Lily's Playlist Pt. 10

Trevor and Becca approached us. "This is Lily and Sammy." Trevor said. We both faked smiled and welcomed her. Thankfully, the show was about to start, so we didn't have to make small talk with her.

After the show, I started cleaning up. Sammy already left and she was honestly the only thing keeping my annoyance in check. Why come to a watching party when you don't watch the show? Becca asked stupid question after stupid question: which Trevor and Peyton encouraged by pausing the show to explain. I never had a problem with Peyton before, but she was losing major cool points with me for bringing Becca around. Sammy kept me from kicking all three of them out by muttering something sarcastic, or just flat out mean, making me chuckle or agree. After the 3rd time of Sammy and I sharing a laugh at another one of her stupid questions, Trevor sent me a dirty look. I ignored him- He was in the negative with cool points with me. As I cleaned, Rocky gave Becca a tour of the house with Peyton and Chris. Brandon put up the food while Trevor brought me dirty dishes.

"What's up with you?" Trevor asked, joining me at the sink with more dishes.

"What do you mean?" I asked, loading the dishwasher.

"You and Sammy and the mean girl routine." Trevor elaborated.

"I wasn't mean. Just irritated. Stopping the show every 30 seconds is annoying. I'm sure I missed stuff. I'm gonna have to go back and watch it over." I complained.

"So? You know you were going to watch it over again anyway." Trevor pointed out.

Brandon chuckled and I glared at him. Sometimes I hate that Trevor knows me so damn well. "Not the point."

"Then what's the point?" Trevor asked.

"It's a watch party, not fucking date night!" I exploded.

"Is that really why you're mad? It's not my fault you didn't invite Ethan. Or did he not want to come?" Trevor argued.

At the mention of Ethan's name, I turned away from Trevor, not wanting him to see my distress. In my panic, I accidentally knocked a margarita glass on the floor. It shattered on impact.

"FUCK!" I exclaimed. I immediately bent down and picked up the larger pieces. A few tears of frustration fall from my eyes.

Trevor bent down with a dish towel to help me. I hid my face from him, but it was too late. "Why are you crying? Did you cut yourself?" Trevor asked, concerned.

"No. I'm fine. It's nothing." I said.

Brandon came over with the trash bag. When I threw the glass away, he grabbed my hands and examined them. When he didn't see a cut, he gave me a soft, sympathetic look.

"Everything alright?" Becca asked. Great, just great. Now she can witness my meltdown too.

"Yeah. Just an accident. Rocky, can you get this for me? Lily is hurt." Trevor asked.

"What happened?" Rocky asked, looking at my hands in Brandon's. I pulled my hands away.

"I got it!" Brandon volunteered, heading to get the broom and dustpan.

"Sorry." I mumbled to Rocky before rushing to the bathroom. I barely got the water on when Trevor came in the bathroom with me.

"What the fuck Trevor? Can I get some privacy?" I raged at him.

"I thought you needed help. Are you cut?" He explained.

"No. I'm fine." I repeated, washing my hands, then wiping my eyes.

"Why are you crying?" He asked, softly.

"I don't know." I lied.

"Yes you do."

"I guess... it's just... sad." I shrugged.

"What's sad?"

"It's the first episode of the last season. It's the end of an era." I lied, lamely.

"Lilypad-" Trevor started. I knew he knew I was lying.

"Trevor, I'm fine." I said firmly. "Apologize to Becca for me ok? Say I was PMSing or something." I finished, leaving the bathroom and heading straight for my room. So much for a party to get my mind off Ethan. I collapsed in bed, exhausted.

-----------------------------------------------

Monday morning, I was back to my routine of pretending like everything's ok. I had lunch with Jordan at work. She asked me if I was okay. She noticed I was off last week. That surprised me. I knew I wasn't as cheerful and friendly with my patients, but I was professional. I wondered how she noticed. I told her things didn't work out with the guy I was hanging out with. She said she was sorry to hear that and gave me uplifting words. I changed the subject by asking about her weekend.

Tuesday, my off day, I woke up early and went for a run. My music and running gave me relief from my bad feelings. Afterwards, I went home and showered. I changed into a tank top and pajama pants. I was surprised to see Rocky was still home when I went to the kitchen to find something to eat. Normally, she would have left by now.

