All Comments on 'Lisa and Dany Pt. 01'

Looking forward to reading more chapters

But proof read or get someone to do it for you, there where a number of spelling errors. Other than that, nice read..

This was such boring drivel from an obvious frigid and uptight amateur author..

Sure, there were spelling errors, and wrong words used, but I found the errors rather charming. I suspect that English is not your first language, and if so, you seem to have a good grasp of the language. Nice work, I really enjoyed it! I hope you will continue.

I could only give it a 4 because the lack of a proof reader made it look a little amateurish. Don't get me wrong. I loved the story. Next time, make it a great story by correcting the language errors. I'll even offer to proof read it for you. I'm not a writer, but I can probably solve the immediate problem for you. No pressure, just an offer.

I'D GIVE YOU 10 STARS IF IT WERE POSSIBLE. I LOVED THIS STORY SO FAR AND HOPE THERE WILL BE A PART 2. YES, I REALLY , REALLY DO! TANK YOU.

P.S. NOT SURE WHY SOME ANON'S WANT TO BE SO CRITICAL. I GUESS THEIR

I.Q IS SO LOW THAT THEY HAVEN'T FIGURED OUT THAT THIS IS FANTASY FOR OUR PLEASURE & ENJOYMENT! I LOVED IT.

I enjoy stories like this much more than the mindless wham-bam, big breasts, huge dicks jump right into bed ones!! And pay no attention to the grammar police!

multiple misspellings and wrong word . usages spoiled an otherwise excellent story.

a little correction could go a long way

Having read some of the comments I see lots of call for me to get an editor, which means you didn't read the full preface, in which I thank someone for editing the story.

To the person who commented this,

"Boring teleanovela rubbish

by Anonymous user on 15 hours ago

This was such boring drivel from an obvious frigid and uptight amateur author.."

Thank you for the laugh, I can tell you I'm not frigid, and I don't think I'm uptight, no one has accused me of that before. I freely admit to being an amateur author, this is only the second story I have gotten to a point that I felt it was complete enough to publish.

To the rest of you, I appreciate both the positive and negative feedback, it makes me a better author, thank you,

Tanhors.

I know the Anons have houded you, but you do need a better editor. There were a LOT of misspellings, enough to interrupt the flow of the story! With a good editor I think you would be superb! I gave it five stars DESPITE the spelling and other errors!

I like your use of having the story take twists and turns. I do not remember reading a story which had your plot. I did not see any misspelled words but it was cute to see incorrect words. Grammer was not my strong subject in school, but your story amazed me because I noticed the grammar mistakes. Your story was entertaining. Please continue to write a part 2 to this story. You have a talent for writing. CHEERS

The inclusion of the tina character was sloppily done. I think for something like that you have to have more of a show not tell approach like describe how danny knew that tina was into lisa like what she did that he picked up on. Also tina and danny just became friends and just like that she goes from active dislike of him to jumping in his arms and crying on his face? Really? that is just way too much too soon. Its just a clear set up for a genre jump to three ways thats not as subtly done as it could be. thats just my opinion. Its proabably wrong. I have all due respect.

I enjoyed the story and hope you continue it as a series.

That said you really do need to get an editor and proof read your story before submitting it. There were too many spelling errors. I'm looking forward to more chapters and seeing what happens when they get to college

Good luck and kéep writing.

and I like where it is going and the pace you are going. I too would keep an eye on the typos. They may distract some who seem to expect a professional product from an amateur author doing it for the enjoyment of telling a story.

...to read your story, and I hope we won't have to wait too long for part 2.

Nuff said

Liked the setting and it's okay for having some words to go un checked but a spellchecker can come in handy as it can give some alternatives instead of the word you were using

The story seems OK to me. The pace is OK as well. I see you thanked an editor. Get a new one. At least read your story 'out loud' to yourself. You can catch missing, misspelled, and out of place words that way. It can also point out syntax errors. As it is, it is very hard to read.

What the hell was that her friends downstairs they started kissing

I didn't see part two!

