familiar teal, and my wrist buzzed again.

"thank you... ryan..." the system voice announced. "you have now completed the required psychological profile questions. there is an additional, optional profile you may choose to take for up to 350 additional points."

Shit, I thought, 350 points? That seemed like it was a lot. More than double any of the other quizzes I'd done. I glanced at my watch: my points tracker showed I was close to reaching Level 2. I'm sure I'd hit it quickly. But this might give me a head-start on reaching Level 3. What did I have to lose, right?

"please select whether you would like to participate in the sexuality profile for up to an additional 350 points:

PARTICIPATE or DECLINE"

Shit. Shit. I felt like I was starting to sweat. Sexuality profile? I was suddenly feeling as naked as I truly was. I hated talking about this stuff. Embarrassing. Awkward. Exciting? No. I couldn't. But what was the risk? In an anonymous data set, right? Could I get over the weirdness? Am I always going to be this awkward around sex stuff? Or am I ever going to man up and have the confidence to--

From somewhere deep within me, my hand flew out and tapped the "PARTICIPATE" side without even thinking about it.

I don't know where that came from, but now I was in it.

"you have chosen to participate in the optional sexuality profile. for the first part of the profile, you will see a series of yes or no questions asking about your sexual background. please select the appropriate response with the buttons."

Yes/no questions about my sexual background? What was this, a humiliating game of truth or dare? I sighed--I guess I was in it now.

[> sexuality_profile.begin() ]

- Do you identify as a male?

(Easy yes... maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all)

- Are you attracted to women?

(Another easy yes...)

- Are you attracted to men?

(No... maybe I had nothing to worry about? This is a research study after all, not after-school chatter...)

- Have you had sexual relations with a woman before?

(... I hesitated... before pressing No. Here it comes. Let the humiliation begin...)

- Have you received oral sex (blowjob) from a woman before?

(No...)

- Have you received manual stimulation from a woman before?

(... no ...)

- Have you had sexual experiences with a woman that do not involve touching genitals?

(... no no goddammit no...)

- Have you had sexual relations with a man before?

(No, are you mocking me now? Is even this computer calling me gay?)

- Have you masturbated before?

(Yes, okay, yes? I get it, I'm a loser...)

- Have you viewed pornographic material before?

(Yes, yes, you've made your point! I'm a perverted loser!)

- Do you masturbate at least once a week?

(Try once a day, for a hopeless cause like me...)

- Do you consider yourself open to new sexual experiences?

(I... I paused. Open to any sexual experience at this point... but after thinking it over, I decided yes. I want to experience sex in all its forms. Don't hold anything back from me)

I felt my wrist buzz and the screen went blank. I breathed a sigh of relief. I'd made it through the sexual evaluation. It was painful, embarrassing but those sweet points would make it all worth it--

"thank you for completing the first part of the sexuality profile," the screen announced.

Wait a minute, first part?

"you have been awarded fifty points. for the second part, worth up to 300 points, you will be shown a variety of sexual images on this screen. they will depict a wide range of people and sexual acts. some you might find appealing, while others you may find off-putting or misaligned with your sexual preferences. part of the sexuality profile is establishing which are which. as you see images, press the button on the LEFT if you find the image appealing, or the button on the RIGHT if you find it unappealing."

Damn... they were about to flash a bunch of porn in front of my eyes? In the middle of a research study? I didn't know how to feel about it...

"be aware you will have only 2 seconds to react to each image, so try to avoid thinking deeply about any particular image. your reaction time will be recorded. if you respond in less than 2 seconds, you will receive 2 points for the image. if you take longer than 2 seconds, you will receive 0 points. there will be 150 images shown. press the button on the LEFT when you are ready to begin."

I didn't know what the fuck to think about this. Flashing porn images? Including some I may find disturbing? All to earn some points in this weird, fucked-up study about god-knows-what-and--

My arm flew out again. Fuck it! No turning back at this point! Man up Ryan! We're just going to fucking do this! I placed both my fingers on the left and right buttons, strattling the screen, forcing my face up close until there was nothing else in my view.

"prior to the test, we will complete a quick practice round with non-sexual images. just press the LEFT button for appealing images, and the RIGHT button for unappealing images."

In full color, a bouquet of flowers appeared on the screen. Easy--LEFT. Appealing.

Then, a pile of musty garbage. I quickly tapped RIGHT. Gross.

An open wound. RIGHT. A baby kitten. LEFT. A slice of cake. LEFT. A giant spider. RIGHT. A cozy bed. LEFT. A smiling woman. LEFT. An angry man. RIGHT. A car crash. RIGHT. A model in a bikini. LEFT. Two teen lesbians kissing. LEFT. Oh shit it's starting? A man's hairy ass. RIGHT. Shit, this is it, right?

A close-up on a shaved pussy. LEFT. Fuck that's hot. A topless girl lying on her stomach in bed. Or wait, was that actually a guy with long hair? Shit, no time to think... LEFT! A brunette woman sucking a big dick. LEFT. Fuck, that's hot. Another big dick getting sucked? L--wait, it's not getting sucked? It's just a bit dick? Shit, RIGHT. Fuck, was that too long? Did I lose the points? I can't lose anymore. No more thinking--just trust myself!

An old woman with a hairy pussy? Ew, gross, RIGHT. Two big breasts covered in oil? Shit yes, LEFT. A guy my age jacking off? Wish I could do that right now--LEFT. Or I meant--no, no time to go back! A blonde teen getting a rough facefuck? Intense, but my hormones were taking over! LEFT! Two muscled duded fucking. RIGHT. No thank you! Okay, I'm doing it. Just let my brain take over...

The onslaught of images continued. As promised, they varied in intensity and flavor. Blowjobs and handjobs, threesomes and orgies. Women getting men off. Men getting men off. Then there were things I'd never seen before. Women zipped up in full rubber suits.Two cocks rubbing against each other. Women licking every part of a man's body: his armpits, his balls, his asshole. People surrounded by twenty dicks, sucking them until they all came in their face.

I didn't have the time to process any of it, to really consider what I was looking at before I pressed one of the buttons. I had to trust that I didn't leave myself astray. That I sorted the images based on my true feelings.

But I seemed to have made the system happy, as the familiar, pleasing glow returned to the screen, and my wrist buzzed with more points.

"thank you," the screen said. "your participation has been noted, and you responded to all stimuli in an appropriate time. in the next room, you will next be reunited with all participants who remain in the study. however, our sensors indicate that you may have found this previous experience somewhat arousing."

What did it mean... oh shit. Just as the computer noted it, I realized that the previous exercise had left me with a huge hard-on. Just before all the other dudes were going to be looking at me? And now just in these tight briefs, which show the entire outline??

"in order to give you time for this arousal to subside..." (Oh, thank god) "..you will be asked to complete a brief oral history exercise."

A microphone appeared on the screen.

"so that we can best understand how to recruit for future studies, and make participants comfortable with participating, can you recall how you first learned about the research institute? please answer the question: How did you find out about the Research Study, and why did you come here."

[> participant.testimony > recording_start()]

I sat in the all-white room, alone, twitching nervously. The simple aluminum chair was cold against my skin. In the stillness of everything, I was vaguely aware of the mechanical whoosh of the air conditioner circulating through the giant, seemingly endless building.

But at this point, after everything I'd done, what was a little more talking for easy points?

And so, I began.

[> participant.experience > part(1).end]