"What are you doing home?" I asked her.

"I called in. We are going to eat junk food and watch crappy TV and you are going to tell me what happened between you and Ethan." Rocky ordered.

"I'm guessing you already know." Fucking Brandon.

"Yes. And I'm overlooking the fact that not only did I have to learn about it from Brandon, but that you wanted him to keep it from me. Why didn't you want me to know?" Rocky asked.

"Because, it's stupid. I shouldn't be this upset. We weren't even together." I said, looking down.

Rocky shook her head. "Just because you weren't together, doesn't mean your feelings for him aren't real. Just like his for you are real."

Tears formed in my eyes. "He doesn't have feelings for me anymore. I blew it." I cried.

She pulled me over to the couch and sat me down. "I don't believe that."

"No. It's over. He's dating someone else." I sobbed.

"Maybe the timing is just not right..." She offered.

"It's been more than 2 years. If it was going to happen, it would have."

Rocky heated up leftovers from the party and as we ate I told her everything. From me and Ethan's kiss on Memorial Day to our brunch last weekend.

"Before we get into Ethan, are you and Cam ok?" Rocky asked.

"Getting there." I shrugged.

"I can't believe he kept that from you. That's so unfair." Rocky shook her head.

"It wasn't his secret to tell."

Rocky looked skeptical, but didn't say anything.

"Lily, I don't think you really told Ethan how you felt." Rocky started after a moment of silence.

"What do you mean? I asked him out."

"I know, but in his mind, you rejected him when he wanted to be in a relationship with you. He probably thought you wanted the same type of casual relationship as before."

"He said he already invested time with her."

"They're not serious or he would have introduced her as his girlfriend. He just mentioned her to Brandon when Brandon asked you two. I think before it does get serious, you need to tell him how you really felt back then and how you feel about him now."

I thought about it. "I don't know. Part of me just wants to be over it and move on."

"I think you owe it to yourself to put it all out there, like he did for you." Rocky started. "If you really want to be over it, let's wallow. Let yourself be sad. That's the way you'll get over it: A little at a time. Not by pretending like it didn't mean anything or that you're not hurt."

I nodded and settled in to wallow.

Brandon made it home around 3pm. He found us on the couch.

"I tried to keep it from her. She forced it out of me. You know how she is." He said, throwing his hands in the air.

I smiled. "Yeah, I do. I shoulda known you were no match."

Rocky rolled her eyes. "Please. I just threatened no sex. He was singing like a bird."

"Then she was singing like a bird when she gave it up" Brandon said, suggestively.

"Gross. I do not need to hear about y'alls sex life." I laughed.

"Alright. Mister. Move it on out. It's grieving time. We need to cry it out then start talking shit about your brother." Rocky announced.

Brandon chuckled. "Ok. I'm just going to change my clothes. I'm meeting Jake at the mall."

"Why?" Rocky asked, narrowing her eyes at Brandon.

"'Cause you just told me to get out. 'Cause I need to get EJ a birthday gift. 'Cause I'm grown and I want to. Take your pick." Brandon replied, walking to their bedroom.

Rocky looked ready to follow and throttle him.

"Pick your battles..." I reminded her. She still looked murderous. "Take a deep breath. They help my brother."

She does and by the time Brandon comes out, she's ok.

"Can we go too?" I asked Brandon. They both looked at me, surprised.

"What happened to the man haters club?" He asked.

I smiled. "Adjourned for the day. Besides, I think I'm going skip all the Ethan bashing and head straight to retail therapy." I explained.

"Sure. I'll call Jake and tell him we're going to be a little late so you can go get changed." Brandon answered, looking over my South Park pajama pants and white tank.

"Nope. I'm good. Let's go."

Rocky gave me a once over, but didn't say anything.

When we arrived at the mall, Jake is already there waiting for us. He parked by the Macy's entrance. As we walked through Macy's, we split up so me and Rocky can check out the women's clothing. Rocky picked out some clothes for me and I tried them on. I found some cute dresses, shorts and blouses. They cost more than I would normally pay, but they look good and Rocky says they're a good deal, so I bought them. Instead of heading inside the mall, I called Brandon to walk me back to his car so I can put my bags away. He agreed.