I like it, but there are several spelling errors, misused words, or bad grammar. For example, "The Deval's work being anything not guy dose girl." Should be something like, "The Devil's work, according to Tina's mother, is anything that is not straight sex." Also, it's spelled does, not dose. You clearly need a new editor. I understand if there were a few mistakes here and there, but it looks like someone just ran it through a shitty spellcheck, and didn't check to see if it's the correct word, or see if the grammar was good.

I think you really have a great start to a good story and would love to read more. You show great details and have a steady plot line it seems. The only criticism I have would be that the spelling and grammar could use improvement. There's an extension for Googlechrome that's called Grammarly. It's a feee extension for the basic plan, and could help you out if you don't have someone that can edit for you.

Overall you’ve done a good job with the story.

Please don’t take this the wrong way as it’s meant to encourage, not hinder.

You need a new editor. The story is a hard read, due to the vast amount of spelling and grammar errors.

Those errors aside, it was a good story.

Keep going

Cheers

I REALLY LOVED THIS STORY, I REALLY HOPE THERE WILL BE A PART TWO, AND THAT DANNY AND LISA STAY DEEPLY IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER AND ARE ABLE TO ACTUALLY MAKE LOVE TO EACH OTHER, AS FOR TINA, HER MOM SHOULD BE OSTRACIZED BY ANYONE WITH A CONSCIENCE, I TRULY HOPE THAT TINA EITHER FINDS A GIRLFRIEND AT COLLEGE SO THAT SHE HAS SOMEONE WHO CAN REALLY LOVE HER AND THAT IT IS A GIRL THAT IS ALSO A FRIEND TO DANNY AND LISA. MORE PLEASE. JUST PLEASE IMPROVE YOUR AWFUL SPELLING.

I find myself once again adding a comment to this story. I see many of you who bothered to read the preface think my editor was sub-par, but in truth my editor did there very best, there were just so many errors in the unedited draft that they simply couldn't catch them all. I plan to use two editors next time, which should remove even more of my errors.

Once again I thank you for your comments, both positive and negative.

Thank you for reading,

Tanhors.

The premise of your story is intriguing. However, the story features many typos. Not a huge deal as long as the meaning is still clear, but it does detract. Your dialogue is also poorly scripted and somewhat awkward. Work on these two issues, and I think you could have something really good here. I’m going to follow you because I am curious to see where the story goes from here, but please spend a bit more time editing the next chapter.

Agree with Kurinax's comment. You have potential and the storyline is intriguing. Hoping to see the next chapter soon.

One of the best stories i've read. I absolutely loved it!

I loved everything about this story. You might let your friend slowly proofread again for the few typos I found. I think i know where's headed but I know you'll do excellent in the next chapter as well.

This is certainly an amazing start to this story. I cant wait for more. The only problem is the many Spelling And Grammer errors i came across. Im guessing maybe english is not your first language? Either way i still absolutely loved ths story and gave it 5 stars without a second of thought. Its awesome so please keep it coming. Maybe we can get a nice long series?!

Just read this again, waiting for chapter 2, i need it xD. Hopefully this turns into at least a 10 - 15 part series. If it becomes a 20+ series thou i would be overjoyed. Favorited you as a author so i can read the next part as soon as its out.

Title says it all, got bored decided to come back and read it again. Wish i could rate it 10 stars but alas i cant.

Poorly written and underwhelming plot line. Please stop writing.

Great story line. Yes, loads of mistakes, but intrigued with the story. Far better than I could write, so give it another chance, PLEASE.

Loved the story but there where a lot of typos and the grammer needs some work.

Keep up the hard work and cant wait to see how the story turns out.

First, the carrot-

Yea Dad!!! You go Dude! Not only did he accept his kids new love, he also stepped up to the plate for Tina! Groovy!

Now, the stick-

Tanhors, I'm sorry. But you're spelling is atrocious! I really had to go over some of the sentences twice to understand what was written. The proofreading was totally substandard. There's editors available on this website that can help you out. Take advantage of their advice. They can also help you with your syntax to bring a more mature feel to the end product. I'm hoping that you continue this story and produce a better product next time.

3/5

lovely story. dreadflul editing.