"I don't know why you're pushing Rocky's buttons, but cut it out." I said, simply, as we walked to his car.

"I don't know what you're talking about." He shrugged off.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. I don't care why you're doing it. I just need to know if you plan to stop. She really is working on her attitude, but I'm going to tell her to let you have it if you continued to bait her." I said, putting my bags in the car.

I turned to look him straight in the eyes. Normally, I hated confrontations. But fuck with my family, and I'm a freaking lioness. And Rocky was my family, no matter what.

"Alright. You're right." Brandon sighed. "I really don't know why I do it."

"Maybe it's just genetic- fucking over girls who love you." I replied, bitterly, as we head back to the mall.

He blanched. "Damn, I thought you were skipping the Ethan bashing."

"I was. That was Carter bashing. Except for EJ." I said, with a teasing smile so he knows that I was joking. Kinda. Not really.

At the mall, we started at a game store and Kids footlocker to buy EJ's gift. Rocky got him Vans and Nike shoes and a couple outfits to match. Brandon bought him new games for his Wii. Brandon normally buys him gift cards, but he wanted to get EJ the best gift. He thought he accomplished that, buying two expensive games.

Brandon was slobbering all over Rocky on the outside of the hat store that Jake wanted to go into, so I follow Jake. I was glad Brandon took my advice, but geez, that didn't mean I wanted to see them exploring each other's tonsils.

When I explained this to Jake, he grimaced. "I don't need that mental image. "

"Neither do I, but there it is." I said, pointing to them outside the store.

"Why do couples think love makes that shit acceptable?" He complained.

I shrugged. "I wouldn't know."

He watched me closely, and I turned away. "So what are you looking for?"

"A Rangers cap." He said, looking at the youth hat section.

"You know EJ's not a huge baseball fan... or hat fan for that matter." I informed him.

"I know. I wasn't either until my first baseball game. I plan on using the hat to put the tickets to a game and Hurricane Harbor in it." Jake explained.

That was a great present, even if EJ didn't like watching baseball, I knew he'll love going to a water park.

"Wow, I didn't take you for a 'kid' person." I said, reaching for a Texas Ranger hat. It was white with a red T on it.

He shook his head. "I'm not. I have a huge family- too many kids, but I like EJ. He's a great kid."

I smiled at that. He took the hat from me and put it back.

"What about you? Kids or Baseball fan?" He questioned me.

"Yes and yes. My dad was a professional baseball player- going to the games were much more fun than watching it on TV. I'm surprised you thought of that."

"Why?" He said, raising an eyebrow at me.

"I don't know. Sammy's type is typically more.... delinquent." I disclosed, picking out a blue cap with Rangers across it.

He smiled, revealing his dimple. "I work in security. I keep the peace. That's the complete opposite of delinquency."

"Whatever. You observe and report. Like the movie." I said, playfully.

He snorted. "Whatever back at ya. I'm commissioned, meaning I carry a gun." he said.

"So?"

"So let me put that in a way you can understand..." He said, looking me over slowly, staring at my legs. My face heated up under his blatant stare. "Respect my authority." he finished, mocking my South Park pants.

Any other time, an appropriate quote from South Park would have had me cracking up with laughter. It was really funny when I thought about it, but I was so embarrassed he got me so discombobulated by his seductive gaze.

I looked him over slowly too, trying to play it cool. I let my eyes rest on his crotch before looking up at him. He gave me a challenging smile.

"I don't see a gun." I said, cockily.

"You wouldn't. It's concealed. We can go outside and I can show it to you." He offered.

Before I could answer, Rocky and Brandon entered the store.

"Hey! What's the hold up? Found a gift yet?" Brandon asked.

"Yep." Jake answered, taking the blue hat from my hands.

Brandon laughed. "I got this. A hat. He doesn't even wear hats."

"He will at the Rangers game I'm taking him to." Jake added.

"Man!" Brandon exclaimed. "Let's trade gifts."

"Lily, you didn't get EJ anything." Rocky pointed out.

"Yeah I did. I got him a snow cone maker a few days ago. Just have to buy him some syrups at the store." I answered.

"Fuck both of y'all." Brandon said, shaking his head in defeat. We all laughed at him.